Out In the Open

Aaron threw himself to the grass next to Dudley, who had his hands wrapped around his ankles, nose hovering over his knees, stretching after his run. 'What are you doing Friday evening?' he asked.

'I was planning to organize my sock drawer,' Dudley murmured.

'Well, erase that from your appointment book,' Aaron said. 'We're having dinner with my parents.'

Dudley seemed to freeze for a moment before he slowly straightened. 'Given what happened with my parents, is that wise?'

Aaron waved him off. 'Pfft. Remember? My parents know I'm gay and have for nearly fifteen years. It's not news.' He leaned back on his elbows. 'I've already told them about you, too.'

'Why?'

'Because I generally inform my parents when I've been seeing someone exclusively for nearly three months,' Aaron replied evenly, knowing he'd have to tread carefully. Dudley's insecurity frustrated him at times, as if Dudley was afraid Aaron gave him a slap when he'd initially offered affection. He lightly touched the back of Dudley's hand. 'Look, my parents are nothing like yours. They're not going to shout or threaten either of us. The most that will happen is my mum will try to make you eat.' Dudley's eyes widened fearfully. 'You don't have to eat it, although she might try to apply a heavy layer of guilt over that second helping of potatoes. Just keep telling her you've had enough to eat,' he said, mindful of Dudley's monitoring of his food intake. Leaning closer he grinned conspiratorially. 'I'm not sure Jewish guilt works on a sheygets, so you're probably safe.'

'A what?' Dudley's eyes narrowed at the unfamiliar word.

'A goy. A man who's not Jewish. If you were a girl, I'd call you a shiksa. In my brother Daniel's circles, it's quite rude, actually.' Aaron shrugged apologetically. 'I shouldn't have used it... It's just something that gets thrown around when someone I know dates someone who's a non-Jew. We don't mean anything by it. It's just sort of a cheeky way to call someone out for dating someone else who isn't Jewish. Sorry...'

'It's like queer.'

'What?'

'Queer...' Dudley flopped back onto the grass and gazed up at the low grey clouds above them. 'When I went to uni, there was this bloke who insisted on calling himself queer. Not gay, not homosexual. Queer. Said he was taking it back and using it to describe himself. I wasn't quite sure what that meant, exactly,' he confessed. When Aaron's mouth opened, Dudley held up a hand. He was sure Aaron was going to launch into a detailed explanation. 'And no, I don't want you lay it all out for me. I sort of get it. Now.' He rolled over on his side and propped his head up on an upturned palm. 'As far as rude names go, I thought my aunt Marge did it up brown last month. I think my favorite in her tirade was knob jockey.'

'Have they rung you yet?'

'My parents?' Dudley let himself fall back to the grass. 'No.'

'And if they never do?'

'I'll just have to live with it.' Dudley sat up and began to gather the odds and ends Aaron insisted on him bringing when he came to the park to run. 'I wrote to my cousin, Harry,' he muttered before taking a quick pull on a bottle of water.

'Oh?'

'Hasn't written back yet,' Dudley said softly against the small, but definite sting of rejection. 'But Ginny's supposed to have the baby any day now, so I'm sure he's a bit distracted.'

'Who are you trying to convince?' Aaron demanded. 'Me or you?'

Dudley began walking toward the entrance of Clayhill Park closest to his flat. 'When I said I was rotten to him when we were kids, I meant it. He's got more right than either of my parents to cut me off.'

Aaron ran to catch up with Dudley. 'I seriously do not understand you.'

'Nobody asked you to!' Dudley walked faster, nearly breaking into a run. He knew Aaron was much faster at a sprint, so didn't try to outrun him. Aaron didn't even try to keep up with him and Dudley pushed the even greater sting of rejection away. He should have known it was too good to last. So it came as a complete surprise to him an hour later when he opened the door of his flat to find Aaron standing on the landing, hair on end, literally bristling with indignation.

'Right. If we're going to break it off, then we ought to do it properly with a row that ends when one of us throws something and stalks out slamming the door.' Aaron plowed into the flat. 'What in the hell did you mean?'

'Harry and I just started writing to one another after his eldest son was born. And mostly it's been cards at Christmas, but every so often he'll send me a short note with a few pictures of his family. I don't think he tells his wife we write more often than Christmas cards, because she's from this insanely close-knit family and will probably encourage him to make nice with me, even if he's not ready for it. I may be thick sometimes, but I'm not stupid. And I know how Harry feels about me. And I'm sure he'd rather kiss Marge's dog than meet with me face-to-face. So a few weeks ago, I get this letter from him. And it's full of news about his family. That his wife went into preterm labor with and she's been forced to take it easy until the baby's born. That his godson's peeved at his parents for dying just after he was born. So I wrote back to him. And came out. But I only posted it four or five days ago. And like I said, Ginny's due to have the baby soon. So I can tell myself he's busy and believe it. Because I don't want to think about the alternative. That in spite of his... well... That he's going to think the way my parents do.

'And when I tell you I was a git to him when we were kids, I'm not exaggerating. I don't have the words to describe how truly awful I really was. He has every right to ignore me.'

'Why do you do that to yourself?'

'Do what?'

'Berate yourself. It's as if you think you're not worth my time or effort. Or anyone's for that matter.'

'Maybe I'm not. Maybe I don't...' Dudley stopped and began to straighten the photographs on his mantle.

'Look...' Aaron stepped behind Dudley, and rested his hands on the taller man's shoulders. 'I'm not asking you to move in with me, nor have children with me. Yet. I just want to see where this goes. And take you to dinner at my parents' house on Friday.' His hands slid down Dudley's arms and around his waist. Aaron moved so his chest pressed against Dudley's back. He didn't miss the way Dudley stiffened or how his bottom clenched. Dudley didn't relax until Aaron moved to his side. Aaron frowned briefly. It wasn't the first time Dudley had reacted that way. But now was not the time to inquire why. Dudley had been through enough confession for one night.

xxxxxx

'Do I look all right?' Dudley stood in the sitting room of Aaron's house, arms held out slightly from hid body.

'You look fine,' Aaron told him. 'In fact, Mum might ask me why I don't make an effort like that...'

Dudley's hands flew to his neatly-knotted tie. 'Is it too much?'

'It's fine.' Aaron pressed a light kiss to the corner of Dudley's mouth. 'Come on.' He led Dudley to his seldom-used car and opened the passenger door. 'It's all going to be fine.'

Dudley snorted in ironic laughter. 'Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?'

'Me. My mum can be a little... eager. It tends to frighten off all but the hardiest of souls.' Aaron started the car and darted into the flow of traffic.

It was a relatively short drive to Aaron's childhood home on a quiet street in Hampstead. Dudley felt a smile spread over his face. The house was red brick with white trim, surrounded by an expanse of somewhat overgrown lawn. Even the brick was slightly worn around the edges. It was as unlike Dudley's childhood home as it could be. Dudley's hands clenched around the paper-wrapped bouquet of flowers he'd brought for Aaron's mother, making the paper crinkle loudly. A short, somewhat rotund woman opened the door and cheerily waved to them. Aaron grinned and waved back, shutting off the car. 'I promise, what you see is what you get with Mum,' he said reassuringly to Dudley. Before he got out of the car, he pulled a small, flat circle from his jacket pocket and clapped it on the back of his head. He opened the car door, motioning for Dudley to do the same. He walked up to the door and embraced his mother. 'What smells so delicious, Mum?'

'Chicken soup. Your father's feeling a bit under the weather.'

Aaron drew Dudley closer. 'Mum, this is Dudley Dursley. Dudley, this is Miriam Bernstein. My mother.'

Dudley held out the flowers. 'Thank you for having me to dinner,' he said, feeling more than a bit awkward.

'Aaron was most insistent we meet you,' Miriam said, leading them into the house. And of course, he's going meet someone as tall as he is, so I must crane my head to talk to you.' She continued into the kitchen. 'I'll just put these in some water.'

Aaron stopped in front of chair containing a thin man with a shock of silvery white hair. 'Hiya, Dad.' The man stood and wrapped his arms around Aaron tightly. 'Dad... can't breathe...' The man chuckled and patted Aaron's cheek with one hand. 'Dad, this is Dudley Dursley. Dudley, my father, David Bernstein.'

Dudley held out his hand and David took it in a surprisingly gentle, yet firm grip. 'It's nice to meet you.'

'Aaron tells us you're a teacher.'

'Yes, sir.'

'Taking on the education of the future of our country,' David began, 'there is no higher calling than this. What do you teach?'

'Maths. Year Three.'

David indicated the dining table. 'And how do you like it?'

'There are good days when it seems like everything falls into place and then there are days where it seems like nothing you do works. But I can't picture anything else I'd rather do.' Dudley gazed curiously at the table, set with a pair of silver candlesticks, a small silver cup of wine, and something covered by an embroidered, fringed silk cloth.

David took the chair at the head of the table, and Miriam patted the back of a chair. 'Sit here, Dudley,' she told him, moving around to where the candlesticks stood. She lit a match and touched it to each candle's wick, then cupped her hands around the flickering flames and brought them up and around the flames and toward her face, as if she gathered the light to herself. She repeated this unexpected gesture twice more, completely covered her eyes, than began to chant. 'Baruch atah Adonai, eloheinu melech ha'olam, asher kidshanu bimitzvotav, vitzivanu leihadlich ner shel Shabbat.' Dudley glanced at Aaron, perplexed, but Aaron gave him the "I'll explain later" gesture Dudley had grown familiar with over the past several weeks.

David picked up the cup and held it up. 'Baruch atah Adonai, eloheinu melech ha'olam, borei p'rei hagahahfen. Amein' He took a sip of the wine and handed it to Aaron, who took a sip as well, then handed it to Miriam, who also sipped from the cup, then passed it to Dudley. Bemused, Dudley accepted it and glanced wildly at Aaron, who made a small, encouraging motion with his hand, and taking a deep breath, Dudley took a small sip of the wine. His eyes crossed, making Aaron snicker. Miriam smacked Aaron on the arm.

'Be nice,' she said sternly.

'It was a little...' Dudley fished for a polite way to tell her it was like drinking cough medicine.

'You should be here at Passover,' Aaron chortled, whisking the cloth from two loaves of braided bread. 'Stuff flows like water during the Seder. After the first glass, you don't care quite so much anymore.' He held up the bread and began to sing in a slightly off-key baritone. 'Baruch atah Adonai, eloheinu melech ha'olam, ha'motzi lechem min ha'aretz. Amein.' He tore off a large chunk of bread, and ripped off a piece from it, before handing the larger piece to his father. It came to Dudley, who self-consciously copied their actions, before giving it to Miriam. She popped the bread into her mouth and went into the kitchen, returning with a tureen that she set near her place at the table.

'Pass your bowl to me, Dudley,' she instructed, ladling the aforementioned chicken soup into it. 'I hope you like chicken soup.'

'I do.'

Miriam served David and Aaron before filling her own bowl. 'Don't be shy,' she told Dudley. 'We've got more than enough.'

Dudley picked up his spoon and stirred it through the soup. Shards of chicken, carrots, and celery floated in the clear broth, surrounded by noodles. He lifted the spoon to his mouth. 'It's very good.'

'Aaron can make it almost as well as I can,' Miriam boasted, smiling with pride at her younger son. 'Have him make some for you, and freeze it. And when you start to feel poorly, have a bowl. It will fix what ails you in no time at all.'

'How?'

'Don't question the soup,' Aaron chided gently. 'Just eat the soup.'

The meal was leisurely, punctuated by conversation ranging from Aaron's work and Dudley's students, the collection that had just been donated to the library where Miriam worked as a curator, to David's laughable attempts to write the next great novel, now that he had retired. 'I can never get past the opening line. I've got great opening lines,' he said. Dudley politely rebuffed Miriam's exhortations to eat more, demurring he had eaten quite enough. The meal had been excellent. Far better than his mother's cooking, but Dudley reckoned it was due to the decided lack of tension at the table. He was able to actually enjoy the meal.

'Why don't we have pudding on the patio?' Miriam suggested. 'It's a lovely evening.' She rose and shooed Dudley and Aaron outside. Aaron grabbed Dudley's hand and pulled him out the door and onto a large brick-paved area. Dudley stopped and gazed at the sloping lawns. He was struck once more how utterly unlike Privet Drive it all was. His mother would never have allowed it to descend into the wildness that surrounded them. Aaron dropped into a padded wicker loveseat, and when Dudley made to sit elsewhere, Aaron pulled him down next to him. The seat creaked dangerously under their combined weight, but Aaron just draped an arm around Dudley's shoulders.

'All right?' Aaron murmured, lips grazing the edge of Dudley's ear.

'Are they always this nice or is it just because it's my first time here?'

'They're always like this,' Aaron said, scooting even closer. 'Even after Daniel said I was dead to him and told them in no uncertain terms why, which basically forced me to come out to them, they still treated me the same. And when Daniel chose to live with the Haredi, they refused to judge him or his motives. Which is more than I can say for myself.'

'Do you think you'll ever reconcile with him?'

'I doubt it,' Aaron said quietly. 'I don't see Daniel accepting the way I live my life and I can't live the way he does.' He looked up as Miriam stepped out of the house, holding a platter with her famous apple strudel, David behind her, carrying a tray with a coffee service. 'Have you talked to Daniel lately?' he asked, strain evident in his voice.

'Tuesday,' Miriam supplied, slicing the strudel. 'Rivka's going to have another baby,' she added, managing to keep her tone neutral. 'Devorah's only nine months old, and she's already pregnant again,' she sighed.

'Daniel and his wife, Rivka, have six children,' Aaron said. 'Samuel, Asher, Avraham, Tziporah, Yitzhak, and Devorah. Asher and Avraham are twins.'

'They're darling children,' Miriam interjected. 'But...'

'It's a lot for Rivka to handle,' David finished for her. He poured coffee and glanced at Dudley. 'How do you take your coffee?'

'Black, please,' Dudley said.

'No milk or sugar?' Miriam asked blankly.

'No. Thank you.' Dudley took the cup and saucer David handed him, the juggled the plate with strudel, wishing for a moment he had his cousin's ability to conjure things out of thin air. Aaron hooked a foot around a low table on his side of the seat and dragged it in front of them. Mouthing a heartfelt thank you, Dudley set the coffee on the table. The last thing he wanted to do was spill and embarrass himself.

'What do your parents do Dudley?' Miriam asked, settling into a rocking chair near David.

'My mum keeps house. It's so antiseptic, keeping it that way is a full time job. My dad is the director of a firm that manufactures drills. It's a bit boring, actually.'

'Do they live in London, as well?' inquired David.

'In Surrey. Little Whinging.'

'Oh, that's not terribly far,' Miriam exclaimed. She turned to David. 'We must invite them to dinner sometime.'

'That won't be a good idea, Mum,' Aaron interrupted, resting a hand on Dudley's knee and giving it a squeeze. 'They... erm...' He glanced at Dudley, who had gone pale and his eyes dropped to the bricks between his feet. 'They didn't take it well when we had dinner with them last month...'

Dudley set his pudding down next to the coffee. 'Excuse me...' He fled into the house and stood uncertainly into the kitchen, jumping when Aaron touched his arm.

'Bathroom's upstairs. Door on the left at the top of the stairs.' Dudley nodded and ran up the stairs, trembling.

Miriam trailed after Aaron. 'What was that all about?'

'He just came out,' Aaron said quietly, leaning against the counter. 'I don't think they'll sit shiva for him, but I don't think they're going to talk to him again for a long, long time.'

'Oh. Oh, dear.' Miriam wrung her hands together.

'It's all right. You didn't know,' Dudley said behind her. He drew a deep breath. 'I'd like to compare your strudel with Aaron's. His is quite good, you know.' He tried to smile, but it didn't manage to make it up to his eyes, and returned to the back garden, where he could be heard making his apologies to David.

'Aaron...?' Miriam slipped an arm around her son's waist. 'Are you sure you want to add all of his issues to your relationship on top of the interfaith aspect of it, as well?'

'I don't know,' Aaron admitted softly. He bent and wrapped his arms around his mother. 'I just...' He exhaled slowly. 'I think I love him.' He smiled crookedly. 'Like have kids with him and argue over schools and whether we're letting them watch too much telly.' He released Miriam and straightened. 'And he's nothing like his parents.'

'I should hope not,' Miriam sniffed. 'Otherwise, I might have to ask if you've had some sort of head injury.' She gently pushed Aaron out of the kitchen. 'We're always here for you,' she told him as they, too, returned to the garden. 'Both of you if it comes to it.'

xxxxxx

'Do you want to go home, or stay at my house tonight?' Aaron asked, stifling a yawn.

'I'll go home,' Dudley replied sleepily. 'I don't have anything at your house, and I most certainly do not fit into your clothes.'

'Do you want me to stay with you?'

Dudley sat up. 'Why are you trying to make sure I'm not alone?'

'I'm not,' Aaron insisted.

'Then what's with the inquisition about where I'm going to sleep tonight?' Dudley examined Aaron's profile in the dim light from the streetlamps. 'I'm fine. A little envious of you for your parents, but you can't choose your parents, can you?'

Aaron's hands tightened briefly on the steering wheel of the car. 'Do you mind if I stay?'

'Not at all. I'll even make breakfast.'

Aaron shuddered dramatically. 'Egg whites and dry toast? Not bloody likely, mate.'

'If you want a full breakfast, you're cooking it,' Dudley stated. 'I haven't had one of those since I was fourteen...'

'Fine. I'll cook the breakfast, and I'll even make sure it passes your strict standards. But I'm cooking the whole egg, yeah? Egg whites by themselves are just not appetizing. And since it means that much to you, we'll go for an extra-long ride through the park.'

'Deal.'

xxxxxx

Dudley's bed was somewhat smaller than Aaron's, but Aaron didn't mind. He stacked his hands behind his head, watching while Dudley shed his clothes, hanging them up in the small cupboard, keeping his back turned toward the wall. Aaron had noticed that quirk of behavior before and had brushed it off as a mere eccentricity. Dudley donned a large t-shirt that brushed the tops of his thighs and crawled into bed with a soft sigh. Aaron turned to him and grasped the edge of the shirt attempting to pull it off. Dudley visibly hesitated, then lifted up just enough for Aaron to tug it over his head. Aaron nibbled at Dudley's lower lip, then paused long enough to remove his glasses and drop them on the small table on the other side of the bed. He blinked owlishly at Dudley. 'You know it's a mitzvah to give your partner pleasure on Shabbos.'

'You're making that up,' Dudley objected with a smile.

Aaron's hand slid over Dudley's shoulder blades. 'I'm not. I'll prove it to you. Tomorrow.' Dudley laughed and Aaron's hand slid still lower, stopping just above the waistband of Dudley's boxers. Dudley tensed a little, but relaxed as Aaron's hand moved over his hip and toyed with the front. It didn't matter what they did, Dudley persisted in keeping his underwear on. If Aaron thought it was strange, he kept his opinions to himself. By his own admission, Dudley had had few long-term relationships. Dudley's relief proved to be short-lived. Aaron cupped his bottom and Dudley stiffened. Undaunted, Aaron's questing hand slipped into the waistband of Dudley's boxers and came to a stop. 'What's that?' he asked, fingering what felt like a scar just above the cleft of his bum. Dudley jerked away, nearly falling off the bed in the process. Aaron sat up, the bedding pooling around his waist. What now? he sighed to himself. He stared at Dudley, trying to flatten his backside into the mattress. 'Were you abused? Did your last boyfriend do that to you?'

'No. It's an old... injury.'

'Someone tried to bugger you and missed?' Aaron asked sarcastically.

'You wouldn't believe me if I told you,' Dudley muttered, reaching for his shirt and yanking it back over his head. He badly wanted to tell Aaron everything. The pig's tail and subsequent surgery to have it removed. How Harry blew up Marge, and how in hindsight, Dudley wished he could have done the same. The sweet those twins who came to fetch Harry that one summer dropped that had made his tongue swell, nearly choking him. Those things in the tunnel that nearly killed him. He wanted to show Aaron the other photographs of Harry's family. The ones that moved and showed Harry laughing with his young sons.

Aaron bit back what he was going to say and lay down. 'It's been a long day,' he finally said. 'Get some sleep.'

xxxxxx

A/N:

Sheygets - a male non-Jew

Shiksa - a female non-Jew

Baruch atah Adonai, eloheinu melech ha'olam, asher kidshanu bimitzvotav, vitzivanu leihadlich ner shel Shabbat. - the blessing over the candles lit to mark the beginning of the Jewish Sabbath. Roughly translated it means, 'Blessed are you, Adonai our God, sovereign of the universe, who hallows us with your commandments, and commands us to kindle the lights of Shabbat.

Baruch atah Adonai, eloheinu melech ha'olam, borei p'rei hagahahfen. Amein. - the blessing over wine. Again, roughly translated means, 'Blessed are you Adonai, our God, sovereign of the universe, who creates the fruit of the vine. Amen.

Baruch atah Adonai, eloheinu melech ha'olam, ha'motzi lechem min ha'aretz. Amein. - the blessing over bread. In English, 'Blessed are you Adonai our God, sovereign of the universe, who gives us bread from the earth. Amen.'

Sitting shiva is week-long period of mourning after someone dies.

And Aaron is technically correct. In the Talmud (the Jewish oral laws, as opposed to the Torah, the written laws), a husband is commanded to have sex with his wife so many times a week, depending on his profession. If he works in town, it's more often. However, especially on the Sabbath, he is supposed to ensure his wife enjoys it.