Survey Time

Survey Time

~Chapter 14-Argus Filch ~

Argus Filch looked at the strange piece of parchment in his hands. It obviously had to be something magical if Mrs. Norris gave it to him, and squib though he was, he was immensely interested in anything magical. Then he noticed that writing had appeared on it and it spelled out his name and the questions to a strange survey. Grunting once as he took out a quill and some ink, he began to fill it out.

SURVEY

Are you left handed or right handed?: Left handed last I heard.

Are you smart?: I'm the caretaker at Hogwarts, wouldn't that person have to

>have at least a great deal of common sense?

What's your middle name?: Squibulus

How many personalities do you have?: What do you mean how many personalities? *Snorts*

How many piercings do you have?: I'm not a wretched student who pokes holes in their ears in order to get attention.

Tattoos?: Almost the same bloody answer!

Can you do a cartwheel?: Is this some kind of joke?

Do you have bangs?: I do as a matter of fact.

Do you have contact lenses?: A Muggle item, this must be some elaborate joke by those awful Weasley twins.

Can you drive?: *Snorts.* I'm not a Muggle, I would never use their transportation!

What do you drive?: A broom if anything at all.

Do you snore?: Who told? Twins must hang from their ankles soon.

Do you drool in your sleep?: This is absolutely insulting.

Do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge?: Why would I use a sponge? No common sense people these days.

What languages do you know?: I know English like any self respecting person would!

What's the best awards show?: Why do I care about those ridiculous popularity contests?

Do you like onions?: What's wrong with them?

Do you like cotton candy?: No, I find that stuff nasty!

What instruments can you play?: I could play a mean organ in my day.

What words/sayings do you overuse?: It would have to be My Sweet, about my wonderful cat Mrs. Norris.

What do you sleep in?: A nightshirt and cap.

What's your bedtime?: Ha! I'm known to prowl the grounds day and night, how else am I to catch truant students?

How many pillows do you have?: I gave Mrs. Norris one of my pillows to lay on, so I only have one.

Do you like to dance?: I did like dancing with that cute witch several years back, as to her name I have no clue.

Do you like to sing?: Never.

Are you any good at it?: No

How many cds do you have?: I would never stoop so low as to buy a Muggle item! I do come from a pureblood line after all.

How many times have you moved houses?: 4 times.

Do you like where you live?: Only when none of the annoying students are around.

Do you like to finger-paint?: Ha! That's something a kid would do.

Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: No, Mrs. Norris sleeps next to me and she is a real animal.

Do you sleep with socks on?: Of course. They keep my toes toasty.

Are you ticklish?: Why would I utter that secret on a piece of parchment?

Are you shy?: No

Do you talk to yourself?: Maybe, why would anyone care?

Are you a morning person?: I am.

What's your favorite outfit?: My waistcoat ensemble, who cares if its moldy?

Do you believe in ghosts?: Yes, the Bloody Baron is a friend of mine.

Do you believe in Bigfoot?: Certainly, I would like to invite him here actually. He could scare the magic out of half the kids here.

What's your favorite feature?: I can't decide.

What do you do when you're nervous?: Call Mrs. Norris

Who's your role model?: Probably Dumbledore.

What celebrities do you act like?: None whatsoever.

THE LAST PERSON WHO:

*Called You?: Snape

*Slept In Your Bed?: Myself of course.

*Saw you cry?: Mrs. Norris

*Made You Cry?: Can't remember, and if I did I wouldn't say.

*Spent The Night?: Mrs. Norris

At Your House: I don't have a house, I live in a castle.

*Shared A Drink With?: Mrs. Norris.

*You Went To The Movies with?: I don't go to movies!

*You Went To The Mall With?: For the millionth time I'm NOT and I repeat NOT

a Muggle!

*Yelled At You?: Nobody has.

*Sent You An Owl?: My Mum.

*Said They Were Gonna Kill You?: Every prankster to pass through here. They

all said it under their breath though of course.

HAVE YOU EVER:

Been To New York?: No

Been To Florida?: I like it here.

California?: United States, crazy place that.

Hawaii?: No!

China?: Never.

Canada?: I don't think so.

Danced?: Like I said before, with that cute witch.

Stalked Someone?: Yes, many, many people.

Had A Mud Bath?: Never took one intentionally. Stupid Marauders pulling me in that mud.

Have you been close to death before?: Yes, but I escaped it so far.

Wished You Were The Opposite sex?: No, girls are too wimpy.

Had An Imaginary Friend?: My best friend is Mrs. Norris, not someone imaginary.

What Are You Going To Do After You Finish This Survey?: Find out where those Weasley twins are.

What was your last meal?: Something in the Great Hall, I can't remember what it was though.

As Filch finished off the survey he heard a loud BOOM. Standing up he ran off to catch either Peeves of the Weasley twins, once again plotting mischief.