The Trouble With Being Perfect

The Trouble with Being Perfect

There is a certain perfection in accident which we never consciously attain.-Henry David Thoreau

I went home for my last summer before I was officially a fully-licensed wizard, and that was more than a little depressing. The next time I came home, I would be moving out into the real world, the big, scary one that didn't care a whole hell of a lot that I was perfect. You cannot imagine how terrifying that thought was. My dad called me into his library for a small discussion soon after my arrival.

Now I call it his library because it really is. We have another room for normal books, but my dad has some scary ones that would belong in the restricted section at Hogwarts. When I was little, he had lock-charms on all of them so I couldn't get into them, but when I turned thirteen he gave me permission to use them. I used one when we needed some help with our Animagustransformations, and a couple other for some not-so-legitimate activities we engaged in. I became very, very wary, though, when I opened and a hideous face started wailing at the top of its lungs. I occasionally still have nightmares about that thing. But about the discussion, it was one of those talks that started out adult-child and ended up being adult-adult. My parents were good about that; they treated me like an adult if I deserved it, which I did from time to time.

Very calmly, my dad kicked back in his chair and asked me if I had put any thought into what I was going to do Post-Hogwarts.

Well...I had to do some quick thinking. The time after my graduation had always been sort of an unrealistic dream that would never happen to me. I envisioned it as a series of dirty weekends with Lily where I would be served breakfast in bed and have my brains shagged out with regularity. Naturally I couldn't tell this to my father.

In truth, I had thought up a legitimate idea, but I kept hoping a better idea would come along.

"I...I have thought about it, but I haven't come up with anything very productive yet."

"Well, frankly, your mother and I are worried. What we know of your interests is that they include Quidditch, fooling around, and Lily Evans. Only one of those you can make a career out of. James, I'm not doing this to bother you, but you have got to sort out your priorities. You should have been thinking things out in fifth year, not right now. Even the headmaster is concerned about you."

This put me in a bad mood. "Is it entirely necessary for you to lecture me? And what does the headmaster care what I do?"

"I imagine it would look rather poor for this year's Head Boy to be unemployed in the future."

Dad told this to me with a smile, handing an envelope across the table. I'm sure I looked at him as if he were an utter idiot as I took it, and then opened it. The first line read: Dear Mr. Potter, it is my honor to inform you that the title of this year's Head Boy position has been assigned to you if you choose to accept it. "What the crap is this?"

"This would be your letter informing you of your honorable title."

"But, Dad, I wasn't a Prefect. I cannot be Head Boy, he screwed up."

"Watch the language, son. Moving on, your badge is inside there, you just need to send a letter with your confirmation and you will be told who your Head Girl is."

"No need to ask. It'll be Lily."

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! This was a sign. We were meant to be together, and this would be our prime chance. All of those meetings to attend together, all the decisions to be made. All the late night patrols alone together. YES! By now I know I was grinning like a madman and I couldn't care in the least. I wanted to roll around on the floor in my raw elation. I should send her congratulatory flowers, and maybe she would return the sentiment. I bet her stationary (girls like Lily always have stationary) was scented with her perfume. I could smell Lily anytime I wanted to! I think my dad could tell that my mind had severely drifted away from the intended path, so he cleared his throat.

"James, we need to move on. You're digressing...again. There was another letter asking me if I knew of your intended career plans, and he suggested a few he thought you might like. Basically, James, you are out of time to decide, you have to enroll in your NEWTs classes for your specialty."

"I-I have to decide...now? About my life?" I croaked. This was a bad situation.

"Yes, kiddo. About your life. Tell me you have thought of something that interest you." I could hear the exasperation in my dad's voice. No more fooling around. I began to wonder what Lily was planning on doing, she would be good at a million things. Dad cleared his throat again. "Stay with me."

I proceeded to name the things that I considered but had decided I wouldn't like: Auror, Healer, Cook, Professor, Potions Tester, Potions Maker, Ministry Official, Writer, Researcher, Enforcer, Reporter, Shop Keeper, Industrialist, Dragon Keeper, Curse Breaker, Obliviator, Metal Charmer...the list went on.

Dad sighed. "James, son, what does that leave?"

"Well...uh, there's professional Quidditch..." I trailed off, not really wanting to say what I thought sounded cool. He would hate it.

"I know there's an 'and'."

"Intelligence and Reconnaissance."

I saw the look on his face. It was horror. "Are you serious? As in spying?"

"It's silly, I know, I'm sure I'll think of something else."

"No! If this is what you want, then go for it. I won't be the one crawling on my stomach to a foxhole in Indonesia, you will, so you decide."

"It's what I want, Dad."

I would later be asked why I wanted it, and the answer was simple. I wanted to do something great for the world, to be part of a bigger and better whole. I wanted the pride of saying I belonged to the Intelligence Department of the Ministry. I wanted Lily Evans, too, but that was beyond the point by now. Apparently my sire could tell where my thoughts were drifting toward, and he sighed as he leaned forward.

"James, I'm worried about you for another entirely different reason. This...obsession you have with your young lady is becoming unhealthy. It's very normal for a boy such as you to fancy a girl, but-."

"Dad, we are not having the sex talk again. I am drawing the line here." The first sex talk was enough to put all amorous thoughts out of me for quite awhile. Dad had a certain way of dampening wonderful things.

"I am not about to have a repeat of that conversation. I was in question as to whether the Potter line would continue for awhile, and if some of the reports I have heard about you are correct, I have no need to fear anything. Unless, of course, you feel the need for a refresher course."

"NO!"

"Very well, then, I shall continue. I am worried that you are focusing too much on this girl who has very little interest in you. Why don't you try dating...wait while I rephrase that...why don't you try seriously dating some other girl."

Okay, that's really rubbed me the wrong way. My morals and ethics and my devotion to Lily Evans were coming into question, all three being unnecessary. "I don't want to seriously date some other girl, I don't like them. I like Lily. I'm holding out for someone who can compete with my level of perfection. She might even be able to top me. Lily Evans is the best girl for me."

"She doesn't talk to you in normal tones of speech. She yells at you."

"I realize that, but she is succumbing to my charm. She'll be mine by Christmas. Maybe I'll bring her home to meet you."

"I'm sure you will. Okay, providing she does decide to enter a relationship with you, what if it isn't up to your expectations. I think you're running on the thrill of the chase. I just don't want you to be disappointed."

"I won't be. If I can get Evans then I'll have everything I want...except for that new Nimbus...ahem."

"I know, I know. The brand new series that's like nothing else we've ever seen before. If you spend an extra sum of X Galleons, then you get the Nimbus Mark package which includes a ten year warranty and a black leather carrying case. We'll see."

"I would appreciate that." I nodded happily...this had turned out rather well. Too bad things didn't go as successfully with Lily.

"One more thing...I notice you call her by her surname. Don't you think she would warm up a bit if you acted a bit friendlier and a tad less annoying?"

I was already halfway to the door, but I paused and gave him a disdainful look. Really, my dad knew nothing about girls-I don't even know how he managed to snag mom. "I know what I'm doing, okay? It's working."

"I don't see her anywhere near here."

"Because absence makes the heart grow fonder. I am giving it a rest for a bit and then she'll wonder what I'm up to. I'd wager she's over here before I leave for Hogwarts."

"Okay, son."

*~*~*

Well, I have bad news: Lily Evans never even rang my doorbell.

On the bright side, though, something very, very, very cool happened. No, Lily didn't owl to say that she was lovesick for me. Instead, Sirius got his very own flat. That's right, his own home. He turned seventeen while we were still at Hogwarts, and my parents helped him find someplace to live when he expressed his adamant desire to live on his own. My best friend had his own unsupervised flat!

Actually, my parents checked up on him more that summer than they did my entire infancy, so you can see it wasn't going to be comprised of wild, drunken orgies. God, how my heart plummeted.

However, we did get to plan our future escapades in relative privacy, but my Heaven, Sirius couldn't clean to save his life. I like to have things nice and orderly, but he had a week worth's of dirty dishes and laundry tossed all over the place. I always ended up cleaning things up while we were talking, him smirking at me all the while.

Life was good, even if it was a little confusing.

For the wizard, summer ends officially on September first when we board the Hogwarts Express, and did mine ever have one hell of a close.

I stepped onto the wizarding side and drew up even with Lily Evans, my Head Girl. For the first time in five and a half years, she smiled at me.