Harry Potter and the Adventure He Affectionately Calls Life

"Hmm?"

"What was I petrified of?"

Harry sighed. "Not petrified like scared. Petrified like by the basilisk. You were literally frozen for a while. The only thing that kept us going was knowing that we hadn't lost you forever. Well, that, and that I had to go save the world again."

"My hero," Hermione joked.

Harry grinned. " Harry said. "Believe me. I do not have sexy women taking their clothes off and begging me to be with them and swooning and calling me their hero."

Hermione laughed. "So Ron's scared of spiders. Is he scared of anything else?"

"Probably," Harry said. "But then, aren't we all?"

"I guess so... Hey, Harry?"

"Hmm?"

"What am I scared of?"

"Not getting a peot; Harry teased.

Hermione blushed. "Seriously!" She yawned.

"Tired?"

"A little."

"Why don't you go on and take a nap," Harry suggested. "It's been a long day, and it's already past noon."

"That's a good idea. What are you going to do?"

Harry snorted. "Are you kidding? I'm going back to bed!"

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Tomás Crivellare paced around his room in his pajamas, green silk boxers and a matching button down shirt. "Miss Granger has lost her mind," he seethed, pacing around the room. "Mr. Potter decides it would be funny to reconcile with Malfoy. Why does Harry Potter insist on fucking up my plans all the time?!" He glanced at the model on his Nymphs in the Nude calendar, a tall blonde taking off her bright pink bikini top. "Why?" he asked her with an odd calmness after his recent outburst. He looked at the clock. Interesting, he thought. One week from today is Valentine's Day. And the poor group will be torn apart if they aren't the perfect little organization of do-gooders. It would be best that I aid Miss Granger in the recovery of her memories. After all, we wouldn't want Mr. Weasley to be alone on Valentines Day, would we?

He smiled a cold smile at the calendar, running his index finger over where her bikini top should have been. I'd best do some investigations. What place better to start than the house of goodness itself, Gryffindor House? He changed into something a bit more decent than silk boxers and ran a comb through his hair. He smiled at his reflection, thankful that he had his charming good looks.

He headed towards the Gryffindor Common Room only to be stopped by his first obstacle: a painting of an Extremely Fat, Pink, and Ugly Blob. I think it's supposed to be a girl, he though. I think.... Through experience, Tomás had learned that women were suckers for men with accents. In Great Britain, someone from Italy definitely had an accent.

"Ciao, signora!" he greeted her.

"Why, hello there," the Pink Blob greeted in response.

"You speak Italian?"

"No. We had a transfer student from Italy a while ago, and I learned some from him. Just a few phrases."

"I see. I am Tomás Crivellare, Albus Dumbledore's guest for the term."

"Oh, yes. I've seen you around, Mr Crivellare," the Pink Blob said, blushing. "What brings you to Hogwarts?"

"Personal business."

"At Gryffindor Tower?"

He shrugged. "It's personal. Might I enter?"

"Sure," the Pink Blob said.

"Oh, wait!" he interrupted. "Not just yet. If you're ever allowed out of the painting... my room is just down the hall..."

The Pink Blob blushed some more. "I'm not allowed out without the permission of the Headmaster and Professor McGonagall."

"Well, if you ever receive that permission..." He nodded his head in the direction of his room suggestively. "You know where to find me."

The Pink Blob giggled into flirtatious giggles. "You may enter, Mr. Crivellare," she said, smiled lovingly at him.

"Ciao, bella," he said to her, rolling his eyes once he knew she couldn't see. She won't bother me anymore. He looked around the Gryffindor Common Room with interest, looking for anything that might aid him in his quest for information. There were two paintings in the room. Above the fireplaceindor. On the opposite wall was a painting of a brave knight slaying a dragon.

"Excuse me, sir," he said to the knight. "Perhaps you might be able to help me?"

"Sure," the knight said, taking deep breaths after his fight with the dragon.

"Do you know anything about Hermione Granger and her friend Harry Potter?"

"Sure. Great kids, the two of them. Saw 'em this morning, matter a' fact. Went down for breakfast and obviously had a serious talk. Came back and she kissed him!"

"Really?" This gets more and more interesting. Mr. Potter, who knew you were practically tabloid material?

"Yeah." The knight shrugged, taking a pink lace hanky and wiping blood off of his blade. "Then they went back to talking again. Kids, you know?"

"Indeed." This idiot is of no use. I must find out what they talked about downstairs. "Well, thank you, sir. You've been most kind."

"Hey, part of the job," the knight said, grinning modestly. "A knight's job is never done."

"Whatever," Tomás said, rolling his eyes and leaving the room.

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Tomás found himself in the company of a most unusual house-elf. Dobby.

"Dobby heard Harry Potter and his Mione talking," he said, sounding proud of himself.

"Oh?" Tomás asked, leaning closer across the table and toying with the wrappers of a Chocolate Frog. He smiled at the picture of Rowena Ravenclaw. She was, after all, quite the looker.

"And young Malfoy was with them, too, he was."

"What did they say?" Tomás wanted to know.

Dobby shrugged. "They was talking about how to bring back the memories. I was not paying attention. Dobby must do work, you know. Dobby must get paid."l (Web)" align="left" style="margin: 1.74mm 0.00mm 1.74mm 0.00mm; padding: 0.00mm 0.00mm 0.00mm 0.00mm; ">

"Did you hear anything about them? Anything at all?"

Dobby strained to hear. He frowned, about to say no, then his eyes light up. "Yes! Dobby heard young Malfoy tell Harry Potter that if his Mione and young Malfoy... um..." Dobby blushed.

"What?"

"You know..."

"No," Tomás said with an air of impatience in his voice. "I don't know."

"Had sex."

"Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy? Sexing?"

"No, no, no," Dobby said, shaking his head feverishly. "IF they... then his Mione would feel like she was with a stranger. And she would remember Wheezy."

A grin spread itself over Tomás' face as he realized what the elf was trying to tell him. "Very smart," he mused. "Very, very smart." He bit into the apple. "Well," he said with his mouth full. "You've been most helpful." He tossed a small pouch of gold galleons onto the table for Dobby.

"Thank you!" Dobby said with delight as he picked up the pouch and counted the coins.

"Thank you," Tomás said, tossing the bit apple onto the table as well.

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Harry made himself comfortable on the couch and looked at the clock. Lana, Ginny, and Ron were due back in about ten minutes.

"What are you waiting for?" Hermione asked, sitting herself down on the couch with him.

"Lana, Ginny, and Ron. They'll be back soon."

"Oh." She nervously twirled a curl of hair around her finger. "Do you think they would mind if I waited, too?"

"I think they would be really happy if you did that," Harry said.

"Okay." She smiled at him, and then stared into the fireplace.

Harry laughed. "Stare all you want, Hermione. It won't make them come any faster."

"I know," she said. "I wasn't even looking for that. The fire's pretty."

"Yeah, it is. It'll be better when it turns green."

"Green?! Cool!"

er."

"I don't know what that is," she reminded him sadly.

"You'll remember. I promise." Harry took her tiny hand in his. "If I have to make a bargain with Voldemort himself, I promise you that you will remember everything."
Hermione bit her lower lip and blushed. "That's quite a promise, Harry."

"I meant every word."

"I know." Her eyes brightened. "It's turning green, Harry! Look!"

Harry looked toward the fireplace, the flames just beginning to turn green. "They're coming back!"

Sure enough, Ginny was the first to slide out of the fireplace. "Ugh!" she exclaimed. "I do this so many times, yet I never get used to it. I'm going for a shower."

"I missed you, too, Gin," Harry called after her as she headed up the stairs.

"Oh yeah. I MISSED YOU, HARRY!" Ginny yelled from the girls bathrooms.

Harry chuckled and looked toward the fire, wondering which Weasley would come through next.

"Hiya, Harry!" Ron greeted him.

"Ron! Hi! How's Charlie? Who's the girl? What's she like? How are your pHow was Romania?"

Ron laughed. "One at a time, mate. One at a time. Charlie's great, the girl's name is Andromeda. She works with dragons, too. Charlie's head over heels for her. My parents are fine, everyone else is fine, and Romania was fun, but not the same without you and Hermione." His eyes traveled to her, shyly looking at him from the couch. "Hey, Herm."

"Hi."

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess." She shrugged.

"That's good."

"Yeah..."

"Harry!" Lana came through the fireplace and ran into Harry's arms.

"Hey, you," he said, dusting off some soot from her face. "See, I didn't forget you."

"Good," she said, reaching up to kiss him. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," he told her, holding her tight.

"I missed you more," she said with a grin on her face.

"No," Harry told his girlfriend. "I missed you more."

"No, I did."

"I did."

"I did."

"I did."

"I did."

"ENOUGH ALREADY!" Ron yelled. "SHUT UP. Lana... go to your room. Harry... just... go."

"I missed you, Ron," Harry said, grinning sweetly at his best friend.

"Oh, sod off."

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Hermione woke up with a start in the middle of the night. She looked over, but Lana was not in her bed. Hermione slipped on a pair of fuzzy slippers and tip-toed quietly out of the girl's dormitory. She heard Lana's voice first coming from downstairs. Hermione assumed it was Harry and Lana being together, then she heard a different voice. Lana was talking to someone, but it wasn't Harry.

"I can't believe you're just going to sit there and do nothing," Lana was saying.

Hermione tiptoed to the stairs and peeked down. Lana and Ron were in their pajamas on the couch; Ron was clearly upset.

"What do you want me to do, Lana?" he demanded. "Force her to get her memories back?"

"Well, I didn't say that," Lana said crossly. "I just said that it's so stupid of you to just sit there and be like, 'Hermione, my love, you take your sweet little time while I sit here and be miserable.' I'm telling you, cuz, Ginny and Draco are starting to talk again, and they might get back together. And I don't see any problems for Harry and myself in the near future. You're going to be all alone because Hermione is doing her best to try to remember and you're doing nothing. Oh, but you won't even look at another girl because you're so in love with Herm. You didn't even tell your parents! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Ron nodded. "Lana, I'm not going to do anything. When she's ready, she'll come to me. Until then, I just want her to be okay."

Lana smiled sadly at her cousin. Hermione could see the pity in her eyes. I hate thunderstorms? Hermione wondered. "I'm going to sleep," Lana said to Ron. "I wonder if Herm's back from the library yet."

"Probably," Ron said. "It's late, even for her."

Hermione had told the others that she was going to the library to study. No one had been surprised at this. Hermione assumed that going to the library was something she did often. Please don't let her see me, Hermione begged as she crouched in the shadows as Lana passed. Please... please... please... She held her breath and tried to be as still as she could until she heard the door open and close and the rustle of the covers on Lana's bed. Ron was still downstairs, staring into the fireplace.

"Ron?"

"Hermione! What are you still doing awake?"

She wondered for a moment if telling Ron she heard their conversation would be the best thing. "I couldn't sleep," she lied.

"Oh. Something on your mind?"

"No..."

"Oh. Well, you can join me if you want," he told her. "I'm not sure how much company I'll be, though."

"I'll take my chances," Hermione said with a small smile, sitting down and curling her feet underneath her.

"Okay." Ron looked at her.

"Hey Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I'm such a bother."

Ron did a double-take. "A bother? Hermione, you're not a bother."

"Yes I am," she said sadly. I heard you and Lana talking."

"Oh?" he asked rather nervously, looking like the twins when they were caught doing something they knew they were not supposed to be doing.

"Yeah."

"How much?"

"The later half."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Hey, Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"So we're really together."

"Yeah."

"Since September, right?"

"Yeah! You remember?" Ron looked hopeful.

"I heard you and Lana talking, remember?"

"Yeah." Ron's disappointment was more than evident.

Hermione took a deep breath. "Over the weekend, I heard Harry and Draco talking about me. They thought I couldn't hear them but I could. They said that if I was with you... like with you, then I would recognize how familiar you are to me and remember."

"Malfoy said that?"

"Yeah. It sounds like a good plan."

"So what do you want me to do?" he asked her.

"Kiss me like you did when we were together."

"Um... okay.&quoso he was facing her. "Um... is now okay?"

"Now's as good a time as any."

"Right." He leaned forward and kissed her stiffly.

She pulled away from him almost immediately. "No, Ron. You have to kiss me like you mean it. I know it's weird; it's weird for me, too. But you could help me remember, Ron."

Ron took a deep breath. "Okay," he nodded. "Let's try this again."

Hermione giggled nervously. "Okay." She saw him lean down and kiss her. It was the kind of kiss she had read in her books and seen Harry and Lana sneak when they thought no one was looking. She closed her eyes and deepened the kiss, hoping that thek to her.

Ron pulled away a bit later and stared hard into her eyes. "Do you remember me, Hermione?" he asked her. "Do you know who I am?"