When the Dream Team MST The Hobbit

Chapter Three: I Can't Think Of A Title

After about an hour, Harry, Ron and Hermione finally returned to the room only to find the hobbit sleeping soundly. Ron walked over to Frodo and stuck a sandwich under his nose. "Eat it and enjoy it," said Ron. The moment the groggy hobbit opened his mouth to speak, Ron shoved the sandwich in his mouth.

Frodo coughed and spit it out and then gave Ron a dangerous glare. The aforementioned wizard was cracking up. Ron and Hermione almost didn't know how to react. "It was just a joke, Frodo. I've been so badly influenced by the twins," Ron said.

Frodo chuckled. "It's quite alright. You just caught me by surprise." Frodo glanced at Ron. "Who are these twins?" the hobbit asked curiously.

Harry snorted. "His brothers, who are the most mischievous pair of pranksters around," he said. Hermione nodded the affirmative.

"They sound like my cousins Merry and Pippin. They've gotten in over their heads in trouble more times than I can count." Said Frodo and then he looked down at his wooly feet. "I hope they are alright," he said in a small voice.

Not wanting to ask what had happened, Hermione decided instead to change the subject. "Hey we still have three hundred and two pages to read," she said, diverting all their attention back to the book. Frodo smiled and then began finally to munch on his sandwich. Hermione cleared her throat and began to read.

Tales and adventures sprouted up all over the place wherever he went, in the most extraordinary fashion.

Harry: Sounds like a fun guy.

Frodo You have no idea.

He had not been down that way under The Hill for ages and ages, not since his friend the Old Took died, in fact, and the hobbits had almost forgotten what he looked like.

Ron: I don't get it.

Frodo: What?

Ron: If this Gandalf guy is a wizard and the rest are all hobbits, then how would they forget what he looks like?

Frodo: Most hobbits don't want to think about Gandalf since he's a wizard and they don't want to think about magical beings and the like.

Harry: Hobbits kind of have an attitude like the Dursley's.

Frodo: Who are they?

Harry: Muggles I live with. They don't want to associate with anyone magical, like me.

Frodo: That's the attitude of most of the hobbit population. Most being the key word.

He had been away over The Hill and across The Water on business of his own since they were small hobbit-boys and hobbit-girls.

Hermione: Were a child when this takes place Frodo?

Frodo: No I wasn't.

Ron: Whoa. Bilbo must be REALLY old by now.

Frodo: Thanks *sarcastically*

All that the unsuspecting Bilbo saw that morning was an old man with a staff.

Ron: What, no wand?

Frodo: Wand? *Ron shows Frodo his wand* I see. Gandalf never used one of those sticks, just his staff.

Ron/Harry/Hermione: STICK?!?

Frodo: Sorry, nice pieces of polished wood.

Harry: That's better, I guess.

He had a tall pointed blue hat, a long grey cloak, a silver scarf over which his long white beard hung down below his waist, and immense black boots.

Frodo: I miss Gandalf.

Hermione: What happened to him?

Frodo: He was fighting a balrog and he fell.

Ron: What's a balrog?

Frodo: You don't want to know.

Harry: *Looks at Ron* I think that's a code for close your mouth Ronald Weasley.

Ron: You think so? *Glances at Frodo, who nods and chews thoughtfully on the remainder of his sandwich.*

"Good morning!" said Bilbo, and he meant it. The sun was shining, and the grass was very green.

Ron: Those are reasons to call it a good morning?

Frodo: To a hobbit, it is.

But Gandalf looked at him from under long bushy eyebrows that stuck out further than the brim of his shady hat.

Hermione: The description doesn't sound that much like Dumbledore.

Frodo: You know, by now I'm really fascinated to meet this Dumbledore person.

"What do you mean?" he said. "Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?"

Harry: Whoa, he's a guy who talks in riddles. Fun.

Frodo: Sometimes its annoying, other times it makes you think.

Hermione: Speaking in riddles sounds like fun.

Ron: Please don't start it Hermione. *Hermione pouts.*

"All of them at once," said Bilbo

Harry: What he said.

"And a very fine morning for a pipe of tobacco out of doors, into the bargain. If you have a pipe about you, sit down and have a fill of mine! There's no hurry, we have all the day before us!"

Frodo: I wish I had some pipeweed. *Sighs.*

Ron: I wish I had some more Bertie Bott's. *Looks mournfully at the empty wrappers.*

Then Bilbo sat down on a seat by his door, crossed his legs, and blew a beautiful grey ring of smoke that sailed up into the air without breaking and floating away over The Hill.

Harry: Can you blow smoke rings Frodo?

Frodo: Of course.

Harry: Sounds like fun.

"Very pretty!" said Gandalf. "But I have no time to blow smoke-rings this morning. I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it's very difficult to find anyone."

Frodo: Oh dear, it starts.

Ron: Good because this was getting boring.

Frodo: Believe me, Boring is the last thing anyone would call Bilbo's adventures.

"I should think so---in these parts! We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner! I can't think what anybody sees in them,"

Frodo: Famous last words Bilbo.

Harry: He kind of sounds like Uncle Vernon in the way he doesn't want to have anything to do with someone who is magical and wants adventure. No offense.

Frodo: Seeing as how I don't know this "Uncle Vernon", no offense is taken.

Said our Mr. Baggins, and stuck one thumb behind his braces, and blew out another even bigger smoke-ring.

*Frodo takes out his pipe and glances at it sadly.*

Then he took out his morning letters, and begun to read, pretending to take no more notice of the old man.

Ron: That's a mistake I bet.

Frodo: Sure is.

He had decided that he was not quite his sort, and wanted him to go away. But the old man did not move.

Harry: I smell trouble.

Hermione: And Harry would know, seeing as he gets himself into so much of it.

Harry: I can't help it that trouble is drawn to me.

Frodo: Don't worry Harry, I know the feeling. Literally.

He stood leaning on his stick and gazing at the hobbit without saying anything, till Bilbo got quite uncomfortable and even a little cross. "Good morning!" he said at last.

Ron: He says good morning a lot. *Eats a Fizzing Whizbee and starts to float.*

Frodo: I don't even want to know what are in those candies.

Harry: Hey Ron, did you know that they use Billywigs in those?

Ron: No *Looks ill and runs out of the room. Five minutes later he returns looking a tad green.*

Harry: Are you alright Ron?

Ron: Never better. *Eats a chocolate frog.*

Hermione: Hermione: Alright then.

"We don't want any adventures here, thank you! You might try over The Hill or across The Water." By this he meant that the conversation was at an end. "What a lot of things you use Good morning for!"

Ron: My point exactly!

said Gandalf. "Now, you mean that you want to get rid of me, and that it won't be good till I move off."

Frodo: One thing Gandalf was great at and that was reading between the lines.

Hermione: That's for sure.

"Not at all, my dear sir! Let me see, I don't think I know your name?"

"Yes, yes my dear sir---

Harry: Man, these guys are super polite.

and I do know your name, Mr. Bilbo Baggins. And you do know my name, though you don't remember that I belong to it. I am Gandalf, and Gandalf means me! To think that I should have lived to be good morninged

Ron: Good morninged...I like it!

Harry: You would.

by Belladonna Took's son, as if I was selling buttons at the door!"

Harry: Bilbo must have felt really stupid right about now.

Frodo: He did.

"Gandalf, Gandalf! Good gracious me! Not the wandering wizard that gave Old Took

Ron: And here is this Old Took guy again.

Frodo: He was the Thain.

Hermione: Thain?

Frodo: The Thain is kind of like a king though it mostly is just a title, like I said before hobbits are governed by a mayor.

Harry: Almost sounds like the system here.

Hermione: Well the author was British

Ron: Enough chit chat, lets read the rest of this already.

Not the wandering wizard that gave Old Took a pair of magic diamond studs that fastened themselves and never came undone till ordered?

Ron: I want a pair!

Not the fellow who used to tell such wonderful tales about dragons,

Harry: You have dragons in your world?

Frodo: Well we did, they were all slayed.

Hermione: Why did you guys kill them all? Their blood is magical!

Frodo: Well if we didn't slay them, they would kill us.

Hermione: Oh I see your point.

Ron: Hagrid would hate your world, no dragons to cuddle.

*Harry and Hermione snicker, Frodo looks curious.*

and goblins

Ron: Goblins? What, do they run your banks too?

Frodo: Run a bank? I think not, Middle Earth goblins are hideous evil creatures that live in the mountains or in Mordor *shudders*

Ron: Wicked...

Frodo: They sure are.

Ron: wicked that way...oh never mind. *Frodo shrugs.*

and giants and the rescue of princesses and the unexpected luck of widows' sons? Not the man who used to make such particularly excellent fireworks!

Ron: The twins gave me some of their fireworks.

I remember those! They used to go up like great lilies and snapdragons and laburnums of fire and hang in the twilight all evening!"

Harry: They sound cooler that the Dr. Fillibuster Fireworks.

Frodo: You've never lived until you've seen one of Gandalf's fireworks displays.

Harry: You saw one?

Frodo: At Bilbo's 111^th and my 33^rd Birthday Party.

*At that moment they felt a very familiar shaking and saw a bright blazing light.*

Hermione: Here we go again.