Harry Potter and the Horrible, Awful, ... Very Bad Plot!

Harry Potter and the Horrible, Awful, Terrible, Atrocious, Ghastly, Repulsive, Very Bad Plot!

By: Liz Swarthy

Chapter Six: The Dobby Project!

::A booming, ominous voice fills the room::

Long ago (Ok, maybe not THAT long ago) when the poor house-elf, Dobby, worked for the Malfoys at their overly colossal manor in the English countryside, he was treated extremely well, for all the Malfoys had to say about it. They only threatened his life five times a day. That was lower than the minimum suggested! But, nonetheless, you could say that he was treated an itsy bitsy, inky, tiny weenie bit unkindly.

::Harry, Ron and Hermione turn around where they see a brilliant light and are sucked into it::

Harry, Ron and Hermione: WHOOOOOOOOOOA!!!!

::Harry, Ron and Hermione find themselves witnessing a scene from long ago...::

Angry voice: DOBBY!!!

Squeaky voice: Yes, oh Great Lord Draco of whom Dobby worships?

Draco: How many times must I tell you!?

Dobby: Tell Dobby what, oh Great One?

Draco: I DON'T LIKE BROTH IN MY CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP!!!

Dobby: ::whimpers and cowers:: Dobby is extremely sorry, Master Draco, Lord of the Dance. It will never happen again!

Draco: It happened once! You let this happen, didn't you!?

Dobby: ::cowers lower:: Dobby is sorry! Dobby is sorry!!!

Draco: ::growls:: Say it.

Dobby: NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!

Draco: SAY IT!

Dobby: ::whimpers:: House-elf... ::sniffsniff:: The other white meat...

Draco: ::smiles sadistically:: Right. Now eat your arm.

Dobby: ::nodnod:: ::gnaw gnaw gnaw::

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A few days later...

Draco: DOBBY!!!

Dobby: ::running so fast that he trips:: ::gets up and stumbles into the room:: Yes, oh Master of the Universe?

Draco: You know I don't like to wake up to wrinkled bed sheets, don't you?

Dobby: ::nods cautiously::

Draco: THEN WHY DID YOU LET IT HAPPEN? ::points to wrinkled bed sheets::

Dobby: ::whimper:: Dobby is extremely sorry, oh Lord of All That is Evil.

Draco: You deserve to be punished.

Dobby: ::whimpers and hangs head::

Draco happily grabs Dobby by the skin of his neck and drags him into the Kitchen. He then ties him down on his back on the top of a table and glares at him

Draco: If you blink, I'll kill you.

Dobby: ::doesn't blink::

Draco ::smiles sadistically and disappears through a door::

Dobby: ::allows himself to blink until Draco returns, carrying a sack full of items::

Draco: ::pulls out a small vile or salt and begins to sprinkle in into Dobby's eyes::

Dobby: ::whimpers but refuses to blink::

Draco: ::puts salt away and pulls out a red pepper and begins to squeeze it, letting the juice drip into Dobby's eyes::

Dobby: ::whimpers louder, but refuses to blink::

Draco: ::tosses away the pepper:: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ::pulls out lemon juice and begins to drip it into Dobby's eyes::

Dobby: ::whimpers louder but refuses to blink::

Draco: MUHA-MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ::tosses the lemon juice vile away and pull out a pair of Dragon Hide Gloves and slips them on:: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ::pulls out a Capsasian Pepper (A/N: for all of you who don't know what that is, it's the hottest pepper in the world and can even burn a hole in your stomach! Sorry if that's spelled wrong...Draco is so evil...) and starts to juice it into Dobby's eyes. Unfortunately, at that moment, the cat jumped up, ate the pepper and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Draco glared at the black spot on the ground where the cat had disappeared and pouted:: That darn thing always ruins my fun.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Later...

::Draco returns home. He had a bad last day of school and decides to take his frustration out on Dobby::

Draco: DOBBY! COME HERE!

Dobby: ::flies into the room:: Yes, oh-

Draco: NOT NOW! ::grabs Dobby and starts to beat him to a bloody pulp::

Lucius: ::hears whimpering coming from the drawing room and smiles as he thinks of what horrors Draco could be inflicting upon Dobby. He taught him well. Decides to take a peak and see::

Draco: ::hears Lucius' footsteps and remembers what his father had told him about beating Dobby::

Lucius' voice inside Draco's head: Don't beat Dobby too much. You may get blood on the carpet. If you do, there'll be hell to pay.

Draco: ::looks down to see blood on the carpet:: EEEP! ::opens Dobby's mouth and sticks his hand in it just as Lucius walks through the door:: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HE BIT ME!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I'M BLEEDING! DAAAAAAAAADDDYYYY!!!

Lucius: ::GASP:: ::runs over and pulls Dobby off of Draco and begins to beat him:: YOU GOT BLOOD ALL OVER THE CARPET! ::beat beat beat::

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Later...

Draco: ::skips around school. It's Valentine's Day! Decides to give Ron a spider for a present::

Ron: If anyone gets me a spider, I'll kill them!

Draco: ::thinks... BRILLIANT PLAN!::

Draco: ::runs into the kitchens and shouts sweetly:: DOOOOOOOOOOOOBBY!

Dobby: Y-yes?

Draco: ::hands Dobby a box:: Give that to Mr. Ronald Weasley? Would ya? Would ya? Would ya?

Dobby: ::nods::

Dobby: ::walks up the Gryffindor Tower and slips in. Sees Ron sitting near the fire with Harry and Hermione. Walks over:: Mr. Ronald Weasley! Present from anonymous person!

Ron: Why, thank you! ::takes box, opens it:: AHHHHHHHHHHHH! SPIDER! ::throws spider into the fire:: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS DOBBY???

Dobby: Who? Me?

Ron: YES YOU! ::picks Dobby up and throws him into the fire:: ::looks back into the box to find another box:: ::opens that one to find chocolates and a bear:: OOH! ::runs up to his dorm to eat them::

Herm and Harry: ::sweatdrop::

Draco: HE LIKED THEM! ::watched a singed Dobby crawl out of the fireplace:: OOH! KUNTUCKY FRIED DOBBY! ::laughs evilly::

THE END!!!

Sirius: ::sweatdrop:: I had nothing to do with that... All Author's boyfriend's fault...

Author: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NOW I CAN RULE THE WORLD!