An American Professor

Erin was torn between the need to speak with Sirius and the urge to run and hide. The last thing she'd ever wanted to do was hurt him. She wasn't ready to tell him she didn't want to be with him, she wasn't sure she'd ever be ready, but this just felt like it was happening too fast. How could she tell him that he wasn't the one she wanted? Things had turned out easily with Charlie. She was relieved that he'd dumped her before she was able to say anything. Being dumped when you were going to be the one doing the dumping doesn't suck as much as getting dumped out of the blue.

Her happiness faded with each step she took moving closer to where Sirius, in his dog form, stood. By the time she reached his side, she was almost in tears. She motioned for him to follow her, and she walked slowly to her rooms, trying to look at him as little as possible.

Reaching her rooms she entered with a heavy heart. Sirius followed changing into his human form just after he entered. "I wasn't expecting you back so soon."

"You don't exactly look glad to see me. I'm here because of what happened to Harry, but I thought I'd come see you while I was here."

"I'm glad that you're safe." She tried to say more, but wasn't sure what to say next.

"What's going on, Erin? You look as if somebody's just died. This wasn't the reception I was expecting after the way we left things last time."

Tears rolling down her face she moved to an armchair and covered her face with her hands, she heard him move further into the room, and suspected that he'd settled into the opposite chair. What do you say to him? This is worse than the not knowing! Struggling to compose herself she took a deep breath and looked up at him. "Sirius, I can't be with you. I don't love you as more than a friend."

She could see the hurt in his eyes as he answered, "How do you know?"

"I found the Mirror of Erised, are you familiar with it?"

"Yes, Harry told me about it. So, I'm not your heart's desire?"

Erin shook her head glumly before meeting his gaze again. His eyes seemed to be hard as he looked at her carefully. "No, you're not. Sirius, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to you. I am very attracted to you, but physical want is not enough for me. I guess my heart knew it, but I didn't. I love you so much as a friend, but I don't love you as anything other than a friend."

"I see. And may I ask who you did see in the mirror."

Looking him square in the eye, "I hope someday you will forgive me, but I will not tell you that right now. I've hurt you enough, and I feel just God awful about it, so, I choose to keep that to myself for now. I'm not saying that it won't hurt, but I'll understand if you don't want to be around me for a while."

"Erin, you didn't hurt me that badly. Don't worry, I'll just go find some other witch to fulfill my sexual needs. I'm sure it won't be too hard considering that I'm a fugitive, and there probably isn't another woman that would speak to me, let alone go to bed with me."

"Oh, I see, I see. What do you want me to do, Sirius? Offer to go to bed with you anyway? Well, let's go, right now, right here. If that's all that I was to you then have at it. Dammit, you make me so mad!" She stood up and stomped to her window.

"Are you willing to give that up, Erin? All the passion that we have together. Yes, it causes us to fight, but it would also result in amazing sex."

Erin turned to face him. "Yes Sirius, I can give that up. I can give it up because I know that passion dies, it fades away. I've been in lust before. I've never been in love before, and I want to believe that it lasts a lot longer than lust. I think you'd better leave now before one of us says something that we'll regret. I just hope that no matter how angry I've made you tonight, that you'll forgive me someday, and even if you can't speak to me, you'll remember that we have a once in a lifetime friendship, and I hope you don't choose to throw that away."

The anger in his eyes was evident, but Erin knew she wouldn't be doing him any favors by pitying him, but that didn't stop the terrible wrenching she felt in her heart. "Good-bye, Erin. Thanks for nothing."

He changed into his dog form and left the room. Watching him leave she whispered, "Please be careful, and I hope I'll see you soon."

Erin left her rooms and began to make her way to Severus'. She walked blindly and mostly from instinct as her tears covered her face and shirt. Knowing she was in the right hallway, but unable to remember where his room was exactly, Erin slumped against the wall and drew her knees to her. She figured if he wasn't already in his rooms, he'd be returning to them, and if he was in them, he'd come looking for her eventually.

Drawing a ragged breath, Erin's silent sobs racked her body. She buried her head in her arms and cried her eyes out. Each time she thought she couldn't cry any more, she'd remember the look on Sirius' face when she had told him he was not her heart's desire and she began to cry all over again.

"Goodness child, whatever is the matter with you?"

Erin looked up into the face of Professor McGonagall. She was in her dressing robes and had curlers in her hair. Erin managed a feeble smile at this and was treated to stern look. "Why are you crying?"

"It's a very long story, and I don't really want to go into it." Least of all with you. "I was looking for Severus, but I can't remember where his rooms are exactly."

This had definitely been the wrong thing to say as McGonagall's face looked like steel and Erin prepared herself for a lecture. "I do not think it's proper, Miss Worhli, for a woman to be prowling around a man's bedchambers. It will give the man the wrong idea. Besides in this day and age we need to set a better example for our young people."

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry you feel that way ma'am, and I'm sorry that I disturbed you by sitting in this hallway crying."

Sarcasm was not the way to go with this woman either. "Miss Worhli, might I remind you that you are not just a professor at this school, but also a student, and for that matter a student in my house."

"Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry. I'll be leaving now." Erin stood and began to walk away from the irate woman as quickly as possible. Her head down she was muttering expletives to herself and not watching where she was going. She gave up on trying to find Severus' rooms and began to walk back to her own.

Erin entered her rooms and looked around. She had been hoping Severus would be there waiting for her. After searching her rooms and discovering he was not, she settled herself on the couch and began to re-think the conversation she'd had with Sirius earlier.

"Erin? Erin, wake up." She hadn't even known she fell asleep. Rubbing her eyes she focused on the voice. Severus was kneeling in front of her; he had shaken her awake.

"What's going on? When did I fall asleep?"

"I don't know, I just got here. And nothing is going on, I just wanted to talk to you."

"What happened to your lip?!" Severus lip was split. It wasn't bleeding, but it didn't look as if he'd taken the time to fix it.

He touched his lip gingerly, "I met up with Sirius. What the hell did you say to him? Did you tell him that you wanted to be with me and not him?"

"No, I never exactly said that, I guess he must have figured it out himself. Did he say anything else?"

"Well, he was ranting right before he hit me that he would make it harder for you to love me. Did you tell him you were in love with me?" His voice was shaking and Erin was again startled by his raw emotion.

"I told him that passion dies if it's all you've got. I told him that I'd never been in love before, but that I wanted to believe that it lasted longer than lust. That's all I said."

"You never told me you were in love with me."

"I thought it was obvious when I saw you in the mirror."

"Screw the mirror. You never said it to me."

Erin tried to speak, but her voice caught in her throat. Taking a deep breath she tried again. Looking into his dark eyes she found the courage there that she needed to whisper, "I love you, Severus. I'm in love with you."

In the blink of an eye he had gathered her into his arms, joining her on the couch. Crushing her to him, his cheek resting on her head. Silent tears dripped down her face. At first she thought they were only her own, but when she pulled away slightly she saw that Severus was also crying.

Smiling she said, "I didn't know you were capable of crying."

He leaned forward, kissing away their mingled tears on her cheeks and whispered, "Don't ruin this by trying to be funny. You've no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that." That said he began covering her face with soft kisses while caressing her back.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, what about your lip, and by the way, it'd be nice to hear how you felt about me," she mumbled into his mouth.

"Isn't it obvious how I feel about you?" he murmured and returned to placing feather-lite kisses along her jaw-line causing her to shiver with delight.

"I still like to-" he covered her mouth with his in a deep probing kiss. She knew he wanted her, and her response was anything but chaste. Answering his kiss with one that poured forth all of her own desire, she pulled away and breathed, "tell me, please."

Gently pulling her chin up to look him in the eye, he answered. "Erin Worhli, I love you. I've never felt the way I feel when I'm with you. You make me forget about everything when you're in my arms. I could give a damn about anything that's going on around us, because nothing else exists in my world, but you. I want only to hold you and to be held by you forever. My heart has belonged to you for quite some time now, even though I wouldn't admit it, and you've made me happier than I've ever been in my life." He looked at her with such unmasked emotion she felt a lump rising in her throat.

"Wow, what a speech. A simple, ‘I love you, too' would have sufficed." She giggled and kissed his chin.

He didn't answer, instead took out his wand and shot a locking curse at the door muttering, "You really should remember to do that," and gathering her in his arms, carried her straight to the bedroom. Laying her down gently on the coverlet, he eased his body on top of hers. The rest of the room was spinning, all that Erin could see was Severus.

He invaded all of her senses as she got accustomed to his weight on top of her. He began to kiss her slowly and gently at first with a sense of urgency increasing at every kiss. Erin was enjoying the feeling of relinquishing control to him, but she didn't want him to think she needed him to take control. Using the remainder of her will power, she pushed against him and rolled him off of her. He opened his mouth to protest, but she placed her mouth to his firmly to stifle the protest.

By the time she ended the kiss his protest was entirely forgotten. She had managed to climb on top of him and she sat up so that she was seated at his waist. Erin could feel his desire, and shifting a little on top of him caused him to gasp and then to groan, "Erin."

"I want to hear you say it."

"I love you."

"Well, yes, that's nice, but that isn't what I want to hear right now." She wriggled again slight and he moaned softly.

"Do you know what you're doing to me woman? I want you so badly."

She had been running her hands over his chest slowly unbuttoning his robes. When he'd finally said what she'd wanted to hear she leaned over and whispered, "Bingo," in his ear. She teased and tormented him for several minutes, nibbling his ear lobes, kissing his neck softly all the while letting her hands explore the rest of him. Running her hands over his chest she marveled at how smooth it was and how muscular he was. Those robes are deceiving, she mused while rubbing her hands up and down his arms. When she'd freed him of his remaining clothing and he lay naked before her she let her eyes rake over him taking in his lean body. Raising her eyes to his she saw desire shining in his eyes.

"My turn," he whispered huskily before giving her body the same attentions. He rolled her onto her back. Gently pulling her shirt over her head, he rained kisses along her collar bone into the valley between her breasts.

His movements were slow and deliberate. The hands she'd admired for their long elegant fingers dropped gentle touches on her body. His soft touch on her shoulders moved to her breasts, gently caressing each orb, he moved on to her soft stomach, but not before gently flicking each straining nipple. The feather light touches made her head spin and her body strain for his touch. Moving his hands to her hips, Erin arched against his touch.

"Patience, love," he whispered in her ear before searing her mouth with a kiss full of promise and desire. His mouth followed the path his hands had charted, licking and sucking her neck gently, showering light kisses on her collar bone, before suckling each breast.

Pausing to flick his tongue playfully over each nipple, Erin moaned incoherently and strained to get closer to him. His mouth moved down her body causing pinpricks of desire and heat to spread through her.

When his tongue flicked over her most sensitive spot, her body arched under his touch, straining for more, wanton with desire for him, she grasped the pillow and held on for dear life calling out his name. Sliding up her body slowly, he again covered her mouth with his own. Erin could feel his need against her, and she pulled him fully on top of her, begging him silently to finish what he'd started.

Sliding into her slowly, Severus covered her mouth with his own, muffling her gasp. Erin met each of his thrusts, and their pace remained slow as if savoring each moment they were joined. Gradually the seductive pace gave way to their passion and the fire within them grew until Erin felt her desire peak as she gasp Severus' name one final time before he too called out her name following her over the peak.

Some time later that night, Erin pressed her naked flesh against his and murmured, "People are right, it's so much better when you're in love with the other person."

He turned to face her and pulled her tightly against him. "I think we'd better make sure."

"Again?" she asked with a slight giggle. Instead of answering he pressed his lips to hers in a kiss that started everything all over again.

When morning came Erin was already awake holding Severus in her arms. Stroking his face gently she knew in her heart that she'd loved this man for a long time, and would love him forever. Examining his face in slumber, she realized how vulnerable and sweet he looked. I thought the world would be coming to an end before I'd ever use the word sweet to describe Severus. Stifling a giggle, she turned her attention to his nose. It was straight and proud, giving him a regal look. He was awfully pale, but then again it suited him. I will have to speak to him about his hair, though. Funny, it didn't feel greasy to the touch, but it is quite a sight. In fact, she mused smoothing a lock from his brow, it feels rather soft.

Turning her attentions to the window she continued her musings. I wish we could have found each other sooner. Too bad dragon hunters, fugitives, and evil dark wizards had to keep up apart for so long. Looking back down at his face she was startled to find him staring up at her. His dark eyes seemed to look right into her soul, and she shivered slightly.

"Good morning," she murmured and leaned down for a quick kiss. He moved his hand to the back of her head to hold it in place a few moments longer than she intended and when he relinquished her, she was breathless.

"Morning," he echoed with a slight smile.

"Severus, I think we need to talk."

"No, Erin. We just spent an amazing night together, do you have to cast gloom and doom on it so soon."

She was slightly offended that he expected such dark predictions from her, "You don't even know what I was going to say."

"It can't be good starting it out that way."

"It needs to be said. I've been off my birth control pills since about two months of getting here, and we didn't use any protection."

"Relax. A side effect of the pain potion you took a week ago was birth control. That's one of the reasons Poppy needed us to put you in the full body bind so that she could make sure you weren't already pregnant because the potion can cause a miscarriage. It lasts three months. I'll brew you something else to take then so you won't have to worry."

Erin scowled remembering he'd jumped at the chance to put her in the full body bind, but softened feeling relieved. "That's a relief, but there's one more thing. Severus, I can live with your sarcasm, your sneers, and even your hair, but baby, I'm going to have to introduce you to a tooth brush."

"What's that supposed to mean? Are you insinuating that I have bad breath?" He pulled away and looked mildly offended.

"No, no, your breath is fine. I think you may need to take better care of your teeth."

"My teeth? I thought you knew," before she could ask him what he was talking about he leaned over the side of the bed to try to find his hastily discarded robes. Erin smiled as she caught a glimpse of his white as snow rear end. Pulling his wand from his robes he pointed it at his mouth and muttered, "Finite Incantatem." He smiled at her revealing perfectly straight white teeth. Before she could say anything he held up his hand and pointed his wand to his hair and repeated, "Finite Incantatem."

Gone were his greasy black tresses and now in their place was shiny, healthy, soft black hair. "Better?" he asked.

"Why did you do that to yourself?" Drinking in his new appearance. She'd loved him before, but with the way he looked now she knew he'd catch quite a few witches' attentions.

He shrugged nonchalantly before returning his wand to his robes and allowing them to drop to the floor, "It made me look scarier."

Snuggling closer to him, she kissed him softly on the cheek. Lifting the sheets up slightly she gave his body an appraising look, "You're still naked," she observed with a grin.

He lifted the sheets as well and looked at her for quite a while, causing her to blush slightly and push the sheets down. "So are you."

Erin laughed at him before turning somber again. She had noticed an angry scar on his left side, and realizing it was recent, traced her fingertip along it with a questioning look at him.

"Not all of the scars Voldemort has left me with are on the inside."

"Was this from your last trip?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"We weren't exactly on speaking terms when I got back."

Erin's gaze shifted to the dark mark on his left forearm. "I've never really looked at it before."

"It isn't something I brag about."

"Well, it doesn't make me love you any less. And," she added lifting the sheets again to give the rest of his body a long look, "it certainly doesn't inhibit your um, performance." She looked at him pointedly.

"I know where this is leading and I think I like it." He pulled the sheets up over their heads and the two were soon lost in a world that was their own, the mark on his arm long forgotten.

Some time later, lying in one another's arms sated for the moment Severus turned to her and said, "I think we should try to make it to at least one meal today, for appearances sake at least."

"I agree, and I think that you need to get yourself to Poppy and have her properly heal your lip. It's not looking too good after the continuing punishment it received last night."

He chuckled and climbed out of bed. She remained in place staring at him drinking in his chiseled body. "Oh no you don't, you aren't getting a free show," he reached down and pulled her out of the bed protesting and trying to pull the sheet with her as a covering.

"Nope, no such luck with that either," he teased as he pulled the sheet from her. Pulling her close to him a delicious shiver passed through her body from the feeling of her skin touching so much of his. "Let's get to the shower before neither one of us can muster the will power to leave the room." Nodding dumbly she allowed him to pull her into the bathroom and began to run a bath for her, while he stepped into her shower stall.

Some time later they were both dressed and headed to the Great Hall for lunch. Erin had protested when Severus had charmed his teeth and hair back to looking disgusting. "I don't see why you have to do that. There aren't any students besides Harry here for you to frighten. And I doubt Poppy'll let him out of the Hospital Wing even yet."

"I do it because it's what people expect, don't argue with me."

"Since when do you care about living up to what people expect?"

"I don't. It's just my image."

"Sounds to me like you're scared."

"Well, I wasn't in Gryffindor, was I? I am a Slytherin, deception and cunning are rewarded, now drop it, please, and drop my hand as well. I am pretty sure that what we did last night goes against something in the Hogwarts handbook."

Erin did as he asked, but not without grumbling, "Damn shame to hide behind your house after all these years. Some might say it's pathetic, really."

He shot her a withering glare that she knew he didn't mean, and resisted the urge to kiss him in front of the entire staff. They took their seats and ate lunch exchanging small talk with one another as well as with those surrounding them.

Towards the end of the meal Severus stood and told her that he was going to see Poppy about fixing his lip. He didn't mention about meeting her later, but she knew he would. After he'd exited Dumbledore approached Erin.

"Professor Worhli, may I speak with you in the hallway?"

Oh, no, he already knows. What's he going to do? Dammit, we should have been more careful. "Yes sir," she answered glumly following him into the hallway.

"Well, Erin, I trust you found the Mirror of Erised?"

"Yes sir."

"And did it provide you with the answers that you were seeking."

Staring at the floor she answered, "Yes it did."

"Good, I am very happy for you and Severus."

Whipping her head up she saw that he was smiling and she allowed herself to smile back. "Thank you sir, I mean, well, uh-"

"No need to worry, Erin. Your secret is safe with me. I would, however, recommend keeping it from the other professors. Normally I do not condone exclusion, but I think in this case what they do not know will not hurt them. I trust that you and Severus will not let this relationship interfere with your relationship as colleagues nor as student and teacher."

"No sir, I mean, yes sir, I mean, we will not allow our relationship to interfere with our work, nor my schooling."

"I trust you have now figured out the reason you were able to see through the Polyjuice?"

"Yes, and it makes sense that I was able to discover the fraud a little more quickly each time, as my feelings for Severus were growing stronger, thus making it easier to know that the impostor was not him. When you see someone with your heart it's impossible for someone else to impersonate them."

"Glad to hear you figured it all out. And Erin, don't worry about Sirius, his heart will mend."

"Well, yes, actually that has been the one dark cloud so far."

"Don't let it trouble you. Sirius is a good friend, and he will come around. But there seems to be something else troubling you my dear."

How does he do that? "Uh, actually, yes, there is one other thing. This may sound weird, sir, but as happy as I am that I am not related in any way to Voldemort, it's still, it's just," she faltered trying to find words. "I guess for a while it was a good feeling knowing that I actually had parents and that I was not just some immaculate conception. Not that I ever wanted to be related to him, it's just that I've always wanted some sense of roots."

Dumbledore sighed, he looked very old to her suddenly. "Erin, I do understand, but I think someday you may find out who your parents were, so do not give up. However, for the time being, you should try to forget about your uncertain past, and instead focus on a future that looks quite promising."

Erin followed his gaze and her eyes landed on Severus who was no doubt waiting at the end of the hallway, trying to look as if he weren't waiting. Smiling at Severus, Erin turned to Dumbledore and hugged him. "You're right sir. Good night."

"Good night? Erin it's only 1:30 in the afternoon."

Calling back to him as she practically floated to Severus, "Oh, right, well, I won't be at dinner tonight, and neither will Severus, we have things to uh discuss." Reaching him she took his arm and led him around the corner, but not before he could smile down at her and then turn back to smile at the headmaster.

The wise old wizard chuckled, "Well, I'll be. A real smile from Severus, I never thought I'd see the day, and it only took a saucy American with an attitude as bad as his to do it."

The End