There'll Be Bluebirds

Harry eased the car into a space in the car park near King's Cross, and darted across the street, adroitly avoiding traffic, then passed through the barrier to Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters. Ordinarily, he would have used Appartion to collect Teddy and drop him off at Andromeda's, but he'd chosen the car after receiving several worried owls from no less than Neville, McGonagall, Gareth, and Hagrid. Harry figured if he used the car, he could try to pry what ailed the boy out of him. It was at least a two-hour drive to Andromeda's house.

He joined Bill near a pillar, casting a worried eye at the darkening clouds overhead while he twirled the key ring around one finger, making the keys jangle. Bill rubbed at the scar that ran down one cheek. 'Going to rain,' he commented, noting Harry's glance at the rapidly thickening clouds. 'Scars ache beforehand.'

'That's handy,' Harry replied absently.

'Huzzah. I can predict the weather.' Bill's droll tone kept it from being completely bitter. 'Suppose it's one good thing to come from that.' He reached over and closed his hand around Harry's, stilling the motion.

'Sorry.'

'Something on your mind?'

Harry tucked the keys into his pocket and shrugged. 'Have to talk to Teddy, and I'm not sure how to go about it.' He gave Bill a sideways look. 'Byproduct of my upbringing...'

Bill smoothed a hand over his wind-whipped hair and straightened his shoulders. 'Don't leave it open-ended,' he advised. 'Like, don't ask, "So, is there something going on?". I take it you have an idea about what's bothering Teddy?' At Harry's nod, Bill continued, 'Toss him a bone, eh? Be specific. If you get a yes or no, it's something to go on. It's how Dad would do it with Percy and Charlie. Especially Charlie. He wouldn't talk much unless you dragged it out of him. And Percy would go on and on about a thousand different things, so Dad had to be direct.'

'Direct. Yeah...' The scarlet engine pulled into the station with a great cloud of steam and squealing of brakes.

'Not too direct,' Bill cautioned. 'Don't want to antagonize him.'

Harry crammed his hands into his pockets. He had a notion from the letters that Teddy had already crossed the line into antagonized. 'Yeah...'

*****

Remus wedged himself into the narrow windowsill, pulling his knees into his chest, grimacing a little as the motion pulled on the new scars that roped his arms. Souvenirs of the last full moon. His head rested against the grimy windowpane, eyes trained on the waxing gibbous moon that hung between a break in the clouds. 'Why do you look at it so much?' Matthew's grainy voice fell into the dirty attic. 'All it represents is agony and pain.'

Remus exhaled slowly, his breath momentarily misting the window and blocking the moon from his view. 'I was so young when I received the bite, I don't remember what a full moon looks like.' He turned his head and gazed at the young man slumped in the doorway. 'Call it morbid curiosity.'

'Morbid's a good way to describe it.' Matthew traced the toes of his shoes into the thick layer of dust that coated the floorboards. 'There's someone here to see you...'

'Who?' Remus brows drew together in bemusement. None of the Order members, save Dumbledore, knew his exact location.

'House-elf.'

Remus scrambled from the window, nearly tripping in his haste. 'Did they tell you their name?'

Matthew shook his head. 'No. But it's one of the school elves.'

Remus felt a stab of disappointment. Normally Dobby came to see him, bearing oversized baskets of food that Remus immediately shared with the other werewolves. He could only imagine that was the purpose, since he wouldn't be able to eat all that food by himself. Not even when he was fifteen and practically ate his weight every meal. Dobby also brought news of Harry - a subject he was most enthusiastic about, and could be persuaded to talk about it with very little prodding. And from time to time, news of Dora, who guarded Hogwarts. 'Oh. Thank you.'

'He... or is it a she...? I can never tell... Either way, they've brought more food. Enough for the next week.' He followed Remus down the narrow stairs.

'That's very kind of them.'

'Yeah, because charity's always benevolent,' Matthew snorted sardonically.

'It's not charity,' Remus mumbled defensively.

'If you say so.'

'Why don't you ask the elf, whoever it is, why they've been bringing food to this house since before I even arrived?' Remus rounded a corner and entered the warm kitchen. He stopped just inside the doorway, nearly gaping at the young elf perched on a tall stool. She - Evie - was one of the younger elves. She'd just barely taken on light duties when he taught the one year, and had been assigned to clean his quarters. He'd had an unexpected free period, and walked in on Evie in the midst of her chores. She'd been distraught that he had seen her about her duties, but Remus had managed to calm her and struck up a light conversation. As it was, Remus was a favorite in the kitchens for his kindness from his student days when he'd gone on one of his frequent late night chocolate prowls. 'Any news?'

Evie reached into her tea-towel, which was still a little too big for her, and withdrew a tiny piece of parchment. 'From Professor Dumbledore.' She looked at Matthew disdainfully and drew herself up, gathering her dignity around her like a cloak. 'Is we supposed to let you starve?' she scoffed, in a surprisingly motherly tone.

'I guess not,' Matthew admitted.

Evie straightened her tea towel and hopped off the stool. She marched purposefully to Matthew and poked him in the knee. 'I has heard too many stories about bad families from other elves at Hogwarts,' she squeaked. 'If He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named wins, it is being like that for all of us.'

'A rebel elf, are you?' Maurice muttered.

Deeply insulted, Evie whipped around. 'No. I is knowing my place at Hogwarts. I is not wanting to be paid. But I do has a mind.'

'We're all in this together, is that right?' Philip drawled.

'I is knowing when something is not fair,' Evie said defensively. 'Was you asking to be a werewolf?' she added acidly.

'No...' Philip murmured, taken aback by the vehemence of the small elf's response.

Evie turned back to Matthew. 'That is why I is bringing you food.' She glared around the room, her drooping ears stiff with indignation, then snapped her fingers, disappearing with a loud crack.

Maurice blinked. 'That was like having my mother tell me off...' He tugged on one ear. 'I do believe she would have boxed your ears, Philip, if she could have reached them.'

Remus put the food away, setting Stasis charms on the cupboards, and remarked, 'She likely would have. I knew her mother. Marli was quite bossy, as well.' He leaned against the counter, and squinted at the impossibly tiny script on the miniscule parchment. He tapped it with his wand, it murmured, 'Engorgio.' The note blossomed to its full size, and Remus rapidly scanned it. 'Damn,' he hissed.

'What?'

'We need to find somewhere else...' Remus said flatly. 'Greyback's been planning another outing.' His grey eyes hardened as they flicked from side to side. 'Damn it,' he repeated, then began to read from the terse note. 'Apparently what we had the pleasure to endure last month will pale in comparison to this month,' he drawled ironically.

Matthew visibly tensed. 'It can get worse?'

Remus nodded. 'Causing mayhem amongst our families isn't enough inducement for those of us in this room to join Greyback. No, he has a bigger test for us, if we so choose to partake.' He ran a shaking hand through his hair. 'He wants us to bite someone... Muggle, magical - it doesn't matter.'

'What if we don't want to?' Philip asked in a small voice. It sounded incongruous coming from such a large man.

Remus didn't reply. He didn't have to.

'We ought to leave, then,' Maurice said firmly.

'What purpose would that serve?' Philip asked. 'They'll only find us again.'

Remus lifted his head. 'Not if one of us can perform a Fidelius charm,' he said, in a somewhat failed attempt to make a joke. It had the exact opposite effect. Tense silence enveloped the room.

'I can...' Matthew's whisper barely permeated the distress.

'How?' Remus blurted. 'I mean, it's rather advanced magic. Well past N.E.W.T.-level,' he added lamely.

'I worked for Gringotts in Argentina,' Matthew stammered. 'I was home visiting my parents during the Christmas holiday when Greyback attacked me last year.' He wrapped his thin arms around his ribs. 'And a lot of South American wizards like some of their treasure to be kept a family secret. So we had to learn how to do them.'

'We'll still have to find another place to stay,' Philip stated.

'Actually, no, we don't.' Remus remembered how James explained how the charm would work on the house in Godric's Hollow. It didn't matter if you knew where the house was before. Once the charm was set, only the Secret Keeper had to actually tell you what the secret was. Not even James or Lily could have told anybody where they lived.

'He's right,' Matthew said shakily. 'Once I set the charm, the fact we live here is a secret, and only the person who holds it - the Secret Keeper - can tell anyone. Greyback could walk in here while we're having afternoon tea and never see us...'

'And more importantly, someone who's not the Secret Keeper can't reveal the secret,' Remus interjected.

'Let's do it,' Philip said heavily. 'I don't fancy making someone else go through this... No matter how bitter I feel about it.'

'Who's the Secret Keeper?' Maurice asked.

Matthew gestured toward Remus with his chin. 'Him.'

'Why me?' Remus choked.

'I might have my doubts about the Order of the Phoenix,' Matthew said mildly, 'but you seem to hold them in high esteem. And they you. Which counts for something with my mum. If other blokes respect you, and not just fear you. And they don't hold being a werewolf against you. So if anything were to happen... you've got them to protect you.' He looked at Philip and Maurice. 'Unless either of you have an objection...?'

'Not at all,' Maurice said immediately.

Philip took a bit longer to reply. 'I suppose not.'

'How long will it take?' Maurice asked.

'Not too long,' Matthew sighed. 'But what will do about Saturday...?'

Remus tapped a kettle with his wand and then Summoned four cups from the old dresser on the other side of the kitchen, and began making tea. 'We go elsewhere. Wales is good. Wye Valley, Forest of Dean, Monmouthshire... There are some fairly isolated areas we can go.'

'And you know this how?' Philip scoffed.

'If I didn't use the basement of the building where I lived - and that was charmed so heavily, nobody even remembered it was there - I occasionally went outdoors. And I preferred somewhere where the risk to the rest of the population was minimal.'

'Enough with questioning every last thing he says,' Maurice rumbled. 'Remus has had to cope with this longer than the three of us combined. If he says to go to the Wye Valley Saturday, then we'll go to the Wye Valley.' He handed Philip a cup and glared at him. 'Unless you want to join Greyback or try and survive on your own?'

'No...' Chastened, Philip accepted the cup.

Remus put a hand under Matthew's elbow. 'Come on, then. Let's go upstairs and set that charm. The sooner we do that...'

Matthew looked glum. 'Yeah...' He clumped up the stairs toward the attic, where they would not be disturbed. 'Is it always going to be like this?'

'That's why I fight,' Remus replied. 'So one day it's not.'

*****

Remus shrugged his cloak off and folded it neatly, gazing intently at the tree that towered over him. 'Try to remember where you've left your clothes,' he reminded the others. 'Usually, you can find your way back to them. You won't wander very far.'

'Can't you just Apparate?' Maurice asked nervously.

'Where do you plan on keeping a wand?' Matthew asked dryly.

'Good point...'

Remus slowly, carefully unbuttoned his shirt. 'I've never gone above a half-mile away from where I've left my things...' He meticulously folded the shirt and laid it on top of the cloak. 'If you pay attention to yourself, you can manage to return with few problems.' The shoes were toed off and socks stuffed inside. 'The wolf will tell you,' he said in a low voice, waiting apprehensively for the moon to rise.

*****

30 October 1996

The advantage to being the Secret Keeper is considerable. None of the others will be able to alert Greyback to our location. I think it gives Matthew some measure of comfort that as long as he stays here, he won't be accosted by Greyback, or his followers. I must tell Dumbledore and Dobby, at the very least. And perhaps Evie and Marli. Otherwise, we won't have all that lovely food that's in the cupboards. But that's all. And nobody except the Hogwarts Headmaster can order a Hogwarts elf to do something or to not do something. But the very nature of a Fidelius charm offers a measure of protection. Neither of them will be able to breathe a word of our location. Not even if Dumbledore commands the elves to do so. After all, it's worked out well, as far as Kreacher is concerned with Order headquarters. And he'd give our location away to his beloved Miss Bellatrix in a heartbeat, given half a chance.

There is something to be said for being part of a pack. It, too, has quite an advantage. Especially since none of us want to turn others into werewolves. It does keep us focused and we do tend to stay together. It's exhilarating. Not that being with Prongsie and Padfoot wasn't helpful, but to be with others like myself... It approaches a feeling of euphoria I have never experienced.

And yet, it leaves me wanting something more...

*****

Remus tucked his hands into his traveling cloak and slipped out of the back door of the abandoned farmhouse he currently called "home" and ducked into the dilapidated barn where he could Apparate. An unsigned note tucked into the weekly delivery of food requested his presence at Hogwarts that evening. However, Dumbledore's angular script was unmistakable.

Remus was grateful for an opportunity to leave the house. It wasn't that he didn't care for the company of the other three inhabitants, but he was used to being able to come and go as he pleased. His nights were mostly occupied with standing on the edges of Greyback's pack, a position he avoided at all costs during the full moon. Greyback didn't trust him at all, and the others followed his lead in ostracizing Remus as one who had attempted to live among humans. Increasingly, Remus mulled over the conclusion that many of the werewolves may not have agreed with Voldemort at all. But after years of threats from the Ministry of everything from imprisonment to registration, they were disinclined to support them in any way. Remus also suspected some of the werewolves treated Greyback's claims of freedom under the Dark Lord with a healthy dose of skepticism, but didn't dare breathe it aloud.

All in all, it was a wearisome, lonely existence. One that proved to be especially chafing to Remus. He would have written Harry, but he couldn't risk owls flying in and out of the farmhouse. It had been a terrible choice to make, considering how much Remus knew Harry would have wanted and needed guidance from someone who was something of a father figure. He'd all but severed his ties to Dora, and found he keenly missed her company. She was bright, intelligent, and possessed an aura of cheeriness he found infectious. She haunted his dreams so often, he awoke startled, grasping for something that wasn't there.

The musty barn disappeared and in seconds Remus stood in the crags outside Hogsmeade. He took a moment to breathe deeply the tang of the sharp, pine-scented air. He carefully picked his way down to the edge of the village and contemplated his next course of action. He could dart between buildings, keeping to the shadows, or he could choose to boldly stride down the High Street.

He inched closer to Hogsmeade, peering through the darkness. Darkness... Everything was shut tightly against the pressing darkness. The streets were deserted. Remus tightened his cloak around his body and began walking down High Street. His nose wrinkled slightly as the odor wafted from the folds of his cloak. After the full moon the night before, he'd returned to the house and collapsed into his camp bed, without the luxury of either a shower or bath. Bathing was a somewhat rare occurrence in the farmhouse. There wasn't running water, and one had to be willing to fill the ancient bathtub with water. Even with magic, it took an inordinate amount of time to fill it. He could recall Padfoot snuffling at his chest the mornings following a full moon while they were at Hogwarts, then commenting on the scent, even after Remus had bathed. It wasn't unpleasant, but it made his head spin, while blood pounded in his ears.

A movement off to the side caught his attention. He drew his wand and stilled, waiting.

A figure, muffled in a cloak, rapidly walked from the opposing side of the street. Remus stepped from the sheltering shadow of the house and moved toward them. He knew that gait anywhere. Silently, he stole across the street to intercept her. His nostrils twitched as her scent grew stronger and he drew closer. He trod on a dead leaf, making it crackle under the sole of his shoe. She spun, her hood falling back.

Without waiting to contemplate his options, Remus grabbed her wrist and all but dragged Dora down a narrow alley between two buildings. He pushed her against a wall, fingers trailing hungrily down the side of her face, then plunged into her light brown hair. He didn't stop to wonder at her unusual appearance, as she usually wore her hair short and pink. He preferred her natural hair color anyway. His fingers wound through her hair, pulling her head back slightly. Dora's mouth was half-open in surprise and shock. He bent his head, slanting his mouth over hers, body pressed against hers. His other hand splayed against the small of her back, urging her hips forward, grinding against her. His tongue swept through her mouth, plundering the taste of her, then trailed down the sensitive flesh of her neck, nibbling and biting. He was blind and deaf to everything else, save the taste and smell of her skin.

BANG!

Remus flew across the alley, slamming into the stone wall with his back. He limply slid to the cold, hard ground, gradually regaining his senses, as he tried to force oxygen into his lungs. He wheezed painfully for several long moments, until he could once again breathe normally. Something nudged his ribs, and Remus looked up at the woman towering over him, rigid with rage. Her hair rippled from dark red to orange, like the flames of a fire. 'How dare you?' she hissed. 'You want nothing to do with me five months ago, but run into me here, randy as schoolboy, and all of a sudden, it's perfectly all right to maul me?'

'No... I...' Remus pushed himself to his feet. The longer he lived with werewolves, the closer his own wolf rose to the surface. At a loss to explain the situation, he merely offered her a sketchy sort of bow while gathering the cloak around him. 'I do beg your pardon,' he said formally. 'My apologies...'

Dora raised her wand a little, and hesitated.

Remus felt his cheeks burn with shame. 'This is why we can't... I'm too dangerous...'

Dora's head reared back and she glared at Remus, her breath coming out in short, irritated puffs. 'Oh?' she said archly. 'As you just learned, I am more than capable of protecting myself.' She stalked out of the alley, jabbing her wand at Remus' feet.

He waited uneasily for the hex she was sure to send his way. But it didn't come. After waiting for Dora to leave the alley, then counting slowly to fifty, Remus took a step toward the opening of the alley.

And promptly fell on his face. He tried to move his feet, but they were bound together by his shoe laces. Whatever hex she'd used had twisted them into a knot of such Gordian proportions; it would be dawn before he managed to undo it.

Sighing, he wrenched his shoes off and tucked them into a pocket inside his cloak and trudged up the cold lane to the gates of Hogwarts.

*****

Remus stood in the staff lounge, holding his hands out toward the crackling fire. A large mug of hot chocolate stood on the mantle, fragrant steam tickling his nose. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against the cool marble. He felt feverish, but knew that wasn't the case. There was no excuse for his earlier behavior. Most of his life he'd been able to hold the wolf in check, but the past few months had shown him that too, was nothing more than an illusion.

The door creaked open behind him, and Dumbledore strode in, giving Remus an odd look. 'What happened to your shoes?'

'Nothing,' Remus mumbled, wriggling his toes in mortification over the hole over his smallest toe. He felt like nothing more than a naughty first year caught out of bounds.

'How are things progressing?' Dumbledore asked, helping himself to a scone on the tea tray, and adding a healthy smear of raspberry jam.

Remus picked up his mug of hot chocolate and sipped it slowly, allowing the warmth to seep into his bones. 'Slowly. It isn't that people - my kind - don't trust the Order,' he said apologetically, 'they've grown accustomed to mistreatment at the hands of the Ministry. And who's to say that you're not just another Ministry puppet?'

'Surely, you don't - ' Dumbledore spluttered.

'I don't believe that.' Remus' flat voice cut through Dumbledore's protestations. 'But I'm your man, you see, and by extension, I'm not to be trusted.' He smiled thinly. 'I reek of humans.'

'Regardless, how can they trust Greyback? The werewolf who made most of them so?'

Remus shook his head, biting his lip to restrain the bubbles of laughter that rose to his lips. 'It's seductive. To be promised the life we dream of, the freedom to live with some measure of dignity. You don't know what that feels like...'

'Ought I to worry about you?'

Remus took another sip of the hot chocolate. 'No. I do know the difference between truth and fiction.'

'Quite.'

'I do have one request...?' he asked. At Dumbledore's nod, he continued, 'If something should happen to me, I'd like to Order to take the ones who are with me into their protection. One of them is particularly fragile. I'd hate to see Greyback get his hands - paws - on him. He's also highly skeptical of both our sides.'

'I shall see to it.'

Remus drained the rest of his hot chocolate. 'Thank you.'

*****

26 November 1996

After that display in the alley, I no longer wonder why the Ministry classifies us as beasts. Even though, technically it's true just one night a month. If that resembles what Greyback feels when he bites someone, no wonder he does it so often. What happened tonight makes what happened last Christmas pale in comparison. I am grateful she was able to put a stop to it. I shudder to think what might have happened had she not. Because I do not believe I could have stopped myself.

I wonder if my failure to entice more werewolves to join the Order or remain neutral is due to my feelings of ambiguity regarding the matter. I know real change will not come in my lifetime and perhaps not even in Harry's lifetime, if he lives that long, and if the Order triumphs. That kind of change will not happen under Voldemort. But while he will promise them the stars and moon, I will do nothing of the sort. I refuse to promise something I know I cannot deliver.

*****

Harry glanced at Teddy in the passenger seat, staring at the rain-swept meadows that whizzed by as they trundled down the motorway. The only sound was the soft whoosh of the windscreen wipers rhythmically sliding across the glass. 'I know what it's like to want to remember something that happened when you were young,' he said softly. 'And to want it so badly, you'll do almost anything to get it.' He paused and took his eyes off the wet asphalt and studied Teddy. He slumped in the seat, with his forehead resting against the window. 'Do you ever feel like that?'

Teddy's eyes closed, as if he were too exhausted to keep them open any longer. 'Yeah,' he confessed, almost too low for Harry to hear.

'Kind of pushes everything else back, doesn't it?' Harry continued, encouraged by the response he received from Teddy.

'Yeah...'

'When I was a bit younger than you, when Sirius escaped Azkaban, and Dementors stopped the train, that's when I heard my parents' voices for the first time,' Harry told his godson, unable to hide the slight thickening of his voice.

'Hmmm.'

'I got your dad to teach me how to cast a Patronus charm to help, because every time I came into contact with one of those blasted things, I damn near passed out.'

Teddy grunted.

'I did wonder at one point, if I wasn't trying as hard as I could have to cast the charm, just so I could hear my Mum and Dad's voices.'

'I keep trying,' Teddy said to the window. 'To go back through my memories so I can see if I can remember them at all...'

'Do you remember anything?'

Teddy shook his head. 'Just...' He hesitated, twisting to meet his godfather's concerned gaze, then whipped back to the scenery. Harry spied a lay-by ahead and pulled into it, shifting the car into park, letting motor tick over.

'What?'

'Why won't you let me call you "Dad"?' he asked plaintively.

'Because I'm not,' Harry blurted. Teddy stiffened, and Harry hastily added, 'I didn't want to take your dad's place.'

'Really?' Teddy snorted. 'Seeing as he's not here, I don't see how that's an issue,' he said coldly. He hunched into himself, huddling into seat. 'Can we go?'

Stung, Harry pulled the car back onto the motorway, feeling as if the silence that cloaked them once more was going to suffocate him.