Oh Crap, I'm a Mary Sue!

Chapter 1: 'Sues of all shapes and sizes, including Lillian Potter.

Selma Half-Moon leaned against the stone wall, breathing heavily. She had narrowly escaped the Pinkius Fairyius spell that a 'Sue had shot at her and her partner Christianne. Whew, that was close, she thought. Now where's Christianne?

The 'Sue Slayer stared wildly around her. Christianne was nowhere to be found. Selma began to panic. What if the spell had gotten to her partner?

Suddenly there was some explosion of sorts, complete with smoke and a dramatic "BOOM". When the smoke finally cleared, there in the corridor stood Christianne, who was grinning triumphantly.

"I just finished off a few more 'Sues near the Gryffindor dorms," Christianne said, her grin widening.

"And the explosion was..." Selma replied, trailing off.

"This," replied Christianne, holding up a black pouch. "It's Fred's; I nicked it from the Room of Requirement. Probably from that crossover involving a Time Portal and Middle Earth."

"And how does a black pouch created a huge explosion?" Selma inquired.

"There's Fire Powder in it," explained Christianne. "Very handy if you wanted instant death--and instant gore." She made an odd retching noise.

Selma raised an eyebrow. But then both Slayers then fell on the ground for something like a minor earthquake shook the castle from its very foundations.

"What in Merlin's name..." was all Selma could say before the earthquake ended. But suddenly wide cracks appeared in the floor. And out of the cracks came 'Sues. Plenty of 'Sues to overrun the castle.

"Uh oh..." muttered Christianne. Selma nodded, thankful that the trio, Draco, and the other Weasleys have already wedded.

The 'Sues advanced like a fearless army, albeit an army consisted mostly of girls in pink sparkly dresses with very low cuts. The Slayers gulped in fear.

"If we get back to Headquarters, I will write a letter of complaint to the Boss. I will not work in such conditions unless I get a pay raise," Christianne complained. Her voice was the last thing Selma heard before everything went black.

<><><>

Revert back to Lily's POV

<><><>

I leaned against the wall, banging my head against the hard stone.

"Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap," I muttered to myself. I was a Mary Sue! Oh the horror...

I could only hope that I could get murdered or something. Maybe I can get my hands on some Firewhisky and drink myself into a coma...no, that won't work. Ah well. As long as I stay out of sight I might be able to find a way home.

But wait a sec...I'm in Hogwarts! I am going to have fun whether I die or not. It will be awful hard not to get mixed up in the plot, though.

But as I was wondering about my next move, suddenly somebody bumped into me. It was Draco Malfoy.

His hair was not slicked back, and there were lipstick marks all over him. He was panting heavily, as if he had just ran the entire length of the castle.

"Help," he gasped. "Some girl just kissed me and it wasn't Ginny."

"Ha ha," I replied sarcastically.

"I'm serious," Draco snapped, back to normal. I had to resist the urge not to add in "No, you're Draco" just to get him mad. "She had the most gorgeous face, with ebony black hair and a funny heart shaped scar on the side of her head, which you could barely see..."

"Oh, her," I said, realization dawning on my face. "Did she say anything about her parents?"

"Yes, apparently she's the daughter of Harry and Hermione," said Draco, almost lost in dreamland.

"Oh CRAP!" I shrieked. "It's Lillian Potter!"

"Yes, that was her name..." mumbled Draco.

I sighed. "Lillian Potter isn't supposed to exist," I said. But then I remembered Madam Pomfrey saying something about the daughter of Harry and Hermione currently attending Hogwarts. Oh no...

"She isn't. I swear I'll get rid of her one way or another. After all, I created her." I stated dully. D'Arvit...

<><><>

TBC...