Trouble in Paradise

Land of the Sweet

----

Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy exchanged glares.

"This is all your fault, Malfoy," hissed Harry quietly.

"Gee, I've never heard that one before, Potter. Oh, but you're so right. I forgot. I did go up to the Gryffindor Tower, guess the password, sneak into your bedroom, drug you, carry you back down to the dungeons without being seen, revive you, invite you to attack me..."

"Shhhhh!!! Enough already! Why are you such a prat all the time? And I didn't attack you!"

Draco arched an eyebrow. "Oh?" he said witheringly, "then what do you call tackling me in the Potions classroom when my back was turned, or was I just mistaking your intentions? Hmm?"

Harry blushed furiously. "That's, that's...NO! It wasn't...oh just shut up, Malfoy!"

In fact, Harry had tackled Draco without warning. He needed to find something he'd left accidentally in class that day. He'd snuck out of the tower when he was sure everyone was asleep. He wasn't expecting Draco to be there. Harry's stomach dropped sickeningly as he remembered how close his secret was to being discovered. The worst thing in the world would be for Draco to find it, and he had been right there! He reacted without thinking, running towards Draco to jerk him back, tripping over one of the chairs and crashing forward into him. Draco had given a startled yelp at the sounds and had half turned, a vial in his hand full of some substance, his eyes widening as he received the full force of Harry's body slamming him into the workbench. The boys fell to the floor soaked in the solution. Harry looked down at himself in horror, wondering what evil concoction Draco would be brewing after hours, and what he might turn into, but he felt the full meaning of horror when his eyes rose to Draco's.

"Three. Bloody. Months. Of. Work." Draco enunciated in icy tones, "You. Will. Die. Now."

He lunged. Harry ran.

The Potions classroom, and, in fact, any Hogwarts room, had never seen the like of the melee that ensued. Furniture, spells, and fists flew unchecked by teachers, cooler heads, or fear of discovery. It was quite cathartic. After what seemed like hours they collapsed exhausted in the middle of the room, relatively unscathed, unlike their surroundings. Harry turned his head to look at Draco.

"Git," he said.

"Peasant," Draco tried to pant superiorly, his eyebrow arching.

Harry looked at him in grudging admiration.

"I wish I could do that."

"Do what?" Draco replied, his eyebrow arching questioningly.

"That! The eyebrow thing! How do you do it, and how do you get it to mean so many different things? I mean, true, it usually means, "I, Draco Malfoy, am being an insufferable git", but you can make it mean anything! When I try to do it my forehead just wrinkles up!"

Draco looked surprised for a moment before giving Harry an amused smirk, "Breeding, Potter. It's all in the breeding." He waggled his eyebrows alternately. Harry burst into laughter, and after a moment so did Draco.

"I can't believe this," they each privately though, "I'm lying on the floor laughing with my worst enemy. This isn't so bad..." Unfortunately, the teachers chose that moment to show up.

"Potter! What is the meaning of this?" Snape's voice whipped out, cutting off their laughter. They sat up quickly.

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy! I am shocked! Never in all my days..." Professor McGonagall emerged from behind Professor Snape and strode quickly to the two boys. "Get up at once!"

"Potter attacked me!" Draco exclaimed hastily. Harry shot him a dirty look,

"No, I..."

"Silence!" Snape ordered. He made a circuit of the room, looking at the shambles in disbelief, when his gaze came back to rest on the boys they swallowed with fear at the look in his eyes, both boys took a step back. Professor McGonagall cleared her throat,

"Now Severus, don't be hasty, let's get to the bottom of this..." stepping forward to put a restraining hand on his arm. A look of relief passed over their faces, that is, until Professor McGonagall swept them with a scathing glare.

"Mr. Potter, please explain. NOW." The last word was like a slap, and Harry jumped slightly.

"W..Well, Professor...You see, I just...I forgot something in class today, and I came down to get it, and well...umm...Draco was here, and uhh...I sort of thought he was going to take it, so I...umm...sort of...stopped him..." Harry trailed off uncertainly. Draco snorted. Both professors looked at him, and he quickly looked back at Harry feigning great interest.

"Where is this thing you came for?" She asked stonily. Harry looked around hesitantly, spotted what he was looking for, and pointed at a generic, gray-covered notebook.

"I...I think that's it," he stammered.

"Bring it to me." Harry slowly walked over to the notebook, picked it up and hugged it to his chest. He returned to Professor McGonagall, and looked at her. She merely held out her hand. Reluctantly Harry handed it to her. She looked scornfully at the notebook.

"This is your explanation?" said McGonagall, "Sneaking out after hours to get a notebook that could have been retrieved tomorrow? And 'stopping'," her lip curled derisively, "Mr. Malfoy." I'd like to hear your exact definition of 'stopping'," she said looking around at the destruction. "And, I'd like to know what you were doing up after hours, as well, Mr. Malfoy."

So, the whole story came out. As the two boys explained the professors became whiter and whiter and their lips thinned to the point of non-existence. As they wound up the explanation Harry and Draco offered up wide-eyed, well we've certainly learned our lesson and will never do this again, so why don't we just assign a quick detention and be off looks. Snape strangled out a few words.

"My office. Wait." Harry and Draco edged across the room into Snape's office and closed the door.

---

When the door closed behind the boys McGonagall looked at Snape who face was quickly changing from white to red to a most startling shade of purple.

"My word! Professor Snape! Are you quite all right?" She had never seen him look quite so livid. She hurried over to his side, dropping the notebook to right an overturned chair and help Snape into it. "Steady on, Professor, just take deep breaths." Snape seemed to take her advice and placed his head between his knees inhaling deeply. As he raised his head his eyes fell on the notebook, and the object lying next to it that had been concealed inside.

"What," he asked, "is that?" He bent to pick it up. It was a book. On the cover was a picture that made Snape feel sick. Professor McGonagall leaned forward to take a closer look, her eyebrows shooting up. They began to flip through the pages. For several minutes nothing could be heard but the rustling of paper, and small gagging noises from Snape.

"Oh my," Professor McGonagall said faintly. A pause ensued. "Oh my," she said once more with more energy and a touch of inspiration. She turned to grin at Snape. "Oh my!" she stated definitively.

---

In the office, Harry and Draco continued their sniping in low tones.

"If you hadn't been working on a potion at night you wouldn't be in trouble, so don't blame me!" Harry insisted to Draco. "Just what were you making anyway? I don't buy what you told Snape. I bet it was an evil brew to..."

Draco shot him a withering look. "Blithering idiot! Never mind! If you hadn't been so dimwitted as to lose some stupid notebook...Got the sudden urge to actually study your potions notes after all these years of neglect, did you? What was so important it couldn't wait?" he sneered. Harry blushed and looked away.

"Ermm. Nothing," he proffered in a lame attempt at subterfuge.

Draco narrowed his eyes, closely observing Harry's discomfort. "Hmm...just what was in that notebook, Potter? It must have been good to drag you to the dungeons at this time of night." Harry's eyes slid away.

"Nothing, I told you! Just...just a book," he sighed miserably.

"What book?" Draco continued mercilessly, sensing weakness. His eyes widened. "Is it dirty?" he exclaimed.

"Wha...NO!" Harry protested vehemently, "just a book I was reading, part of series, and I was at a really good part, that's all, I just wanted to finish it tonight before I went to sleep", Harry mumbled quickly. Draco looked unconvinced.

"What's the name of this book then?" Harry frowned, "You wouldn't know it, or be interested. It's a muggle book, all right? Just drop it."

"No, no," Draco countered, "I'm extremely interested. Do tell, Potter," he drawled, executing another flawless eyebrow and smirk maneuver.

---

Outside the two teachers had made themselves familiar with the gist of the book, and had come to a conclusion on the best way to punish the boys. Such a punishment hadn't been meted out since before both their times, but there was precedent. Yes. They shared a look that could only be called glee.

"Accio Exsilium parchment!" Soon a rolled up scroll flew to the waiting hand of Professor McGonagall. They unrolled it and looked at together.

"It's perfect."

"Yes, I don't know why we didn't think of this before. If this doesn't teach them a lesson then nothing will."

"Well, if Potter wouldn't constantly antagonize Draco..."

"Oh please, and take another look at your classroom before you go soft on Mr. Malfoy."

"You have a point, and Potter will undoubtedly be even more tortured by Draco's presence, so that's a consolation."

"And vice versa, Professor."

They moved toward his office.

---

"Shhh!, They're coming!"

"This is going to be exquisite, Minerva."

"I quite agree, Severus"

Soft laughter...

The boys listened through the closed door, eyes widening at the familiarity between the two teachers who were usually not the closest of colleagues. For some reason, this scared them more than anything else had that night. The door opened and the two teachers walked in.

Professor McGonagall looked at the boys. "We've decided your punishment," she announced.

"How many points?" Harry asked, eyes downcast.

"And, how long is our detention?" added Malfoy?

"There will be no points taken off. No detention," she stated simply.

Stunned, Harry and Draco gaped her uncomprehendingly. She smiled. Coils of unease swept through both boys.

"No, we've got something much better in store for you. You see, boys, nothing that we have done to date has helped. Every opportunity you get - you fight. You make no effort to get along. Reasoning with you doesn't help. Giving you detention doesn't help. Taking away house points doesn't help. And frankly, we're getting sick and tired of it." Her hand hit the desk with a loud smack that made Harry and Draco jump.

"There is an old alternative form of punishment," she continued. The boys thought of Filch and his well-oiled manacles. They shuddered. "For very incorrigible students there is another method. You see, we just don't want to deal with you anymore until you have your little problem with each other under control. We don't want to see your faces anymore until then."

Harry gasped, "You don't mean we're expelled?" Draco looked alarmed at the thought.

"Oh no," McGonagall continued. "You are exiled."

Draco fell against Harry trying to process what she had said. "What! What do you mean exiled? You can't do that! My father..."

"Silence, Mr. Malfoy! Your father doesn't have anything to say about this. Where we are sending you will not be dangerous, rest assured. You will be safe there. Although, perhaps not comfortable." She smiled again.

Snape stepped forward to continue the explanation. "There is no need to look so confused. You will be sent to an alternate world. A world that doesn't really exist, that could never, Thank God," he paused with a slight convulsion, "exist, but which, for you, will seem all too real." He smiled, an expression so totally out of place on his face that Harry almost believed he'd been sent to an alternate reality already. Harry and Draco looked shell-shocked. Snape allowed his smile to turn into a full-fledged evil grin. They shuddered.

"But...but classes...school...how..."

"That's the brilliant part," McGonagall stated proudly. "Time runs differently there. You can stay for a very long time there, and when you come back almost no time will have passed here."

Harry and Draco looked at each other in horror. "But, how will you know when to bring us back?" Draco asked falteringly.

The teachers looked at each other. "Good point. Hadn't thought of that. What do you think? A month?" Professor McGonagall mused.

"A month!" the boys exclaimed together aghast.

"Perhaps, you're right. Well, we'll start you off with two weeks. We'll check on you then. If you can prove to us that you've learned to get along then you'll be allowed back."

"Two weeks!" the boys wailed, "but Professor!"

"Our decision is final!" Snape snapped, "And count yourself lucky it is so lenient."

Draco suddenly put his arm around Harry and squeezed. He gave him a wide smile, then turned to the Professors. "I feel really good about Pot...Harry now! Really! I was thinking we could maybe doing something...like play Quidditch this weekend. Right, Harry?" Harry nodded his head up and down vehemently, "Yeah, me too. Me and Mal...Draco. This weekend!" He smiled enthusiastically.

"Nice try, but I think we'll need a little more proof than that." Professor McGonagall said dryly. She pursed her lips, thinking. "Ah! Just the thing!" She muttered something under her breath. "We'll just wait a few minutes."

Several minutes later, a sleepy Colin Creevey walked into the office. He was carrying his video recorder. Harry and Draco groaned.

---

"Proof, and lots of it. That's final. If what we see on the tape doesn't convince us of your new state of amicability then back you go. Togetherness," she said crisply. "Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy. No avoiding each other. Do you understand?"

The boys nodded and looked glumly at the floor.

"Good. Now remember you can't be killed or seriously hurt in this place, but it will seem real to you and the people, too. I'd try to learn their ways and get along if I were you." With that last bit of advice Professor McGonagall turned to Professor Snape who was holding an unrolled parchment in front of him. She pulled out a small book from a fold in her robes. Harry gasped when he saw it. Draco looked curiously from Harry to the book, straining to see the cover.

"Now," she said.

Snape intoned, "Alter Universum!"

McGonagall holding the book between them, interjected,, "Terra Dulcis!"

Together they pointed their wands at the boys and proclaimed, "Exsilium!"

Harry and Draco disappeared.

Professor McGonagall looked down at the book in her hand, and tossed it on Snape's desk. "Perhaps you'd care for some light reading before bed." She quirked a humorous brow at him.

"Not funny, Minerva. Not funny at all." They left the dungeon.

The book lay askew on the pristine surface of Snape's desk. Two identical, beautiful blonde girls smiled up toothily against a backdrop of blue skies and rolling waves. The caption read Sweet Valley High: Trouble in Paradise.

To be continued...