The Strike

"Snape!"

"50 points from Gryffindor, Potter, for not addressing me properly as Professor Snape."

"Sorry, Professor. I need to see Professor Dumbledore."

"What do you need to see the Headmaster for, Potter?"

"My scar hurts, Voldemort must be near!"

"Don't be silly, the Dark Lord can't possibly be near Hogwarts. Besides, you can't talk to the Headmaster. In fact, I shouldn't be talking to you either."

"Why not? I learned how to block Voldemort last year. You taught me."

"It's not that, you silly boy."

"Then what is it?"

"We're on strike."

"On a strike?"

"Yes."

"I didn't know there were strikes in the Wizarding World."

"Of course there are, you twit."

"Why are you on a strike?"

"Because we don't get paid enough."

"B-but what about Voldemort?"

"The Ministry can deal with the Dark Lord."

"But they're a bunch of paper-pusher useless bints!"

"It's their fault we're on strike."

"What about the Order?"

"The Order's on strike too."

"Why are they striking?"

"As members of the Order of the Phoenix we feel that we have been much aggrieved and that our pension plans are not enough to provide us with enough money after we retire."

"What's not enough in 100 Galleons per month?"

"We don't get elder discount at the Knight Bus. Or comfortable cart rides in Gringotts."

"But there are those new Automatic Money Goblins all over Diagon Alley."

"Speaking of which, they're on strike too."

"Why in the name of Merlin are they on strike?"

"Not enough off hours."

"They only work four hours a day, three times a week."

"They get only forty minutes off per shift."

"They get twice their salary during those off forty minutes."

"It's not enough for them to pay for their lunch."

"Where do they go for lunch, the Wizard Royale?"

"Well, they have special dietary needs."

"They are Goblins, for Merlin's sake!"

"Caviar and Lobster are an integral part of Goblin diet."

"Right... Well, if Professor Dumbledore is on strike, I'm going to Madam Pomfrey for some ointment."

"Madam Pomfrey is on strike as well."

"WHAT?!"

"The Nurses' Union is on strike because they feel they do not get paid enough to treat some of the Splinch cases that come their way."

"But Madam Pomfrey doesn't treat splinches, even I know that it's impossible to Apparate or Dissaparate within Hogwarts grounds."

"She has to join the strike out of solidarity with the St. Mungos nurses."

"Mr. Filch?"

"On strike."

"Hagrid?"

"On strike too."

"The House Elves?"

"Granger finally persuaded the lot of them to See the Light and join SPEW."

"It's S.P.E.W. and what are they striking about?"

"They are aggrieved at the lack of proper uniform that consists of more than tea-cozies."

"So, if everybody's on strike, then what are you doing here, Professor?"

"I drew the shortest straw."

"Oh."

"..."

"Wait a minute. You're on strike, right?"

"Yes..."

"If you're on strike, it means that you're not supposed to be working."

"Yes..."

"If you're not supposed to be working, then how could you take points from Gryffindor?"

"It is a hobby of mine."

"Ouch!"

"What is it?"

"It's my scar again."

"Heh. Sucks to be you, eh, Potter?"

"I really think that Voldemort is very near us and that something should be done, Professor."

"How many times have I told you not to call the Dark Lord by his name, you insolent little brat?"

"Why? Scared that he might materialize behind your back and go 'BOO'?"

"Well, actually..."

"Hello, Harry."

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! I told them that you were near."

"You were right, Harry. Hello, Severus."

"M-my Lord."

"You know, Harry, I keep wondering why it was so easy to infiltrate the castle."

"Probably because everybody from the Minister of Magic down are on a bloody strike."

"Really? I wonder why... Or you know what? I don't care. I am here, not three feet away from you -"

"Tell me about it. My scar hurts like there's no tomorrow."

"For you, my dear Harry, there might not be. I am here, not three feet away from you, with no one to stop me from kidnapping you and having my evil way with you."

Suddenly, the Dark Lord turned his left arm tattoo-side up, and a tiny image of a robed man, with a hood that covered his face showed up midair above Lord Voldemort's arm.

"Say that again?"

"My Lord, the D.E.O. is as of this moment on strike."

"WHAT?!"

"The Death Eater Organization feels that the Death Eaters are not getting paid well enough in reward of their efforts to the Cause. Also, they are demanding a better dental-health insurance."

"Smith, you tell the D.E.O. that any Death Eater who is found striking when I return from my current errand will be punished. Severely! Let's just say that they will no longer need to be concerned with their dental-health insurance."

"Y-yes, m-my Lord."

"You might scare that guy beyond his wits, but you will not scare me, Voldemort!"

"Oh, I'm not interested in scaring you, Harry, though that is quite a nice side-effect. Now, will you come with me willingly or do I have to go on a mad killing spree just to show how frightening and intimidating I can be?"

"Er, you see, Voldemort, I can't go with you."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm on strike."

"Why are you striking?"

"Lack of proper health-care at this institution during the Nurses' strike."

"What are you going to do, then?"

"I'm going to set up a tent in front of the infirmary and gather followers to my cause by making people sign petitions. Also, I will play the guitar."

"Harry Potter, you're an idiot. I give up. I'm going home. Call me when all the strikes are over with so that I can go on stalking and attempting to capture you properly."

~Fin~