There'll Be Bluebirds

Teddy gratefully accepted a cup of hot chocolate from Harry, wrapping his mittened hands around it, and burying his nose in the warm, fragrant steam. He sipped the warm, rich liquid, letting it slide down his throat, sighing with appreciation. He hadn't said a word since he'd lain Remus' diary aside. Harry pulled his hat down a little more firmly over his ears, huddled inside his coat, and drank his own hot chocolate, waiting for Teddy's shoulders to lower from the position they'd taken somewhere just below his ears. 'Your mum and dad are always with you,' Harry told Teddy softly. 'Here,' he added, gently resting a hand over Teddy's heart. 'In everything you do. And I know you don't believe me, and I can't blame you. It's hard to believe in something you can't see or touch. But they're here.'

xxxxxx

Remus peered around the trunk of a tree, waiting for the moment when Dora would emerge from the house. He tensed as the door opened and Molly came into the back garden, quickly followed by Andromeda. Whatever they were saying was almost too soft for even Remus to hear. He could catch the words, 'Ted... mustn't worry... Need to look after... Find a way to contact me when it's time... no worry at all... in case... Healer's so young... '

Dora was slower to exit the house, turning to speak to the person behind her. Remus' hand tightened over the rough bark of the tree, inexplicable jealousy welling up in his throat, threatening to choke him. What is he doing here? he thought grimly, nails digging into the bark.

Charlie grasped Dora's elbow, guiding her over the uneven terrain of the garden, head bent close to hers.

Remus' even temper could take no more. He wondered if Molly had deliberately brought Charlie, in an attempt to encourage Dora end their marriage and allow Charlie to raise his child. Not while I'm alive to draw breath! He felt a low growl rise in his throat. Molly was a great believer in pairing people off, and surely believed Dora was better of with her misanthropic, taciturn second son than the absent Remus. And Molly had briefly entertained the idea of attempting to persuade Bill to date Dora before it was obvious Bill was deeply in love with Fleur and Dora was stubbornly fixated on Remus. The hair on the back of his neck rose as his anger built against Molly's presumption. Dora folded her arms over her stomach, pulling the jumper she wore tightly against her abdomen. Remus' felt his jaw drop. In a mere three weeks she had gone from being able to conceal her pregnancy to a visible bulge that he ached to touch.

Molly gave Andromeda's hand a squeeze before she Disapparated. Charlie's voice rumbled across the frosty night. 'If you need anything,' he told Dora, her small hand cradled in his larger one, 'let me know.'

Dora smiled a little. 'Something salty with chocolate on it?' she asked with a hint of her usual impishness.

Charlie's mouth turned up at the corners. 'If I see something, I'll send it to you straightaway.' He leaned forward and brushed a kiss over her cheek. Remus' entire body tensed and he had to restrain himself from lunging forward and wrapping his bare hands around Charlie's throat. He could feel his chest heave with the effort of not giving in to his need to assert his place in Dora's life. Charlie made his farewells to Andromeda and then, he, too, Disapparated.

'Come inside, Nymphadora,' Andromeda called.

'Go ahead, Mum. I need some air.'

Andromeda touched her arm. 'Do you have your wand?'

With a movement so slight, one might have missed it had they not been looking for it; Dora's wand appeared in her hand. 'I always have my wand. I'm an Auror. Temporarily out of work, and getting enormously pregnant, but nonetheless, still an Auror.'

Andromeda cupped her hand over her daughter's cheek. 'Don't stay out too long,' she chided gently. 'I'll have some tea ready for you when you come inside.'

'Thanks, Mum.'

Andromeda patted Dora's cheek and headed for the open door. 'Nympadora?'

Dora eased down to a battered Adirondack garden chair. 'Yeah?'

'Do you want him to come back? I know you've been waiting for him. You're always looking out the window, as if you expect him to appear at the garden gate.'

Dora snorted. 'Of course I do. He's the baby's father.'

Remus held his breath, heart pounding loudly in his ears, nearly drowning out what was said next.

'I meant for yourself,' Andromeda said with a gentleness Remus had never imagined her capable of producing. 'Marriages where one spouse does not respect the other are abysmal failures.' She stroked Dora's hair as she spoke. 'It's what I grew up with, what I saw as my peers were settled in arranged marriages. Some were better than others, because the mutual respect was already in place. I always wanted you to find the kind of marriage I have with your father.'

'So did I, Mum.' Dora let her head fall against the back of the chair. 'I'll be inside in a bit.'

'Very well.' Andromeda went inside the house, leaving Dora alone in the garden.

Remus slumped against the tree. He'd only just learnt to respect himself. How was he going to convince Dora to respect him once more? -What would Prongs do? He would make the bold choice, no? 'Once more into the breach,' he muttered, squaring his shoulders and wrapping his fingers around the handle of his case. He strode with a firm, determined footstep to the wrought-iron gate.

Bang!

He found himself on his back at the base of a tree, looking up through the spidery branches, wheezing. 'Must you do that?' he said hoarsely. Remus coughed a few times and sat up, shaking leaves from his hair.

'Can't be too careful,' Dora told him. 'Especially since I don't move quite as well as I used to.'

'So you immediately bludgeon a person into submission?'

Dora planted her hands on the arms of the chair and pushed herself into standing. 'I do when there are Death Eaters looking for me!'

'Do I look like a Death Eater?' Remus countered.

'When you wear the hood of your cloak up,' Dora retorted tartly. 'Bloody hell, Remus, who in their right mind would wear a dark cloak with a hood while You-Know-Bloody-Who and his lackeys are running around Avada Kedavra-ing anything that moves?'

Remus stared at her, lips pursed. 'I do not believe anyone has ever accused me of being in my right mind,' he told her.

'Why are you here?'

'It was you who asked me to decide,' Remus reminded her. 'Obviously, my presence would indicate my desire to be with you and the baby.' He stooped and retrieved his battered case, brushing off the dirt and leaf mold. 'And Charlie Weasley?' he added with a snarl.

'Molly came to check on Mum, and Charlie came with her so she wouldn't be alone.' Dora crossed her arms over her chest. 'Why? Are you jealous?'

Remus glared at her, gritting his teeth. 'No,' he ground out through a clenched jaw.

'Really? Because you're behaving like a troll.'

'I'm not.' Remus paced the garden. 'He's seen you naked!' he roared.

'That was six years ago!' Dora shrieked.

The back door flew open. 'Will the two of you stop shouting and come inside before someone hears you?' Andromeda hissed.

'Sorry, Mum,' Dora said automatically.

'My apologies,' Remus murmured.

'Out here yelling at one another like idiots,' Andromeda grumbled, 'making yourselves exceedingly obvious targets to Snatchers or Death Eaters...' She stood back to let Dora inside the house. 'I would have assumed you to know better, Remus.' Startled, Remus opened his mouth to argue, but Andromeda swept regally into the house.

Dora stood in the kitchen, busying herself with tea things, her jumper draped over the back of a chair. She glanced at Remus. 'Tea?'

'Yes, please. Thank you.' He stood uncertainly next to the table, unsure of where to put his things. Shrugging, Remus set his case next to the door. He sat in the chair Andromeda indicated and accepted a cup of tea from Dora. A brow rose slowly, as he tried to unobtrusively wave the cup under his nose.

'I didn't put anything in it,' Dora huffed crossly, settling in the chair across the table from his. Remus couldn't be certain, but he thought he saw Andromeda smile for a moment. As it was, she collected a cup from the tray and retrieved a book from the table.

'I shall bid you both good night,' she said, pausing to run a hand over Dora's hair, before leaving the two of them alone.

Remus opened his mouth a few times, but nothing came out. He settled for drinking his tea as quickly as possible, scalding his tongue in the process. 'So... Charlie...?'

'Just as I told you before. He just came with Molly.' Dora sounded exhausted.

'He wasn't trying to...' Remus suddenly felt deeply ashamed of the direction his thoughts had taken.

'Molly Weasley may have once had delusions of me marrying Bill or Charlie, but she gave that up ages ago. And Charlie and I are just friends. I was never in love with him and he realized rather quickly that he wasn't in love with me,' Dora informed him wearily. 'And in all honesty, I rather come with a lot of baggage these days.' She worried the side of her wedding ring with her thumb.

'How soon can you get your things packed?'

'I beg your pardon?' Dora said incredulously.

'You intend to stay here?'

'You have a better idea?' Dora gathered the tea things and took them to the sink and began washing them by hand.

'Your flat...?'

'How do you propose to have a baby in something that small? It was crowded with just the two of us. And I gave it up after... After you left.' Dora stacked her cup and saucer in the dish drainer. 'What about your flat?'

'That flat is dingy and... Small...'

'Larger than the one I used to live in.' She turned, wiping her hands on a clean tea towel and held out a hand. 'Are you finished with your tea?'

Hastily, Remus gulped the last of his tea and brushed past her to wash his own cup. 'That flat isn't suitable for a family.'

'But you've made modifications for the full moon there, haven't you?'

'Yes...'

'Dingy, we can fix. At least there's an extra bedroom for the baby there.'

Remus leaned against the counter, rubbing his hand over his face. 'I actually had another location in mind. It is safe and you won't be found, especially if we...' Remus exhaled slowly. 'Lose.'

'And where is this magical location, pray tell?' Dora inquired archly.

'It's with the other three... of... my kind. One of them can help with the baby when it comes. He was one of Shanti's teachers. It's under a Fidelius charm, and the only other people aside from myself that know the location are Dobby and one other elf at Hogwarts.' Remus could feel the desperation building and said the rest in a rush. 'There is adequate space to accommodate you and the baby. I do not believe the others would object to you, or the baby, for that matter.' He held his breath, hoping she would say yes.

'No.'

The single word fell between them, like a stone dropping into a still pond.

'In Merlin's name, why the bloody effing hell not?' Remus yelped, shocked into vulgarity.

Dora absently rubbed the side of her stomach. 'I can't leave Mum. Not right now. Especially since we don't know were Dad is or if he's ever coming back.' She bit her lower lip and glanced out the window, voice suddenly tight. 'I can't leave her alone.'

Remus hands clenched around the edge of the counter. 'All right,' he conceded reluctantly. 'We can stay here. For now.'

Dora nodded and waved her wand at the lamp, plunging the kitchen into darkness. 'Come on, then. I'll take you upstairs.' Remus Summoned his case and followed her through the house to the staircase. She paused at the top and gestured to a bedroom. 'In there.'

He opened the door, revealing a neatly-made bed with a small armchair in one corner, and a bureau in another. It was devoid of any personal touches and looked as if it was never used. He flicked his wand at the lamp on a small table next to the bed and waited for Dora to enter the now-lit room, but she crossed the corridor to another door. 'Aren't you coming to bed?' he asked.

'Yes. I am.' She laid her hand on the doorknob. 'In here.'

'Oh.' Remus felt strangely deflated. He watched with concern as Dora began to lightly rub the side of her swollen abdomen again. 'Is everything all right?'

'It's fine...'

Before he could stop himself, Remus stretched out his hand, and paused, palm hovering over her. 'May I?' Dora hesitated, studying his scarred hand just above her stomach, then nodded once. Remus gently set his hand just above her navel. Warmth spread through his palm and fingertips. His other hand rose and settled next to the first, fingers outspread. He looked up at her, scarcely able to breathe. 'Can you feel it move yet?' he whispered.

'Yes.' She arched her back a little and the hem of her t-shirt rode up, exposing the ridge of her pelvis. 'It's like... fluttering... You shouldn't be able to feel anything yet.'

Remus craned his head. Vivid pink lines radiated from the curve of her hip. He traced one with a forefinger. 'Does that hurt?'

'No.' She stepped back and his hands fell away. 'Good night, Remus.' The door closed firmly, leaving him alone, with no other choice than to retreat into the spare bedroom. He unpacked his things and lined up a few of his most prized books on top of the bureau, tracing the worn spines with his fingertips before selecting one and carrying it to the armchair. Remus tilted the book toward the lamp, and sought familiar solace in the poetry meandering down the page. He loved this particular book. It had been a gift from James and Sirius on his seventeenth birthday. Both of them professed more than a little bemusement about the content, but not Remus.

At the time, he fancied dreams were the only place he'd ever experience that which he read. But as he read this particular poem, he, for the first time, realized he didn't identify with the narrator. He was the object of the narrator's discourse - unable to face cold, hard reality.

He was jerked from his ruminations by a light knock on the door. He laid the book face down on the foot of the bed and opened the door, surprised to find Andromeda on the other side. 'I trust everything is satisfactory?' she asked softly, expression inscrutable.

'It is.' Remus resisted the urge of fidget nervously. Andromeda made him feel like he was seven years old again, staying up to read under the bedding by the light of a torch. 'You don't like me, do you?' he said at length, deciding frankness was the best course of action with her.

Andromeda's lips pressed together for a moment. 'I don't know you well enough to dislike you.' Her hands slid into the pockets of her dressing gown. 'I dislike how you've handled the marriage,' she said. 'Nymphadora is my only child. I will do anything - anything - to ensure her happiness. I fear she has seen precious little of that since she met you, Remus. Rest assured that if you do anything to make her unhappy again, I will be most displeased.' Her brow arched and Remus felt his mouth open slightly, her meaning perfectly communicated by that small gesture.

'I... I see.' He ran suddenly sweaty palms down the sides of his trousers. 'I shall endeavor to do my best to ensure that does not occur.' His tongue stuck to the roof of his parched mouth. Andromeda Tonks frightened him far more than Minerva McGonagall ever had.

She nodded, faint triumph settling in her dark eyes. 'Good night.' She glided down the corridor to her bedroom, never once looking back, but Remus was certain she knew he was watching. He didn't draw an easy breath until the bedroom door closed behind her.

xxxxxx

24 November 1997

Coming and staying show'd thee, thee,
But rising makes me doubt, that now
Thou art not thou.
That love is weak where fear's as strong as he ;
'Tis not all spirit, pure and brave,
If mixture it of fear, shame, honour have ;
Perchance as torches, which must ready be,
Men light and put out, so thou deal'st with me ;
Thou camest to kindle, go'st to come ; then I
Will dream that hope again, but else would die.

I do not know what I thought would happen when I came here tonight. I suppose some part of me hoped she would welcome me with open arms, and we could simply pick up where we last were. A fallacy, obviously. One I ought to have been aware when I walked through the door.

I realize the poem was written to reflect the social mores of the time, but love, when held against the cold, hard light of reality, can crumple like early flowers under a late snowfall. So here I am, uneasily occupying a room where I am almost certain I am not entirely wanted. Even if my wife claims otherwise. Fear does not maintain a grip on her. She breaks it through sheer will and determination.

I will continue to attempt to persuade her to live in the farmhouse with the Philip, Maurice, and Matthew. Especially once the baby is born. Many of my fears would be allayed if the child and Dora were hidden safely away. Bellatrix has made no secret of her desire to harm either of them. I do not ask Dora to hide because I believe she cannot look after herself. I could not live with myself if I had the means to hide Dora and the baby from them...

******

Teddy looked over his shoulder and slipped into the memorial corridor at Hogwarts. He pulled a folded piece of parchment from his pocket and walked slowly down the rows of portraits until he came to the one in the middle. He gazed at it for several long minutes before glancing around once more, to make sure Filch wasn't lucking about, then slid the parchment behind the frame. His hand trailed over edge of the frame, fingertips tracing the wolfsbane carved in it. When a light touch trailed over the back of his head, Teddy slowly turned, but the corridor was empty, save for himself. He took a step back and looked from Remus' portrait to Tonks'. One hand floated up dreamily to mimic that feathering caress. 'Mum?' he whispered, hope echoing longingly through his voice. 'Dad...?' The sound of approaching footsteps sent him scurrying back to Gryffindor tower.

4 January 2014

Dear Dad,

I don't know what to say. I've been reading your journals for a while now. I've been so angry at you. Not for dying, although, that doesn't exactly send sunshine up my bum. I thought for ages that you didn't want me. That you saw me as a burden that you had to deal with or run away from. Gran, Harry, and Ginny told me my entire life that you loved me and then I found your journals and was able to read what you really thought. I don't know what to think. I don't know if you loved me for my own sake or just because of Mum. I know you didn't exactly plan on having me.

I get why you had to fight and the reasons why you died. You wanted - needed - the world to be a better place, and not just for me. You needed it for yourself and for Mum. I guess I'll never understand why both of you had to be there. Especially if I was so important to the two of you.

I just wish I could really understand how you did feel about me. There's nothing worse than being forced to do something out of a sense of obligation, and I can't help but feel that's all it ever was with you. Because you know, Dad, if you really loved Mum, how could you ever have considered leaving her? And if you left her, then you were leaving me, too. Based on some stupid excuse that you trotted out when things got too close for you.

I'll keep reading. I owe you that much.

Your son,

Teddy