Chaos

Chaos

Chapter 3

Ginny was too hyped up to eat much supper on Wednesday night. She had spent all last night talking with Draco about their ideas. He was a strategist; there was no question about that. But she had the creativity to come up with ideas he would never have thought of. They were the perfect team; there was no doubt. They decided to meet every Tuesday night from then on.

Harry had already confided in her that the team would practice every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings. Once the season started in earnest they would also practice on the weekends in the morning. Ginny was certain that she would make the team, but that didn't keep her from being nervous before try-outs. The food on her plate looked completely unappealing. After trying one final bite of what was supposed to be roast, but tasted more like chalk to her, Ginny gave up and stood up to leave. Hermione gave her an encouraging smile before she left, and Dean caught her hand and squeezed it when she passed him.

"See you out there, Gin. I know you'll be great," he said quietly. Harry glared at him. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. And when Harry wasn't trying to goad Draco into a fight he was sniping at Dean. Ginny knew she needed to confront him soon, but tonight was not the time for it. If she tried to calmly talk to Harry now she would just end up screaming at him to grow up and get over whatever was bothering him. Considering that Harry had the final say on whether or not she made the team that was a bad idea.

** ** **

Ginny got down to the pitch before anyone else did. She had already changed into something suitable for flying so she got on her broom and took off. When she was on a broom Ginny lost touch with everything around her. All of her problems and thoughts just melted away. All she saw was what was happening on the pitch. It never seemed to matter what kind of mood she was in, when she got there because it all just fell away.

This might have explained why she looked down some time later to see everyone standing there staring up at her. Ginny landed and blushed as she heard Ron explaining to Harry why she hadn't heard him calling her down. Harry smiled knowingly at her. Ginny kept a civil tongue, even though she longed to say something to wipe that damn smirk off his face. She took a deep breath, and told herself she was overreacting...again. She had to keep her temper in check when it came to Harry, especially out here.

She looked around to see that there was quite a turn out this year. Colin and Dennis had shown up, as had Dean, Seamus, Neville, and Lavender. Ginny had no clue that Lavender was planning to try out, and she couldn't believe that Neville had actually shown up. Ryan HapJesck, Nathaniel Hawk, Jessica Hemshorn, and Sean Guyson came out as well. Everyone was given a chance to try out, then Harry and Ron talked about who they thought would work in which spot. Neville nearly killed himself and Jessica when he went to catch a pass from Ginny. He had almost been hit by a Bludger. He had lost control of his broom as he swerved to avoid it, fallen off and had grabbed hold of Jessica's leg as he was falling.

After the try-outs were over, and Harry and Ron had discussed things they met with everyone to inform them who had been added to the team. Dean, Ginny, and Lavender had made Chaser. Seamus and Nathaniel got the Beater positions. Neville was happy that he didn't go to the hospital wing or put anyone else in it. Colin was a bit disappointed, but he cheered up when Ron asked him to take pictures of the matches. Jessica was convinced that she hadn't made the team because of Neville, but Ginny talked to her and smoothed things over. After things were decided and calm, Ginny and the others left to shower and change.

Harry walked back with Seamus after everyone else had left.

"Thanks for helping me put everything away, Seamus," Harry said easily.

"No problem, Harry. I'm still too shocked about making the team to stand still." Seamus couldn't stop moving his hands and he kind of skipped when he walked. Harry smiled to see it.

"I guess it was a bad idea to try and persuade Neville to come out. But I'm really glad that Ginny made Chaser."

"What is between you two? I know she isn't with Dean anymore, and you're spending a lot of time around her, but she doesn't seem that interested in you," Seamus said the last part rather quietly. He knew that he was in dangerous territory, but most of the school wanted to know what was going on. Seamus was taking a risk, but it was a risk worth taking. If he could find out the truth then he would be in the spotlight for a few brief moments.

"Ginny is just playing hard-to-get, Seamus. She doesn't want Ron to blow a gasket over this, and I'm sure she doesn't know how to act. But she is definitely interested. Come on, she has been interested since I met her," Harry smirked. Seamus chuckled knowingly, and they started talking about Quidditch and the upcoming season.

** ** **

After Ginny had showered and changed she went down to the library to check on Hermione. The older girl was surrounded by her usual pile of books and parchment, and looked to be a million miles away.

Ginny went over and tapped her on the shoulder. Hermione jumped and turned around to give whoever had just disturbed her hell. "Jesus, you scared me, Ginny!" Ginny took a good look at her friend, and couldn't help but notice the dark circles under her eyes. Hermione's robes practically swallowed her, and her hair looked more unkempt than normal.

"Mione, I'm worried about you," Ginny said softly. "How long have you been in the library? When is the last time you left here to do anything besides go to class?"

"What's wrong with being in the library? Like you're not here all the time anyways!" Hermione looked rather put out by Ginny's questions. She crossed her arms over her chest, and levelled a glare at Ginny that would send sane people running. "I have a lot of homework to do, and tonight was my weekly tutoring session with Draco, or did you forget?"

"I didn't forget, but you've spent the last week here. You aren't eating much because you skip meals to come to the library. You don't get very much sleep. I guess I'm just afraid that you're pushing yourself too hard. I didn't mean to offend you." Ginny cast her eyes down and bit her lip.

She knew Hermione hated to be criticized about her study habits, and Ginny couldn't really blame her for it. Ron and Harry teased her incessantly about studying too much and being too much of a know-it-all. But when it came time to pass a test, or turn in homework they looked to her for help. Hermione never got thanked, just criticized, for her efforts. "Gin, I didn't mean to snap, and I know I've been spending a lot of time studying. I'm just, I have a lot going on right now, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"It's okay, Mione. Harry's turned into the-thing-that-would-not-leave-well-enough-alone, and Ron is playing the part of faithful sidekick as always. You don't have that much support right now. And N.E.W.T.s are just a year away. They expect you to do their homework, then they gripe at you for studying too much. And to top it all off you are helping Malfoy with Care of Magical Creatures, which pisses the boys off and gives you even more work. Anyone in your situation would snap occasionally. You're not near Harry's magnitude yet," Ginny added as she pulled up a chair.

"Speaking of which, how did try-outs go?" Hermione asked.

"I got one of the Chaser spots. Dean and Lavender got the other two. Seamus and Nathaniel landed the Beater positions. I had no idea Lav was trying out. Oh," Ginny giggled, "and Neville came out as well. He tried for a Chaser, but didn't quite make the team." She did her best to keep a straight face, but it was rather hard. "Neville is quite possibly the worst flier I have ever seen. It was rather cruel of Harry and Ron to have convinced him to try out."

"You know Gin; you really should try to be nicer to Harry. He has a lot to deal with too. He's been nothing but nice to you lately, and you haven't exactly returned the favour. I know he's been a bit overbearing, but he's just..."

"Concerned?" Ginny filled in for her friend. "I know he's concerned, he reminds me of it on a daily basis. I don't want his concern. He should save it for people that will return it...now look who's snapping," she said with a laugh. "Look, I'll try to be nicer to him, but I can't really promise any huge change, okay?" Ginny sighed and smiled slightly as Hermione nodded and went back to her book. No one would ever understand why Ginny disliked Harry so much, probably because they would never bother to ask her.

She smirked, and stood up. "I'm off to the Room of Requirements for a smoke, and then it's off to bed. It's late, Hermione you should try to get some sleep soon, okay?"

Hermione nodded, absentmindedly, and Ginny kissed the other girl's forehead on the way out. She really did worry about Hermione. Someone needed to convince the girl to slow down. But it wasn't likely to happen. Hermione was driven in everything that she did. Ginny knew that the perfectionist in her was almost overwhelming. She secretly thought that Hermione would implode without a release.

Her release was mainly drinking. She rarely drank on a school night, and she never ever got drunk. But drinking a little bit of Firewhiskey every so often made Hermione feel a lot better. It actually made Ginny feel better for Hermione to drink a bit. No one could accomplish what Hermione did without having some sort of outlet, or a nervous breakdown.

Ginny let herself into the Room of Requirements, and settled into the comfortable chair she found waiting for her. Not two minutes later the door opened. Ginny swore she was going to die right then. She closed her eyes, and waited to hear Harry yelling his fool head off about her smoking or being out past curfew. When she heard the door shut quietly she slowly opened her eyes. To her amazement Blaise Zabini was staring at her as if she had gone round the bend.

"Who exactly were you expecting, Weasley?" he asked. To her further amazement he actually looked half-concerned. "You looked like you were preparing for death or something worse."

"Oh, I thought you were Harry or Ron, and I was not looking forward to yet another lecture about how cancer will kill me," she smirked. "What are you doing here, Zabini? To be honest you are the last person I expected to see here." Instead of answering her question Blaise sat down in the chair that had appeared across from hers, and grabbed a cigarette from her pack.

"Do you mind?" he asked right before he lit it.

"No, go ahead, but I would like you to tell me what you're doing here."

"Simple. I came to talk to you about your little endeavour with Draco." He leaned back and took in her shocked expression before continuing. "He told the whole house what the two of you were up to. He had to. I mean, how else was he going to get us to cooperate with his little game?" Ginny nodded absently as he went on. "And we get his reasons for this plan, after all, I would want to cause everyone trouble if I knew I was facing a death sentence. But what no one can understand is your part in all of this. You've always been an honorary member of the Dream Team. You've had a crush on Harry Potter for as long as any of us has ever known you. You are a Weasley for Merlin's sake! Your family is good incarnate."

He took in her sigh, and the roll of her eyes, and let out a sigh of his own. Clearly she felt he had overlooked something rather obvious. But Blaise had been over this many times in his head, and with his house members. "It's just hard to believe that you actually want to help Draco in all of this. I'm not saying I will never trust you. I'm asking you to help me understand why you want to do this."

"What you're really asking is why I have decided to forsake the Great Harry Potter," Ginny sneered.

"No, what I'm asking is why you want to help Draco," Blaise said as he stood up and went to a mini refrigerator. "Do you want anything?" he asked as he pulled out a bottle of Butterbeer.

"A Butterbeer sounds great, actually. Drinks are a good idea. This might take a while to explain." Ginny took the bottle he handed her, and took a long pull of the cold drink. "You see, to answer your question I'm going to have to tell you everything. Are you ready for that? Do you want the whole truth? Because I am willing to give you a choice here. The whole truth, or no explanation at all." She looked him in the eye and smiled sweetly.

"I am willing to sit here as long as I need to, and listen to whatever you have to say. But I'm not leaving here until I have an answer. I don't care if that answer is that you're Potter's spy, and pulled the wool over Draco's eyes, or if it is something completely different. Whatever your answer is, and however long it takes, that is what I came here for, and I'm not leaving until I have it." Having said this, Blaise settled back in his chair and grinned lazily at the girl sitting across from him. His message was clear; he had all the time in the world.

"All right, fine. If you want an explanation we are going to have to start at the beginning. Since most of my childhood isn't all that relevant we will get through it as quickly as possible. I was brought into this world as a typical Weasley. We are known for being poor and honourable. We don't know the dark side exists, and if we do we ignore that knowledge. But above all else, we always pick a side. You see in my family there is good, and there is bad. There is no in between; there is no middle ground.

I had a happy childhood. I didn't like being poor, but who does? I loved my parents, I loved my brothers, and I never wanted to do anything to hurt or displease any of them. I was a good kid who never gave my mother a second's worry. Sure, I pulled minor pranks, sneaked around a bit, and spoke my mind. But I never got in any serious trouble, and I was the baby of the family. So anything I did, within limits, was excusable."

Blaise nodded, and pulled out a clove cigarette. He tossed one to Ginny, who caught it and lit it before continuing. Blaise took a swig of his Butterbeer, then leaned back in his chair to hear the rest of her story. So far she hadn't told him anything he was surprised by, but then she had said this was the relatively unimportant part.

"Naturally, when we met Harry at the train station I instantly had a crush on him. For Merlin's sake, the boy personified all that was good and pure according to my family. I have no idea why anyone was surprised by my little infatuation. After his first year all I saw was that the Great Harry Potter had saved us all from You-Know-Who, and my favourite brother had helped. Ron was friends with Harry Potter, and all he could talk about all summer was how great a guy Harry was. After all of this is it any wonder I had hero-worship? Come on, like the Slytherin girls didn't do the same thing to you and Draco." Blaise grinned, and nodded in agreement. Ginny smirked and continued.

"At the end of the summer I found the diary that Draco's father left for me. You do know the basics of what happened there, right?" At Blaise's vehement nod she sighed with relief. "Good, then I don't have to explain in great detail. Everyone has this impression that Harry saved me from Tom. I even felt that way at first. But Harry didn't save me. He imprisoned me in this hell. Harry and Ron did not stop Tom when I still had a chance of being saved. By the time they came I was doomed. I was in love with Tom. He was my everything. He took my virginity from me, and I was too far-gone to leave him for doing it. That was how hooked I was. Harry just made it worse. He failed me. Tom is dead, and I am still here, and it is all Harry's fault!"

Ginny stopped talking, closed her eyes, and took a very deep breath. She was so close to tears, and crying was the last thing that she wanted to do. After a few more deep breaths Ginny slowly opened her eyes. Blaise was still sitting there, smiling understandingly. He threw her another clove and said; "I know this is bound to be hard for you, Ginny. Take your time; it's okay to cry. I've dealt with emotional women all my life. I would hug you, but we aren't that close really." Ginny couldn't help but chuckle at that. He smiled and asked, "are you ready to continue now? Do you need a few minutes?"

She took one more deep breath before plunging ahead. "I'm good, thank you. Where was I? Oh yes, life after Tom. I was so damn grateful to Harry at first. Then I noticed that the empty feeling I had assumed would soon go away was getting worse. I had a hard time sleeping at night, I didn't want to be touched, I cried for hours for no reason at all, and I had no appetite for a long time. A few weeks after living with these feeling and problems was when I started smoking. No one noticed any of this. My family seemed perfectly happy ignoring the fact that I lost weight, had bags under my eyes, and disappeared frequently. They had no trouble overlooking the fact that I almost completely stopped talking. Harry and Hermione didn't give a damn one way or the other. In fact I think the only people who even bothered to notice something was wrong were you and Draco. And, of course, neither of you was nice about pointing it out.

After Hermione's birthday she did start to notice something was wrong. I gave her a reason to pay attention, I suppose. She was the first person I really talked to after Harry killed Tom. She was the first person I told what had happened with Tom. She convinced me to talk to Dumbledore about the whole thing, and that did help some. But some things can't be erased or ignored, and I don't really want to erase or ignore what happened to me. It is part of what makes me who I am now. I see the shades of grey that my family and friends prefer to ignore. I know that you can't always play by the rules."

Blaise smiled knowingly and said, "I'm guessing, since no one has disowned you, that you have never expressed these views to your friends or family." Ginny nodded and chuckled. He shook his head. "I'm starting to understand why you would want to be friends with Draco. But why, if you hated Potter back then, did you keep tagging after him?"

"I was getting to that, actually. I didn't hate Harry then. I didn't like him much my second year here, but I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I had Hermione and my books to keep me company. Then Harry and Ron seemed to come around. Once I got over the initial shock of what happened with Tom I started to act more like myself. And the more I opened up the more Ron and Harry seemed willing to include me in group-activities. They still didn't trust me, but I had ways of finding out the information they wanted to keep from me. And I figured in time they would come to see that I could be trusted with important information. Besides, Hermione trusted me more than she trusted them in certain aspects. I was the only person who knew about her time turner until the little incident with Sirius happened, of course.

My third year was actually rather nice. I felt excluded from time to time, but I had friends and books. And I was learning as much as I could from my courses. The Yule Ball was a marked occasion, simply because I realized how inconsiderate Harry and my brother could be of people. They made fun of Hermione, Neville, Victor, and me; and they all but ignored their dates the entire time. That was when I started to realize that not much mattered to Ron and Harry besides Ron and Harry. But, at the time, that was of little importance.

When I started dating in my fourth year I saw how possessive my brother could be, but I also saw that Harry didn't seem to care that much. I figured that I had made the right decision in leaving my childhood infatuation with him behind. Also, the temper tantrums he threw during my fourth year showed me what a child he could be. They served to show me, if no one else, how unprepared for his destiny Harry really was. He didn't have the abilities to get the job done then, and he probably never will. It is rather hard to continue hero-worshiping someone you no longer see as a hero. But all of this is not what made me hate Harry. I disliked him a bit toward the end of my fourth year, but I was foolish enough to believe he had potential.

When Harry was being taught Occlumency," she started.

"By Snape," Blaise finished with a smirk. Ginny froze right there. Blaise openly laughed, and winked at her. "Yes, dear, we know that Snape is a double agent. The adults don't know, but everyone in Slytherin is perfectly aware. Someone may act on the information one day, but more than likely we will let it play out as is. The Order had Snape and Black. Now they have Snape. Really it is only fair to leave them some fighting chance." To Blaise's astonishment Ginny chuckled at this.

"She really isn't the girl I thought she was," he mused. This little fireball was proving to be very interesting indeed. Blaise would have to keep a closer eye on her. After all, he knew better than anyone the benefits of having friends everywhere. If it weren't for his friends he wouldn't have known Ginny was here tonight. He could have been waiting months to have this conversation.

"You were saying something about Potter and Occlumency?" he prompted.

"Yes, thanks for the reminder. When Harry was learning Occlumency he let his bias against Snape run the show. He could have done what he was supposed to, and stuck with the program despite his feelings. But he let Snape get to him, and it ended up costing him dearly. Then we got busted for our Defense club, and if it weren't for Hermione's quick thinking we would have all been stuck. We all worked very hard to get out of the office after they took Umbridge out of the picture. We wanted to help Harry save Sirius. It was there that I saw the truth. Harry didn't trust us, and he never would. To him I would always be a kid who couldn't handle myself when it came to real life. They call it danger, but that is not danger. I saw Harry Potter for who he really was during the argument we had, and the fight in the Department of Mysteries. Harry is a boy who is trying to be a man. He doesn't have a good grip on reality, he isn't an accurate judge of character, he doesn't know how to act in a life-or-death situation, and he is a false friend. The boy is going to get my entire family killed, he's most likely going to take the few friends I have with him as well, and as long as I'm being honest, I will more than likely die too. This is his doing, this is his fault, and I get to stand by and watch it all happen.

The funniest part of all of this is that now he wants to give me more than the time of day! Now he is jealous of my friendship with Dean. Now he won't stop talking to me about his damn problems. Now he is always so very concerned with my well-being. Now he notices when something is wrong, hell he notices when something isn't wrong that something is wrong! Does the phrase too little too late mean anything to that boy? Where the hell was all of this concern two or three years ago, when it could have been useful? He trusts me, and wants to include me in his life all of the sudden, and he expects me to be grateful for the attention? I don't think so! All he is doing, at this point, is pissing me off to a large degree, and that he doesn't seem to notice!"

At this point Blaise couldn't help but laugh. Ginny had hopped up from her chair and was pacing the floor as she ranted. She was gesturing wildly with her hands and taking long drags off of the cigarette she had lit while she talked. What was really funny about all of this was that Ginny didn't even realize she was doing any of it. Blaise's laughter snapped her out of her tirade, much to his disappointment. But the look of utter confusion on her face when she stopped talking made up for the fact that the rant was over. Ginny shook her head and sat back down. "Why didn't you tell me I was doing that?" she asked.

"Because I was enjoying the show," Blaise replied, honestly. "Okay, I get the point. You aren't understood by anyone in the Order, and you're fed up with Potter's shit. I still have one question left unanswered. Why did you approach Draco?"

At this Ginny laughed. "I didn't approach Draco. He approached me. He came to me with his little scheme, and I thought it sounded like just what we all need around here. Someone is going to win this damn war, but a lot of people are going to die before that happens. That can't be stopped. Draco isn't going to try to stop it. He just wants to have some fun and cause both sides a lot of trouble and quite a few headaches. I'm all for that personally, but I would have never come up with it on my own. I certainly wouldn't have approached him with the idea." With that said Ginny stood up to stretch. "Are we quite done here? It's really late, and I am exhausted."

"We're done for now, dear. I am a bit tired myself, and I have all of the answers I need for the time being." Blaise chuckled at Ginny's raised eyebrow, but offered no explanation. He walked to the door with her, and pecked her on the cheek before he left. Ginny shrugged to herself at his actions, and headed to Gryffindor tower. The boy interested her. He seemed quite reasonable and very sensible. But one thing really bothered her, and she could not seem to shake it.

How did he know where to find her?

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