Oh Crap, I'm a Mary Sue!

Oh Crap, I'm a Mary Sue!

~Prologue~

I'm Lily Winterwood, and I just can't help it, I had an awesome year at the place where every other Harry Potter fanatic would kill like Voldemort to be at-Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. How I got there I have no clue, but now as I'm seeing the envious faces on my fellow HP fans, I've really got to thank the Dementor who started it all.

It was a bright and sunny day at Crystal Cove in California. Why was I there at Crystal Cove? Summer School. A field trip, and it happens often in our class. Well, it was July 7, 2006, and on that fateful morning I had a little encounter with a so-called 'squib' called Alexia, who, to my horror, ships the Good Ship and the Orange Crush, so therefore she loved OBHWF. (otherwise known as One Big Happy Weasley Family) but if I had my ways, I'd call it the One Bitchy but Happy Weasley Family (though no offense there to you OBHWF shippers). Anyhow, she wrecked my perfectly pumpkin pie-filled morning by saying this:

"Harry and Hermione have NO chemistry to be together at all, except the horrible hair."

"Ron and Hermione were destined to be together, right, Lily, right?"

"Loopy Loony Luna Lovegood is a complete geek of a freak (Hey, it rhymes!)."

"Draco and Ginny, like Harry and Hermione, don't have the chemistry to be together!"

It has broken my lovely little heart, and my brain was flashing warning lights now. I had to press down the urge to A) Smash her into pulp, B) Tell her the side that I stand on, and C) Do both A and B. Anyhow, I managed to keep it down, but I was thinking, What in all of Hogwarts made her think Harry Potter and science go together? Stupid squib of a hairless troll she was, Alexia Luxington.

We boarded the bus, and since my friends Siobhan Silverleaf and Averil Dwayne were sitting together, guess whom I had to sit with? You guessed it-Alexia Luxington. She told me about how she had gotten attacked by a huge, enormous Dementor and it nearly sucked her soul out if Draco Malfoy hadn't been on the scene. Braggart, I thought, if only the lovely Dementor had actually sucked her soul out, I would be doing the Macarena everywhere! And besides, wasn't the Twitchy Little Ferret Called Malfoy a snobby pureblood who hated squibs, Muggleborns, and Muggles? That must have been the biggest hole in her cheese. Ha.

When we got to the beach, we started doing the usual stuff; paddle boarding, boogie boarding, swimming, sand crab hunting, you name it. I, however, was doing nothing in general, just absentmindedly digging in the sand when I first felt the Dementor. A cold icy breath. Alexia didn't even look up to yell Dementor or, hell, even Bloody Murder something's turning me into an ice cube here! I, however realized at once-there's a Dementor at Crystal Cove.

The sunny day seemed to all melt away and turn into blackness. Far away I heard the yells and screams echoing down the beach. I could see nothing, but Alexia's words drilled into me like one of Uncle Vernon's drills.

"Harry and Hermione have NO chemistry to be together at all, except the horrible hair."

"Draco and Ginny, like Harry and Hermione, don't have the chemistry to be together!"

I felt more alone, more melancholy than perhaps even the Mock Turtle in Alice in Wonderland ( A/N: Heck, I don't own him, either!), and I felt like I was drowning in despair as I blacked out.

*~*~*

When I came to, I was in a room, surrounded by empty beds. High mullioned windows were at the other end of the long rooms. I made a movement to get up, but as soon as my hand had left the bed, a nurse, squat and cheerful came in.

"Good day, Miss-" she trailed off.

"Winterwood, madam," I said.

"Miss Winterwood, yes," she said, "I am Madam Pomfrey, the nurse at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Apparently you were supposed to be at Salem, but the U.S. Minister of Magic was away in Iraq, so we had to send Aurors, Healers, and such over to the beach where you were. You have been very lucky, Miss Winterwood. I do wonder what made the Dementor come to that part of California, yes, I do.

While absentmindedly chomping on the chocolate, I couldn't believe it. I was in HOGWARTS! Such as in Hoggy Warty Hogwarts! Ooh, was it a dream come true!

"Oh, Madam Pomfrey, do you know Harry Potter?" I asked.

"Harry Potter, eh? Who in Hogwarts doesn't know Harry Potter! He's defeated Voldemort, married Hermione Granger while his buddy married that lunatic Lovegood, and his oldest daughter attends Hogwarts now!" said Madam Pomfrey. (A/N: Sorry to all you OBHWF people out there! Well, all except for Ellen.)

I was shocked. Really shocked. " Right, then who does Ginny marry?"

"Draco Malfoy."

Now I've got to see Alexia's face when she hears this!

"Um, I feel very well now, so may I explore?"

"Yes, you may, Miss Winterwood."

I rushed out and pieced two and two together. The result hit me like the Hogwarts Express.

"OH CRAP, I'M A MARY SUE!"

To be continued...