Harry Potter and the Adventure He Affectionately Calls Life

"She's coming, she's coming!" Ron yelled, waving a pink sheet of paper in the air.

Harry looked up from the book he was reading. "Ron," he asked, bewildered. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"Yes," Hermione chimed in. "Who is coming?"

"Lana," Ron explained. "My cousin from America. She's moving here to England, and she'll be going to Hogwarts!"

"Oh. That's cool," Harry said, returning to Quidditch Through the Ages. "When is she coming?"

"Three days from today." Ron jumped around in delight. "You'll love her, guys. She's awesome."

"Well, I can't wait to meet her. I hope she's more serious about her studies than the both of you are." Hermione wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"She's as hard working as you, Herm-erm, and has the sense of humor as us," one of the twins said, calling Hermione by her newly earned nickname.

"So I'm assuming she'll go shopping with us in Diagon Alley?" Harry asked.

"Yeah." Ron returned the letter to it's envelope, dropping a photo.

Harry stooped down to pick it up. "Beautiful," he murmured. "Ron, your cousin is gorgeous."

"Men," Hermione muttered, snatching the picture. "All they care about is looks. Let me see." She stared at the picture in awe. "Wow. Ron, she's really pretty. And who's that guy next to her?"

"Her brother. But he's not coming. Squib."

"Like Filch?"

"Yeah, only about a gazillion times cooler! Anyway, yeah. She can't wait to meet the both of you. She's so excited because I talk about you two all the time." Ron looked pleased. "She's meeting us in front of Ollivanders at 12:00 sharp." Ron paused, a thoughtful look on his face. "I wonder if that's American time or our time?"

"That's our time, Ronnie," Fred said, smacking him on the head. "Honestly." He looked at Harry and winked. "Cute, isn't she? I mean, look at her."

"Fred, you're horrible," Hermione said, shaking her head.

Harry looked at his calendar. Three days was a long time. He looked at the picture of Lana again. Three days was a really long time.

___________________________________________________________________

It took a while, but three days finally passed. Harry could barely contain his excitement. "Let's go! We have to get to Diagon Alley!"

"No rush, I'm just so excited!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. She looked at Ginny. "Men," she said sarcastically. "The most un-obvious creatures alive."

Ginny giggled.

"Harry's right, Dad," Ron said. "Lana'll be waiting for us. She has a lot to do."

"Oh yes, I forgot. Lana." He sighed. "Well then, off we go."

Mrs. Weasley handed out the Floo Powder. She went into the fireplace, and was soon engulfed by the emerald green flames.

Harry gulped. No matter how many times he saw this, no matter how many times he traveled by it, he always got nervous.

"Don't worry, Harry," Ron said, sensing his friend's nerves. "You'll be fine."

"Unless you end up in Knockturn Alley again!" Fred said excitedly.

"Stay there this time. We'll come rescue you." George winked.

"I won't get lost," Harry promised, more to himself than to the disappointed twins. "I won't get lost. I won't get lost. I will end up in Diagon Alley. I will look okay. I will not make a fool out of myself in front of Ron's cousin." He took a handful of the powder and stepped into the fireplace. "Diagon Alley!" he shouted.

Harry arrived a minute later looking relatively clean. He dusted off as many ashes as possible and attempted to tame his hair in the reflection of his glasses. With a deep breath, Harry walked in search of Ollivanders.

"Hi, Lana," he said, walking towards her. She was sitting down on the stairs in front of the wand shop, a bored expression on her face. Harry felt his heart sink. She had barely met him two seconds ago, and already she was bored.

Lana turned around at the sound of her voice. "Hey! You must be Harry. I'm Lana." She reached out and gave him a hug. Then she pulled away, embarrassed. "Well, of course I'm Lana." She laughed nervously. "Yeah..."

Harry grinned. "Yeah. I know. Ron told me."

"Whatever Ronald said about me, it isn't true. All he does is make fun of me." She laughed. "That kid is so dead when I get my hands on him. Where is he?"

Harry was sorry to hear her stop talking. He loved her American accent. Her voice sounded like an angels. "Coming. Floo Powder. You know how it is."

Lana looked embarrassed again. Harry loved watching the color flow to her cheeks. They looked like two huge roses. "Nope. Mom won't let me travel via Floo. Aunt Molly does, though." She grinned. "YES!"

Harry looked at her again. She was twisting a curly brown lock of her beautiful, thick hair around her fingers. The other hand served as a stool, propping her up so she could soak up some sun. "Have you been waiting long?"

"Nah... I just got here a few minutes ago. Then some guy asked who I was waiting for. Didn't give me a chance to answer, though. Just kept on talking, mostly about himself." She shook her head. "Insisted that I let him buy me a butterbeer, but I told him I was waiting for someone. Just wouldn't listen."

"Here, beautiful. A nice, refreshing butterbeer."

Harry didn't have to look up. He knew that voice. "Hello, Malfoy."

"Potter! What are you doing here?" He sounded disgusted. "Come, Lovely Lana, let's go somewhere where Mr. Potter won't be of such an annoyance."

"That's okay, Draco. I'm actually meeting Harry and my cousins here. But thanks anyway." Then she looked at Harry. "Rescue me, please," she begged through gritted teeth.

"Yeah. Ron should be here any minute."

"Weasley?" Draco laughed. "What on earth could you possibly want with him?"

"Ronald's my cousin."

Draco didn't even blink. "That's okay. I'm willing to overlook that tiny flaw. But family is family." He kissed her hand, making Lana raise an eyebrow. "I'll see you at Hogwarts."

After he left, Lana shuddered. "Gross. My first hour with you guys, and look what happens."

"What happened?" Ron asked.

"Ronald!" Lana flew into his arms. "Hey!" She gave hugs to the rest of the family and chatted idly with her aunt and uncle.

After the adults separated, Ron asked, "Lana, what happened?"

She looked at Harry. "You tell him."

"Draco likes her."

"He called me Lovely Lana. How over-done can you get?!"

"Not enough," Draco said from behind her. "I'll be waiting. Ask Potter," he said matter-of-factly. "I always get what I want." He grinned smugly.

"Get lost," Lana told him, rolling her eyes.

"I already have."

___________________________________________________________________

Lana had just been fitted for her robes when Ron shrieked with delight. "What?"

"I am a genius," Ron declared.

"What?"

"Draco and this crush he has on you. We could use it to our advantage. I mean, he looks completely smitten.

"Hold it!" Lana interrupl, there's no guarantee that I'm going to be in the same house as you guys. Secondly, to use Draco to our advantage, I would have to pretend I like him." She shuddered.

"Actually," Hermione pointed out. "Since every other Weasley has been in Gryffindor, it's an almost sure thing that you will be, too."

Lana shuddered again. "Draco Malfoy. The human slime bucket." She sighed. "You three better make it very worth my while." She looked directly at Harry. "Very worth my while."

Harry felt himself blush.

"Erm... Ron," Hermione said urgently. "Come with me. It's important."

"Not now, Hermione. We have to finish Lana's shopping."

Hermione stamped her foot. "Ronald Weasley, come with me right this instant!"

Ron looked shocked. He had never seen Hermione lose her cool in public. Come to think of it, he had never seen her lose her cool at all. "Coming," he said weakly as she dragged him by his collar.

"What the hell did you call me for?" Ron demanded.

Hermione sighed in exasperation. "Are you really that blind?"

Ron blinked in confusion.

"Your cousin and your best friend like each other. I figured let them spend some time together."

Ron blinked again. "Oh, I get it," he said, not getting it at all.

___________________________________________________________________

"Where to next, Harry?" Lana asked as they came out of the owlery. Lana had selected a regal gray owl and had decided to call him Stormy.

"Just Ollivanders. The wand. The best part."

"Oooh! I'm so happy that my old wand broke!" She grinned sheepishly. "Mom wanted me to take it and save myself a galleon or two."

"Or eleven."

"Yeah, that too. But I really wanted a nice, new one for school."

"My wand selection process was a disaster. We couldn't find the perfect wand, and then we finally found it. Coincidentally, the phoenix feather in my wand came from the same phoenix..." he broke off, unsure of whether or not to tell Lana that Voldemort had the other phoenix feather in his wand.

"The same phoenix... Go on."

"In Headmaster Dumbledore's office," he finished lamely.

"Oh! That's awesome! What a small world!" She looked at the door to the wand shop. "Come with me?"

"Certainly." He took her hand and squeezed it.

___________________________________________________________________

Some people have all the luck, Harry thought as Lana picked up a twelve inch wand made of willow, containing a unicorn hair and dragon heart-string. On her first attempt, she had found the ideal wand. Harry remembered that it had taken him quite a few atuot;Hogwarts, here I come!" Lana bounced with delight.

"Gryffindor, here comes Lana Weasley!" Harry chimed in.

"Gryffindor, here comes Lana Weasley!" Lana fell silent for a minute. "Where do you think Ron and Hermione went?"

Harry shrugged, enjoying this time alone with Lana. "I'm sure they're off somewhere. Why? Is everything okay?" Was Lana bored? Scared of being alone with him?

"Because there's something I need to tell you. Is there anywhere we can sit down?"

Harry led her to the front steps of Ollivanders. "What's up?"

"Please don't think me forwards or anything. I've never done this before."

Harry frowned, confused.

"I mean, if this backfires, the next few years could be miserable."

Harry nodded, not comprehending at all.

"And I don't know how Ron would react."

"React to what?"

"My liking his best friend."

It took all the will power Harry had in his body to not scream triumphantly.

"Don't sit there silently, Harry," Lana begged. "Say something. Anything."

Harry shook his head. "There's nothing to say," he said, leaning close and kissing her softly on her lips. They were sweet and full and tasted of cherries.

"That kind of silence, I could get used to." She smiled, blushing, but looking beautiful to Harry. "What do you think Ron will say?"

"I don't think Ron'll have a problem," Hermione said, leaning on the railing and smiling knowingly at Harry and Lana. "I sensed it before. Harry, you are the most obvious person in the entire world, do you know that? I told Ron. He doesn't have a problem with it, probably because it hasn't settled in his head yet." She shook her head in exasperation.n will he learn?"

Lana rolled her eyes. "He's Ron! He'll never learn."

"Huh?" Ron appeared, the remains of a chocolate frog smeared on his mouth.

"Ron! Harry and I have fallen madly in love. We've decided to get married and start a family right away."

Harry was shocked. Lana looked at him and winked, and he felt like laughing. What a sense of humor this girl had!

"Hermione, you were right!"

"She's always right," Harry pointed out.

"Book right, yes. I didn't think Hermione knew anything about real life."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Hermione said, rolling her eyes.

"So Harry, guess I've lost my lab partner?"

Harry's face wrinkled in protest. "Absolutely not. You're my lab partner first and foremost. Besides, Lana's taking younger level classes because her school isn't as good as ours, right?"

Lana nodded. "I'll only be in some of your classes. I don't know, it depends on what Professor Dumbledore says."

"Well, whatever. I've worked with Ron since the first day of school, I don't intend to stop now."

"I guess it's all well and good, Harry," Lana agreed. "I always hated those couples in school who were obsessed with each other. Kissing in the hallways all the time. Had to be each other's lab partners. Nah. Besides, I already have a lab partner. Two of 'em, in fact."

Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Hermione. And once in a while," Lana shuddered. "Draco."

Hermione shook her head. "You're not really going to go through with that ridiculous plan, are you?"

Lana shrugged. "It might be fun." She grinned. "Can we get something to eat? I'm starving!"

___________________________________________________________________

That evening, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley went out for dinner. There was a black-robe affair at the Ministry of Magic, adults only. Mrs. Weasley worried about leaving Fred and George in charge ("I'm warning you...").

"Don't worry, Aunt Molly," Lana said from the rocking chair. "I'll whip Fred and George into shape if need be." She grinned at the twins.

"Right." She nodded. "Okay, then. We will see you in a few hours. Arthur, dear, shall we?" A few seconds later, they disappeared.

"PARTY TIME!" Fred yelled.

"No, we have things to discuss first," Lana told him. "Then we can party."

"Discuss? Like what?"

"Like how we whip Draco's ass."

George blinked. "Ask Harry, Malfoy's tough."

"I know. The kid hit on me today. He kissed my hand and called me 'Lovely Lana.'" She shuddered.

The twins looked like Christmas had come early. "EXCELLENT!"

Lana looked scared. "I should not have told you that." She slapped her forehead. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

George hugged her. "Aw, we didn't mean it like that."

"Lovely Lana, will you forgive us?" Fred stuck his tongue out at his cousin.

"No, you idiot. I won't." She rolled her eyes. "Okay, item number one. Draco."

"Well," Hermana. If you keep your relationship with Harry secret for a while, I'm sure we could get enough out of Draco. Mind you, it'll mean actually pretending that you like him."

Lana opened her mouth to speak.

"Yes, Lana, you may have to kiss him."

Fred and George made a face. Ron was on the floor rolling with laughter, and even Harry was trying hard to keep from grinning.

"Honestly, you guys. Grow up." Hermione shook her head. "Yes, so Harry, Lana, in the Gryffindor common room, you two can... erm... yeah." Hermione blushed. "Harry, Ron, and I will let you know who you can and cannot trust. Trust meaning, there are some people who will cover for you, you know, give you and Harry time alone together."

"Oxymoron," George and Fred muttered.

"Other people will run straight to Malfoy, or worse, Snape."

"Snape, the evil, no-good, son-of-a-bitch potions professor?"

"Yeah," Hermione said, shocked. "That one."

"I was just quoting exactly what Fred and George said in their letters!"

Hermione glared at the two of them, who shrugged casually.

"Herm-erm, you have to learn to calm down."

"Herm-erm?" Lana asked, amused.

"Hermione's new nickname," Harry informed her. "But don't get excited. Hermione'll kill anyone who calls her that except Fred and George."

"You know what," George said sadly. "Listen to you guys. It's always 'Fred and George.'"

Harry, Ron, and Hermione stared at him blankly.

"I've yet to hear you say 'George and Fred.'" He sighed.

Hermione shook her head. "What a sad waste of man."

Fred stood up. "This is it! I am fed up of seeing my brother treated like this."

Ron lot;Not you, twit! George! From here on, I am going to be George and he'll be Fred." He slung his arm around his brother. "What say you, Fred?"

"I'm confused," Lana said. "Hermione, why can't anyone else call you Herm-erm except Fred and George?" George, now Fred, beamed. "I mean George and Fred."

"Well," Ron said. "My guess is that she likes one of them, or maybe both, since they're practically the same person." He made his voice sound like a girls. "Mrs. Hermione Weasley," he said, grinning.

"Wrong Weasley, bro," one of the twins, Harry couldn't tell which, said.

Hermione shrieked. "ALRIGHT. SHUT UP. WE HAVE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DISCUSS." Harry noticed that Hermione was blushing furiously. Ron was bright red, too. His face was the same color as his hair, making his head seem like a red blob.

"Yeah. Important things like our nicknames, right, Herm-erm?" the other twin responded.

Hermione gritted her teeth.

"Aw, Herm-erm, you know we love you..."

"...like a sister," the other twin finished.

"After all," one of them whispered in Harry's ear. "It's only a matter of time before Ron and Hermione get married." He winked.

"That's it! I've had it with you two!" She stomped angrily off to her room.

"You guys are horrible," Lana said, grinning. "I'll go talk to her." She went upstairs, leaving Fred and George howling in fits of laughter on the floor.

___________________________________________________________________

Hermione lay on her stomach on her bed. Hogwarts: A History was open in front of her, but she didn't seem to be reading.

"Haven't you read that book a couple of hundred times?" Lana asked.

"Yeah. I'm not really reading." She sat up so that her back was to Lana.

Lana realized Hermione had been crying. "What's wrong?"

Hermione sniffled.

"Hermione?" She sat down next to her. "I know you don't know a lot about me. Hell, I know a lot more about you then you do about me, but still."

"Like what?" Hermione asked in a watery voice.

"I know that you're the smartest girl in your class, your year, and, according to Ron, possibly the entire school. George and Fred say that you take things way to seriously. I know that in your third year, you took on such a course load that Professor Dumbledore gave you some special time-turn-thingie to fit everything in. I know that even in a class as tough as Snape's, you manage to do well. Ron says that of all the Gryffindor points given academically, he's sure that most of them come from you. I know that it was your brains who got Harry and Ron through the fire chamber in your first year. I know that it was you who made the polyjuice potion to become Draco's friends' clones. Okay, so that totally didn't go as planned, but yeah... I know that you organized spew, whatever that is, Ron never told me. I also know that your hair turns to red-brown color by the fire-light. I know that when Ron feels homesick and Harry is off on one of his adventures, all Ron has to do is get into an argument of some sort and he's home."

Hermione sniffled again.

"What is it? Ron says he's never seDiagon Alley, he said it was a first." Lana shook her head. "Man, you should have heard the rich admiration in his eyes. You would have loved it."

"Ron admires me?"

"Are you kidding? Ron thinks that you and Harry are the best things on earth! After Quidditch. And Chocolate Frogs."

Hermione looked a little upset.

"What?" Lana didn't even try to hide her concern. She sighed. "Hermione, we're going to be together for the next few years. That makes us room-mates. But if your best friend and I are going to have some sort of a relationship, I think we should be friends. And if you're going to fall in love with my cousin, I think that would make us even better friends."

"I am not in love with Ron. I don't even like him. You know, in that way."

"Then why did you get so upset? Unless you like George or Fred?"

Hermione shook her head.

"Then?"

Nothing.

"Hermione?"

Still nothing.

"Herm-erm?"

"Don't call me that."

"Sorry. At least you answered." She grinned.

"Yeah. I guess I did." Hermione turned around and smiled. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red, but Ron was right. Hermione was pretty. "So. Did I make a complete idiot out of myself downstairs?"

"Not too bad. Easily fixable."

Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"Well, Harry and Ron won't mind. They're your best friends, after all. And George and Fred, well, they're idiots. They'll forget it almost immediately. Just make sure you keep calling them 'George and Fred.'"

Hermione rolled her eyes. She wiped her nose, then shut her book. "Let's go back downstairs."

___________________________________________________________________

Downstairs, Fred and George were still laughing. Harry was grinning like a mad-man. Ron looked at all three of them, confused. "What is wrong with you guys?"

Harry shook his head. "Nothing."

Ron frowned. "Okay then." He looked at his older brothers. "Honestly Fred and George, shut up already."

One of the twins, Harry assumed he was the new Fred, grinning happily. "So this is what it feels like to be first." He sighed. "I feel like a new man."

"George. Fred. Shut up. Hermione's coming down."

"Rats. Lana, you never let me have any fun."

"Yes. The reason we switched names was so he could be first."

"Losers. The both of you. I cannot believe we are related. Now I am warning the both of you. Shut up. Or else."

"Or what?" both twins demanded in unison.

"Or I'll set Draco Malfoy on you." She stuck her tongue out.

The twins grumbled.

"Hi," Hermione said, coming down the stairs.

"Hi, Hermione!" Ron raced to the bottom of the stairs. "Are you feeling better?"

Hermione nodded.

"Good. Then why do you let Fred and George--"

"YES! HE CALLED US FRED AND GEORGE!"

Ron sighed in exasperation. "That's going to get annoying really fast. Anyway, yeah. Why do you let them bother you?"

Hermione shook her head.

"Hmm..." Ron said thoughtfully. Then he looked around to see everyone in the room staring at him with Hermione. "What?" he asked, his ears turning bright pink.

"Nothing," Harry said, walking towards them. He enveloped Hermione in a giant hug and kissed her forehead. "Feeling better?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

Hermione nodded.

"George. Fred. Go upstairs," Lana commanded.

Both twins grumbled, but started to head on up. "Wait a minute," one of them replied. "We're older than you. We're in charge. Remind me why we're listening to you?"

"Because I'm smarter than you'll ever be. Or because I'm prettier than you'll ever be. Take your pick."

The twins considered this.

Lana glared at them.

"We'll be upstairs."

"Ron, get up."

"My best friend is upset!" he protested.

"And your other best friend will take care of it. Get up there with the rest of the peanut gallery. Now. I'll be up in a minute."

"Why not now?"

"Because I have to tell Hermione something."

"What?"

"Why do you need to know?"

"Because."

Lana rolled her eyes. "Fabulous answer, Ronald. Did Dumb and Dumber upstairs teach you that?"

Ron sighed in defeat. "She's upset, Lana. Don't make her worse." With a last glance at the remaining three, he joined his brothers.

"Finally! Anyway, yeah, Hermione. Whatever's bothering you, I bet you'd feel more comfortable talking to Harry about it. Unless you like talking to dead air, in which case there are three guys upstairs..." Hermione shook her head. &ng, Hermione?" He looked her in the eye. "You know you can tell me anything."

"I know. But really. There's nothing wrong."

"You know I don't believe a word you're saying?"

"I know. But just let it go."

"For now." He hugged her again. "Hermione, talk to somebody. Me, Lana, Ron, Fred and George. Ginny. Anyone."

Hermione giggled. "Lana says to call them George and Fred."

"I couldn't tell them apart then. Now it's going to be even harder."

Hermione nodded in agreement.

"Hermione, whatever's bothering you, don't worry about it, okay?"

"I'm fine, Harry. Honestly!" She put on a smile. "If you would worry about your grades even half as much as you worried about me..." She shook her head.

"You're more important than grades. You and Ron are my best friends."

"Don't talk about us that way as if we were a couple."

"You said 'us' and 'we' in the same sentence."

"I didn't mean it like that." But Hermione's cheeks were turning the slightest shade of pink, and Harry thought it best to change the subject.

"Where's Ginny?"

"Upstairs. Sleeping. She's not feeling well, remember?"

Harry briefly remembered her saying she was sick that day at Diagon Alley. "And you?"

"I'm fine!" Hermione fell silent for a moment. "Thanks, Harry." She hugged him. "Anyway," she said, yawning. "I"m going to sleep. I'm exhausted."

"Good night." Hermione was half up the stairs when he called her again.

"Yes?"

"When do we leave for Hogwarts?"

"How do you not know this by now? Day after tomorrowyelled before he heard the door close.

Harry enjoyed a rare moment of calmness in the Weasley house before he heard foot-steps. Harry sighed. A normal day in the Weasley house, always someone coming and going. He grinned. It sure beat the Dursleys!