Every Guy has a Soft Spot for a Cat

"So what's this Triple V business?" asked future Draco as they were led down a gloomy hallway by the She-Man bartender whose name they had learned was Norma.

"The Triple V represents everything we, the Butch, value in women...intelligence--"

"Ew."

"Feminism--"

"Double ew."

"And sex appeal--"

"Ah, so you finally found some hot chicks to bang you broads," Draco chimed.

Pansy elbowed him in the stomach. "He keeps escaping from his cage in the mental home, and I tell him not to follow me to work but he's like a puppy really..."

Norma scowled at Draco as if he were the spawn of all evil (aka a man) then smiled at Pansy as if she were a gift from the heavens (aka an attractive female). "I've always hated puppies."

Future Draco stifled a giggle as she turned and continued down the hallway.

"Yes, yes, ha ha...insert pussy joke here," Pansy snapped.

"I'm sorry..."Future Draco laughed. "It's just too irresistible." He collapsed on the floor in a fit. "Okay. Okay. Play it back for me."

"I've always hated puppies," Draco piped up, imitating Norma's manly demeanor perfectly.

"Is that because you hate dogs or because you just love pussy so much?" Future Draco shrieked.

Pansy finally understood the mindset of a kamikaze warrior. Perhaps they were plagued with idiotic blondes as well. She was about to give the pair a good talking to when Norma threw open a set of black iron doors. Flashing lights and bass heavy music pounded forth, stunning the group.

"Welcome...to the V Room."

***

"This is ridiculous," Harry snapped, yanking his underwear back on with vigor. "I'm Harry fucking Potter! I can't just sit here like a sissy and wait to take it like a man."

He jumped up and paced the room. "I can take it like a man when and where I want...and...and from whom I want! And...I want...I want to get the hell out of here..."

He froze. "No exits...no exits...crap no exits...except...the door." Certainly the door was locked. He stared at the wooden entryway and prayed. He prayed that pirates were as stupid as he hoped they were. Inch by inch he made his way toward the handle and curled his fingers around it. "Please let it be open...please let it be open."

Click.

"Holy shit, it's unlocked!?" He started into the corridor excitedly.

Pause.

"Fuck!" He scurried back into the room and began to tug furiously at the complex heels strapped to his calves. "Great idea, Harry. Run out into a ship full of sex crazed pirates ready to jump your bones wearing a trashy mini skirt and pumps. You're a fucking genius. Why don't you just slap a huge 'Shag Me Silly' sign on your back?"

He growled at the knot he was currently struggling with which seemed to be getting bigger rather than untangling. "No wonder girl's get so uppity when you ask about their periods and shit...if they put up with these awful contraptions..." Was that a thump-creak in the background?

"I mean, sure, they make your legs look great but--"

"Especially when the legs are as lovely as yours."

"Eep!"