Conveniently Placed Cardboard Cutouts At Hogwarts

***Still at Hogwarts…duh…***

Neville shuffles down the hall to the prefects’ bathroom in his fuzzy blue robe with big yellow duckies on it. *gag* (A/N: How the hell did NEVILLE become a prefect!?) He’s got a towel on one arm and a slew of bath products in a nifty little carrier in the other hand.

He is also being followed.

By more than one person.

Two, to be exact.

But back to the story. Wait, no. The followers have need to put in some words of their own before being exposed.

Follower No. 1: Hey! I’m supposed to be the only one.

Follower No. 2: No, that’s me. You’re the poser, duh.

Follower No. 1: No, you’re the poser. I’m NUMBER ONE, DAMMIT! *freaks out, pulls out hair, smashes a painting…etc.*

Follower No. 2: You looking’ for a smack down, PUNK!?

Follower No. 1: Yeah, actually… *trails off as Follower No. 2 starts walking slowly with an evil smile.* WAIT! No, I’m really not!

Follower No. 2 doesn’t stop. Big fight *fists flying*

Both: Ow! *cry to mommies*

Follower No. 1: Dammit, you just ripped my new red garter.

Follower No. 2: Well, you crushed my cardboard knife with your fat butt! *Follower No. 1 gasps audibly*

Ok. Now back to the actual story.

Neville was shuffling down the hall right? Yeah. Well, he’s still shuffling, and the one follower even goes as far as to follow him into the prefect’s bathroom. She hides in the shadows while Neville whistles to himself.

Moaning Myrtle: *throaty voice* Hey, Neville.

Neville: WHAAA!? *calms down* Oh. It’s only you, Myrtle. H-how are you?

MM: Only me, huh. Weren’t saying that last night in your sleep.

Neville: How did you know?

MM: You really were!? I was just kidding!

Neville *bright red* Ummm…ummm…

*Suddenly Pansy Parkinson jumps from the shadows. She is Follower No. 1*

Pansy: Hey, Neville *dressed in seductive red lingerie taken from the drawers of the filing cabinet in Professor McGonagall’s office.*

Neville: P-P-Pansy…*Ebonics* Why you be dressed like dat, mah beeyatch!?

MM: Neville, what’s going on!? I thought…I thought…

Pansy: *to MM* Shut up, damn ghost. *to Neville* Now, where were we? Oh, yes. So, Neville, up for some…fun?

Neville: NO! *Pansy looks stricken* I mean, YES!

MM: Can I join in?

Pansy: Ugh. No.

Neville: But I’ve never had two women at once. *silence for a minute* Come to think of it, I’ve never had one woman ever! C’mon, Pansy, be a sport!

Pansy never has a chance to answer. A conveniently thrown cardboard cutout towel hits her in the head and she is knocked out. Another one flies for Neville, and he joins Pansy on the floor. (A/N: NOT LIKE THAT, YOU PERV!) Another begins to aim at Moaning Myrtle, then realizes that she is already dead, so why try to kill her?

Cardboard Towel 1: Oh, I love being evil.

CT 2: Me, too. But it’s time to call in the reinforcements! Call for the reinforcements!

CT 1: Call for the reinforcements!

Extra CTs: Call for the reinforcements! (A/N: That was s’posed to be like Robin Hood: Men in Tights at the very end…if you ever saw it, that is)

Reinforcements show up: they are the previously seen Killer Cardboard Earmuffs that murdered poor Prof. Sprout. Poor old gal. She was a good one. Enough of the reminiscing.

Cardboard Earmuffs strangle first Pansy, then Neville, then try to kill Moaning Myrtle, too. They aren’t smart enough to notice she’s already dead.

Cardboard Earmuffs: *only words they know* We bad…We really bad… *evil giggle*

Follower No. 2: Get over here, you stupid Earmuffs! And don’t try to strangle me again!

The cardboard objects (all of them, even the towels) go join their mean owner and follower him back to his home.