The Diary of Severus Snape

The Diary of Severus Snape

Chapter 4

By Miss Tito

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October 10^th.

Diary,

At last I have found you! I've been looking for a while, and you weren't where I thought I'd left you.

I have urgent news.........................................................

My plan-

It.....It....It....It............

FAILED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it's all because of GRANGER!!!!

That precocious little mudblood know-it-all........

She approached me after class today. It was- well- interesting...

Here I will detail what happened:

I was sitting at my desk, knitting. Mrs. Fluffles was sitting in her basket, wearing the lavender ensemble that I had just finished yesterday. I heard a knock at the door. Assuming that it was the Weasley twins, early for their detentions, I said, "Come in."

It wasn't the Weasleys, though. It was Granger. She came in, looking as if she had just found out some glorious piece of dirt on me. Which, of course, I knew she hadn't.

"What is it you want, Ms. Granger?"

She smirked. Her eyes began to gleam maniacally.

"I know your secret, Professor!"

"I have no idea what you're on about, Miss Granger. I have nothing to hide," I said nervously, stuffing the knitting behind by back. Nothing to hide, indeed.

She seemed to have read my mind.

"Nothing to hide, indeed, Professor, eh? What's that behind your back, then?"

"Nothing," I tried to throw the knitting on the ground (oh dear! It was expensive yarn) but she was too quick for me.

"Aha! I now have concrete proof! YOU KNIT!!!"

"So do you," I replied dryly.

"But I'm a girl."

"And...."

"I know your secret!!! I know what it is!!! Why you assigned that essay, I have no idea...It would only let students like me know your true identity. You-are-a-WOMAN!!!"

"No, I most certainly am not. Do you need proof?"

"AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!" Miss Granger turned to run. She thought better of it. "Why do you knit?"

"Because it's fun. And why is it so bad for men to knit? I thought the wizarding world was more open to things like this." I forgot she was muggleborn.

"And when did you start knitting?" she inquired, examining my quite inexpert needlework.

"A few weeks ago. Why do you ask?" I was beginning to get ticked off at all the questions.

She ignored my counter-question. "What prompted you to knit? That's what I've been meaning to say!"

"What is this? The Spanish Inquisition?"

After seeing her slightly saddened face, I added, "Because of you, my dear."

Her face blanched. Was it because I had just said the word "dear," and directed it towards HER? I couldn't believe that myself.

"What did I do?" She asked in a tremulous, frightened voice.

Here I related my tale of How I Learned to Knit. As I progressed, her face became more and more disbelieving. When I finished, she had to make a few comments to herself.

"Why'd I do that? God I'm a moron. I've been wondering where that pamphlet has been, I need it for the elf hats."

Elf hats??? Merlin! That is hilarious. And stupid. Does she get that the elves like being enslaved? That they live to serve wizards? Only the crazy one obsessed with Potter wants to be freed. The rest would rather die than be free. Holy Mother of Salazar, what would we do if the house-elves were free?

As I thought these thoughts, Hermione noticed Mrs. Fluffles.

"What is that thing your cat has on? It's....it's....it's........"

"It's a matching hat and sweater set, that is clear."

"Don't tell me you knitted it, sir."

I put on my best insane look to scare the girl who was taking up my knitting time into going back to her common room with her little friends.

"I did. Isn't it LOVELY?" I shouted the last word.

Miss Granger was not frightened. Instead, she said,

"I know you weren't under the effects of the femmenate, Professor. I have proof, much more proof than the knitting."

"Such as...."

"You weren't at breakfast the morning you had us brew the potion, Fred and George would have given you much more than a simple potion to turn you into a woman, and femmenate does more than make one act like a woman. It makes one look like a woman, also. And you were QUITE FREE of any, um, womanly features the day you said you were poisoned with the potion."

"Well spotted, Miss Granger," I said grudgingly. " 5 points to Gryffindor."

She gaped at me. Can't I give a few points for someone who saw through my absolutely brilliant act? It takes quite a bit of skill, and a very good eye indeed.

Miss Granger stood there and just moved her mouth for about three minutes with no sound coming out. Finally, she spoke.

"I would like to see you in a sparkly pink dress singing Aretha Franklin at a Death Eater party, though."

It was my turn to gape.

"How'd you know about THAT??? No one but me, the D-Es and my diary are supposed to know that!"

"Um... I just made that up on the spot, professor. I didn't know-"

"OH BLOODY FUCKING HELL!!!! SEVERUS YOU ARSE!!! YOU BASTARD!!! WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BLAB THAT TO HER!!! YOU ARE MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF!!!!"

Oh, Holy Shit. Did I just say that out loud???

Miss Granger stood there, shell-shocked. She gave me a look of utter disbelief.

"I'm sorry for that outburst, Miss Granger. Please, go away," I said, turning away. I didn't want her to see me cry.

"No."

"No? Yes, you will."

"No, I will not." She came a few steps closer.

"Men who can show their feminine side and let their true emotions show are my favorite kind."

I asked her what she meant by that.

"This." She pulled my face to hers and kissed me. And she didn't let go for quite a long time.

BLOODY HELL! I WAS KISSED BY A STUDENT!!! Granger, no less.

I was so shocked, I completely forgot to pull away. Finally she stopped, pulled back, and observed my shocked expression with a noticeable smirk on her face.

"Detention, Miss Granger. 7:00 tomorrow evening."

She winked at me. I would have been mortified, had my brain not been so numb from the shock.

Had your brain not been so warm and utterly fuzzy from the kiss. Awh, it must be... wuv!!!

Stupid diary. I do not love her.

Stop lying to yourself, Sevvie. You know you want her... You know she's really your favourite student...I can read your mind; I know precisely what you want.

Ok, I admit it. She has a nice body. Sexy, even. And she is exceptional at Potions.

Back to the story.

"My pleasure, Professor." And she left.

What the bloody hell was that? Here she is, Miss Perfect Prefect Know-It-All Granger, the Queen of Intelligence, and she acts like a tart towards her "least favourite" professor? It just doesn't click.

I just love spontaneous women.

You just love Hermione Granger.

I do not. OH GOD THE MOST HORRIBLE THOUGHT HAS JUST OCCURRED TO ME: What if Albus Dumbledore has a copy of this diary that lets him read what I write???

In the Headmaster's office, Dumbledore laughs his head off.

"It's taken him this long!!! OH MERLIN THAT IS FUNNY!"

Nah. Probably wouldn't occur to him. The old codger.

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A/N: Bold and underlined text denotes that that particular little bit was not actually present in the actual diary.

Ok now it's time to thank people:

Arycka Malfoy

Slytherz

Alastia Starsong

Vren

Kateri

Crookshanks87

MUCHOS GRACIAS for reviewing!!!! Glad you liked it!!!! You people are the best!!! I love you all!!!!

~ Miss Tito!!!!!