Pranking a Professor

Chapter Seven--Task Six--Come What May

Hermione felt both at ease and unnerved in the next week, a quite odd combination of emotions. She was off the hook for the tasks for a while and was able to just sit down and do what she loved to do best--a huge pile of Arithmancy equations of course. However, the boys tending to a spell of that magnitude set her on edge. Anything could go wrong, but as Harry had said, she had to have faith in the boys, however difficult. Besides, if anything did go wrong, she could always toss them off of the Astronomy Tower. Quick, untraceable, yes, that was the way to go. It was genius in its simplicity.

The boys came running into the Common Room on the second day of November, Cheshire cat grins on their faces. Hermione was fleetingly reminded of her second task and she grimaced at their smiles.

"We've done it!" Ron cried happily, collapsing on the comfy chair. Harry sat down next to Hermione in a very smug manner.

"It took a long time, but we've finally done it. Now, all you have to do is tell us what song you want us to weave into the spell for him to sing," Harry explained to Hermione. She thought about it carefully.

"A gooey love song I think. The bastard never has any emotion, time to turn the tables," Hermione said decisively. The trio was like the conniving men planning the Boston Tea Party--yet another muggle event that, surprisingly, has nothing to do with this story. Unless you like tea, which was usually the beverage of choice during the staff meetings. And one couldn't really call the rowdy arguments that usually resulted in Snape getting cursed into next month 'staff meetings'...but that's a story for another day. Besides...Professor McGonagall didn't like encouraging house rivalry, even if it was she who was doing most of the Snape-cursing.

Hermione took a moment to think of a song. She smiled after reaching her decision and told the boys the title of her song of choice. Harry and Ron gave an eager nod.

"We'll get it perfected and ready for tomorrow!" Ron said cheerfully, giving Harry a wink. Hermione didn't like the looks of that wink.

"You boys aren't going to try anything stupid," said Hermione, somewhat nervously. It was more a statement than a question, and the boys took it as such, for they knew Hermione was at the end of her rope with them. Still, Harry had the audacity to simply smile.

"Don't worry Hermione, course we won't. You know us."

"Yes," agreed Hermione, narrowing her eyes, "thus the basis of my mistrust."

Harry looked at her pointedly. "It'll all work out wonderfully."

"Though a little revenge is in order," muttered Ron.

"Come again?" asked Hermione, not catching the exact words in Ron's inaudible comment.

"Everything is in order," Ron answered immediately, standing up. "Well, come on Harry; let's go perfect our magical creation."

"Night Hermione! See you at breakfast," Harry said in parting, following Ron up to the boy's dormitory.

Hermione watched them with narrowed, yet curious eyes. What exactly were those boys up to?

The next morning, Hermione reluctantly awoke to the sounds of freezing rain pounding the foggy window next to her bed. It was very cold in her dormitory, and she wrapped the sheets on her bed around her shoulders and shivered. Somehow, she could already tell that this was going to be a bad day. Moaning with frustration, she stuffed her pillow in her face to muffle her scream.

Her feelings did not improve when she met Harry and Ron for breakfast. They were unusually quiet, answering with grunts and strange sounds, all the while whispering amongst themselves and not including her.

"Something running amuck?" inquired Ginny from across the table, hope brimming her eyes.

"I'm not sure...it's time for another prank today," answered Hermione absently, still watching the boys as they continued their almost silent conversation.

"Well what's in store for the vampire today?" Ron's sister asked, now filled with joy.

"I gave Ron and Harry a title of a passionate love song, and somehow, they think they've created a spell to get him to sing it all during class today," Hermione replied nervously. Ginny raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Isn't that your area of expertise? You trust the boys with something so important?"

"That's exactly what's worrying me," groaned Hermione, staring up at the ceiling, which was dropping tiny frozen raindrops down in the Great Hall.

Hermione's stomach did the Wronski Feint when the bell rang.

"I want a full report this evening!" called Ginny as she trotted off to Divination.

"To Potions then?" Ron said casually, as if nothing was amiss. She nodded, now thoroughly scared, picked up her bag, and headed to their hateful classroom.

Most of the class was assembled by the time they reached the lab, and Snape was already present. Hermione was half-glad that this was so; the other students now couldn't inquire about the pranks and who were behind them again. Professor Snape made no notice of Harry and Ron's entrance, but when Hermione stepped over the threshold Snape's obsidian eyes glared at her from under thickly lashed eyelids.

Since when have you noticed his eyelashes?

Hermione involuntarily rolled her eyes, not at Snape but rather at the ludicrous thought, and she immediately wished she hadn't done so when his drawl reached her ears.

"Five points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger," Snape said silkily. Hermione didn't bother to argue, but Ron and Harry turned about and made to say something derogatory before she grabbed the backs of both their robes and hauled them to their seats.

"Not today!" she whispered angrily, glaring up at Snape, whose attention was now focused on twittering Neville as he hurried into the class when the bell rang.

"Today," Snape began as the class watched him, "you will be brewing the Forgetfulness Potion." The students immediately looked to the blackboard in the front of the room, waiting for directions to appear, all seemingly happy at having to concoct such a simple draft. Snape also looked at the board with a frown, then back at his class and continued with a smirk, "Without the directions. Let's see how much you remember from your first year."

Most of the class groaned, brightness evaporating, but Snape being Snape took ten house points only from Gryffindor on grounds of insubordination. Seamus muttered something vulgar in Gaelic.

"Get to work!" he snarled, swooping back up to his desk in typical bat-like fashion. Half of the class turned around to glance at Harry, Ron, and Hermione, all waiting to see what bag of tricks they had in store for the Potions Master today. Hermione was busy stoking a fire and setting up her cauldron. Ron was currently shuffling through his abysmally unorganized notebook, looking for a parchment from their first year at Hogwarts with directions on the potion fruitlessly. Harry was cleaning off his glasses nonchalantly, though there wasn't a spot on them. The class, disappointed for the second time so far, turned back in their seats and began to work as well. And I can safely assure you, that is the last time they will be disappointed this Potions session.

Ron had long since given up finding his notes and began to watch Hermione carefully as she crushed a dragon's claw in her mortar, trying to mimic what she was doing in order to pass the lesson.

"Anytime this century please," Hermione muttered to him and Harry.

"Patience young grasshopper, the moment isn't quite right yet. Don't worry, Snape'll be singing before your potion simmers," Harry retorted quietly, adding powdered pixie wings to his cauldron. Ron smirked with satisfaction, though his potion was a horrible shade of yellow instead of the calm blue it was intended to be.

Hermione bit back a scathing comment.

Time passed; the end of class was growing closer and closer, and still Ron and Harry hadn't done anything.

"Alright boys," began Hermione as her potion simmered, "would you please just get this over with?"

"Haven't you ever heard of figures of speech?" answered Ron cheerfully, comparing her potion to his and frowning slightly. Ron's potion was now a black and yellow speckled draught that reminded Hermione of a nasty bout of Dragon Pox she'd once gotten.

"Never the less," Harry submitted with a sigh, "I guess we should get on with it. In a hurry to have Snape serenade you Hermione?"

"Serenade me?" repeated Hermione, the fear inside her coming to a climax. "What in the world do you--?"

But it was too late. Ron and Harry had both pulled out their wands and were muttering an incantation rapidly, in what seemed very fluent Hungarian.

An invisible spell was shot at Snape. He seemingly didn't feel it, and no one in the class gave any notion of noticing. Ron and Harry had huge grins on their faces.

"You two!" snarled Hermione, reaching for their throats before it happened.

"Never knew I could feel like this," came a soft, rich voice from the front of the classroom. Hermione froze in mid-reach. It was official; the universe hated her. She had the urge to bang her head repeatedly on her desk, but the realization of what was about to take place in the Potions lab held her utterly still.

"Oh my God," she breathed with horror, slowly craning her neck to the direction of Snape's desk. The entire class as one raised their heads and stared at their teacher. Harry and Ron both were satisfied and they watched Snape carefully.

"What was that Professor?" drawled Draco Malfoy, his large eyes betraying the calm tone in his voice. Lavender and Parvati exchanged a knowing look and Neville grinned widely.

"Like I've never seen the sky before," sang that same, mesmerizing voice. Snape's eyes locked with Hermione's. He was sitting completely rigid in his chair and was looking at Hermione with something she'd never thought he possessed--warmth.

Hermione's eyes shut automatically. She began to pray to every single Egyptian, Greek, and Arabic deity she knew of, begging what was happening not to be true.

Bring frogs; bring floods...anything but this!

"I can't believe this..." Her eyes flew open again, fiery and casting a murderous glare at both Ron and Harry, who were chuckling madly. She was going to kill them.

"Want to vanish inside your kiss..."

"I'm going to feed you to the skrewts!" Hermione screeched.

"Everyday I love you more and more." Snape was standing up behind his desk now, looking rather chivalrous for a Slytherin. Hermione was mentally going over how she was going to hurt Harry and Ron.

Wrap Harry in holiday paper. Leave him topped with a bow on Voldemort's doormat for Christmas.

"Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing? Telling me to give you everything," Snape sang, almost entrancingly. Almost. Parvati and Lavender were swaying to the melody of his voice. Hermione's heart sank a few more inches as her teacher, still staring at her, was moving closer to her desk.

Climb into the Ford Anglia. Run over Ron. Back up and do it again.

It was no use. Ron and Harry were doubled over with silent laughter, Hermione was out of horrible ways to plot the boys' death, and Snape was still singing. And moving ever closer.

"You've got to admit," whispered Pansy Parkinson, "the man's got a lovely voice."

"And a few other lovely assets," supplied Parvati Patil from across the room. There was a general murmur of agreement from the female gender of the Potions classroom that made Hermione clench her eyes closed.

"Seasons may change; winter to spring...but I love you, until the end of time."

Snape was now at the front row of desks, singing his black little heart out, and still moving closer to Hermione.

She was now opening and closing her mouth, seemingly out of hideous threats, and bewitched by Snape's voice.

"Hey look!" exclaimed Seamus, extending a finger at goldfish-resembling Hermione. "I've found Nemo!"

"Come what may, come what may, I will love you until my dying day."

"If Harry told me correctly," Ron was saying, holding up a finger in a would-be sensible manner, "this is the part where you sing Hermione."

Hermione flung her pestle at his head with all the might she could muster. However, Snape obviously had no intention of letting anyone but himself sing in front of the class, and he continued with the gorgeous melody.

"Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place, suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace. Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste..."

"Yeah, I'll bet it doesn't," muttered Dean Thomas as he leaned back in his chair, interrupting Snape, who took no notice.

"It all revolves around you," Snape finished the verse. He was now directly in front of Hermione's desk. The poor Head Girl could do nothing but stare, bewildered at her teacher, and then something impossible happened.

Snape held out his hand to Hermione.

"Go on silly girl, take it!" squealed Lavender with glee, wriggling delightfully in her seat.

"Are you out of your mind?" shrieked Hermione disbelievingly, accidentally waving her own hand to emphasis the point she was trying to get across to her fellow Gryffindor. Unfortunately, that was all Snape needed. She felt a strong yet gentle grasp on her hand, and Hermione was swept out of her chair and onto the floor to her feet, her hands in his cold ones, as Snape continued to serenade her. Several people in the room cheered, and Hermione was appalled to see that Neville was holding up a lighter and swaying slightly.

"And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide; sing out this song and I'll be there by your side. Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide, but I love you until the end of time. Come what may, come what may, I will love you until my dying day!"

Hermione had had more than enough. Still staring into those endless black eyes, Hermione slipped a hand out of his, groped for the vial of her Forgetfulness potion, uncorked it with her teeth, and poured it down Snape's throat as he held a musical note out. He choked and stumbled backwards, swallowing the vile liquid, and Hermione quickly sat back down.

The bell was ringing as Snape stared at his class, and by the life of him, he couldn't understand why in the world they were applauding. Or how he'd gotten up and directly in front of Potter, Weasley, and Granger's row.

"Silence!" he snarled angrily, and all of it ceased, even though his students looked at him wearing the faces of those who try and gag their laughter. "Fill your vials with a sample of your concoction, label them, leave them on your desks for grading, and get out!"

The class did as they were told. Hermione hurriedly refilled her vial, scribbled her name on it, and got the hell out of the class, shielding her face with her hand from the grinning and whistling students she passed on her way.

"Hey Granger, invite me to the wedding!" shouted Avery as he and other chuckling Slytherins headed back down into the dungeons after supper that evening. Hermione's fists clenched and her fingernails left marks in the top of her palms. She hadn't spoken a word to anyone ever since the event this morning. She was beyond angry at this point. Hermione Granger was murderous.

"Snape," she muttered with the utmost disgust dripping from her voice. "Singing...to me..."

Come on girl, you know you enjoyed it.

That truth made Hermione angrier than anything else.

Once in the common room as Parvati and Lavender took the initiative to describe morning events to Ginny, Hermione plopped down in the usual armchair by the fire and watched as Ron did his Divination homework and Harry worked on Transfiguration.

"Good fortune at five o'clock on Thursday," Ron was muttered, writing on his parchment furiously. "...And a simple dream will come to pass in the near future."

"Owl was totally immobile, still retained some of the inanimate properties of the hourglass," mumbled Harry, also working hard, glancing up at Hedwig on the desk, who was currently somewhere between animal and hourglass. Hermione watched them silently for a moment, and gave a loud, irritated sigh, signaling that she was ready for her next task, though she wasn't looking forward to it. The boys made no notice of her.

When five minutes had past, Hermione was thoroughly perturbed.

"Hello?" she snapped at Harry and Ron. Neither looked up.

"Didn't even see you there Hermione," Harry stated slowly as he wrote his report.

"Something we can do for you Hermione?" Ron asked.

Hermione had only a moment to look bewildered before she erupted. "NEXT TASK PLEASE?"

"Task?" repeated Harry, looking up. "Oh, take a break Hermione. You've been working at it for a while now. Just relax; we'll get to it tomorrow."

Hermione was flabbergasted. Whether it was the boys' desire to skip it this day or her want to continue with it, she didn't know. Perhaps a combination of both, but it lit her fuse.

"Take a break? No! Come on boys, I want my next task!"

Ron looked floored as he turned away from his Divination. "You want to go on?" he asked in sarcastic surprise. "Well how about that Harry? She actually wants to continue!"

"Never thought I'd see the day when Hermione was looking forward to breaking a rule!" Harry exclaimed, mocking her as well.

"After a professor sings to you, I'm sure it has some kind of effect on your emotional state," Ron snickered, pulling out the list.

"Or after they show you what type of wand they have," added Harry. "That could also affect another...state of your being."

Hermione punched them both dead in the face and snatched the parchment away from Ron.

Task # 7--Dress yourself in black robes and dye your hair black. Dub yourself 'Mini-Snape.'

Duration: Five days.

Hermione rubbed her chin thoughtfully. Harry and Ron rubbed their noses in pain.

"This shouldn't be a problem. Spending the summer with Tonks has its advantages."

"I'b sure BcGonagall'll be pleased to see you like dat," Ron commented shrewdly, pinching his throbbing nose. "God Herbione, you've got sob fist."

"If only your reflexes were as quick as your bloody mouth."

"Well, we can work on this tomorrow before classes start. Come on Hedwig," Harry said, picking up his frozen bird and moving his nose around carefully, face scrunching with pain. Ron followed.

Halfway up the staircase, Hermione's ears detected song. "One day I'll fly away," Harry was singing softly to his owl. "Leave all this to yesterday..."

Hermione recognized the tune immediately and...exactly where it was from. A flying copy of 1001 Magical Herbs and Fungi re-injured Harry's nose. From her spot on the squishy chair, she could hear Ron whistle.

"Whew! Some fist and some aim!"

Ron was silenced as well when Hermione's flying shoe knocked him unconscious.