Out In the Open

Dudley craned his head, attempting to catch his reflection in the window. He reached up to smooth the edge of an already tidy collar, nervously pulling at the neck of his jumper. 'Stop fidgeting,' Aaron murmured.

'Can't help it,' Dudley grumbled. 'After all the home assessments, medical exams, police checks, references... People judging us.'

'Remember what's at stake here,' Aaron replied calmly.

'That's why I'm nervous,' Dudley retorted. He twisted his wedding ring around, fiddling anxiously with it. 'If they turn us down, it'll be my fault.'

Aaron's brows drew together. 'Why would it be your fault?' he asked incredulously.

'It just would,' Dudley muttered.

'You're too hard on yourself,' Aaron sighed, knowing it would be useless to argue any further than that. He draped an arm over the back of Dudley's chair and gently ran his fingers in small circles between Dudley's shoulder blades.

The door of the small, stuffy office opened, making Dudley jump slightly. The social worker, a kindly grandmotherly sort, strode in and sat behind her desk. Annie Worthington smiled genially at the rather tense looking couple. 'You've been approved.' Both Dudley and Aaron released pent up breaths. Annie looked down at their file, tapping it lightly with a fingernail. Hermione Granger-Weasley had been quite specific. The young woman in question was due soon and most decidedly did not want to keep the child. Annie ran the tip of her fingernail under the girl's name. She was still in school, poor dear. It had been a summer fling with a neighbor boy from home. She hadn't gone back to Hogwarts after the Christmas holiday. The Headmaster and her Head of House had agreed to send her lessons through Owl Post. After the baby was born, she'd return to school in plenty of time to sit her N.E.W.T.s. The young man in question and his parents had readily agreed to the adoption. They wanted him to attend Cambridge or St. Andrews, unencumbered by the responsibility of a child. With one magical parent it was highly likely the baby would be magical, but it wasn't unheard of for it to have no magic. And Hermione had insisted that this child go to this particular couple, provided they were approved to adopt. 'I have someone in mind. Or rather, there's a young lady due to give birth in about six weeks.'

'A baby?' blurted Dudley in confusion. His eyes swiveled wildly between Aaron and Annie. 'But I thought we'd be given an older child?'

Annie nodded. 'Generally, yes, but this is something of a special circumstance.'

Aaron's eyes narrowed. Something didn't feel right. 'Special?' he asked, his voice dripping with skepticism. 'What do you mean by special?'

Annie smiled. 'Let's just say that the panel thought you'd do well with a baby, and the birth mother was recently brought to my attention.'

Dudley chewed an already ragged thumbnail. 'So what do we do now?'

'Buy a cot. A pram. Some clothes. Try not to go overboard and make the baby's room look like a magazine advert. You won't need half of it. Have a support system in place. You'll need it. If for no other reason than to have someone who can watch the baby for a bit while you go have a coffee together and have adult conversation every once and a while.'

'Thank you,' Aaron said fervently.

'We'll ring you,' Annie said. She handed Aaron a pamphlet. 'In the meantime, there are some classes you should attend.'

'Classes?' Dudley blurted weakly. He'd managed a third-class honors degree by the skin of his teeth and interminable hours of grueling work.

'Just basic baby care lessons. Changing nappies, bathing the baby, preparing bottles, even strategies to facilitate things like language development.' Annie reached across the desk to pat Dudley reassuringly on the hand. 'Nothing horribly stressful. I'm sure the two of you will be fine.'

Aaron nodded as he stood, shaking Annie's hand. 'Again, thank you.'

Dudley scrambled to his feet, barely remembering to politely shake the older woman's hand. He blindly followed Aaron to the lifts and leaned against the wall, staring blankly at the doors of the lift. 'Classes,' he repeated in a daze. He suddenly stiffened. 'Oh, God,' Dudley moaned. 'You don't think they're going to have us practice on real babies, do you?'

Aaron chuckled and rubbed Dudley's back. 'They use dolls, I believe.'

'What if we drop it?'

'The doll? It won't hurt it.'

'No, I mean the baby...'

'As long as we don't drop it on its head,' Aaron replied with a shrug. He lightly shook Dudley's shoulder. 'We will be fine. How much trouble can one tiny baby be?'

XxXxXxX

Five weeks later, Aaron recalled those words with a rueful grimace. The birth itself had gone smoothly, and they had brought home a perfect baby girl. 'Our daughter,' Aaron mouthed, tasting the unfamiliar words, like rolling a fine whisky on his tongue. The baby had barely made so much as a peep the first two nights after they brought her home from hospital. Aaron would be the first to admit - although not without several stiff drinks first - that he'd been lulled into a false sense of security. He didn't have much direct experience with babies. He plodded from one end of the sitting room to the other. Famous last words, he thought, reflecting on his cocky assertion a baby would be no trouble at all. It was a marvel he could hear his own thoughts at this particular moment. If Sarah wasn't sleeping, she was crying. 'This isn't crying,' Aaron muttered, shoulders hitching toward his ears as Sarah emitted a particular ear-splitting screech. 'The U.N. would categorize this as inhumane.' He continued to pat her back, murmuring nonsense.

'Can I get you a cuppa?' Dudley asked from the kitchen door.

'God, yes,' Aaron replied. 'Well sugared,' he added after a brief pause. 'And real sugar, not that fake shite.'

'Mind your language in front of the baby,' Dudley shot over his shoulder.

'She's going to understand s-h-i-t-e before she's a week old?'

Dudley plugged the kettle in, and scrubbed his hands through his hair. He wondered if he looked as bad as he felt. He'd only managed to doze for an hour or two at a stretch over the past several days. Dudley bent forward to stretch out the kink in his back. One of his friends had told him when she was pregnant and feeling like absolute crap, she'd always dressed in something nice and then did her hair and makeup. It made her feel better, even if all she was doing was going to the market. Dudley opened an oft-ignored cupboard and pulled out a porcelain tea service they only used on very special occasions. It wasn't dressing up, but it was something special, he reasoned. 'Actually, having a shower would be a treat just now,' he sighed, swirling hot water through the teapot. Dudley carried a tray into the sitting room, and poured tea into one of the delicate cups, dropping two cubes of sugar into it with a grimace.

Aaron caught sight of Dudley. 'I said well-sugared...' he said in mock exasperation. Dudley rolled his eyes, and reluctantly added another sugar cube to the cup.

'I'll take Sarah, while you drink this,' Dudley told him, setting a cup and saucer on a side table.

Aaron carefully transferred Sarah into Dudley's arms and picked up the tea. 'Thank you,' he said with a beatific smile as he inhaled the fragrant steam.

Dudley took up Aaron's path, trudging to and fro, patting Sarah monotonously on the back. 'I think we're going to need some help soon,' he said.

'We're interviewing nannies next week,' Aaron reminded him as he settled into the sofa.

Dudley shook his head. 'I don't mean nannies. Although, right now I wouldn't say no to Mary Poppins. I mean we need to ring someone who can help us figure out what we're doing wrong,' he nearly wailed in desperation.

Aaron rubbed a hand over the scruffy beard that had sprouted over his jaw and cheeks in the past several days. 'We're not doing anything wrong,' he replied patiently. 'She's clean, dry, fed, warm... What else we can do, I do not know.'

Dudley stifled a yawn. 'I have to go back to work in a week.'

'So soon?' Aaron slurped his tea.

'Paternity leave is up.'

'Oh, God,' Aaron gulped. When Dudley returned to work, he would take two weeks of his share of parental leave, and be on his own with Sarah during the day. Aaron believed he never wanted his mother more than at this moment.

'It's just two weeks,' Dudley said, with far more tranquility than he felt. He was so exhausted he could barely remember his own name. 'I'll be home by four every day. Then Easter hols begin, and I'll be on parental leave.'

Aaron finished his tea, and poured a cup for Dudley in return. He drank it black, just like his coffee. 'Hopefully, we'll have a nanny for a few days a week by then.' He held up the cup and saucer. 'Switch?' Dudley nodded shortly, and they repeated the motions to place Sarah in Aaron's arms. Aaron began to walk, jiggling Sarah slightly.

Dudley took a sip of his tea with a grateful sigh. His eyes followed Aaron as he paced back and forth, Sarah alternately whimpering and wailing. 'We need to call in reinforcements,' he said repeated wearily.

'We're fine,' Aaron insisted.

'Aaron...'

Aaron threw a look over his shoulder. He already knew Dudley's arguments. He'd voiced them - tentatively - yesterday. Aaron figured Harry knew what he was about, as far as taking care of babies went - after all he did have three children of his own - but after the way Harry had behaved at the bloody dinner, Aaron was all but convinced they wouldn't be able to trust that Harry would come should they ring. 'We're fine.'

XxXxXxX

Aaron closed the door behind them and they stood for a moment in indecision. 'Where would you like to go?'

'Somewhere quiet,' Dudley replied fervently. 'That café near Holy Trinity?' he suggested. Aaron grunted in assent and they struck off down the pavement toward the church. 'I feel a little guilty,' Dudley confessed, tilting his face up to the damp breeze.

'For...?'

'Being pathetically grateful to have an hour without Sarah screeching in my ear,' Dudley whispered.

Aaron chuckled. 'Your cousin said it's not a bad thing to get out every once in a while.'

'It's only been a week!' Dudley protested.

'It's been a very long week,' Aaron corrected. 'Besides, there are a few things we need to discuss while we can give them our full attentions. Sarah's b'rit chayim, for instance.'

'I haven't even given it a thought since you brought it up when we were approved to adopt Sarah,' Dudley groaned.

'Ideally, we should have it thirty days after Sarah's birth,' Aaron continued blithely. 'But I'd like to have Mum and Dad here. We'll need to ring them and organize it. They should stay for a nice long visit. We'll have to order food, of course. Meet with the rabbi and find a day he can do it. Make a guest list.'

'That will be the easy part,' Dudley interjected.

'It will really depend on when my parents can come back to England,' Aaron mused.

The worn, brown bricks of Holy Trinity came into view. Dudley paused to stare at the outside of the church he had attended off and on since he'd moved to Barkingside more than ten years ago. 'I want to have Sarah christened,' he announced.

'Pardon?' Aaron gazed at Dudley. It was the first time he'd mentioned it at all.

'And I want Harry to be Sarah's godfather,' Dudley stated.

Aaron pushed Dudley gently in the direction of the quiet café. 'Let's talk about this over something warm to drink, why don't we?' They waited in a short queue and carried their drinks to a corner with squashy chairs. Dudley perched anxiously on the edge of the chair, while Aaron added milk and sugar to his coffee. 'You want to have a christening?'

Dudley nodded. 'And I want to ask Harry to be Sarah's godfather,' he repeated.

Aaron stared at him over the rim of an oversized cup of coffee. He slowly took a sip and set it down on the table. 'Why?'

'Because he's the only family I've got,' Dudley muttered.

'Why do you want her christened? You don't even go to church,' Aaron countered.

'I do on Christmas and Easter,' Dudley protested, ears reddening at the near-blatant lie. His already sporadic church attendance had dwindled to Christmas and Easter, which in turn had decreased to a carol service in the days leading up to Christmas, if Dudley remembered to check the times for the local parish. Dudley often joked he barely qualified as Anglican, as his parents had rarely attended services after his own baptism, and his own attendance was so erratic, he checked the sky for flashes of lightning that might strike him as he crossed the threshold into the church.

'I thought we were going to raise Sarah as a Jew,' Aaron said in bemusement.

'We are.'

'Then why on earth do you want to have her baptized into the Church of England if you have no intention of raising her as a Christian?'

'Forget it,' Dudley muttered, the spoon clattering loudly against the side of his mug.

Aaron took a deep breath. They were both short-tempered, and now was probably not the best time for this sort of discussion, but he forged ahead. 'Dudley, I know we're both horribly sleep deprived and it's making me rather thick just now, but I don't see why you want to baptize our daughter, especially if she'll never set foot in an Anglican house of worship as an active participant after said baptism.'

Dudley fiddled with a paper serviette. 'So she's mine, too.'

Aaron scratched at the stubble bristling over his jaw. 'How will she not be yours?' he asked in bewilderment.

Dudley pulled the sleeves of his shabby jumper over his hands, tugging the cuffs into shapelessness. 'It's stupid,' he muttered.

'It's not stupid if it bothers you,' Aaron remarked evenly.

Dudley sighed and stared into his coffee, wishing for a moment he still took milk and sugar in his coffee. It would give him something to do while he gathered his thoughts. 'Once she's old enough, she'll start Sunday school in your synagogue. Then attend services with you. Have her bat mitzvah. And it's something the two of you will share in a way I can't. I can participate, like I've done with you and your parents, but it's not the same.'

Aaron slouched in his chair, sipping his coffee. 'You can still convert,' he said. 'It's always an option.' He dunked a piece of biscotti into his coffee with obvious relish.

Dudley snorted. 'You said you'd never pressure me to do that.'

'And I haven't.'

'No, you haven't,' Dudley agreed.

'Do you want to?' Aaron asked curiously. Their religious differences rarely caused friction in their marriage, if at all.

Dudley shrugged. 'Dunno. Don't change the subject.' Aaron waved a hand, indicating for Dudley to continue. 'I only want to have a tiny bit of something with Sarah that I brought to this. And if I can get Harry to agree to be her godfather, if something were to happen to me...' Dudley blinked rapidly and rubbed the side of his finger under his nose.

'Don't be daft,' Aaron said lightly. 'You'll outlive Sarah and me both the way with you eat and exercise.'

Dudley's lips twisted into a wry smile. 'Be funny if I dropped dead of a heart attack next week.'

Aaron reflexively made a soft spitting sound three times. 'Don't even joke about that.'

'It's really not for Sarah at all,' Dudley admitted. 'I'm being selfish. It's just to have a bit of ritual that marks her as mine, too.'

'It means that much to you?' Aaron asked quietly. Dudley nodded. 'All right. But can we at least discuss asking someone else to be her godfather -?'

'No.' Even though Dudley spoke softly, the word held a steely note of finality. 'I won't budge, and you can't say or do anything to change my mind. I want Harry to do it.'

'You know how I feel about him,' Aaron muttered.

'I'm not asking you to marry him,' Dudley retorted. 'Aaron, please? For me?'

Aaron poked at the remains of his biscotti, guilt blossoming in his gut. Dudley rarely asked for anything for himself, and never insisted that his family be involved in anything. After more than a decade together, Aaron could scarcely recall how often Dudley had refused to compromise on something. 'If you're going to put your foot down...' He swirled the last bit of biscotti in in his cooling coffee and stuffed it in his mouth. 'Christening first. Then we'll have the b'rit chayim.'

Dudley smiled. 'Thank you.'

XxXxXxX

A/N: A b'rit chayim is a ceremony for baby girls in the Jewish faith. It's a relatively recent addition to Jewish customs, and offers a ritual to welcome baby girls into the Jewish faith. It goes by several different names, the most common being b'rit bat. I just happened to like the rhythm of b'rit chayim. It's comparable to a bris only in the sense that it welcomes a child to Judaism. And if you have strong opinions about the morality of circumcision, and you wish to share, please be so kind as to share them in a PM to me, and not make that the focus of a review. I'd like reviews to be about the actual story.

Spitting three times after mentioning something bad (like death) is a Jewish superstition meant to drive away the aforementioned bad event. I'm pretty sure it occurs in other cultures, too.

Sarah's birthday, by the by, is March 7, 2019. Her biological mother is in Hufflepuff. ;)