Long Live The Rabid Squirrels!

LONG LIVE THE RABID SQUIRRELS!

"No..." James groaned. "Must... not... see... Snape's... face... again..."

"It... burns..." Sirius moaned.

"Your whining isn't making it any better for anyone," Snape said horribly.

"It's not making it any worse either," James pointed out.

"Besides, you're not locked in a room with - you," Sirius said miserably.

"Look at it this way, Sirius," Peter said. "You're only locked in a room with Snape. We're locked in a room with Snape and you."

"Oh, the rapture is beyond words," Lily said sarcastically.

"Yes, what words better describe 'hell on earth?'" Remus added dispiritedly.

"Duck-Duck-Goose," Lily, James, and Peter said firmly. While they and Remus shuddered, Snape looked confused and Sirius looked heart wrenched.

"No more Duck-Duck-Goose," he said sadly.

"Do I want to know your childish antics?" Snape asked suspiciously.

"No," James and Peter said, shaking their heads in reminisce.

"It was an unpleasant experience that I have no plans for experiencing again even in the far future," Remus said solemnly. "My non-existent plans for telling you are much, much farther than that, however."

"Ditto, my friend," James sighed. "Duck-Duck-Goose should be made illegal."

"Just one more game?" Sirius begged, giving Lily puppy dog eyes. "Please?"

"NO!" Lily screamed. "Are you crazy???"

"If I say yes can we play?"

"NO!"

"Why - why not?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A - YOU'RE A -"

"Rabid squirrel?" Sirius said sadly. "Yes, I know, Moony pointed it out to me. It's so sad."

"My choice of words was closer to idiotic freak."

"Oh."

"It's extremely disturbing to hear you bickering as such," Snape said bitterly.

"It's extremely disturbing to be anywhere near you," James said in the same tone. "Wash your hair, you bastard."

"If we took all the grease off of your hair and put it in a room, and then let all of the rabid squirrels in the world loose in the room, they would all slip and fall and then there would be rabid squirrelyness all over heaven and here on earth a 'SAVE THE RABID SQUIRRELS- KILL SNAPE' campaign would start and then we would kill you and the world would be saved from a tremendous evil although it was too late for the poor rabid squirrels, and then the rabid monkeys would have to bite squirrels so that rabid squirrels could inhabit the earth once again," Sirius said sadly. "LONG LIVE THE RABID SQUIRRELS!"

Everyone stared at Sirius. Remus reached out and felt his forehead. "He doesn't seem feverish," he pondered aloud. "Perhaps he's hallucinating."

"Now we know Sirius's two obsessions," James said. "Rabid squirrels and - Duck-Duck-Goose," while Remus, James, Lily, and Peter all lapsed into horrible memories, Sirius mourned over his loss.

"WHY?" he shouted at the ceiling, dropping to his knees. "Why?"

"Just don't ask," Remus said in a tone of long-suffering to Snape, who was looking alarmed to say the least. "Just - don't ask."

"Well, if we can't play Duck-Duck-Goose," Sirius sniveled, "can we play the Rabid Squirrel Game?"

"I don't even know what that is, nor do I want to, and I'm already saying no," Remus said. "Sirius, we're not playing any more game. Do you understand? We are not under any circumstances, going to play Duck-Duck-Goose, or any other game at all. Repeat after me. I, Sirius Black, - "

"You're not Sirius Black, I am!" Sirius exclaimed, forgetting Duck-Duck-Goose.

"Sirius, I meant - oh, forget it."

"But - " At that moment the door burst open yet again. It was... dun dun dun... Professor McGonagall!

"PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL!" everyone but Sirius, even Snape, shouted. "SAVE USSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!"

"Save you from what, exactly?" said Professor McGonagall sternly. Suddenly - and everyone shouted in horror - the door, as if by magic, closed with a creak.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" they all shouted.

"It's - it's locked - from the outside!" Peter squeaked.

"Haven't you tried magic yet?" McGonagall asked sternly.

"Yes, but... it didn't have nice side effects... and it didn't work anyway," James explained.

"MY EYEBROWS!" Sirius shouted dramatically.

"So, Professor McGonagall, we've been kind of... stuck in here for the past few hours," Lily explained. "And, ah, it's been a very eventful few hours, to say the least." There was more silence.

"So, Professor McGonagall, what are your views on the Save the Rabid Squirrels Campaign?" Sirius said casually.