The Diary of Severus Snape

The Diary of Severus Snape, Chapter 5

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October 12

Dear Diary,

Dear me. I have quite an extensive problem to deal with now. I think I might even have to talk to Albus about it.

You should talk to Albus about most things you do, you know.

I know. Let me vent here first.

So today I had detention with Hermione. Eep! I mean, Granger. I originally intended to have her either write lines (I will not make romantic advances towards the Potions Master) until she fainted, have her scrub out the cauldrons without magic, or label the entire contents of my ingredient stores, but I was sidetracked by her actions.

First, I will relate her appearance in list form:
-She was wearing a very, very small black midriff top

-She was wearing a very, very small black miniskirt

-She was wearing thigh-high black leather boots

-She was prominently displaying her cleavage

-She had her hair styled so it looked like she just got out of the bath

-She had excessive lip gloss on, making it look like she had wrapped her mouth in cling wrap

-She had really excessive dark eyeliner on, making her look like a wannabe Goth

-She had false eyelashes glued to her eyelids.

The end result was entrancing/disturbing. She was drop-dead gorgeous, and very, very sexy, but she was a STUDENT for MERLIN"S SAKE! A STUDENT!

And one I used to find very annoying to boot.

Now....

Why ask when you already know?

Stupid diary.

Now I will relate the events.

I was sitting at my desk, attempting to choose which method of punishment to use via eenie-meenie-miney-moe, but I kept ending up with the lines. I decided just to opt with the cauldron scrubbing, because it required very little brainpower, and I know she loves to use her brain. I didn't want her to enjoy this; I was teaching her a lesson.

She knocked at the door. I got up to answer, and was greeted by an eyeful of skin. BAH! Then the thoughts started again.

You mean these? YOU KNOW YOU WANT HER, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE HER? YOU KNOW SHE'S DAMN SEXY.

Nah, these were more explicit than that. I don't want to write it down now.

Anyways, the thoughts started again. Now, where other men would falter and start stuttering due to the excessive amount of blood flowing to certain extremities of their anatomy, I, being the master of self-control and the deadpan face, was able to keep my usual mannerism, (as in, one toe half a millimeter out of line and you'll wish you'd never been born.)

Back to the story. I opened the door, and there she was in her skimpy outfit. I greeted her with a terse, "Good evening, Miss Granger," to which she sultrily responded, "Hello, Professor." And then she winked. Very, very noticeably.

I pretended to ignore the outfit and set her about her task of cleaning out the cauldron bottoms. She did an excellent and very efficient job, and then came up to my desk. And then she winked. Very, very noticeably. For the second time.

"What do you want, Miss Granger?"

"Don't you like my outfit, Professor? I wore it just for you."

She winked again.

"Miss Granger, you seem to have a twitch in your eye. You should see Madam Pomfrey about that."

Since I ignored her question, she ignored mine.

"So do you like it?"

"Like what?"

"My outfit!"

"It's quite... risqué and very inappropriate for a Hogwarts student, let alone Prefect."

"You think so? But do you like it?"

To hell with it, I thought.

"Yes, I like it."

And then I kissed her. Straight on the lips.

When I thought it would scare the hell out of her, she merely looked at me with a smirk on her lips when we pulled apart. Dammit.

MEANWHILE IN THE HEADMASTER'S OFFICE

"Awh........... How cute!" said Dumbledore as he watched on the school surveillance screen. "They were just meant to be together!"

"Who were meant to be together?" asked Professor McGonagall as she entered the room.

"Ummmm.... Peanut Butter and Jelly. They make such a great sandwich."

Lucky for Dumbledore, he just happened to be eating a PB and J at the time, so McGonagall didn't suspect anything and went away.

God what are we going to do? We can't be together, Albus will find out. Or Minerva.

Or, worst of all, Umbridge.

Or Potter.

Or Weasley.

Or some other nameless brat.

I think I have two options. The first, take a permanent vacation to Tibet. Scratch that, it's too cold there. Well, better just go with option No. 2.

"OBLIVIATE!"

~EL FIN~