Harry Potter and the Adventure He Affectionately Calls Life

The girls met Harry and Ron in the common room. The first thing Ron noticed was the fact that his sister and his cousin were both wearing spew pins.
"Hermione, you didn't," he moaned.
"I did," she said proudly.
"I don't care who did what. I'm hungry." Harry led the way down.
"Hi, Ginny," Dean Thomas said shyly at the entrance to the Great Hall. "Can I talk to you?"
"Sure." She turned to the others. "I'll see you later."
Ron started grumbling and muttering. Harry, Hermione, and Lana could only make out a few words of what he was saying. "...Ginny... grumble, grumble... Dean... mutter, mutter... better if... fancied Harry... grumble....mutter...girls..."
Hermione rolled her eyes as she sat down.
Schedule cards were given out. Harry recieved his first. He groaned. "Potions first. Slytherin."
"Shot working with Hermione!" Lana yelled immediately.
"When do we have Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Ron wanted to know.
Harry scanned his card. "Last. Figures."
Ron recieved his card. "We have a small break before Potions," he noticed.
"I hmm"

After five full years at Hogwarts, Harry was sure that he had seen everything. There are no words to describe the shocked look on his face when he walked into the potions class.
"Hello, Potter," Snape said, smiling down at him.
"Hello, Professor," Harry replied, slightly suspicious.
Behind Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Lana, Crabbe and Goyle walked in clutching their stomachs.
"Professor," Goyle grunted, "I think we ate to much at the feast."
"Yes," Crabbe said monotonously. "After so long away from this castle that we affectionately call our home away from home, we must become accustomed to it once again."
"Wow," Hermione whispered to Lana. "I didn't know that his vocabulary was so big!"
"Well," Professor Snape said kindly. "Why don't you two go down to Madame Pomfrey. Stay there as long as you like."
"Thank you, Professor," said Crabbe. "Lets go."
"Class, quiet down." He waited for the murmurs in the room to stop. "We are going to try a new potion today. Due to the extreme level of difficulty, you will be working in groups of threes. And I will be assigning the partners."
"Damn," Ron muttered to Harry. "Looks like we won't be working together.
Harry nodded in agreement.
"Let's see... Potter, Granger, and Mr. Weasley..."
Harry high-fived his friend. Then he saw Lana, looking a little upset. "Don't worry, Lana. I'm sure you'll be fine." He gave her a supportive hug before Hermione dragged him by his collar so she could get started.
Snape continued to read out the list. "...Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle..."> "Uh... sir?" Draco said timidly. "Goyle and Crabbe aren't here."
"Oh, yes. Well, you can work with Lana then."
Lana gulped, but bravely headed to Draco's seat.
"Poor girl," Hermione and Ron said in unison.
"Yeah. Poor Lana," Harry agreed.
"Hi, Lana," Draco said. "Shall we?"
"No."
"Good. I'll get the equipment." Draco left her for a moment. Lana looked to Harry's group. Harry caught her eye and smiled at her. She smiled back.
"I'm back."
"Hi. Let's get started."
"You know, Lana. I'm Snape's favorite student."
"Are you really?"
Draco nodded, looking very proud of himself. "I'm a great asset to have around. I see you've been with Potter and crew lately." He snickered. "Not a smart move. In fact, I thought I saw him hug you before."
"Yeah, he did."
Draco raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. "You know, Lana, I set us up."
It was Lana's turn to raise an eyebrow.
"I told Snape, and he told Crabbe and Goyle to say what they did. This way I could work with you."
"I see..."
Draco laughed. "Do you really think those two idiots knew those words? Their vocabulary doesn't go beyond 'food.'" He laughed nastily again.
Behind them, Harry wasn't concentrating much. Hermione was doing the work while Ron consoled Harry.
"It's okay, mate," Ron said. "I don't like my cousin working with him."
"You don't like your cousin working with your cousin?0" Hermione asked.
"No. I don't."
"But Ron," Harry moaned. "I want her to be my girlfriend." Then, upon r "Of course not, Harry."
"Ten points from Gryffindor," Snape declared, looming over them. "Making Miss Granger do everything."
In front of them, Draco hadn't given up. "You know, Lana, my parents are very influenctial in the Ministry of Magic..." Not a single ingredient had been touched.
"Ten points to Slytherin," Snape said, seeing them.
"But Professor," Harry protested, standing up. "They haven't done anything! At least we're working!"
"Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy is being gracious enough to get our new student accustomed to our school. You being Lana's cousin's best friend, I would think you would be a little more understanding. Five points from Gryffindor for your outburst. Now sit down and get to work."
Harry sat down. "But that isn't fair!"
"I am the person in charge. Hence I will tell you what is fair and what isn't."
Harry said nothing. After Snape left, he caught Lana looking at him, giving him the same supportive smile he had given her.
"It's almost over," she mouthed at him, looking at the hourglass. "Soon."

___________________________________________________________________

As soon as Professor Snape dismissed his class, Lana flew into Harry's arms. "That was the worst thing I have ever had to do," she exclaimed. Harry tightened his holdt;
"Lana, if we're going to get through this year, you're going to have to do it some more," Hermione told her.
"Hermione," Lana whined. "I don't wanna do this anymore. You play."
"Right," Hermione scoffed. "Because we look exactly alike."
"I don't know," Lana said. "But I quit. I'm leaving." Yet she made no move from Harry's embrace. They walked that way, his arm around her waist, Ron and Hermione bickering behind them.
"What class do we have next," Ron asked.
"Herbology," Harry told him, leading the way to the green houses.
On their way out of the castle, Hermione stopped them. "Look!" she exclaimed, shaking Ron's shoulder. "It's him!" She sighed dreamily.
Harry followed her gaze to a familar figure. His golden hair shone in the sunlight, and he wore lavender robes. Harry frowned. "Is that..."
"Lockhart?" Ron finished, squinting.
The figure turned. "Yes, Gilderoy Lockhart." He smiled down at Ron and patted his head. "Would you like my autograph?"
"No."
"Are you sure?" Lockhart bent down. "Say, have we met?"
"You're the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, aren't you?" Ron demanded.
"I am?" Lockhart looked pleased. "That's fascinating! Are you sure we haven't met?"
"We have. In the hospital last year."
Lockhart nodded knowingly. "Yes, yes. Roland, isn't it?"
"Ronald."
"Yes, yes, of course. Well, Donald, would you like my autograph?"
Ron rolled his eyes while Hermione swooned.
"C'mon, Donald," Harry said. "We have class!"

Word spread fast around Hogwarts, it seemed. All the professors seemed to know that it was Lana that Draco was after, and most of the professors seemed to pity her. They found ways of showing it.
"Hello, Professor Sprout," Lana said when she went into the greenhouse.
"Oh, goodness, child, you remembered my name! Five points to Gryffindor!"
In Charms, Professor Flitwick was teaching the students how to levitate an object, and then twirl it in the air.
"You all know Wingardium Leviosa, I assume. Now, when it's up in the air, I want you to say Spinosa."
Lana, who had never done this in her life, could not even life the feather off the table top.
"That's okay," Flitwick said kindly. "A very good attempt. Class dismissed early."

___________________________________________________________________

"Divination time," Harry said to Hermione as he walked to the Divination tower. Ron had forgotten his charts in get them. Lana had gone with him. Harry briefly heard her saying something about needing to re-gloss. Or was it floss?
"Aw, Harry, try to look a little excited. Professor Trelawney loves you," Hermione pointed out.
"WE LOVE YOU, HERM-ERM!" the twins chorused as their paths crossed.
"I LOVE YOU, TOO," Hermione yelled back sarcastically.
"Ron loves you, too," George said.
"Yeah." Fred nodded in agreement. He bent down on one knee and kissed Hermione's hand. "Will you marry our brother?"
Hermione snatched her hand back. "Get lost, the both of you," she said.
Harry looked at Hermione strangely.
"Don't look at me like that," she said.
Harry shook his head. "Nothing."
"What have we got after Divination?" she asked, to lazy to take out her own schedule card.
"Uh..." Harry reached into the pocket of his robes for his. "Lunch. Then a break. Then Defense against the Dark Arts."
"I bet you're looking foward to that, Potter," Draco sneered. "Dumbledore's favorite student."
"I am looking foward to it," Harry said coolly. "Professor Dumbledore is a great man."
"And a great professor," Hermione chimmed in.
"Ah, shut up, Mudblood," Draco told her.
"After three years, can't you think of something better to call me?" Hermione asked.
"Mudblood," Lana said. "You called Hermione that in your second year. Then Ron tried to defend her and told you to eat slugs, but that didn't work and he ended up spitting them out instead." Harry assumed she had gone to re-gloss because her lips were shiny pink and smelled of cherries.
"Yeah," Draco said nostalgically. "That was greon, Harry," Lana said. "Let's go. Divination."
"Yay," Ron said. "More ways for Professor Trelawney to figure out a slow and painful death for Harry to die."
Draco laughed. "You must not be very popular," he said. Then to Lana, he said, "I will see you later." He kissed the air in her direction and rejoined Crabbe and Goyle.
"Hermione?"
"Yes, Lana?"
"Can I kill Draco."
Hermione laughed. "No."
"But he's so mean! He called you a Mudblood!"
"That doesn't bother me."
"You should kill him."
"Hermione's not getting into any more of Draco's taunts," Ron vowed. "I'm fed up of the way he treats her."
Hermione looked genuinely shocked. "Thanks, Ron," she said quietly.
Ron smiled at her. "No problem."
Lana sighed. She looked around and smiled. "Divination, anyone?"
"Nah..." Harry, Hermione, and Ron said in unison, climbing the ladder to the Divination tower.

___________________________________________________________________

After Divination was over, there were butterflies in Harry's stomach.
"Does Hermione walk you guys to class everyday?" Lana asked. "It's kind of a waste for her to climb up that damned ladder, persoclass. I don't get it."
"Me either." Harry shrugged. "She's never done that before."
Lana shrugged.
"Hey, Harry," Ron said from the bottom of the ladder where Hermione was waiting. "The next class we have is Dumbledore's!" Ron looked as excited as Harry felt.
"I know! I can't wait!"
"I know! I can't wait!" Harry whirled around at the sound of Draco's imitation of him.
"Hello, Potter," he spat. "Weasley. Granger." He frowned. "Where's Lana?"
Now Harry frowned. She had just been by his side a second ago. He looked around. Lana was crouched behind Ron and Hermione. She shook her head. Harry sighed. "I don't know. I think she went to use the bathroom."
"Oh. Well, I'll just see her at lunch." He shrugged and went his own way.
"Lana Weasley, that's not part of the plan!" Hermione yelled as soon as Draco was out of earshot.
"I don't care!" Lana yelled back. "I don't want to play him anymore." She stormed off in the direction of the Gryffindor tower.
"Lana! Wait!" Harry shot a glare at Hermione, then ran off to find her.

___________________________________________________________________

"Satyr," Lana told the Fat Lady in the portrait.
"Sorry, not the passw head.
Lana sighed in frustration. "You know I'm in Gryffindor anyway," she pointed out. "What does it matter?"
The Fat Lady considered this. "You know, you're right! You're absolutely right!"
Lana beamed.
"But I can't. School rules, you know."
"Centaur," Harry said.
"Correct!" She looked at Lana. "You can go in, too." She nodded her head in the direction of the common room, as if she were doing Lana some huge favor.
"Thanks." Lana rolled her eyes.
"So," Harry said quietly, sitting down on one of the armchairs by the fire. "What's up?"
"Nothing."
"I somehow doubt that."
"It's Hermionie! She doesn't let up! I don't want to play this stupid game anymore. A, it's horribly cruel. B, Draco's an ass. C, I want to spend time with you and Ron. Not Draco."
"What about Hermione?"
"Fuck Hermione," Lana said angrily. "She's pushing me to do something I don't want to do. Why I can't just tell Draco that I'm already with you is beyond me."
Harry said nothing.
"What do you want," Lana wanted to know?"
"What do you mean?"
Lana sighed, sinking into the chair beside Harry. "What's your opinion on this ridiculous game?"
"I think it's pretty dumb. I've become so used to Malfoy and the crap he throws my way that it doesn't bother me anymore."
"Well, according to Hermione, you have a weapon to get rid of all of his shit. According to Hermione, we'd be asshole's to throw that away."
Harry stared into the fire. "I guess that makes us assholes, then."
Lana was shocked. "Really?
"Of courseto the best school in the entire world. Don't waste it for something as worthless as Malfoy."
"Well, Ron was right."
"About what?" Harry asked, now amused.
"You really are the most unselfish person ever."
Harry blushed. "Not really, but that's okay."
For a while neither of them spoke. Lana was quite comfortable listening to the crackle from the fire and Harry's heart beat.
"You know what I think?" Lana said suddenly.
"No," Harry said, shifting so he could see her face. "Tell me."
"I think Hermione's jealous. I think she's head over heels in love with you, and if I spend all my time with Draco, she can have you all to herself."
Harry chuckled. "I somehow doubt that."
"Me, too. I think she's in love with my cousin. Ron, that is, not the Twins from Hell."
"You think Hermione likes Ron?"
Lana nodded sincerely.
"I thought I was the only one who noticed that connection." Harry shook his head in amazement. "Wow!"
"So what are we going to do about it?" Lana asked.
"I don't know. You work on your cousin, I'll work on Hermione."
"Okay." She grinned. "Can we make their lives a living hell?"
"Absolutely." He leaned close and kissed her softly. "Not."
"Damn."
Harry kissed her again.
Just then the clock struck the hour. Harry and Lana had missed lunch and their break. For some reason, Harry wasn't hungry in the least. It was time for Dumbledore's class!

"There you two are!" Ron said as Harry and Lana stepped out the Gryffindor Common Room. "I've been looking for you everywhere."
"You weren't at lunch," Hermione pointed out.
"Yeah, I know. Lana and I were talking," Harry explained.
"About what?" Hermione wanted to know.
"Stuff," Lana told her. "Just random stuff."
"How random?"
"Hermione, calm down," Ron told her. "You're not Rita Skeeter, you know."
"I know, but still."
"Oh," Lana said. "Harry and I are assholes."
"I know," Ron said, laughing. "You didn't have to tell me that."
"Shut up, Ron," Harry said, laughing as well.
"No," Lana said seriously. "Hermione, you said that Harry and I were assholes to throw away the opportunity to get back at Draco through me, right?"
Hermione nodded, narrowing her eyes.
"Well, that's what we're doing. I'm going to tell Draco that I'm with Harry and that he should leave me alone."
Hermione sighed in frustration. "Lana! It's not just about Harry!" She tugged at her pony-tail, tightening it. "It's about defending everyone. Harry. Ron. Me. Neville. Ginny. The house-elves. Everyone."
"So I'm a tool in your S.P.E.W. project?" Lana asked quietly.
"Of course not, it's just that..." Hermione broke off, unsure of what to say.
"What?" Lana asked. "What is it?" She looked huhope, as a chance to make things better for the rest of the school. You came... like a hurricane. Hurricane Lana. That's the only way I can think of to describe it. So powerful, so different. You took us three by storm. Well, maybe not Ron, but me and Harry. You were so different, Lana, and people listened to you." She laughed semi-bitterly. "I mean, c'mon, if you could control Fred and George..." She shook her head. "When I saw how Harry liked you, I didn't really think anything of it. I mean, I was happy for you, Harry, but... Anyway, then when I saw how Malfoy kept persuing you, I was amazed at how two completely different people could suddenly have something in common: you. Then the wheels started turning, I never stopped to consider your opinion in this, too."
No body said anything. Harry and Ron looked at each other questioningly.
"C'mon, Ron," Harry said. "Let's go inside."
Ron followed Harry, leaving Hermione and Lana to talk.
"Well?" Hermione said. "What is it?"
Lana stared at her.
"Say something," Hermione begged. "Anything."
Lana just looked at her some more.
"Dammit, Lana, don't do that. I understand a hundred percent if you hate me. Hell, I would probably hate myself, too."
"You see me as a beacon of hope?"
Hermione looked down, embarrassed. "Yeah."
"Hermione, that's so sweet." She gave Hermione a hug. "You're awesome, Hermione, really you are. But I don't want to do this. It's just not fair on me. And it's not fair on Harry. And even though no one cares, it's not fair on Draco, either."
"I know," Hermione said, hanging her head down in shame. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Hermione, I told you. If we are going to be sharing the neends over-look something like this."
Hermione couldn't say anything. She was smiling so hard, Lana thought her cheeks would crack off any second now.
"Just don't let it happen again," Lana warned, laughing.

___________________________________________________________________

"What do you think's going to happen out there?" Ron asked.
"I'm not sure," Harry admitted.
"Lana's tough. If she's angry enough, she'll kill Hermione!"
"I don't think she'll kill Hermione. But I'm glad she refused to go along with this plan. I do believe it was quite useless."
"Yeah... But Hermione had a point. Lana was our chance to make Hogwarts a better place. For you, for me, for the entire Hogwarts race..."
"Ron?"
"Yes?"
"Stop."
"Right."
Harry was about to say something when Lana and Hermione walked in. They were smiling and chatting as if the arguement had never happened. Hermione walked by him first, then Lana. Harry reached out and caught her hand. "What happened?"
"I'm a free girl," she responded, grinning.
"In my class, Miss Weasley," Professor Dumbledore said, walking into the room. "You are all free. If you are uninterested, you may leave at any time. Whether that rule follows true with your new teacher or noatched as their headmaster walked to the front of the classroom. He conjured up a comfortable arm chair with his want and sat down.
"Well," he said pleasantly. "Shall we begin?"
Ron timidly raised his hand.
"Yes, Mr. Weasley."
"Well, sir, I was just wondering..."
"As to your new professor?"
Ron nodded.
"I cannot tell you that at the moment. You will all find out in two weeks."
"I just wanted to know if our teacher was a double?"
"Excuse me?"
"Well, have we had him or her yet?"
Professor Dumbledore laughed. "You are referring to Guilderoy Lockhart's visit to the castle, are you not?"
Ron nodded.
"He was here for a photo shoot. We needed a grand looking castle. What better castle is there than Hogwarts?"
The class murmured it's agreement.
"And now, if you will kindly notice, there are mirrors stationed everywhere. You'll find that there is one mirror per student."
Harry looked around. Indeed, there were mirrors, but Harry suspected they had just magically appeared.
"And now, class, welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts!"

___________________________________________________________________

Professor Dumbledore waited until the class had settled down. They had erup, bowing and causing the class to laugh. He look out his wand and waved it, causing royal purple curtains to appear, surrounded the mirrors.
The class ooh-ed and aah-ed.
"In a few minutes, you will all go to a mirror. You will find that there is one for each of you, as I mentioned just a few minutes ago."
Ron leaned close to Harry. "We get the four in the back," he whispered.
Professor Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "It appears that the four mirrors in the back have been reserved for Mr. Potter, Miss Granger, and Mr and Miss Weasley."
He's so cool! Lana thought in amazement. She thought about how lucky she was to have him as a teacher. She had never had Quirell, and she had never had Umbridge. And she had never had any of the professors in between. But Ron had written enough about them to know that having Professor Dumbledore as a teacher was as good as it gets.
"Now let me explain what you are going to see in the mirrors. Some of you may have heard of the Mirror of Erised." Professor Dumbledore seemed to be looking directly and Harry and Ron when he said this, and Lana knew why. Ron had written and said that you could see your wildest dreams come true when you looked in the mirror. "This is nothing like that. First you will see yourself. Your reflection will talk to you for a minute. Yes, it will seem strange, but just wait. Your reflection will then change to someone you hold a grudge against. Keep in mind, my young scholars, that this is completely different from someone you hate. Someone tell me someone you hate."
"Voldemort," Neville said quietly, forgetting to raise his hand.
"An excellent example, Mr. Longbottom. Take five points for Gryffindor. In the mirror, you will not see Voldemort. You will merely see someone you hold a grudge against. Or someone you thought negatively about."
xplain. I personally have a goal. I want to go for a hundred days without getting anything caught in my beard. And let me tell you, that would be a huge accomplishment for me."
Some people laughed. Lana shook her head, thinking again how fortunate she was.
"I'm up to day 79 now. But let us say that I was up to day 99. On that last day, I am walking down the hallway with some thing in my hand when someone calls my name. Out of reflex, I turn around. Sounds normal, right? When I turn around, I get my hand caught, thus getting that object caught in my beard, thus not being able to fulfil my goal. Naturally I would be a bit wary next time I tried it and saw that person, would I not?"
The class murmured its agreement.
"That person who called my name would be the face I saw in the mirror. So you may see your best friend who borrowed your hair brush and didn't give it back to you at that particular time whn your crush came walking by and saw you with your hair messed up. It's okay. Do not panic if that is who you see in the mirror."
Hermione raised her hand.
"Yes, Miss Granger. A question?"
"Yes, Professor. I was just wondering how exactly this applies to the Defense Against the Dark Arts."
"Ah, an excellent question, Miss Granger. "This is the first step. Eventually, you will see Death Eaters and Dementors in the mirror. Eventually, you will need to be able to conjure up a Patronus. I trust you all know how to do that?" Professor Dumbledore looked directly at Harry. Once again, Lana knew why. Hermione had organized a group entitled Dumbledore's Army where Harry taught students Defense Against the Dark Arts when that incompetent Umbridge woman refused to do anything.
"Thank you, sir," Hermione said.
"Could I have a volunteer?" Professor asked.
Lana, Harry, Hermoss Weasley, if you please."
Lana got up, suddenly wishing she hadn't. On her first day of classes, she was going to make an ass out of herself.
"Miss Weasley, what I'm about to ask you to do is so hard that if you refuse, I would not hold it against you."
Lana gulped.
Professor Dumbledore rolled up a sleeve to his shoulder, revealing a tattoo of the Hogwarts emblem on his forearm. He quickly lowered the sleeve to his elbow. "Miss Weasley, here is your task."
The class stared at them. Hermione had propped herself on her elbows, resting her chin in her hands, fascinated.
"Pinch me."
Lana raised an eyebrow. "That's it?"
Professor Dumbledore nodded seriously. "That is it. Just pinch me."
Hesitating, Lana did so.
Professor Dumbledore watched as his pale skin turned pink from the pinch. "Ouch," he said pleasantly. "A marvelous pinch. Take five points for Gryffindor as well."
Lana smiled, unsure of what to say or do. Five points for pinching a teacher! Cool!
"Thank you. You may return to your seat." To the class, he said, "if I were to go into the mirror, I would see Miss Weasley's face because she was the last person who hurt me. It does not mean that I dislike you in anyway, Miss Weasley, so please do not take offense."
"None taken."
"So you all understand?"
"Yes," the class chorused, eager to begin.
"Then I ask you all the stand up..."
They did so.
"And walk to a mirror, wands in your right hands."
Again, they did so.
"You may enter."
The class groaned in unison. The bell had just sounded. Defense Against the Dark Arts was over.
"No way did we finish so soon,&qtention. Oh well," Professor Dumbledore sighed. "We shall continue tomorrow. No homework."
The class cheered, hurring back to their desks to collect their belongings.
"Too bad it ended so soon," Hermione said.
"Yeah," Ron agreed. "Sucks.