Letters: Both Logical and Loony

Summary: During the time between the Golden Trio's sixth and seventh years, Luna Lovegood and Zacharias Smith become unlikely penpals. The two hash it out with their own particular brand of logic, and Zacharias is very set on finding out the exact nature of Luna and Harry's friendship. And why does Luna think Professor Trelawney is part-kelpie? One-shot.

Author's Notes Before Fic: This was written while inflicted with a stomach virus, so I hope I made this crack pairing somewhat feasible. Plus was inspired by an adorable letter fic by bribitribbit on Livejournal. And I am both a second language teaching/linguistics major. Be warned about the ramble ;-)

Author's Notes After Fic: As Luna may say, r&r per favore ;-)

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Luna Lovegood
Trying to confirm that Sputnickles exist
13 Aremis Lane
Isle of Wight, England

Dear Luna,

Even though you said that you would write first, I thought I should start since you most probably lost my address. I gave it to you again at the station, but you wrote it on the back of your hand then used it to wipe your forehead as you were walking away, so I doubt its permanence. I wrote your address promptly in my address book. Some people organize their address books by first name, whereas I know that the last name is the proper way to do it. But as both your given and surnames start with the same letter, there's no confusion or debate.

Anyway, you may have noticed that my address is in the top right hand of this parchment.

Yours Sincerely,
Zacharias Smith

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Zacharias Smith
Doubting the existence of things that can't be proven
84 Galleon Rd
Sussex, England

Hallo Zacharias! (it's not a typo, it's Norwegian)

Yes, I did smudge your address when I wiped my forehead. However because I was clever enough to write it with PermaInk, it stayed on my forehead and all I had to do was to look at myself in the mirror when I got home and copy down your address. People kept on giving me strange looks in the train, but I'm used to it. The only problem was that the ink took one week to wash off. I didn't plan for that. I thought it made me look quite distinguished, but I put a scarf around my head whenever I went outside because I know you wouldn't want any surprise guests. You can't be too careful in these times, you know. I think the scarf made me look a lot like Professor Trelawney. We both have large eyes - except I'm not part Kelpie.

Harry Potter told me on the train that they may be closing the school next year. Do you think that would happen? I would hate to think that it would. I would miss my favourite classes: Divination and Charms. What are your favourite classes?

Ha det! (goodbye)
Luna

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Luna Lovegood
Putting too much store by what Potter says
13 Aremis Lane
Isle of Wight, England

Dear Luna,

Of course they won't close the school next year. Potter is just boasting and trying to make it sound like he knows more than what he really does just to make himself look more important - as usual. Very few things are certain or constant these days - except Potter's attempts to steal the limelight. We'll only know for certain when we're contacted by our house heads.

I've never had much store with Divination. I chose not to take it as an elective during my third year. Arithmancy is more grounded in reality. I wish Hogwarts offered Alchemy as well - the study of magic through metals. I also never really took to Charms. While the subject is undoubtedly useful, I find it too noisy and disorderly to concentrate.

With the Norwegian, wouldn't you use something different to "Hello" to address a letter? After all, in English we use "Dear."

And Professor Trelawney is not part Kelpie!

Yours Sincerely,
Zacharias Smith

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Zacharias Smith
Refusing to believe the obvious simply because it comes from Harry
84 Galleon Rd
Sussex, England

Dear Zacharias,

Yes, I thought that maybe the Norwegians would use something different in their letters, but I couldn't find it. I've only been learning the language for five days.

And do we really have house heads? I've never noticed.

Harry - which is what he goes by - is not just boasting and trying to make it sound like he knows more than he really does. He said he wasn't sure and that Headmistress McGonagall would owl us over the holidays after the governors have met. He doesn't attempt to steal the limelight - it's forced upon him, actually.

I find Charms fun. We get stuff done, but Professor Flitwick doesn't mind if we talk about other things while we practice. I have class with the Gryffindors. Ginny Weasley is usually my partner. I do like her; she's very nice. I don't thing she likes you very much, you know. It seemed like she flew into you on purpose when you were commentating. Maybe you should be a bit fairer to Gryffindor next time.

When Ginny gets paired with someone else, I work with Colin Creevey. He's also very nice, but he asks a lot of questions about Harry. I don't mind though, actually. I think it's just his way of getting to know people.

And Trelawney is so part-Kelpie. That's why she drinks tea so much. Kelpies, if they are away from their ponds too long, get dehydrated notoriously quickly.

All the best,
Luna

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Luna Lovegood
Presiding over Potter's fan club
13 Aremis Lane
Isle of Wight, England

I can't believe that you're still standing by Potter! You're in Ravenclaw! You're meant to be intelligent! Potter has a proven track record of lying. That's why the Ministry took so long to believe him when he said that You-Know-Who had returned in my fifth year. He only had himself to blame, the whole "cry wolf" thing and all. Had he been a more reliable source, the Ministry would have believed him sooner and everyone would have been better-prepared and had less of a crisis on their hands.

Yes, we do have house heads. Yours is Flitwick, mine is Professor Sprout. Didn't you ever wonder why Flitwick was the only teacher who can get into your common room?

Trelawney is not - you know what? I've learned not to even debate these points with you anymore.

If I feel that players only gets placed on a team because they're friends with the captain, like the Weasleys, then I think it's my duty as the commentator to use the voice that I have been given and point it out, just as a reporter would. I admit that Ginny is a decent Quidditch player, but McLaggen was miles better than her brother in the tryout and Harry had Weasley defend against his own sister. How is that fair?

Yours Sincerely,
Zacharias Smith

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Zacharias Smith,
Being as stubborn as always
84 Galleon Rd
Sussex, England

Caro Zacharias, (Dear Zacharias)

I'd noticed that Flitwick was the only teacher who can access our dorms, but I always thought that was because he can walk through walls when he chooses. How fascinating.

Yes, I am in Ravenclaw. And I am indeed intelligent, actually. That's why I can look beyond the obvious and examine what is going on behind-the-scenes.

The articles Rita Skeeter wrote during Harry's fourth year (when he was a TriWizard champion, you know) were written that way to sell papers and create scandal. Which made it a lot harder for people to take him seriously and see him as anything more than a subject of gossip. And when you have someone like Fudge who prefers to avoid a crisis and who thinks that ignoring things will make it go away, he was only to happy to encourage the public to believe what Rita wrote. Rather than keeping the magical community safe, he wanted to hide the truth from them because he was more afraid that You-Know-Who coming back to power would reflect badly on him - as if anyone with half a brain would believe that he was responsible for that! Very selfish of him, you know.

Anyway, I have some things to tell you about Rita that may not make it so easy for you to believe her, but I can't really write them down here, you know. I'll give you a hint though actually, it has something to do with how Hermione and I could get her to write that article about Harry for free for The Quibbler last year. Do you think we could meet somewhere? I'll get my father to set up a Floo connection to your place. It's not really safe to discuss things like that by letter now, you know.

I can see that we're never going to agree about Harry, so I may as well move onto more pleasant things. Do you have any siblings? I don't, but I haven't been too bored because I have Pookie, our house elf, to keep me company during the day. Not that we would have enough money to buy a house elf "now, "but she has been passed through the family for generations. She's very proud for a house elf, but in a kind of house elfy way, if you know what I mean. If I try to make myself a cup of tea she gets angry with me, and if I ask her to sit down and have one with me, she says, "Don't be ridiculous! House elves don't sit! How preposterous!" and walks off. She's how I imagine Professor McGonagall would be like if she was a house elf, though you probably think it's a little odd to think what people would be like as house elves. I'm very lucky to have her. I think you'd turn out a bit selfish growing up as an only child, you know? Look at how many children the Weasleys have and they're such a nice family.

Anyway, I have to go because it's almost time to have lunch with my father. He is always busy being the editor of The Quibbler and this is a very busy time for him with You-Know-Who and all the rumours about him coming out, but he always makes sure he has a free hour in the middle of the day so we can have lunch together. It must be so nice for you being at home with your family.

Scrivi presto! (write soon)
Luna

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Luna Lovegood
Figuring out how to propose to Harry Potter
13 Aremis Lane
Isle of Wight, England

Dear Luna,

You can contact me by Floo anytime. I won't let on exactly when I'm home by owl because that's just stupid, but you know when you can reach me. We'll discuss when and where to meet then.

I haven't really seen my father since he came to pick me up from Hogwarts that day. He's always busy with work. If I ask to see him, he'll make some excuse about why he can't come, then send me a Cleansweep or some other kind of Quidditch-related present. I just wish he'd spend more time with me and less money on me, if you know what you mean. And incidentally, I'm an only child.

Maybe you're right about Potter. I know that I'm more skeptical than most people, but I'm not stubborn to the point where I can't be convinced by a good argument and sound facts. Still, it will be interesting to hear what you have to say about him.

Strangely, I don't think it's odd that you're comparing your house elf to McGonagall. For other people, maybe. But for you it just sounds normal.

What do you think will happen if the school is closed? Bit stupid, if you ask me. Even with Dumbledore gone, the school is so riddled with enchantments that it's the safest place by far for the students. And what about our education? How will we prepare ourselves against You-Know-Who if no-one's teaching us?

What was that language you were speaking in your last letter? It didn't sound Nordic.

Yours sincerely,
Zacharias Smith

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Zacharias Smith
Spending way too much time thinking about Harry's and my friendship
84 Galleon Rd
Sussex, England

U mè amicu Zacharias (my friend Zacharias),

That's what Harry's been owling me about, actually. He wants to set up a group to practice all the stuff we have been learning in DADA, like during the year we had that horrible woman Umbridge who wouldn't let us perform any of the spells.

I'm sorry your father doesn't spend more time with you. He would probably like to, but is just too busy. My father once told me that sometimes parents get so obsessed with providing for their families that they forget the most valuable thing they can give them is their time, you know. Maybe your father could get a time turner - oops, we smashed all of them that night in the Ministry. It's probably a good thing, you know. I've heard that time turners make you more susceptible to the Imperius Curse - but only if it's carried out by a Veela.

Yes, Hogwarts is the safest place for students, but you can't blame parents for wanting to keep their families close to them at a time like this. But if the school doesn't open over the holidays, then we'll have to find some other way of preparing ourselves. That's why I think it's so important for you to come to this meeting with me, you know.

I think I understand why parents want to keep their children at home, even though they know of all the protections around Hogwarts. Sometimes we make decisions with our hearts rather than our heads. The thing with Harry is that while I can prove to you that what he is saying is the truth, I can't prove to you that you can trust him. I can't prove to you that you can trust anyone, even me. That's something you'll have to decide for yourself.

And the language in my last letter was Italian, not Norwegian, actually. This is my new favourite proverb: "Tantu ch'eddu ci hè vita, ci hè speranza" (as long as there is life, there is hope). I think it applies to our situation very well.

I can't say much more in this letter, but you'll be hearing from me very soon.

Salutu! (Bye!)
Luna

* * * * *

Luna Lovegood
Finally making sense (sometimes)
13 Aremis Lane
Isle of Wight, England

Dear Luna,

It was nice to talk to you by Floo this evening and yes, I expect we'll be seeing each other soon (hint, hint). But I noticed that you were sneezing a lot at the time. Are you allergic to Floo powder?

Yes, I see what you mean about logic versus faith. Logic just feels so much more stable, I guess, and I know that nothing can be proven through faith alone, but somehow I feel as though I can trust you. I don't "know" it for a fact, but I just know. If you know what I mean. And I trust Harry too. I suppose. To an extent. But I don't have to like him.

I should be outraged by your comment about the Veelas, but now I only find things like that funny.

It seems like your Italian is better than your Norwegian, although I had no idea how similar it was to French.

Yours Sincerely,
Zacharias Smith

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Zacharias Smith,
Losing his faith in logic - Merlin's beard!
84 Galleon Rd
Sussex, England

Dear Zacharias,

Italian? That was Corsu (the language of Corsica). I got bored with Norwegian when I learned that there were 4 million speakers, and Italian has 60 million - that seemed like such a lot that I don't think they'd notice if there was one more or one less. Right now I'm learning Corsu, which has about 100,000 to 402,000 estimated speakers. Next week I'm going to start on Tayo, which has 2,000 speakers and is a French-derivated language in Noumea. Do you study any languages?

You're right that Corsu sounds like French. It is in fact a combination of French and Italian, but closer to Italian.

It was very nice of you to buy me that Butterbeer on Saturday. And when those Slytherin third years pushed past me and you steadied me in your arms, your hair smelled nice. I think you still use the same shampoo that you used at the Yule Ball. I had a good time dancing with you then, even though you didn't seem to be enjoying yourself very much. You're very bad at hiding it when you're bored, you can be very short with people, you know. It was good of you to dance with me so that Susan Bones could dance with Terry Boot. You're very good friends with her, aren't you? I don't think Terry wanted to take me to the Ball. I think by the time he asked Susan and she couldn't go because she was going with you, I was one of the last ones left. He didn't even laugh at my joke about the Hag, the Heliopath and the Humperdink. I don't think Susan should go out with Terry. He has no sense of humour.

Take care,
Luna

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Luna Lovegood
Attempting to be funny in this space
13 Aremis Lane
Isle of Wight, England

Dear Luna,

Well, like most wizards from the tradition families, the arts have been made a part of my education. Since Hogwarts is very backwards and doesn't allow us to study languages, I have private tutors during the holidays. I've been studying French since I was five - it's usually the language that the old-money families study and up until recently, we spoke French at home, not English. I also started learning German when I was twelve. I prefer German to French, it's a very logical, orderly language. I speak French quite well now but with all the noun genders and irregular verbs and conjugations, it's a real mess. And it's very different to the other romance languages as well.

Personally I find French and German more useful languages to study than Corsu and Tayo, they're much more widely spoken and very important diplomatic languages in Europe.

If Terry Boot didn't want to go to the ball with you, then that's his problem. He should have been happy that he found someone nice enough to agree to go with him and Floo around at the last minute trying to find a dress, and who danced with another partner so that he could dance with Susan.

And I didn't look angry because I was dancing with you. I looked angry because I was giving the evil eye to some Gryffindors who were making fun of - nevermind.

Yes, Susan and I are good friends. We live next door to each other but I don't find her very pretty, do you?

Yours Sincerely,
Zacharias Smith

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Zacharias Smith
Needlessly insulting people
84 Galleon Rd
Sussex, England

Zacharias Bartholomew Smith!

How could you say such a cruel thing about one of your friends? I think that Susan is one of the prettiest girls in your house, actually. That was a terrible thing to say, and simply, not true. Lies make you more susceptible to Trollpox, you know. And you're a Hufflepuff. And you're you. Why would you, who hates lies so much, say something that was so blatantly untrue to one female friend about how another female friend looks?

Oh.

Not quite believing it,
Luna

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Luna Lovegood
Not realising her own worth
13 Aremis Lane
Isle of Wight, England

Dear Luna,

Believe it.

Waiting for the next available Knight Bus to the above address,
Zacharias Smith

The End