There Is No Such Place

Chapter summary: Lily and Severus face a difficult decision as the school year ends.

Lily awaited the OWLs with an almost eager anticipation. After her tears had dried, she'd felt empty, emotionally flat. But, as if to compensate, her mind was faster and more agile than ever. She felt ready for the exams.

She was probably the only one. James was spending long hours alone, and Lily overheard McGonagall and Flitwick wondering if he'd be fit to take the tests. James brushed off their concerns and assured Lily that he'd be fine.

"I have a great memory. And I pay more attention to things than you think. He gave Lily a searching look, and she fled before he could ask about the night that Frank and Nancy had brought her back to the common room, tear-streaked and sniffling.

"I'll be fine," James said again as she walked away.

The same could not be said for Severus Snape. He was rarely seen at meals, and when Lily saw him in the halls, she was shocked to see that the flesh had melted away from his bones. He seemed to be composed of shadows: lank black hair, hollow cheeks and sunken eyes that refused to meet hers. Seeing him like that was almost physically painful for Lily, and she couldn't even blame his housemates.

It was her own fault.

The day before the OWLs began, she overheard Wilkes and Rosier discussing Snape in the library.

“He hasn’t slept for ages,” Rosier was saying. “An' he’s hardly talking.”

“What happened?”

“Dunno. Thought maybe it was a girl.”

"No one in our dorm. What do you care, anyway? Thought you were still pissed off at him about that alopecia hex."

"Yeah, well. Sev said he'd help me with Potions."

"How much is he charging?"

Rosier named a sum that made Lily quietly snort with laughter. Severus was possibly the highest paid tutor in the history of Hogwarts.

"Look at it this way," said Florence, "if he doesn’t help, then you don't have to pay."

"Yeah, but you won't be the one tellin' your ma that you failed Potions. Anyway, it gives me the creeps having him sitting up all night, starin' at the walls."

Unable to listen further, Lily packed her things and walked away.

The OWLs were theoretical exams only, covering all five years of magical schooling. The NEWTs were the practical exams. The seventh years said they were nightmarish, but after five solid days of writing, Lily thought she'd be more than happy to brew Veritaserum, or track a Diricawl, or carve obscure runes.

Her sixteenth birthday fell in the middle of the OWLs. Mariam delivered a package from her family: a few books and rather a lot of Muggle clothing.

Her mother's note was curt, and Petunia's card seemed to gloat at Lily's emotional exclusion. Her father's letter was friendly, but aloof, much like him.

"Lily."

Lily looked up from her letter to find that a number of presents had been piled beside her breakfast plate.

"Happy birthday," said James, as Remus, Sirius and Peter began singing. Lily blushed fiercely as the entire Gryffindor table joined in, accompanied by a few people from other houses. Bertha Jorkin's toneless warble dominated the song.

There was a moment's silence after the impromptu serenade ended, and then someone at the Slytherin table snickered. Lily refused to look to see whom; instead, she concentrated on her unexpected presents.

As at Christmas, there were an awful lot of sweets and lollies in the pile, which Lily dutifully shared with grateful first and second years. But there was also a beautifully bound journal ("It needs a password," said Remus, "so it can be completely private if you want it to be.") and a record from Sirius.

"Patti Smith?" she asked.

"Hey. I've seen your record collection. Your mother might send you Seals & Crofts, you have the entire Pink Floyd catalogue."

"Really?" asked Remus, looking highly amused. "Our sweet, angelic Lily?"

"Well, it's the quiet ones you have to watch…"

James' present left her briefly mystified: it was a broomstick service kit.

"You didn't," Lily said, shocked.

"I did." Smiling broadly, James dived under the table and emerged with a gleaming Nimbus 1001, the same model that he used.

"Wow," Lily breathed. "James – I'm speechless."

"Try 'thank you'," Sirius whispered loudly. Everyone laughed.

"It must have been really expensive," Mary breathed.

"Not really," said James, blushing. "My uncle owns – owned the company. Now it's mine, and I can give away a broomstick without problems."

"So, are you outfitting the Quidditch team next year?" asked Kelly Howell, the Gryffindor team captain.

"It's a great broom," said Frank admiringly. "My mother has promised to give me one when I finish school."

"It has a price, though," James warned.

"Oh?" asked Lily.

"You have try out for the Quidditch team next year."

Lily shook her head. "I'm not that good…"

"You just need practice and some one-on-one training," said James. "And a really good broom. Now you have a broom, and Sirius and I plan to spend the summer coaching you."

Sirius was apparently as surprised at this as Lily was, but he grinned. "Yeah, that'll be fun."

"You're tall, but you’re dead skinny," James went on, "so I'm thinking you might make a decent Seeker. But we're going to have a few openings when this lot—" he waved at Frank and the other seventh year players— "finish school. And I can't talk Remus or Peter into trying out." He leaned over to give the third and fourth years a mock-glare. "You lot might want to think about training a bit, too."

"Are you captain next year, then?" asked Undine Kremer, a freckled fourth year.

"Um, no," said James. "But you should do what I say anyway. Because we'll need a really strong team to maintain our current standard.

The very last present was, unexpectedly enough, from Frank and Nancy. It consisted of five tiny handmade teddy bears, all wearing Hogwarts robes. One had glasses and messy black hair, and one had shoulder length black hair and a wide smile. Another had light brown hair and a small pile of books, and one was slightly plump, with a small sugar quill in its hand. And the last had long red hair and bright green eyes.

"Did you make them?" Lily asked Nancy.

"Yup. No magic, either, except for Transfiguring the materials. I've been making them all year – it's my way of staying sane while I'm studying for the NEWTs. I have the whole seventh year cohort up in my dorm."

"They're absolutely amazing." Lily held the James-bear up to the light. "Look at its little glasses! It's so cute!"

"Not a very good likeness, then, is it?" said Sirius. James flicked a piece of toast at him, and the meal nearly degenerated into a food fight, before Professor McGonagall pointedly sent them off to classes and exams.

With the five teddy bears proudly arrayed on her bedside table, and the broomstick beside her bed, Lily felt much lighter, and the rest of the OWLs passed quickly.

"I think my hand's going to drop off," she moaned to Sirius on Friday evening. Despite her words, she was actually in a wonderful mood – the exams were over, she felt confident about her results, and now she could take things easy for the last week of term.

"My brain feels like mush," Sirius said.

"I think I failed Care of Magical Creatures," Peter said.

"Can't have failed," said Remus, "you wrote more than me."

"Only because I had to go back to fix mistakes."

"Buck up, you lot," called James, bounding through the portrait hole. "I have news – Slytherin's line-up for tomorrow has been changed!"

Frank, curled up in a chair with Nancy in his lap, said, "We're contemplating the future of our magical career, and you're worried about Quidditch?"

"The exams are over. Quidditch is tomorrow."

"I don't have enough magic left to fly," Frank mumbled.

Kelly threw a book at him. "Get over it, Frank, we all know you went brilliantly well." She turned to James. "How have they changed the line-up?"

"Wilson's Keeper. Snape's flying Seeker."

Lily felt as though the whole room must have seen her reaction to Snape's name, but everyone was too busy debating the implications of the change. No one noticed when she slipped up to her dorm to go to bed.

The next day, Lily went down to breakfast early. The team were already there, eating and joking nervously before their final hours of practice.

Danziger and Kimball, the Beaters, were looking over at the Slytherin table and sniggering. Following their gaze, Lily saw the Slytherin team. Wilson looked insanely happy, oblivious to Snape's hate-filled glare. Severus' hair was pulled back, emphasizing the sharp lines of his cheekbones and nose, and his eyes were black and empty as they followed Wilson's movements.

"I really wouldn't want to be Wilson right now," said James as Lily sat down. He was eating dry toast; a cup of weak tea sat beside his plate.

"Nervous?" asked Lily.

"A bit. I don't like having unfamiliar players. Probably why they made the change."

"Yes, James," said Frank, patting James on the head. "It was all about you."

"Either that, or Wilson's an ambitious bastard," said Sirius. "Oh wait, he's a Slytherin. Enough said."

"If he wanted to be Keeper all this time," said Lily, "then why hasn't he played the position all along?"

"Oh, Slytherin has this arcane arrangement for selecting team positions," said James. "No one outside the house knows what it is."

"Some people reckon it's a complex Arithmantic equation," added Sirius. "Others say it was created by a world famous Divination expert. And others still believe that they put all the positions in a hat, and it’s a lucky draw."

"Or unlucky draw."

James looked over at the Slytherin table again. "Snape's looking seriously unhealthy."

"How can you tell?"

James tossed a bit of toast at Sirius. "Hope he's able to fly."

"What do you care?"

"Unlike you, dear Padfoot, I enjoy having challenging opponents. Plus, when we win, I don't want him to say it as because he was sick."

"Cute, James," said Frank.

"Oh, I am. Very."

Frank pulled a face and James crossed his eyes.

As the rest of the team trouped out to the pitch, James lingered beside Lily.

"Wish me luck?" he asked.

"Good luck. I'm sure you'll be great."

"No hugs?"

Lily's discomfort must have been evident on her face, because James quickly backed down. He sat down again and said softly, "Look, who was he? The bloke who had you in tears that night?"

"No one." James gave her a sceptical look. "I don't want to say."

"Are you still – do you still – care about him?"

Seeing Snape was like plunging a knife into her heart.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were seeing anyone."

"We kept it pretty quiet."

"Another house?"

Lily nodded.

"That can be pretty hard. Ravenclaws get really uppity if they think you're not good enough for one of them." He leaned closer. "Remus has had a thing for a certain Ravenclaw girl all year. We've been helping him out a bit, behind the scenes."

"Which girl?" Lily asked, hoping to keep his mind off her own romantic entanglements. "Wait – is it Judith?" She remembered that Remus had been speaking to the tall, aloof girl the same evening that she'd broken up with Snape. Judith was a fifth year prefect, a cool, analytical presence in Arithmancy classes and a detached, silent figure in prefects' meetings.

"Um," said James. "I can't say."

"So this was the big secret, then?"

"Uh…" James blushed fiercely. "I didn't think you knew about that."

"Well, I knew you were hiding something from me." Lily laughed. "I never imagined it was something so – cute."

"You won't tell anyone, will you?" said James urgently. His ears were redder than ever. "I mean, Remus is pretty private, and if he thought I'd told you…"

"I won't say a word."

"And don't – don't let him know you know – or, uh, that you even suspected something…"

"I promise, James."

"Good." He relaxed a little.

"So how's the matchmaking going, then? Can't be too successful if you've been working on it all year."

"Yeah, well. Judith can't stand Sirius, and that just makes him *more* Sirius-ish, and – well, it's like a vicious cycle." He took a bite of cold toast. "Is it over? With you and – whoever."

Lily thought of Severus' handkerchief, washed and folded and tucked into her pocket.

"I don't know. There's unfinished business."

James stood up. "I have to get out to the pitch. But listen, any time you want this bozo punched in the nose, or abducted by a Hungarian Horntail, or – or fed to a werewolf, you come to me. Okay?"

Lily laughed in spite of herself. "Okay."

She looked past James' shoulder and met Snape's eyes. He was standing only a few feet away; he must have heard every word. He looked at her and said nothing; he didn't even sneer.

Lily's stomach churned as she watched him walk away.

***

It was the nastiest game of Quidditch that Lily had ever seen. It was quickly apparent that Wilson was no match for Sirius and Frank, let alone James, and Gryffindor pulled ahead quickly.

After forty-five minutes, the Snitch appeared. Snape had been tailing Kelly, and Lily had assumed that he was hoping that she'd spot the Snitch for him. Instead, he abruptly pulled up, leaving Kelly to follow.

"Good Heavens!" Lily heard McGonagall cry, "he's not that bad!"

"Not as good as James, though," muttered Peter.

"Bet you a Galleon that he wins the Snitch," said Remus.

"You're on."

Severus was lying flat on his broom, hand outstretched, when a Beater ploughed into him, knocking him back into Kelly. It took Lily a moment to realise why everyone around her was yelling: the Beater had been a Slytherin.

"And Slytherin manages to sabotage its own game!" crowed Ian Dunn, jumping around with the magical megaphone in his hands. The Slytherin stands were in turmoil; it looked as though Rosier had punched Tallisker. Blood was streaming from her nose, and two prefects were holding him down while she kicked him, before Marguerite hexed her from behind.

Professor McGonagall grabbed the megaphone from Ian and called, "Time out, teams! I will deduct ten points from each and every member of Slytherin house if this does not cease right now!"

Professor Spawforth was separating the brawling students, while Crowley sheltered some cringing first years behind her robes. Down on the pitch, Snape was trying to reach Wilson, who stood behind the Slytherin Beaters, but Madam Pomfrey held him down. Wilson said something and laughed. Snape just glared at him through a curtain of loose, bloody hair.

***

"Well, it could have been worse."

"How?"

"We could have lost."

Lily lay back on the grass, watching the sun setting over the lake. James was polishing his broomstick, glaring.

"It's not like we should have played badly or anything," he said. "I mean, we had the better team."

"They basically hexed themselves," said Sirius, skipping rocks over the water.

"I really thought they were going to win, that first time they spotted the Snitch," said Peter. He was rummaging in his bag for a pastry, "borrowed" from the kitchens earlier.

"By the way, you owe me a galleon," said Remus.

"I know." Peter took a bite and wiped whipped cream off his upper lip. "Who would have thought that Snape would catch the Snitch?"

"Who'd have thought that Slytherin was incompetent enough to lose anyway?" asked Sirius. "Wait, Remus, you bet on Snape? What did you know that we didn't?"

"Nothing. Just a lucky guess."

"I wouldn't want to be in Wilson's shoes this evening," James noted. "For an ambitious bastard, he was bloody incompetent. Embarrassing, it was, playing against a Keeper like him."

"Prongs?"

"Yeah?"

"You're an idiot."

"Sirius!"

Sirius hunkered down beside James. Lily straightened up to listen. "Look. The Slytherins basically destroyed themselves. They let their captain take a position he wasn't qualified for, and they paid the price. They're the ones who should be embarrassed. You? You should be proud that you won the cup for Gryffindor."

"Again," Peter added.

"Again."

"I guess. But I'm telling you, it was a damn shameful victory."

Sirius shook his head. "I take my victories where I can find 'em."

Remus smiled. "Are you sure you weren't sorted into the wrong house? I hear that Slytherin might need a new Keeper…"

Sirius laughed and tackled Remus, who lunged for his wand and started hurling tickling hexes. Lily prudently moved out of the way.

"Have to admit," said James, "Snape wasn't a bad Seeker. No Dangerous Dai, but not bad. I'd have thought he was too tall."

Privately, Lily thought that James was being generous; there'd been half a dozen moments where Snape had missed turns. But she wasn't brave enough to mention Snape's name in front of the boys; surely they'd be able to see her blushes and read her mind.

"The final catch was okay," Peter said. "Though it was a shame about Kelly's nose."

James waved dismissively. "This is Quidditch, not hopscotch. What's a broken nose between Seekers?"

Remus rejoined them, leaving Sirius in a giggling huddle a few feet away. "In retrospect," he said thoughtfully, "it may have been a mistake to turn Snape's socks into Snitches on such a regular basis."

"Yeah," said Peter. "Next time, we'll make it Bludgers."

***

The final prefects' meeting was a fairly informal affair, as Frank, Nancy and the other seventh year prefects made short speeches. Frank avoided all contact with Snape, but Severus seemed all together uninterested in causing trouble. He'd been even more withdrawn since the Quidditch final. The only time he showed any sign of life was Potions, where they were preparing for the next year's work.

Lily watched him during the meeting, aware that he was occasionally glancing at her. At one point, their eyes met, and she looked away quickly, focusing on his hands. His long fingers were drumming restlessly on the worn table. Lily remembered his absolute stillness in earlier months, how he had been motionless while she fidgeted before Crowley.

He was diminished, she thought, and wondered if he'd fade away to nothing.

As the meeting broke up, Frank turned to Snape with a small smile on his lips.

"As it's the final meeting before summer, we need to get the minutes in order. Snape, would you take care of that?"

Severus scowled, looking at the enormous, messy pile of books that held fifty years of prefect records.

"By myself?"

"I'll help," said Lily before she could stop herself.

"Excellent," said Frank. "Ten points to both your houses. Dismissed."

James grabbed Lily's elbow. "Want me to wait? Or help?"

Severus pointedly turned his back on them and began examining the books.

"It'd probably go faster without you," Lily said. "I'll meet you in the common room later."

"Okay."

As James left, Lily had to suppress an urge to call him back.

"Scared to be alone with a Slytherin, Evans?"

"Shut it, Snape."

Lily squared her shoulders and joined him at the bookshelf.

"Are you sorting, or reading?" she asked, leaning over his shoulder to see the book he held.

MINUTES: PREFECTS' MEETINGS, 1944-45
T. RIDDLE, HEAD BOY (SLYTH.)
A. POTTER, HEAD GIRL (GRYFF.)

"Cool," Lily said.

"It's just the minutes."

He looked at her, and Lily remembered belatedly that they were no longer a couple. She stepped backwards, blushing.

They worked in silence for several minutes, Lily handing Severus books while he sorted them into chronological order. At one point, their hands touched, and Lily pulled back, feeling as though she'd stuck her fingers into the mouth of a dragon.

"How would you analyse something you've never encountered before?" Severus asked suddenly.

"Something with no frame of reference, you mean?"

"Precisely."

Lily paused, the minutes for 1957 in her hands.

"I guess I'd look for comparisons."

"What if there are none, in your experience?"

"I'd ask others." She laughed slightly. "I always knew I was strange, but I didn't know I was a witch until someone told me. I didn't even believe in magic."

"Hmm."

"Why? Discovered a potion that will revolutionise the world?"

"No. I was – I was just curious."

Severus returned to work, and after a moment, Lily joined him.

"Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"What's the real reason you broke up with me?"

"Sorry?"

"You said it was because you didn't think I – cared about you, but that felt like an excuse. So…?"

"There were lots of reasons. I was tired of keeping secrets, and I was tired of being abused in public."

"But you still haven’t told them, have you?" He grimaced. "Potter hasn't fed me to a werewolf yet, so I can only assume that he doesn't know."

"No. I haven't told him. I haven't told anyone." Lily put the book down. "I know, okay? I'm hypocritical and delusional. But I *can't* tell them, and I don't think it would do any good for them to find out now."

"Indeed not." Severus raked his fingers through his hair. "What do you think I am?" he asked.

"I don't know," Lily whispered. "Confused. Uncertain. Maybe a bit immature." She shrugged. "I think that maybe I'm all of those things too. I'm not sure."

"You're not immature. Never immature. You're a thousand times better than the idiots you hang around with. Better than me, too."

"Don't bring the others into it. They're beside the point." Lily took a deep breath. "I think that, for better or worse, you're someone I care about. A lot. Regardless of *your* feelings, I think I love you. And you have problems, but – but I forgive you." Their faces were so close together that their noses were almost touching. "I really think you should kiss me now," she whispered.

Severus' hand moved behind her head, tilting it upwards, and he kissed her. Lily shivered and moved closer.

"I've missed you," he whispered.

"I know. Me, too." They separated slightly. "About – everyone else."

"What about them?"

"We'll – we'll work out what to do about them over summer. Okay?"

"All right."

He kissed her again, and Lily felt him relax slightly under her hands.

"Ooh," said another voice. "*Bugger.*"

They disentangled themselves more quickly than Lily would have believed possible.

"Nancy?"

Nancy was staring at them, open-mouthed. Lily realised that Snape's hands still rested on her hips.

"You!" Nancy cried, "you're the prat who – Lily! I'm appalled!"

"Wonderful," Severus muttered.

"Uh, Nancy? What are you doing here?"

"You were taking an awfully long time, you know. I came down to see what was keeping you, and to lend a hand." She sank down into a welcoming chair. "And let me tell you, this is *not* what I expected to find. You're lucky I talked James out of coming with me." She frowned. "Does he know about this?"

"Hardly," said Severus.

"Pity. Lily, why couldn't you fall for a nice boy like James?"

Snape sneered. "Am I not worthy to be with a Gryffindor, then?"

"Snape, I don't think you're worthy to be with anyone. You're an arrogant, misanthropic toad with lousy manners, greasy hair and *no* people skills whatsoever. I don't know what potion you used to convince this poor girl that you're really a sensitive, tortured soul, but—"

"Hey!" cried Lily, "don't make me out to be an idiot, or a victim. I know he's not perfect." She took a deep breath. "I love him anyway."

Nancy buried her head in her hands. "Oh no," she said, "it's worse than I thought."

Briskly, she stood up. "All right. We're going to sort these books, and then you're both going back to your common rooms, where you will meditate on the utter *stupidity* of this relationship."

"It's not stupid," Lily muttered.

"Oh no? Sneaking around, keeping everyone in the dark – secret relationships aren't healthy, you know."

"The teachers know," said Lily.

"Who, exactly?"

"Sprout. Crowley. McGonagall. Spawforth. Dumbledore."

Nancy whistled. "I'm not even going to ask how the staff know when the students don't even have an inkling – how'd you keep it from Bertha? – and I guess that Dumbledore wouldn’t allow him—" she jerked her head at Snape – "to take advantage of you. But—"

"Who are you," Severus asked coldly, "to decide these things? You're not even the Head Girl."

"I'm Lily's friend," said Nancy grimly. Though touched, Lily couldn’t help but think it was the most terrifying thing she'd ever heard. "And apparently, I'm the only student who knows about this little – thing. How long have you two been together, anyway?"

"Since Christmas."

"And how often does Snape leave you sobbing in the library?"

"It was only the once," Severus said.

"I broke up with him."

"And now you're back together again, to live happily every after." Nancy shook her head and shelved the final book. "Dumb. Very, very dumb." She opened the door and pointedly led Lily and Severus out.

"Say your fond farewells," she said, "and get back to your common rooms. Quickly."

***

Lily felt Nancy's eyes on her during breakfast and lunch the next day, but no mention was made of Severus.

Nor, she was pleased to see, was there any sign that Nancy had told Frank of her discovery, although Severus' eyes kept flicking over to the Head Boy at mealtimes. Lily was grateful for her discretion.

After classes, Nancy detached herself from her friends and said to Lily, "Come for a walk around the lake with me?"

Lily agreed.

The lake was enormous, over a mile across and very deep, but the walking track included a number of bridges, some of which owed more to magic than structural engineering. Lily and Nancy were crossing the third of these, a glistening confection of spun glass, when Nancy said, "Well, you wouldn't be the first girl to fall for an idiot. *Don't* give me that look; I'm not going to pretend to like Snape for you."

They reached the end of the bridge and sat down on some rocks. Over the lake, the castle shone in the late afternoon light.

"Gorgeous, isn't it?" said Nancy. "I'm going to miss this place when I leave."

"What will you do after school?"

"I have a job with the Ministry. And Frank and I are getting married in late September."

"But we'll all be at school! We won't be able to come."

Nancy shook her head. "We'll hold it on a Hogsmeade weekend, in the village hall. I've already checked with Dumbledore. My mother doesn't like it, and Mrs Longbottom had a few things to say, but we're going to invite everyone from school."

"Thankyou."

"You're welcome." Nancy picked up a rock and threw it into the lake. "Look. I don't like Snape, and I don't think he's nearly as good as you deserve. And I *really* don't like the secrecy involved here. Six months, Lily! All that time he was playing little games with Frank, and abusing your friends – and you! I don't think it's healthy."

"It wasn't," said Lily, who was getting over her initial rage at Nancy's words. "That's why we broke up. But we're going to do better this time."

"Well, you'd want to. Although *he's* the one with room for improvement."

"How can you say that? I was consoling James and everyone after their fights, and then sneaking off to Severus."

"That *is* reprehensible," said Nancy, although she sounded more amused than outraged. "Tell me, how did this begin?"

Reluctantly at first, Lily told Nancy about Crowley's project, the suspicions that she'd never managed to resolve, and the complicated, messy way she'd fallen in love with Severus.

"Do you really love him?" Nancy asked, "or is that just the way you think you *should* feel?"

"How can you tell the difference? How do you know you love Frank? I can't analyse it, I just *know*."

Nancy sighed. "I was afraid of that." She pulled a blade of grass from the ground and twisted it around her fingers as she spoke.

"I agree that Crowley's behaviour is strange, but I think you were right not to go playing Lily Evans: Girl Detective." She laughed. "I'm square enough to think that the OWLs were more important. Crowley's a strange woman, but I don't think she's *evil*." Nancy frowned. "There is one thing, though."

"What?"

"I'm not such a bad hand with a cauldron myself, and I'm a pureblood. A couple of years ago, Crowley asked if I'd be interested in a possible extra project, but when I asked about it later, she said that she hadn't been able to find a suitable partner."

"There are Muggle-borns in your year."

"Yeah, but I guess none of them were any good at Potions."

"What do you think I should do, Nancy?"

"Let it go. Crowley's a good teacher – not a nice person, but Hogwarts almost rivals Durmstrang for the quality of the Potions course these days, and Durmstrang's the best in the world. As for Snape, well, I can't tell you what to do there. And you wouldn’t listen to me if you didn't like my advice anyway."

Lily admitted that this was probably true.

"I am there for you, though," Nancy added. "You can write to me, if you like. You need *someone* close to your age to talk to, and you can hardly confide in twits like Geraldine, or Mary, or that idiot Sirius."

They returned to the school in companionable silence.

"By the way," Nancy said as they entered the castle, "there's something I want to show you."

Lily followed Nancy up to the second floor of the library.

"You and Snape probably have your own corner," Nancy whispered, looking around for Madam Pince, "most couples do. But you can have ours, as well – Frank and mine." She led Lily over to a nondescript group of shelves.

"What am I supposed to be looking at?"

"Stand over here, and imagine what this section would look like if that bookshelf on the right doesn't exist."

"Why? What's – oh!"

One of the shelves, Lily now saw, was an illusion, concealing a small, private corner. Entering the hiding place, she realised that it was completely hidden from the eyes of strangers, and that anyone within could chose whether or not to see outside.

"This is amazing."

The cubbyhole was spacious; it even had a window, through which the setting sun poured. There were a number of cushions on the floor.

"It's completely private," said Nancy. "Soundproof, too." She laughed as Lily blushed. "Come on. The enchantments to maintain it are pretty complicated – we want to get started if you're to learn them before dinner."

***

She told Severus about the library corner that evening, curled up on the floor of the music room with her head on his shoulder. He seemed amused, but she wasn't certain; he was still withdrawn.

"What's so funny?"

"Just the thought of our perfect Head Boy, sneaking around like – like a fifth year."

"I'll show it to you tomorrow."

"Sounds good. I'll need something to distract me from the Leaving Feast."

Provided that Sirius didn't do something spectacularly stupid in the next twenty-four hours – and Frank had assigned James, Peter and Remus to ensure that this was the case – Gryffindor would win the House Cup for the sixth year running.

"I'm sorry about the Quidditch match," Lily said.

Severus scowled. "We could have won. *I* could have won, if Wilson hadn't been so damned egotistical." He shook his head. "We could have the best Seeker in the world, but it's no use if the rest of the team won't play together – and then I had to put up with Black, running through the halls, *singing* about it, and Potter was being so bloody *nice*--" He leaned back and closed his eyes. Lily squeezed his hand.

"I just wish," he said slowly, "that for once in my life, I might be allowed to accomplish something worthwhile."

"Is Quidditch really the summit of your ambitions?"

"No. But it's a place to start." He opened his eyes. "I have something for you, by the way."

"Oh?"

"A birthday present. I got it while you were away. Here." From his robes, he withdrew a small, shimmering package.

"It's not a ring, is it?" Lily joked.

"No. Open it."

Inside was a wooden box, inlaid with designs that seemed to fold in on themselves into infinity. Amongst the twining curves and layers, Lily could make out some shapes: an ankh, a hooked ring, a heart. More images appeared with every second she examined it.

"It's an Endless Box," Severus told her. "It can be as big or as small as you like, and it can hold anything. Jewellery, quills, books, furniture, dreams. Souls."

"Can a person enter it?"

"Probably. I'm not sure they'd come out again, though."

"You shouldn't have."

"I wanted to." He handed her a small, thick book.

"Is this the operating manual?"

"They're complicated things, Endless Boxes. You need to understand them to use them."

"Thankyou." She kissed him.

"You're very welcome." His arms slipped around her waist, and Lily felt him finally begin to relax properly.

Much later, she asked, "So when's your birthday?"

"October twenty-eighth."

"Hmm, a Scorpio." A thought struck her. "You must be one of the youngest in our class, then." That, she thought, rather explained a lot.

"Actually, I'm one of the eldest. I was born in 1959."

"Oh. I thought—"

He gave her a pained look. "You know, you've already called me immature once this week. Isn't that enough?"

"Well, you can be awfully childish, for someone with a mental age of thirty-five." But I love you anyway, she wanted to add, but there was no point in revisiting an unpleasant argument. She settled for kissing him instead. It seemed to do just as well.

***

Lily slipped into the Leaving Feast several minutes late, scurrying to the table and surreptitiously straightening her tie. The hall was decorated in red and gold, and her fellow Gryffindors looked inordinately proud of themselves.

Severus slouched into the hall several minutes later, taking his seat without acknowledging Frank's glare, or the snorts from the other end of the Gryffindor table as Sirius murmured, "He had to go and put some extra grease in his hair. Special occasion, you know."

Lily dared to look up at the Staff Table. Professor Sprout looked highly amused, McGonagall and Spawforth were avoiding each other's eyes, and Crowley was concentrating on her plate, although her lips were tight. Dumbledore caught Lily's eye and gave her a small, benevolent smile. Lily grinned back at him and applied herself to the feast.

After everyone had finished eating, Dumbledore got to his feet.

"This has been a difficult year for all of us," he said. "Some have lost friends, others have lost family. Those of you leaving this school – and, perhaps, some younger students – are faced with difficult choices. You, who are barely more than children, must make decisions that will affect your entire lives, and whose effects may spread through our community and beyond. For it is from the children of our society that Lord Voldemort intends to build his most loyal and dangerous armies."

It might have been Lily's imagination, but Crowley seemed to be watching Spawforth for some reaction. If he made any, though, it was beyond Lily's perception.

Sirius nudged James. "Look at the Slytherins," he hissed. Marguerite had a proud smile on her face, and Avery had straightened his shoulders. Snape's expression has concealed by a curtain of hair.

"Although the future may appear hopeless," Dumbledore continued, "you should know that you have a choice, no matter how unlikely that may seem. Regardless of your house, or your family, or your background, the decision to be a force for good or evil rests with *you*. This school, and its staff, will always be a source of hope and refuge to anyone who asks it." Dumbledore paused. "Well, enough of seriousness for tonight. Let us celebrate our continued good health, and the excellent deserts before us."

With a wave of his hand, rows of puddings, cakes and sweets appeared on the tables, but most people were too busy applauding to notice. Without thinking, Lily rose to her feet. For a moment, she felt terribly self-conscious, but then James let out a whoop and joined her. Sirius, then Peter, then Remus followed him. Frank and Nancy got to their feet together, and then the rest of the school joined them.

***

Back in the common room, Frank jumped up onto an overstuffed chair and called for order, swaying crazily.

"All right, you lot! Settle down, I want to say a few words!"

"Aw hell," moaned Sirius, burying his head in a cushion and pretending to snore.

"Seriously, Sirius…"

"Frankly, Frank…"

Frank laughed so hard that he nearly fell off his perch.

"In all ser – earnestness, I want to thank this house for the support you've all given me as Head Boy. I know it took me a while to grow into my, uh, authority, and you all gave me a lot of help. I've been accepted into the College of Aurors, and I know that this experience will be valuable."

"Hell, I was just having fun pointing out your mistakes!" called James.

Frank proceeded to share a few words with individual students. Lily remembered why he was so popular; he took the time to know everyone.

"Clarice! You'll dedicate your first novel to me, won't you? And Peter – don't ever change, mate. You're fantastic the way you are. Remus! The boy who missed more school than anyone, and *still* managed to get better marks. Except for James, of course, who excels without even trying. The great prat."

James snorted, tears streaming down his face as he tried to answer.

"And as for Sirius," Frank continued, "well, my mother always said, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

Sirius was laughing harder than anyone at this.

"Lily." Frank jumped off the chair and landed in front of her. "You take care of yourself, okay? You're a treasure."

Lily opened her mouth, but no words could escape, and she could only smile.

***

The prefects had a group of compartments to themselves on the journey home. Frank, Nancy, James and Lily bagged one for themselves near the end of the first carriage, although Frank ended up yelling at James when he accidentally let off a round of Filibuster Fireworks.

James' high spirits faded as Snape and Marguerite entered the compartment, stowing their trunks and settling down without making eye contact with anyone else. Nancy gave Lily a worried look.

"Problems?" Frank asked. "Because there are six other compartments for prefects, and I can't imagine one you'd less prefer."

Marguerite gave him a cold look; Severus didn't bother to respond.

"I'll tell you what's up," said James, sounding amused. "This is the only compartment without a Slytherin or two, and I'm guessing that the other prefects all took Wilson's side after the Quidditch match."

"Go to the head of the class," Snape muttered.

"Already there, thanks."

Lily groaned quietly and curled up in a corner, hoping it would pass quickly. Nancy smiled sympathetically. Severus, sitting diagonally opposite from her, smiled very slightly. Then he pulled out a book and started reading, ostentatiously ignoring the Gryffindors.

"Snape," said Frank, turning his head to one side to examine the book, "isn't that a Forbidden Volume?"

"Yes."

"That's – you brought that to *school*?"

"Obviously." Snape smirked. "Want to borrow it?"

"No!" Frank swallowed, visibly furious, yet unsure of his authority.

"Frank," Nancy murmured, "let it go. You're neither Head Boy nor Auror…"

"He shouldn't have it," Frank muttered.

"I agree," said Nancy, glaring at Snape. Severus looked as though he wanted to argue, and then thought better of it. Slowly, he put it away. James chuckled, but stopped when Lily gave him an irritated look.

Despite promising herself that she wouldn't so much as glance at Snape on the train, Lily found herself drawn to him. At one point, she pulled her eyes away from him and found herself meeting Marguerite's gaze. Marguerite smirked, but said nothing. Lily wondered whether there was any possibility that she'd forget the moment over the summer. Probably not; Marguerite would no doubt remember at the most inconvenient time.

Nancy had noticed the exchange too; she grinned at Lily and said, "Goodness, I'm hungry."

"Me, too," said Frank. "Shall I go down and see what's keeping the food cart?"

"Oh, good idea. It should have been here by now."

"I'll go with you," said James, standing up and stretching. "I promised Sirius and the others that I'd stop by."

"They're probably the ones holding the cart up," said Frank. "That's assuming that they've finished the supplies you stole from the kitchens this morning…"

Marguerite snorted, and Severus muttered something that sounded like, "Typical."

James didn't bat an eyelid. "Oh, those'll be long gone. There were éclairs, you know, and caramel tarts, and Peter *does* love éclairs."

"Let's go," said Frank. "Maybe there'll be a crumb left…"

After they were gone, Nancy turned to Marguerite with a charming smile. "At last!" she said cheerfully. "I thought they'd be here forever, and Frank *does* hate it when I talk to your crowd…"

Marguerite looked surprised, but she said, "The Longbottoms have no wizarding pride. That's old news." She gave Snape a sidelong glance. "Isn't that right, Sev?"

Snape turned away from the window. "I don't wish to discuss the Longbottoms."

"Good," said Nancy. "Because whatever your opinion is, I don't want to hear it. I *do* want to talk to Marguerite. Did you know that we're cousins on your mother's side?"

Marguerite raised a perfect eyebrow. "Really?"

"Truly. I was talking to my niece, Annette – she's a fourth year Ravenclaw, brilliant kid – and it turns out that your grandmother is my aunt."

"Really?" Marguerite looked genuinely intrigued. "Grandmother Samantha?"

"That's the one. She's about thirty years older than my mother – of course, they were only half-sisters."

"But purebloods."

"Oh yes." Nancy laughed. "Grandfather Magnus would never settle for less."

"Your grandmother was the second wife. The Frenchwoman."

"Yup. Dear old Grandmama. She sends me robes from Paris every year."

"My grandmother cut off all ties after Great-Grandfather remarried. We weren't allowed to discuss the – your branch of the family." Marguerite looked hungry, and it took Lily a second to realise that she was greedy for family.

"You should meet my niece. She's the family historian. Looks a bit like you, too…"

With this final sop to Marguerite's vanity, Nancy was able to lead her out of the compartment and down the train, calling, "I'll tell Frank and James that there's no need to hurry back!"

As soon as they were gone, Lily threw herself across the compartment, almost landing in Severus' lap as the train lurched slightly.

"I thought I was going to go mad!" she said as soon as they'd disentangled themselves.

"I know. Hold on a moment…" Severus drew his wand and warded the door.

"I don't know those wards," Lily said.

"I use them in my dorm, to keep the others away from my things. Privacy can be hard to come by in Slytherin."

"I can imagine."

"That was a neat trick of McIntyre's, though."

"Is she really related to Marguerite?" Lily wrinkled her nose. "I can't imagine two people more different."

"Sooner or later, all purebloods are related."

"Even you and James?"

His mouth thinned, but he didn't rise to her teasing. "Not closely. The lines haven't crossed for quite a few generations. Potter's father married an American witch, you know."

"I didn't."

"Well, it doesn't matter now." A trifle reluctantly, he added, "I'm more closely related to Black than Potter. His mother is a pureblood. She's the great-great-granddaughter of a younger son from my father's line."

"You're … cousins?"

"Distantly. But only the fanatics like Marguerite care about things like that." Severus pulled her closer. "I have better things to think about."

The next few minutes were spent in a pleasant haze of hands, skin and glass-filtered sunlight.

"Sooner or later," Lily sighed, "we're going to have to let the others back in. Nancy can't stall them forever."

"I know." He sounded utterly unenthusiastic at the prospect.

"There's no way you could … make up with Wilson?"

"'Make up?'"

"Well, if the alternative is sharing a compartment with James and Frank … and to be quite honest, I could do without Marguerite."

"There's no possibility of 'making up' with Wilson." He leaned back, his gaze distant. "Quite the opposite, in fact…"

"What are you planning?" Lily asked warily.

"I don't know yet … I need to talk to Lucius."

The name triggered a connection in Lily's mind.

"Is that Lucius Malfoy?"

"Yeah." Now it was Severus who looked wary. "How do you know about him?"

"I heard Professor Crowley talking about him once. He's on the Board of Governors, isn't he? And Mary reckons that he's in love with Narcissa."

"In *love*? Hardly."

"It's true?"

"They have an arrangement."

"Oh. That's … somehow very Slytherin. How well do you know him?"

"Not very well. I usually spend a few weeks at the Manor every summer … he feels he owes something to my father. But I'm just one of a dozen guests." Severus idly stroked Lily's arm. "He owes me a favour, though … I did some work for him last summer. And dealing with Wilson is the kind of thing he's good at."

"Lovely." There was an unpleasant flatness in Severus' eyes, and Lily changed the subject. "Will we be able to see each other over summer?"

"Of course." He leaned down to pull a small notebook out of his trunk. "I usually spend most of my time with friends, but my mother claims to have 'plans' for me. It's probably just an excuse to keep me close to home, but she lets me have guests. Or rather," his eyes flashed, "she can't stop me from inviting people. And Diagon Alley is usually pretty empty in the middle of the summer … students have spent their summer money and need to start saving up for school again. I spend a lot of time in the Alleyways."

"You can come and visit me."

"In the Muggle world?"

"Where else? Come on, it'll be fun." Lily grinned. "You can meet my sister." Wouldn't Petunia love that? "The boys are visiting, and I'm visiting them—" Somehow, the long-desired invitation meant less to her than it had six months ago, although she valued the boys more and more – "but we can owl each other and co-ordinate."

"All right. But—" Severus rummaged in his trunk and pulled out some parchment. It felt perfectly normal to Lily, but he said, "this absorbs ink, but you can read it back if you know the trick. So that strangers – and friends – can't read our mail."

"We just send it back and forth?"

"That's right. I don't want to have to explain to Lucius that I'm corresponding with a Mudblood."

Or that you might be doing anything more with a Mudblood, Lily thought sourly.

Severus straightened up the compartment while Lily straightened her hair, and then they released the wards on the compartment, and the others returned.

***

As they waited to be released, in groups of two or three, from Platform Nine and Three Quarters, Nancy pressed something into Lily's hands. "Owl me," she ordered. "I had to spend forty-five minutes with Marguerite and my swotty brat of a niece. You owe me. And don't open that until you're out of here."

Lily slipped the package into her pocket and agreed.

Her father was waiting for her outside. He leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"Back again, pumpkin?"

"Back again." Reluctantly, Lily asked, "how's Mum?"

"Better."

"Good."

James and Sirius came bounding over. "Don't lift a finger with that trunk, Mr Evans," called James. "We'll do it."

"Well, that's very nice of you, boys," Mr Evans began.

"Nothing to it," said Sirius. "Mum's already charmed ours, so there's no lifting for us—"

"—And we need this chance to show off for Lily—"

"—And impress you so much that we're allowed to visit over summer."

Mr Evans laughed, and Lily introduced the boys properly. They'd struck just the right note with her father: light-heartedly respectful. By the time Lily was settled in the car, and the boys were being Portkeyed back to Sirius' home, Mr Evans had been completely won over.

"You might want to, uh, apologise to your mother when you get home," said her father as they set out on the drive home.

"*I'm* not the one who lied," Lily muttered.

"That's beside the point. She was already upset, and—"

"I know." Lily sighed. "I'll make it better."

"And don't go pestering her. She'll – she'll talk to you when she's ready."

So there *is* something to talk about, Lily thought, but she nodded and murmured something obedient.

When her father stopped for petrol, complaining about the exorbitant prices as he did so, Lily pulled Nancy's package out of her pocket and quickly unwrapped it.

A tiny, black-robed teddy bear fell into her lap. Lily picked it up and examined its green and silver tie, admiring the black hair and – the perfect touch – miniscule glass vial.

'Now we can say, in complete honesty, that deep down, Severus Snape is really a teddy bear,' Nancy had written. 'I'm not saying that I like it, but I thought you should have the complete set.'

to be continued