Silly Things That Might Happen

Shivers

Part 1/5

They were on a recruit trip in the Mediterranean Sea area when Lord Voldemort accidentally heard the most wickedly erotic voice ever. The shivers that sailed through his bald head made him shudder and breath-hiss loudly which caused his fellow Evil Men to stop their journey.

"My Lord?" Lucius Malfoy, who had just escaped from Azkaban, asked worriedly from under his dirty blond hair that Voldemort hated so very much. It didn't do good to have unkempt Death Eaters. It always, always brought down their status.

"What isss that sound, Lucius?" Lord Voldemort asked, starting to glide to the left to get more of that sinister voice. It had some brutality in it; something like raw red meat, he decided.

The closer he got, the more charged his non-existing blood became. The shivers were in full swing by now, and the Death Eaters who tried to keep up with his gliding were quite troubled.

They arrived to a large area, fenced with something metallic, full of people. Lord Voldemort made Wormtail touch the iron fence and after the pitiful man wasn't fried, he himself tried to rip the obstacle separating him from the beastly voice. He rattled it for a while until he got so frustrated that he whipped out his wand, blasted the offensive bastard aside and entered the area.

Immediately, some Muggle men ran towards them and shouted something in a weird language. When Voldemort just trudged forward towards the voice, the now outraged Muggles grabbed his cape, attempting to keep him from the tent whence the voice was coming.

Something worth seriously acknowledging is the fact that you never, ever, not in a million years touch Lord Voldemort's Prada cape!

"You wormsss of the underworld! How dare you, little bed-wettersss, touch me! You mummy's tit ssssucking imbesssiles you are going to die! Avada Kedavra timesss five!" Voldemort shouted, leaving five dead attendants with a blast of green light.

When Voldemort and his merry men arrived inside the tent, they had to elbow their way towards the stage. Towards the voice.

"Vhat are theese Muggles on abuut, my Lord?" Tserkov asked as he was stabbed with a flagpole.

"The Hell I know! Do I look like a Muggle to you, Milov?" Voldemort snapped then squashed an elderly woman, making her shriek when her flagpole speared her already fragile heart.

"These Muggles are making me hungry, my Lord, may a have a small snack?" Fenrir snarled and stuck his nose near some Muggle's neck, taking a deep sniff and shuddering.

"No! Everything isssn't alwayss about you! We came here becausssse I wan--" Voldemort raved but suddenly stopped when he finally reached the stage. And what a sight it was.

A creature straight from his wet dreams stood there like it owned the world. The voice that sent immediate shivers through Voldemort's now heated bony body was roaring its power through the tent.

The face was so evil and deformed that Voldemort couldn't help touching his own bald head in the lust of the moment.

--The true believers
Thou shall be saved
Brothers and sisters, keep strong in the faith--

--Striking down the prophets of force--

--Now choose to join us or go straight to Hell--

Those words were what magic was to Muggles. Something that drew you in and charmed you with such speed it left your head spinning in euphoria.

From that moment on started the one-sided love story of Voldemort and Mr. Lordi.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lordi