The Trouble With Being Perfect

Perfection irritates as well as it attracts, in fiction as in life. -Louis Auchincloss

Previously in The Trouble With Being Perfect:

For the wizard, summer ends officially on September first when we board the Hogwarts Express, and did mine ever have one hell of a close.

I stepped onto the wizarding side and drew up even with Lily Evans, my Head Girl. For the first time in five and a half years, she smiled at me.

Chapter Four-The Power of James Potter

Now I've been around the block a time or five, so I checked behind me to confirm the fluttering of my heart, and there was no one there. I grinned widely in return and said the most intelligent thing I could think of. "Ummmm, congratulations on being Head Girl."

"Thank you! I hear you're Head Boy. I am so relieved you've moved past your silly infatuation of me so that we can hopefully work together this year."

What made her think that? Seriously, I had given her no indication my pursuits had ceased. "Huh?"

"Frankly, I was terrified you were going to owl me every blessed day again this summer, but you've finally seen that we're just not meant to be together. Do I know your new target? I feel obligated to warn her."

I had been chewing gum at the time, and I felt it fall out of my mouth as my jaw dropped. Lily sort of looked at me like I had really lost my wits. "Uh, I don't have a new target."

"You've really grown up, then? I'm astounded. Welcome to the world of young adults, Potter. I'll see you on the train." Lily gathered up her book bag and she nodded at my parents and bounced off. On the bright side, apparently she didn't hate me anymore. I guess this was a positive situation. I turned to look at my mum and dad, and they looked entirely shocked.

"She's very pretty," Dad observed.

As if I didn't know that already. Honestly, what a dolt.

"And she doesn't know you genuinely like her. This should prove to be an interesting year."

Isn't he helpful? I grumbled my goodbyes, gave my mother an obligatory kiss on the cheek and loaded my things onto the train. I checked in on Sirius and Peter, and then made my way up to the front of the train with Remus to meet in the Prefects' car. By the time I was at the door, my palms were sweaty and my throat felt the same way it did when my voice was changing and I could never be sure when it would crack. This was what Lily Evans did to me. There was no telling what would happen when I finally got to touch her, but then again, that didn't seem like it would be in the near future unless the train derailed or something and she suddenly got thrown against me.

Dear God, please, please, please let the train derail. I will be good forever and I'll never lie again. But don't let anyone get hurt.

I doubted God would grant my wish so I hustled inside just to feast my eyes on the delicacy of Lily Evans. She is the sort of girl that is just fascinating to look at. She doesn't have just a veneer of prettiness; instead, she seems to be faceted and ever-changing. I love her eyes, they're a set color that it's clearly definable, not like my hazel ones, but they appear to see everything. She saw me as soon as I walked in, and she raised her eyebrows and gave me this 'I still can't believe you're Head Boy' look and rolled her eyes. I knew I would have to work hard to make her see I was a worthy accomplice, but I would do it with the end goal in mind. There would be a day when Lily Evans would turn to me and look me in the eye and say 'James Potter, you are a god.'

"James Potter, are you planning on helping me with this meeting or would you rather just stand there like the idiot you are?"

Yeah, that was the Lily I knew.

"I would love nothing more than help you conduct this meeting. Do I get to stand next to you and everything?" I really couldn't help the sarcasm. I would probably skinny dip in grindylow-infested waters if it meant I got to have a real chance with Lily, but all the same, she really vexed me sometimes. Yes, I do know words like vexed. Impressive aren't I?

Lily gave me one of her 'go to hell' looks and turned her back on me. I looked around the room briefly to see everyone giving me an amused look. Stupid Snape in the corner looked like it was his freaking birthday. Remus gave me a confidence-boosting smile that somehow made me remember that I needed to be at the front next to Lily. I sped on up there and looked at the folder she was flipping through. I guess I leaned to close because she looked at me and stepped away. To tell the truth, I was mortified; there is nothing like public rejection by the girl everyone knows you like. I'm sure my face turned red and I couldn't quite bring myself to look up.

My God-given grace and innate charm soon took hold, though. I went on through the meeting like nothing happened. Or so I wished to believe. Lily instructed the Prefects to patrol the train and assigned times for each house pair. She breezed through a closing ceremony and I wanted to hate her.

I couldn't, though.

"You have a lot to catch up on, Potter. The Head Boy normally has two years of Prefect experience to get them ready for this job, so quite frankly, I don't know what I'm going to do with you. I'll try to give you the basics while we patrol, but you're going to have to do extra reading to get fully caught up."

She began stacking books in my arms, and I was left wonder why in the world I would need to do extra reading just to be Head Boy. I saved that question for later and instead asked about the patrolling business.

"We help the Prefects out. You and I are technically one step below the professors, Potter; we do what nobody else wants to do. Read the books and you'll discover all the crap jobs that have been loaded on us since the first class at Hogwarts. Service before self is our motto."

"Ummmm...do we go together?"

"Yes."

I could tell that the addition of 'unfortunately' was hanging in the air.

So I started patrolling the train with Prefect Lily Evans. I spent four and a half hours walking alone with Lily Evans. I was alone with Evans. Thank you, God.

However, I didn't do a whole hell of a lot with my time alone with her. I think I might be scared of her, to tell the truth. She is a very intimidating person because she radiates perfection. It's perfection greater than mine. Maybe. But anyway, she just glides down the main hallway of the train from car to car, chatting with people and making it entirely obvious that I'm not at all necessary. I am a trophy Head Boy. I mean, it's nice to know I appear to fit the part, but it's a bit degrading at the same time to realize she could do her job without me. We sat in the car that had the toilets for a time; I suppose to monitor unruly students wanting to use the loo. She told me some things I had to know, and the entire time I had to pretend to be coughing to repress my laughter.

As if I didn't know that we had to watch out for students trying to sneak out of school. I discovered three ways by myself.

Lily narrowed her eyes when I had a rather suspicious cough. "Would like a cough drop?"

"Huh?"

"I guess you wouldn't know; it's a Mugglething. They're for scratchy throats. But you don't have a scratchy throat, do you? You are laughing at me."

"No I'm not." I was laughing as I told her that, really, this was too good.

"I guess it's a little silly to be telling you what sort of mischief we have to be looking out for. After all, we only need to turn to your dear friends The Marauders and your own twisted mind to discover the world possible situations."

"I could give you privy to all my top-secret schemes if you just went out on a date with me." Crap! Why did I say that? Why?

Lily stood up so quickly I think her knees popped. She pointed at me and wrinkled her nose. "I thought you had finally given up, but evidently I was wrong. Can't you just drop it? I don't want to go out with you! I don't like you. Honestly, I'm hard-pressed to even tolerate your presence! I blew up a porcelain figurine when I found up you were Head Boy without my wand. I was praying you were going to forget this nonsensical infatuation so that we could work together and make this a good year. I see I'm wrong though; I'm disappointed."

"Why do you hate me so much?" There. I asked the question that I've always wanted an answer to.

"You are the epitome of a thousand disagreeable qualities. You are rude to people less than yourself, you are routinely cruel to those you don't like, you hold no respect for authority, you think you are better than everyone else breathing the same air you breath, you strut around school like you are the greatest wizard the world has every seen, you act like you're some sort of Quidditch superstar, you are smug and conceited, you are sarcastic and cynical when the mood strikes you, you make jokes about people behind their backs, you manipulate and play with people like we're all a set of puppets for your disposal, and most disgustingly of all, you are a first-class underachiever. I have no tolerance for someone who doesn't even respect themselves enough to live up to half of their potential. My God, I mean, you lounge around Hogwarts like you'll be there forever. In the six years I have been your classmate, you have not emotionally matured past a nine year-old." Lily took a deep breath and continued, "I can't imagine why people fall all over you the way they do. Maybe there's something I just don't see, or maybe you're only a complete arse when you're around me. I don't know, and I really don't care enough to ponder the thought. I only know that you have done a very good job of making several people's lives miserable, mine is included to some extent. I will never let someone like you ruin my life, but you have done an excellent job of making me dread being within eyesight of you."

She stopped for a moment, and I thought she was done with me. I wasn't that lucky, though.

"I cannot believe you were made Head Boy. That makes you practically all-powerful. The students have always let you get away with everything, and so has half the staff. Now you can give detention and other punishment to those you don't like, and I find myself wondering how Hogwarts can survive this year with you. In my mind it, I call it The Year of the Powerful Idiot. You know what, though? On a wise move by the Hogwarts administration, I, Lily Evans, have been named Head Girl. Luckily for me, I seem to be the only one immune you your charms, or lack of them, rather."

I wanted to cry. Okay, maybe not cry, but at least start kicking and screaming. She honestly hated me.

"I-I-I-I don't know what to say, Evans. Obviously, excuses won't help my cause and as mentioned, you don't care. But, uh, since you're in a tell-me-the-truth mood, why do you dread being within my eyesight?"

Lily stared at me in disbelief and her mouthed moved wordlessly for a few seconds. "Are you honestly that dense? You have teased me since we were eleven, but it has taken on an all-new, monstrous twist. You have completely ruined my social life! I can't keep a boyfriend because you're trotting around asking me out every other day. How well do you think that works out? You just keep teasing me and teasing me. It's cruel, Potter, it really is. Can't you move on to new prey?"

"I wasn't doing it to hurt your feelings."

"You could have fooled me."

"Well, I-."

"Just leave me alone, okay? I don't want anything to do with you so just drop it."

Lily left, and once again, I didn't know what to do. I finally comprehended that I had hurt her and that she didn't think my pursuits were serious or even amusing. The girl that I desired above anything in my life thought I wanted to make her miserable. Somehow, I was going to have to convince her I was very serious in my feelings for her. Considering she thought I was the scum the clung to wads of chewing gum that had been ground into textured soles and left to harden, melt, and then re-harden, things were not looking very promising.

Besides the fact that Lily was obviously, er, upset with me, I was pretty down-faced myself. Nobody had ever talked to me like that before. She acted like I was Severus Snape, not James Potter, the ultimately perfect person.

*~*~*