"Regular" Guys

"Regular" Guys - Chapter 2

That night, Harry lay awake in bed, unable to sleep.

And who can blame him; he'd had an eventful day, what with his best friend almost dying from humour overload and Harry himself accepting his archrival to be the drummer in his and Ron's band.

Harry rolled over and stared at the red hangings around his bed. He began to wonder what exactly he was thinking earlier, saying yes to Malfoy's bribe to be in their band.

Hang on; Malfoy bribed him to be in his band? That didn't sound right...not right at all. Harry shot bolt upright and whipped his hangings back. He snatched for his glasses on his bedside table and missed, knocking the pitcher of water flying into his face. After wiping himself dry with his hangings (oh those handy hangings) and putting his glasses on, Harry stood up and drew Ron's hangings back in order to confer with his best friend about his sudden epiphany.

"Ron...Ron, you awake?"

Ron ground and rubbed his eyes sleepily. "Well I am now, you stupid great -"

"Right, that's good. Anyway, I was thinking about what happened earlier, and I just realized something. Malfoy bribed me to be the drummer in our band!"

Ron propped himself up on his elbows, gazing at Harry blearily and with a confused expression on his face.

"You woke me up to inform me that Malfoy bribed you in order to get into our band?" a sudden look of comprehension dawned on Ron's face. "Malfoy bribed you to get into our band? What the fuck? Why would he want to be in a band with two of his most hated people so badly that he would bribe you in order to make that happen?"

"Exactly!" Harry said, snapping his fingers dangerously close to Ron's nose for some reason. "My personal theory is that he's an imposter. Just like the fake Moody in fourth year. He has interior motives-"

"You mean ulterior?"

"Yes, ulterior motives that moved him to pose as Malfoy, enter a band with you and me, and then kill us before taking over the world!"

Ron began to look slightly frightened. "Harry," he said slowly, "calm down. I think maybe, just maybe, Malfoy simply wants to show off his mad drumming skills to the ladies...as if they're not already swooning all over him after all that juicy fan fiction nonsense on the internet." Ron muttered the last part to himself, and Harry was too lost in his own nonsensical brain to pay much attention. "Stupid git...seducing Ginny...and Hermione...and Harry, Snape, Dumbledore, Padma, Trelawney, and Peeves..."

Harry suddenly snapped out of his thoughts and shook his head to find Ron muttering angrily to himself, rhyming off a long list of names, all people who attended or worked at Hogwarts. "Ron, what are you doing?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"Oh! Uh, nothing..." Ron said, blushing furiously (although Harry couldn't see this for the lack of light).

"Alright, well I think I've figured this mystery out. Malfoy wasn't impostering himself. It was the real Malfoy. And you know what his motive for bribing us to be in the band was?"

"What could it be?" Ron asked, sounding very bored indeed.

"To impress the girls with his mad drumming skills. Brilliant, isn't it? He'll have them swooning left, right, and centre. And that, I think, is why he decided to join our band. No need to thank me, I know how hard you find it to think and solve problems. It's okay." Harry patted Ron's shoulder in a fatherly manner, comforting his friend for his intellectual shortcomings.

"Uh...right..." Ron said, both pissed off that Harry thought he had come to that conclusion and creeped out by Harry acting all father-like. He inched back a little, so Harry couldn't quite reach him. Unfortunately, Harry seemed to find patting Ron's shoulder highly addictive and leaned forward so he could continue to do it. Ron inched further away until he was halfway across his bed, yet Harry continued to try and pat his shoulder. "Harry...what...get away from me you idiot!"

Looking hurt, Harry stopped reaching out to Ron. "Fine. If that's the way you want it...I'll just go now..."

Unfortunately, when Harry turned around and started to walk back to his bed, he slipped on the water still soaking the stone floor and landed flat on his tailbone. He shrieked in pain, and after struggling to get up and slipping several more times, he curled up in the huge puddle and started sucking his thumb. Within minutes, he was sleeping like a baby.

Ron leaned over the edge of his bed to see what the commotion was. To his surprise, Harry appeared to be lying in a puddle of...something...and sucking his thumb.

Hmm, Ron thought. Guess the rumours are true. Harry does suck his thumb. And it appears that he wets himself as well...I'm sure Rita Skeeter would love to get this scoop. Too bad that I still hate her so much that I'm not even willing to dish information on my best friend to her.

With that thought, Ron rolled over and fell asleep instantly, snoring loudly enough to wake the whole dormitory. Fortunately, though, everyone was used to it; otherwise they would have been after him with pitchforks two hours previously.