Least Likely Of All

Chapter Fourteen, Part 66 - 70

Chapter Fourteen, Part One: All It Takes

The next day -- Saturday -- Severus went back to the Snape mansion at sunrise, fully prepared to face Lily. As he walked through the doors, however, and saw her sitting on the bottom step, surrounded by house elves, he nearly broke down himself.

With one fleeting glance at their Master, the house elves disappeared, leaving Lily in Severus' care. One look at her told him all he needed to know.

"Didn't make it to the toilet in time?" he inquired. She nodded miserably, her hands trembling slightly.

He's going to kill me... God, I'm going to die...

"You've been with me nearly twice as long as James now; you should know I'd never touch you." Severus said quietly, glancing around for any children.

"They're in bed." Her voice was hoarse. Severus felt a stab of guilt; he usually helped her when morning sickness kicked in.

She started to get up, but then almost immediately fell back down on the steps. She sighed, holding her head in her hands.

"Damn headache."

Severus chuckled a bit, and then walked over to her and easily picked her up. "You've lost weight."

He started up the stairs, Lily's head up against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled.

"For losing weight?"

"That too."

Severus shook his head as they reached the landing, "Really, dear. You need to eat."

"Not hungry. I'll throw it up anyway." Lily mumbled into his shoulder. Severus opened the door with much difficulty and set Lily on the bed. He pulled the covers over her, forgetting for a moment why he was there.

"Are you going to be ok?"

She shook her head, "No."

"Why not, love?" Severus asked, sitting down on the bed next to her curled form.

"I can't believe you're still calling me love, after all I've put you through." She sighed, "I don't deserve it."

"Lily, what is the one thing I have been telling you for the past seventeen years?"

"That you'll never be mad at me..." she sniffed, "That's impossible. I'm too flawed."

Severus shook his head, "You didn't ask to become pregnant."

Lily looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes. "You didn't ask for this either. It's my fault."

"Yes, it is your fault." Severus nodded, "But not to the point where you beat yourself up over it."

A small sob escaped from Lily's throat, "What if... what if Remus..."

"If it's Remus's baby, then I don't know what's going to happen. I know he or she will be your child... But he'll be a constant reminder."

Lily shook her head, "I need to see Remus... I need to tell him."

"Why, though?" Severus asked softly, "He'd be better off not knowing."

"If I give birth to a brown haired, blue eyed child, he'll need to know." Lily whispered. "The one hair and eye color we've failed to produce."

Severus shook his head, "I wish you wouldn't."

"I have to." Lily said, her face half-buried into the pillow.

Severus sighed, "Do you want me to come with you?"

Lily shook her head into the pillow, "No, I think it's best I do this alone. I don't know how Remus feels towards you, or how you'd react -- no offense -- towards him."

"None taken." Severus said quietly. "If you need any help -- I'll be listening."

Lily nodded, "Thank you."

All it took was one tiny mistake.

Lily contemplated what she was going to say to Remus all that day; she had decided to visit him after supper, leaving the children in the house elves' care.

She Apparated to his tiny home in the country near London, hesitating slightly before knocking. The door flew open almost immediately, revealing a rather nervous looking Sirius Black.

"Lily?" he asked, squinting a bit.

"Sirius Black?" she asked, a smile spreading across her face. "No way."

"Is that really you?" Sirius asked.

"Yes... Good Lord, you've grown." Lily grinned. "Why are you at Remus' house?"

The nervous expression Sirius had a moment before returned. "You shouldn't be here."

Lily looked behind her, to where Sirius' eyes had focused. "Why not?"

He smiled slightly, opening the door and allowing her to enter. He closed the door behind them with a fleeting glance towards the moon-bathed country side extending out from all sides of the cottage.

"Where's Remus?" she asked, glancing around the house. "He's not away, is he?"

Sirius sighed, "You've forgotten?"

Lily shook her head, "Forgotten what?"

"Look outside, Lily. Look at the sky." Sirius ushered her towards a window. Her eyes widened as she gazed up towards the heavens.

"God... The full moon. I forgot to check the lunar chart."

Sirius shook his head, "What did you want to talk to Remus about?"

"Nothing." Lily said a bit too quickly.

"Lily..." he warned. "You could tell me right now, or Remus could tell me later."

"Don't you have a job somewhere?" Lily asked, praying for Sirius to drop the subject.

"It's Saturday night. Remus is going to be back at daybreak, and I wanted to make sure he was ok."

Lily nodded, "Ok."

"Now, for the second and last time, why do you want to get a hold of Remus so badly you forget about the full moon?"

Lily shook her head, avoiding eye contact with Sirius. "No reason, I just wanted to catch up."

Sirius scowled, "Lily, tell me."

Lily finally looked up at him. "You wouldn't understand, Sirius."

"What wouldn't I understand?" Sirius asked quietly, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"Please... don't touch me." Lily said softly. "Last time anyone touched me, it ended up disaster."

Sirius' face suddenly broke out into an expression of realization. "Ahh... So that's what you wanted to talk to Remus about."

Lily closed her eyes for a moment. "Did he tell you?"

"I forced it out of him." Sirius answered. "He didn't want to tell me."

"I just wanted to make sure he was ok." Lily lied, "I haven't seen him since then... and I just... I don't know."

Sirius nodded, "Do you think you could come back tomorrow, later in the evening? I'm sure Remus would be happy to see you."

Lily nodded, "Of course."

Sirius paused before gathering her up in a hug. "Don't you ever stay away from me that long again, you hear?"

Lily grinned, melting into his embrace. "It's just as much your fault as it is mine, Sirius."

He smiled, ruffling her hair. "How many kids do you have now?"

"Six." Lily beamed. "Harry, Ethan, Kaylee, Dea, Drake, and Star."

"Good God..." Sirius shook his head in a disbelieving manor. "And here I was thinking you were kidding about having as many children as possible."

"Believe me, I wasn't." Lily grimaced, touching her stomach in a discreet manor.

"Well... I guess I'll be seeing you soon then, yes?" Sirius asked, walking towards the door.

"I guess so." Lily smiled. "Thanks again, Sirius."

"You're welcome, Lily." Sirius opened the door and Lily took a step out. Before either her or Sirius had time to react, something pounced on her with such force it threw her to the ground.

Lily felt multiple sharp teeth cut into her flesh as she screamed, not so much from the pain but from the terror of being attacked. In a moment's time, Sirius had turned into a large black dog and had jumped on the creature, biting it's neck and dragging it off of Lily.

Looking down at her right arm, Lily nearly fainted. Even in the dark she could tell her arm was mutilated; blood was seeping through gashed that went to the bone, and she couldn't move her fingers.

The pain took a second to set in, but when it did, Lily screamed. White-hot pains infested her arm, shooting through her body and up her spine. Before she blacked out, she could see Sirius' face looming above hers. His mouth was moving, but her vision was far too blurred to make out the words.

*

Chapter Fourteen, Part Two: Still

Sirius looked at Lily's bloody body back to the unconscious werewolf lying at his feet. In a moment's time, he scooped her up and slammed the door behind him. Muttering a few words, the world around them dissolved and he was standing in a corridor made of marble with stairs ascending up to the balcony of the second floor.

He quickly made his way to the nearly sofa and set her down as five house elves surrounded him almost instantly.

"SEVERUS!" he bellowed, "IF YOU'RE HERE, GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE NOW!"

The house elves were tending to Lily the best they could, but the moment Severus appeared they scattered. He stepped forward, his eyes blazing as he viewed Lily for the first time.

"What the bloody hell happened?" he hissed, rushing to her side to inspect her arm.

"Remus bit her." Sirius said, his voice wobbling a bit. "We didn't have time to react, he just -- "

"F-ck, it's the full moon, isn't it?" Severus groaned. "Damn it... Jubby, get me some bandages from the cabinets, and some of my healing potion."

The house elf he addressed disappeared with a crack, and Severus stretched out her arm, wincing as he saw the gashes and raw flesh.

"He got her good..." he said quietly, "Damnit, God f-cking damnit."

"I'm sorry." Sirius said, "I tried to pull him off of her in time, but -- "

"Why did you let this happen?" Severus hissed, "Didn't you know the consequences?"

"Yes, of course, I pulled her into the house as soon --"

"Fool." Severus cut off. "God damnit, Sirius. She's f-cking pregnant."

Sirius's eyes widened. "Pardon?"

"You heard me." Severus said, his eyes darting over her wounds. "She's pregnant."

"How -- " Sirius paused, "What?"

Severus then turned towards the trembling man. "Go back to Remus. Once dawn comes, bring him here."

Sirius nodded, "Yes... Shall I inform Dumbledore?"

"He should know, yes." Severus nodded, "But go."

With one last look at Lily, Sirius opened the double French oak doors and walked past the fence, Apparating back to Remus. Severus turned his attention back towards Lily and the bandages the house elf had brought.

He took a cloth and drenched it with Healing Solution, then dabbed it lightly over Lily's arm, watching the gazes and cuts heal before him. Once the process was over, he wrapped the limp limb in gauze soaked in another solution, to prevent scarring. Shaking his head, he then carried her back up to the Master Bedroom after instructing the house elves to clean up the blood.

He set her on the bed and pulled the blankets over her, then moved to the children's rooms, making sure they were soundly asleep. Once done, he went back to sit next to Lily's sleeping form, several half-thoughts crossing his mind, playing what if, and on several occasions, what he was going to do when he saw Remus.

He knew damn well it wasn't Remus's fault, but the need to put the blame on someone was far too great. Now, once a month, he would be here, taking care of the wolf that had overtaken his wife's body. The potion he had made Remus while he was still a teacher -- Wolfsbane Potion -- would be needed. He finally closed his eyes and fell into a troubled sleep, his dreams awaking him nearly every hour until dawn.

A knocking on the door brought Severus back into the conscious world just after 8 AM. He got up to open it, where Jubby the house elf was standing.

"Sir, a Remus Lupin and Sirius Black are here to see you." The elf bowed so low its nose was touching the ground. Severus nodded and brushed past the tiny creature, making his way down the stairs to where Remus and Sirius stood.

Remus was leaning up against the wall, his eyes closed and face pale. Sirius, however, was pacing the foyer, his arms crossed and mumbling to himself under his breath. With one look up at Severus, he stopped and touched Remus on the arm.

"Gentlemen." Severus nodded for them to follow him up the stairs, through the halls and to the Master Bedroom, where Lily was still sleeping. With one look at her, Remus groaned and hit his head against the wall.

"Damn me... Damn this life... Damn it." He muttered, clenching and unclenching his hands.

"Remus, stop that at once." Severus commanded. "That's the last thing I need right now, you killing yourself on my property."

"So anywhere else would be fine?" Remus challenged.

"Yes." Severus shot back. "Do you remember what happened?"

Remus shook his head, "No, but I do remember biting someone."

"If Sirius wasn't there, you would have killed her." Severus said quietly. "Do you agree?"

"Yes." Remus answered, his eyes locked on Lily. "Is she ok?"

Severus walked over to her, shaking his head, "No, she has yet to awake."

Sirius stepped forward, "You know damn well Remus didn't mean it."

Severus looked up at the tall, burly man. "Yes, I do know he couldn't help himself. The curse of the werewolf -- a terrible thing he's just committed my wife to."

"Not on purpose, we all know." Remus sighed, "Why am I here?"

"Did Sirius tell you why exactly she wanted to speak with you last night?" Severus asked, trying to control his voice.

"No, he didn't." Remus said quietly, "But I'm sure you're about to."

"Quite right." Severus shot back, "Do you want to know or would you rather live our your existence without the burden?"

"What burden?" Remus asked hoarsely. "What are you talking about?"

"She's pregnant." Severus responded, looking back over at Lily. "Only Dumbledore knows who the father is, and he isn't speaking."

Remus's mouth stood agape for quite some time before he managed to pull himself back together. "You're f-cking with me."

Severus laughed bitterly, "I wish I was."

Remus shook his head, "Impossible... She can't be... That... God."

"Believe it." Severus sighed, "But you will never mention it around them. This is my child unless proved differently."

"Is this something you and Lily agreed on?" Remus asked quietly.

"Yes." Severus said, "You are allowed to see the child, but it will never be spoken under this roof that he or she might be yours. Is that understood?"

"Yes." Remus said quietly. "And if the child has brown hair and blue eyes?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Severus said. "However, if the child has black hair and green eyes, or red hair and black eyes... if it shares any of my traits, even a blue eyed, black haired child, it will be mine unless Dumbledore tells us otherwise. Is that quite clear?"

"Yes." Remus said once more. "But I will be able to see it?"

"You will be dubbed Godfather, if you want. But, this is my child."

"Yes, I understand that." Remus said, "What about Lily?"

"I have easy access to the Wolfsbane potion." Severus said, "She will be fine with it."

Remus shook his head, "The pain -- the torture of transforming, do you believe she can handle it?"

Severus looked at his wife once more, his face relaxing a bit. "She's strong. If she needs it, I will give her a remedy for pain."

Remus sighed. "From now on, she is an outcast to the rest of the wizarding world."

"I am quite aware of that." Severus snapped. "No one will know. Only the four of us and Dumbledore. That's final."

Both Sirius and Remus nodded this time before Severus ushered them out of the room.

"I will have Jubby see you off. Remember, not a word." Severus said quietly, guiding them to the staircase.

Remus turned around before Severus left to go back to Lily. "Severus, I'm sorry."

Severus nodded, "I know you are, and trust me, I'm trying my hardest not to blame you."

Remus nodded, "Thank you."

Severus merely nodded, then turned back down the hall towards Lily. He sighed as he closed the door behind him, looking at his wife's sleeping form.

"Damn it... Damn it, damn it, damn it Lily. How the bloody hell are we going to get through this one?"

In my last years with him there were bruises

On my face
In my dawn and new day
I finally got away
But my head's all messed up and he knows
Just what to say
No more dawn and new days
I'm goin back to stay
Why say bye bye
When it only makes me cry
I still
Light up like a candle burnin when he call me up
I still
Melt down like a candle burnin everytime we touch
Oh say what you will
He does me wrong and I should be gone
I still
Be lovin you baby and it's much too much

We are goin down

Cuz you're always getting high
And your crumb and lovin
No longer get me by
Wow! It get better everytime that we get high
Then your crumbs of lovin
They somehow get me by
Why say bye bye
When it only makes me cry
I still
Light up like a candle burnin when he call me up
I still
Melt down like a candle burnin everytime we touch
Oh say what you will
He does me wrong and I should be gone
I still
Be lovin you baby and it's much too much

Can't I go my severed way?

Some rain for my sunny day
Not even one reason to say
Why?
I should've left you
Why?
I can't forgetcha baby
Why?
Ever since I mathca it's
Why?*

*Macy Gray, Still

*

Chapter Fourteen, Part Three: Aftermath

Dumbledore arrived a few hours later, looking rather flustered. He made his way up to the Master Bedroom, where he met Severus and Lily's unconscious form.

"Headmaster." Severus nodded, inviting him in. Dumbledore immediately went over to Lily, who was still curled up protectively.

"Remus is aware?" he asked. Severus nodded.

"He was here at dawn."

Dumbledore nodded, "Good. He might be able to help her. I'm assuming you'll be brewing Wolfsbane Potion for her?"

"With accuracy I've never bothered with before." Severus said.

"Yes, yes... I would have expected that. Are the babies ok, have you checked on her condition yet?" Dumbledore inquired.

"B -- Babies, sir?"

"Yes, you are aware she is pregnant, correct?" Dumbledore asked. "She told me she was going to tell you a few nights ago."

Severus shook his head, "Yes, I knew she was pregnant. However... babies? How many babies is she going to have?"

Dumbledore looked up with a mildly humorous expression on his face. "Twins, Severus. Two babies."

"Twins?"

"Yes Severus, twins."

In an instant, the memory of the night James had been killed, the night Voldemort had disappeared, the first night Lily and himself were known to the world, flashed through his mind. Lying in that bed, lying in the same bed he slept in every night at Hogwarts, the same bed Lily had slept in with him countless times, she had promised him twins.

HIS twins.

They had to be. They were his... they couldn't be Remus's. It would kill him. She promised him... They had to be his.

Severus turned back towards Dumbledore, his face crumbling. "Please, tell me they're mine. Please..."

Dumbledore shook his head, "I told Lily that it was her problem and her problem alone. I know you would tell her; therefore, I cannot tell you."

"She promised me twins." Severus said bitterly. "And now they could be that... that damn werewolf's!"

Dumbledore put his hand on Severus' shoulder, only to have it shrugged off. "No. This is it... after fifteen years of trying, she's finally pregnant with twins. Great. But -- I swear to God, if they're Remus's, I'll -- I don't know what I'll do."

Dumbledore sighed. "I know this must be hard on you, but -- "

"Headmaster, you have no idea." Severus growled. "Look at her -- she's a werewolf now. She's an outcast. She's going to go through far more pain, both physically and mentally, that she could ever put me through, but GOD... It's all that damned werewolf's fault."

"It is no one's fault." Dumbledore said firmly. "It is no one's fault but her own."

An enraged Severus turned towards the old man. "How can you say a thing like that? She didn't ask for any of this!"

"And neither did you." Dumbledore said in a voice, almost as if he was speaking to a child.

"Yes, but I damn well could have prevented it."

Dumbledore shook his head, "No, you couldn't have. No one could have. It is the decisions we make that change us, not those who could have prevented us from doing so."

"Do you have any idea how much it hurts to see her lying there, helplessly?" Severus sighed, his body finally giving in. "I can't do anything for her, for the first time, and it kills me."

Dumbledore nodded, "Yes, she's my family too, remember."

Severus paused, "Are the babies going to survive this?"

Dumbledore nodded, "Up until the time they're born, they'll transform with Lily so her body can accommodate then accurately."

"What if they're born on the Full Moon?" Severus asked.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Dumbledore answered quietly. Moments later, Lily started to stir.

Severus rushed to her bedside, almost afraid to touch her. "Lily, darling?"

She opened her eyes feebly. "Sev?"

"Oh God..." Severus breathed, "How are you feeling?"

Lily's eyes widened as the memory of the previous night came flooding back to her. "Sirius -- is he ok?"

Severus nodded, "He's perfectly fine, but are you ok?"

"Remus, he --"

"Yes, love, we know." Severus said quietly. "How are you feeling?"

Lily paused for a moment. "God, he didn't -- ? I'm not -- ?"

"Yes, love, you are." Severus said quietly.

"Are you sure?" Lily whispered. Severus nodded.

"Lily, are you feeling up to going back to Hogwarts? I daresay Severus would not want to leave you in the state you're in." Dumbledore asked.

Lily looked up at him, as if just realizing he was there. "Papa?"

"Lily, I'm right here. Are you ok?" Dumbledore moved next to Severus.

"My arm..." almost at once, realization hit in. "It's ok?"

"I healed it." Severus said quietly. "And the babies?"

Lily touched her stomach for a moment and closed her eyes. "They're fine."

"So you did know they are twins?" Severus asked. Lily nodded.

"Once again, do you feel as if you could move to Hogwarts? Severus is needed, but I assume he would not want to leave you in this state." Dumbledore said.

Lily nodded, "I think I can... Sev?"

"Yes?" Severus asked.

"Is... would that be ok?"

He nodded, "Of course. Shall I alert the children that you're ill?"

She nodded, "Before we leave, yes. I'm sorry."

"You apologize far too much, dear." Severus said gently, turning back to the Headmaster. "Will Madame Pomfrey look after her, or shall I?"

"Madame Pomfrey will be alerted of Lily's presence and might wish to check up on her. However, I can assure you she will be under your care and will not be admitted to the hospital wing." Dumbledore answered. Both Severus and Lily nodded.

"Does Remus know?" Lily asked quietly. Severus nodded.

"Both about biting you and the babies." He answered. "He feels terrible about both."

"Why?" Lily asked. "Neither were his fault."

"The fact that there's two little babies in there -- " Severus touched her stomach, " -- could very well be his fault. However, yes, I agree. It is not his fault he bit you. He could not control himself."

"These babies are not his fault." Lily interjected. "Either they're my fault or they're yours, and I'd hardly acknowledge them to be a fault."

Severus cracked a smile, "Yes, love."

*

Chapter Thirteen, Part Four: Treading Through Troubled Waters

Lily was moved to Hogwarts later that evening after saying goodbye to the children. Harry and Ethan were informed of her presence later on, as she was placed in Severus' room. Madame Pomfrey came bustling in once or twice a day to check on her and the twins. Ethan and Harry, however, still didn't know she was pregnant.

"How are we going to tell them?" Lily asked three days after she had arrived.

"Tell them what?" Severus asked, bending over his desk and correcting papers.

"Tell the kids about... these guys." Lily gestured towards her stomach, which was still flat as ever. "Harry especially."

"We'll tell them like we usually do." Severus answered. "Nothing will be different."

Lily nodded, "When though?"

Severus checked his watch. "Tonight, perhaps? We can tell the others when you return home."

"What about Harry?" Lily asked, "He's bound to ask questions."

Severus smirked, "Do you think he'd be happier if the twins were Remus's? He wouldn't feel as if he was alone anymore then."

Lily shook her head, "No, I think that'd make him rebel even more."

"Why do you say that, love?" Severus asked.

"He's fourteen, Sev." Lily said, "Anything against the ordinary... It scares him."

Severus smiled, "Well, he's just going to have to live with it then, isn't he?"

Lily gave him a feeble smile, "Are you sure?"

"We will not tell them of your, err, 'other' state." Severus said quietly, "But yes, we cannot hide the obvious from them. In a few months, you'll barely be able to fit into your robes. That must give them some sort of hint."

Lily laughed, "Lovely for you to think of my robes at this time."

"Well I can't very well think of much else now, can I?" Severus said.

Lily nodded, "Very well. Tonight, then?"

"Yes, tonight." Severus answered. "Lily, love... As painful for either you or Remus, you might want to owl him, ask him questions. The transformation itself will be painful, but hopefully the potion with help a bit."

Lily nodded slowly, "Yes... I believe that would be quite a good idea. I'm not all that sure if he'll respond, however."

"I'm quite sure he will." Severus said, "After all, you two are still friends, correct?"

"About as 'friends' as you can be after a one night stand..." Lily muttered.

That night, Ethan and Harry were called into their father's room to find Lily and Severus sitting across from each other, not speaking. Harry smirked; he had a good idea of what was going on, as Severus had informed him of their ability to read minds.

"Mum? Dad?" Ethan asked, walking up to them. "Why is Mum here?"

Severus seemed to snap out of a trance as he looked at his two sons. "Harry! Ethan! Didn't hear you come in... Come, sit."

Harry and Ethan quickly and quietly took seats next to Lily and Severus, Ethan next to Lily and Harry next to Severus.

"What did you call us in here for, Dad?" Harry asked.

"Your Mum and I... Well, Lily, why don't you tell them?" Severus started.

"Boys, in August, I'm going to have twins." Lily said cautiously, watching Harry's expression turn from curiosity to confusion.

"But -- " Harry started, then quickly caught himself after a glance in Ethan's direction. "Everything is normal... Correct?"

"There is a possibility... But for the most part, everything seems to be in order." Severus answered carefully, looking at Harry with a meaningful expression.

Harry's eyes widened. "How much of a possibility...?"

"Perhaps thirty per cent." Lily answered for Severus. "Although I don't see how it's any of your business."

"I'm in this family, too." Harry glared at his mother, "I believe I have a right to know."

Severus sighed, "Harry, can we talk about this later?"

Harry shook his head, "No. Now."

"Ethan, please leave your brother and us alone." Lily eyed her oldest son before turning to Ethan, who merely shrugged and walked out of the portrait hole without a glance back at the three still sitting in the middle of the room.

"Now, Harry, I know this is quite a shock --" Severus started.

"Why the f-ck do you start everything with, 'Now Harry, this may come as quite a shock to you...'?"

Lily's eyes blazed, "Don't you dare talk to your father like that!"

"He's NOT my father!" Harry exploded, "Just like those babies aren't his, I'm not his son either!"

Without so much as a warning, Lily slapped Harry across the face. Cradling his cheek, Harry looked up at his mother with astonishment.

"Bloody hell, Harry... He raised you and he's as much of a father to you as I am your mother." Lily mumbled, her shoulders slumping over a bit.

"Harry, understand, I'm accepting this, and I wish for you to also." Severus said quietly.

"She slept with Remus Lupin!" Harry yelled, "She's going to have his children -- and you're perfectly fine with it all?"

"First of all, young man --" Lily started, " -- as far as we know, your father is also the father of these babies. There is a possibility they are Remus's -- a slight possibility. We would like it very much if you didn't go broadcasting it around as if it was everybody's news."

Harry shook his head, "What do the others think? What does Lupin think? Does he even know, or are you not going to tell him just like you didn't tell my father you slept with Severus here?"

As calm as Severus was, Lily was more angry with Harry than she could ever remember being. "James Potter was a fool to ever marry me. I made sure he knew about your father and I before he died -- he knew. Do you realize what he wanted you for? An heir. Not a son, but a man to carry on the Potter name. If you were a girl, I daresay he would have killed you."

"So you were a fool to ever have me?" Harry spat, "Not only did I have an abusive alcoholic father that was pissed half the time, but a mother who was fool to even have me, let alone allow me to know of my real father before the age of eleven."

"Harry, leave your mother alone." Severus said quietly, yet in a firm voice. "It is none of your concern what went on between her and James."

"It is all my concern!" Harry exclaimed, "After all, they are my parents... I do have a right to know, don't I?"

All of the sudden, Lily reached out and grabbed Harry's shoulders in such a firm grip he couldn't pull away. In a moment's time, Harry felt the surge of her thoughts and memories run through his mind.

Severus looked at Lily, What are you doing?!

He needs to know...

Lily, this isn't the way to show him!

How else is he ever going to know what James was like?

You're going to kill him, Lily...

Severus watched as Harry's face turned from red to while in a matter of seconds as Lily's memories seeped into his veins. He clutched the sofa covering so hard his knuckles turned white, and his eyes were closed tightly.

Severus touched Harry's shoulder gently, trying to get into his mind. Closing his eyes, he saw and heard all of Lily's memories of James flash through his mind, over and over again. The first time he had raped her, the first time he had hit her, the first argument, the first fight... and then, without warning, the memories before his eyes slowed down to the last argument they ever had -- the one where James found out about Severus.

"I told you, it's none of your concern." This particular fight was about the Secret Keeper.

"Why can't I know, James? I'm just as apart as this as you are."

"Tell me why, and I'll tell you who."

"No, not as long as Voldemort's still after us. Can't you just trust me for once?"

"Lily, last time I trusted you, you ran off with that filth, Snape."

Harry felt a surge of anger go through his veins.

"Do you want to know James, do you really want to know? Because I promise you, it will ruin your day."

"Tell me Lily, tell me something you think I don't already know."

Harry felt his mother seething and her nails digging into the palms of her hands. "Do you really, really want to know James? Because it could ruin your life."

"What, you're a werewolf? That would explain where you go every month or so."

"This is much, much worse. I daresay you'll threaten to kill me; perhaps even carry your threat out, or attempt to."

"What did you do, Lily? What the hell is so bad you can't even tell me?"

Harry felt his mother cringe as James gripped her shoulders. "Tell me baby."

Harry could feel his mother step back to escape James' grip. "I told you, you don't want to know."

"God damnit Lily, tell me or I swear to God I'll make you."

"You mean you'll beat it out of me? Is that what you mean? Is that how little you care about me?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean, James? Tell me, I want to know."

The room was silent for a moment, then Harry felt a large, rockhard hand come in contact with his - his mother's - face. Startled, he yelled out loud.

"STOP! MUM, DAD! Please!" Severus could hear his son's whimpers as Lily's memories seeped through his veins once more.

"I was right then. You really are a cruel, heartless bastard. Why did you marry me then, if you hate me so much?"

"I wanted an heir."

"Is that all? You could have gone to any girl in that school. Why me?"

"Because you were beautiful. You still are."

"Then why did you hit me?"

"Because you deserved it."

"I gave you a child. I went through nine months of hell while you just sat around and got drunk, The rare chance you did do something for me, you only did for show; to make me see you as the boss. And this is how you repay me? By hitting me? Is that how much you truly wanted an heir?"

"What are you keeping from me?"

"Answer my God damned question."

"Answer mine first."

"I can read thoughts. So can Severus."

"Is that it? You can read thoughts? So you know Peter's the Secret Keeper. Why even bother?"

"That's not all, but I don't think you can handle the rest; not without killing me or Harry."

"I would never kill either of you."

"Great way of showing it."

"Tell me."

"You asked for it." A golden chain with a ring hanging from it flew through the air, then Lily's wand came into view."This is the rest."

"What do you mean? Isn't this the engagement ring that slimy bastard gave you?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

"It's not my engagement ring to Severus. It's my wedding ring."

"You mean... You and him...?"

"Yes. We got married on December 26th; the day after he found out Voldemort killed our child. The day after he found out we would both be killed if we didn't

break up."

"So you got married for a month? Is that it?" .

"No. We're still married."

"Why the hell did you marry me then?"

"To keep up the image of a normal life -- without my husband."

"You mean these two years we've been married have been a total joke? Illegal and everything?"

"Oh no, it was legal. Papa made sure of it."

"So Dumbledore's in this, too... Is that all?"

"Remus knew."

"The God damned werewolf knew and I didn't?! Why the hell not?"

"Because he was smart enough to figure it out; you weren't."

"While you and I have been married... Answer this for me... Did you f-ck him?"

Harry felt his mother's body tense up.

"ANSWER ME! DID YOU F-CK THAT BASTARD?" Harry could hear himself, thirteen years previous, crying.

"Your child needs me."

"Answer me."

"I need to see Harry."

"You'll get him after you answer my question."

Harry felt his mother walk towards the door, then a sense of calm filled her, a sense of bravery filling his mind.

"Yes James, I did. Multiple times. Countless times. And I enjoyed every moment of it."

Lily finally released Harry, her green eyes bearing into his own. Breathing heavily, Harry was shaking and his face was pale.

"I'm sorry." He muttered softly. "I look just like him -- I'm sorry."

He's had enough, Lily.

She sighed, looking at her son. "Do you understand? He did that to me. He hit me multiple times, he forced me to f-ck him... He made me. The only good thing to come out of our relationship was you."

Harry shook his head, "I didn't know... I'm sorry."

"Yes, you did know." Severus interjected quietly, "You just refused to believe it."

"God damn it... I look just like him..." Harry shook his head once more, breathing heavily.

"Yes, you do, but you don't act a thing like him -- only when you act like you did a few seconds ago." Lily sighed, "Do you see why I hate it when you act like that now?"

Harry nodded, "I'm sorry Mum, I'm sorry Dad."

Lily and Severus nodded, "Just never do it again." Severus added.

"God..." Harry rocked back and forth. "I'm such a bastard."

Lily immediately scooped the fourteen year old up, "No, you're not. You're a wonderful person, Harry. I couldn't ask for a better son."

Harry's body shook as he cried into Lily's shoulder, Severus touching his back gently.

I think you just broke him, Lily love.

God... I think you're right... fuck.

*

Chapter Fourteen, Part Five: Musings Of A Werewolf

"Where did I go wrong?"

Sirius Black looked up at me and set down his fork.

"Damnit, Remus... How many times do I have to tell you? It's not your fault."

I shook my head. How could it not be my fault? It was my fault all of this happened in the first place. I got her pregnant... She came to me, wanting to tell me... and now she has to endure the monthly curse I've lived with for thirty years. The pain, the torment, the torture that came with it... I had done that to her.

"Get over it, Remus. There's nothing you can do. You heard Severus -- they're his children unless proved otherwise." Sirius said quietly, looking back down at his plate.

"God damnit, Sirius... Don't you understand? It's my fault she's going to be screaming two weeks from now, having all 206 bones in her body broken and reformed, turning her into a goddamned werewolf. You've never gone through the process, so it's silly of me to think you might be able to see where I'm coming from." I said quickly.

"Wolfsbane will help with the pain." Sirius said quietly.

"Yes, the physical pain." I snapped, "But not the mental pain. The feeling of turning into a wolf, Sirius, is unlike being an Animagi. You feel no pain; we feel our bones breaking, our muscles stretching and tearing to fit our new form, our skin stretching, our features changing -- all because of the silver orb that hangs completely visible in the sky once a month."

"There was nothing you could have done." Sirius said, louder this time. "You couldn't help it; even you admit to that."

"Still... If I hadn't given her a reason to come here at dusk, she wouldn't be in the state she is in now." I shook my head once more.

"Then why hasn't she shunned you? Sent you a letter telling you how much she hates you for being what you are? You couldn't help yourself, Remus. It was instinct."

"Instinct to tear one of my best friend's arms to shreds? Instinct to try and kill her? Instinct to act as if she was my prey?"

"But she WAS your prey!" Sirius exclaimed, "You know that. She is human, and she was within your sense of smell. Therefore, that makes her your prey."

"Why have I been cursed? Is God punishing me?" I sighed, feeling defeated. "I've destroyed her life, her family's lives... Their mother's a werewolf. How do you believe they're going to react to this?"

"Knowing Severus, they'll never know." Sirius answered, "He's far too protective of her to ever let anyone treat her as an outcast, or even know about this. You heard him."

"Yes, I did." I said, "And why do I feel as if it should be me saying those things?"

"You bit her." Sirius said softly, "You are possibly the father to the child she is carrying. You feel responsible."

"No," I shook my head, "It's more. Sirius, as a boy, I think all four of us fancied Lily at one time or another, yes?"

Sirius added, "James and I battled it out. He won, of course."

"You and I are the only two left; If you had the chance to sleep with her, would you?" I asked.

Sirius thought about this for a moment. "Yes, I would."

"Afterwards, would you feel as if... as if you two had something... special, perhaps?" I questioned slowly.

Once again, Sirius took his time thinking about this. Finally, he nodded. "Yes... Any woman I shared myself with, I would feel as if we had something special, as you call it."

"We aren't teenagers anymore," I sighed, "Rather adults. She is second only to you as my friend, and to ruin such a beautiful friendship was more than I ever wanted to do. However, I feel as if --"

"As if you should have some part in this." Sirius finished for me. I nodded.

"I feel as if I could now be accepted -- fully -- by someone. She's just like me now; a werewolf. The loneliest creature on Earth finally has somebody he can relate to." I said, bowing my head slightly.

"And Severus is keeping her under lock and key." Sirius said, "She's at Hogwarts. She has been since she was bitten... I've seen her multiple times."

I looked up, "Why at Hogwarts?"

"Severus is there... Dumbledore is there... Harry is there... Ethan is there..." Sirius shrugged, "Who knows?"

I nodded slowly, "Wolfsbane. And I'm sure he wants to keep an eye on her, making sure her and the baby's ok."

"Yes, I'm sure of it." Sirius answered.

"Why do I feel so dejected, Sirius?" I asked after a minute or two. "What did she do to me that makes me want to do something crazy?"

"Like what?" Sirius asked.

"It's as if I'd jump off a bridge if she asked me to." I sighed, "Why?"

"Human connection." Sirius answered, "Human touch; you're not used to it. The first person who gives you the feeling of wanting, the feeling of being wanted, will forever stay in your mind."

I looked up at him, confused. "Like a first kiss?"

"Yes, exactly like a first kiss. You remember yours, yes?" he asked me.

I thought for a moment, then nodded. "Narcissa Malfoy, on a dare."

Sirius looked up at me, a surprised look on his face. "Narcissa Malfoy? Good Lord, Remus. No wonder you're so scarred."

I laughed, "No, she was quite good, actually."

"I hear she's a widow now." Sirius said quietly.

"As good as one," I answered. "Lucius received the Dementor's Kiss a few years ago, yes?"

"Yes, after trying to escape." Sirius shook his head, "Poor fool."

"Do you remember Draco Malfoy?" I asked suddenly.

"Yes, of course. He's my student." Sirius said, "Why?"

"He never did get along with Harry, did he?"

Sirius shook his head, "No. Draco actually --" Before he could finish, Sirius started to chuckle.

"What?" I asked impatiently.

"The Dragon kissed the Boy Who Lived in front of the whole school." Sirius laughed at the memory.

"Draco Malfoy kissed Harry Snape in front of the school?" I asked, unable to suppress a grin. "Why?"

"No one really knows... Earlier this year. It came as quite a shock, but Harry insists Hermione is the only person he's interested in."

I chuckled, "Poor boy."

"Who? Harry or Draco?"

"Draco." I answered, "For having to kiss the son of James Potter."

Sirius threw his head back and laughed, "Perhaps Harry will start to sneak into Draco's dorm now?"

I did not return the laugh; "You know he raped her, yes?"

Sirius fell silent. "No, I didn't."

"As good a friend as James was, he was a terrible boyfriend to Lily." I shook my head at the thought, "You knew he hit her; I believe the whole House did. She confessed in me many times what went on those nights James snuck out of our room. She said she felt dirty, as if there were millions of bugs crawling all over her and inside her that she couldn't wash away."

Sirius sighed, "I felt terrible afterwards for not saying anything to Professor McGonagall or Professor Dumbledore. Things might have turned out differently then."

I paused, "Do you think she felt that way after what happened with her and I?"

Sirius shrugged, "Perhaps. However, who's to say she didn't enjoy it?"

"Sirius, she was crying." I said quietly. "I would have stopped, but for some ungodly reason, I couldn't. I tried to make myself, but it was as if an invisible hand was holding me there."

"Lovely mental image, Remus." Sirius shook his head, "Thanks."

"You're welcome, Padfoot." I smirked, "But still... I feel as if she hates me."

"She certainly has the grounds to, Mooney." Sirius said, "But I highly doubt any creature, human or werewolf, could ever possibly hate you."

"Severus hated me." I said calmly, "Before he knew I knew about him and Lily."

"He didn't hate you because of you." Sirius said, "He hated you because of what I did -- or tried to do -- to him. I guess James was good for one thing."

"And what was that?" I asked.

"He saved Severus' life."

"Good point." I nodded.

Sirius suddenly checked his watch, then stood up. "It's nearly dusk. I should return to the castle. Will you be all right here on your own?"

I laughed, "Sirius, I've lived here for twenty years on my own. I'm sure I can handle one more night."

With that, Sirius nodded. "Goodbye, then."

"Goodbye Padfoot." I smiled, "Sleep well."