The Prank Wars

Dumbledore: *screams* I know you boys did something, you retards. I never talk like this when I am my normal self! Spit it out or I will have you in detention until Dooms Day!

George: Uh….. sir? *turn and whispers to Fred* I think we should tell him. He’s scaring me…

Fred: *whispers back* Ok. You first.

George: WHAT!

Fred: You’re the one who wants to admit it!

George: You’re the one who put it into his drink!

Fred: Yeah, well.

By this time they had stopped whispering, so everyone was looking at them.

Dumbledore: Ahem!

They looked up from there argument and smiled sheepishly at the professor.

Fred: Sorry for arguing in front of you, sir.

Dumbledore: *shouts* What the f*ck did you do to me? Tell me NOW!

Now, everyone turned to Dumbledore in shock.

Everyone: He said f*ck!

Dumbledore: So? I know you students say that all the time too.

Fred: *is so nervous that he shouts back* We put a truth thingy that we invented into your cup at the last feast!

George: *whispers to Fred* You mean yesterday, idiot.

Fred: Oh.

Dumbledore: Thank you retards. Now I am going to kill you and then find the counter curse.

George: K-k-kill us?

Dumbledore: It’s a figure of speech, retard. Goodbye.

Dumbledore left the room and everyone turned to Fred and George and looked at them in awe.

Ron: Woah. I mean, that was a good one! Who knew that Dumbledore thinks you guys are retards?

Hermione: *muttering to herself* Actually, I think he was right on the button with that observation…

They turned and glared at her.

Hermione: Sorry, sorry.

She left the room, and when she was sure that she was out of hearing range, whispered: Not.

Back in the room…

Ron was so busy praising his two brothers that Harry couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Finally…

Harry: *screams at the top of his lungs* Shut up so I can talk!

Everyone stopped. And shut up.

Harry: *clears throat* Thank you.

Fred: Did you want something?

He was slightly annoyed that the flow of praise had stopped.

Harry: I wanted to know how you did it.

George: Let me explain this…

*Ah, to the loverly flashbacks*

Flashing back to yesterday’s midnight. ..

Fred and George were surrounding a cauldron, wearing their full witch’s garb, complete with the pointy hats. There was lavandery-violet (AN: Hehehehehe) smoke coming out of the cauldron, and Fred and George were walking around the cauldron, whilst cackling like mad. It looks kinda like a "scary" witch scene out of a really corny movie.

Fred: *cackle cackle* Not even Dumbledore will be able to resist a potion this strong!

George stopped pacing around the cauldron.

George: Are you sure? Remember last time? We tried a fart until you die spell, but it didn’t work. And that was pretty strong…

Fred: *also stopped pacing* Yeah… it stunk up here for days! Lucky, we just blamed it on Malfoy, and the beans he had the other night.

They both started to laugh.

George: *with tears streaming down his face* He went a brighter red then Ron’s hair!

Fred: *stopped laughing* really? I didn’t see that.

George: Oh, you should have. It was priceless.

Fred: What did he threaten you with this time?

George: Oh, you know Malfoy. All this talk about how big his dad is, and how he’ll either send Voldemort after me, or how "When I get on the Ministry, I’ll have you in Azkaban so fast…"

Fred: Right, like Voldie would listen to him, and like the Ministry would ever hire him!

George: Besides, we can’t go to Azkaban for doing harmless pranks.

Fred: Well, most of them aren’t harmless.

George: Whatever…

Fred: Oh, the potion’s finished…

George: Great. Put it into the vile.

Fred and George: *cackle, cackle, cackle, cackle, cackle, Muwahahahahahaha! I mean, cackle*

The next day at supper, I mean, the "feast":

Fred: Do you have it?

George: Got it.

He pulled out Harry’s Invisibility Cloak.

*We interrupt this flashback for an important shout*

Harry: How did you get my cloak? I needed it yesterday to skip potions, and… I mean…

Hermione: *pulls out a frying pan and bops him a good one* What did you say?

Harry: Nothing, nothing…. Hey, I thought you left!

Hermione: Muwahahahahaha! You were wrong!

Harry: Scary…

Ron: You’re freaking me out, Herm.

Hermione: Would you NOT call me that! You make me sound like a germ, or something.

Ron: But I like that name!

Herm - I mean, Hermione: *whacks Ron now*

Harry: Ron, run!

They run out of the room.

Harry: *calling over his shoulder* I still want to know how you got my cloak!

*Back to your previously schedules flashback, which is already in progress.*

Fred and George donned the cloak, and went to the feast, which was just about to start.

They carefully walked up to the Teachers Table, and waited for their chance to strike.

They didn’t have to wait long.

Dumbledore stood up to give the speech, and talked forever. This was their chance. Careful to keep the cloak on while they poured the vile of Potion into his pumpkin juice.

Dumbledore: And, now, let the feast begin.

*End Flashback*

Fred: Dumbledore drank it...

George: And that’s how everything happened.

Harry: Wow. That’s wicked.

James: How come we’ve never thought of anything like that.

Sirius: Oh, well, that’s because we’ve had plenty of other good ideas.

Ron: Like what?

Sirius: Like the time I almost killed…

James: *covering Sirius’ mouth* Shut up Sirius.

Harry: Oh, you mean the time you almost killed Professor Snape by telling him the secret to see Professor Lupin on the full moon.

James: How did you know?

Sirius: Professor? What are they talking about?

Harry: Professor Lupin was our DADA teacher a few years ago. He and Sirius told us all about you when you were younger.

James: With me being your father and all, how come I wouldn’t have told you myself.

Ron: Oh, well you’re dead in this time.

James and Sirius: WHAT?!

Harry: You kinda faced the Dark Lord by yourself.

James: Which one? Lord Voldemort?

Ron: DON’T SAY HIS NAME, DAMMIT!

Harry: Oh, shut up Ron.

James: anyway, how did I die.

Harry: Oh, it’s a long story. I’ll tell you later.

Sirius: No, tell us now.

Harry: Okay, well, the Voldemort was after you…

Ron: Don’t say his name.

Harry: And you decided to get a Secret Keeper. Dumbledore volunteered, but you pick Sirius instead. But Sirius said that he would be too obvious, so who don’t get someone like Peter to do it.

Harry told James and Sirius the whole story of that night, and afterwards, James looked too shocked to speak. No one said anything for a few minutes.

…….. A few minutes………

Sirius: James, if I ever say anything like that to you, hit me upside the head, okay.

James: Sure, Padfoot. *suddenly getting very angry* When I get my hands on that little rat…

Sirius: Oh, I don’t think you’ll have a chance after I’m through with him.

Harry: Can we discuss some happy matters now.

Ron: Yeah, please…

James: Okay, I’m finished fuming. Now, what I want to know is *turns to Fred and George* where’d ya get the ingredients for that potion?

Fred: Oh, we found it…

George: In Snape’s stash of Potions and stuff.

Sirius: That would be a fun prank to pull on Remus.

James: Yeah, except for the fact that if he found out it was us, he would kill us.

Sirius: Okay, how bout Wormtail then?

James: Sure, why not.

Sirius: Okay, now it’s settled.

James: Can we have that recipe?

Fred: Sure. Hands him a copy.

George: Wait a second, did you just say Wormtail!!

Sirius: Yeah, why?

George: Oh my Gosh! You know Wormtail?!?!

James: Yeah… that’s our nickname for him.

George: *to James* And a little while ago you just called Sirius Padfoot.

James: So, where is this headed?

Fred: That means Professor Lupin must be Moony because he’s a werewolf and you must be Prongs.

Harry: I could have told that. After all, this is my dad and Godfather.

James: Yeah? So what?

Fred and George suddenly sunk into very low bows on the floor.

Fred: What a pleasure to meet you, oh two of the great Marauders!

George: Your map has helped us in sooo many ways. Except we gave it to Harry in fifth year cause we know this whole school like the back of our hand….

Fred: That’s cause his stupid dunces of "family" didn’t sign his Hogsmeade sheet, so he couldn’t go. We gave it to his so he could sneak out of the school…

James: *mock surprise* You snuck out of the school? Tsk tsk.

Harry: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

James: Anyway. If you don’t mind, Sirius and I have to go figure out how to beat the two Weasley twins in their prank…

George: How’d you know we were Weasleys?

Sirius: Isn’t the red hair enough.

Fred: Oh, yeah… right.

Sirius: We’ll be back

Sirius and James leave for a few minutes to discuss their plans.

* * * * *

Outside the Potions class where James and Sirius are discussing their plans.

James: How about we take his underwear and string up the flagpole.

Sirius: Eww… I’m not touching his underwear.

James: You’re a wizard, you idiot!!

Sirius: Oh, right. So, when do we pull this, now?

James: No. Tonight. Now lets go back into the classroom.

Sirius: Okay.

James and Sirius go back into the classroom, not noticing the person lurking in the shadows.

Person: Hehehe! I wonder how much trouble would they get into for that do I think? *ponders for a moment* Oh, a fair amount. This is gonna blow up right in their face. Hehehehe….