The Evil Musical From Hell

The Evil Musical From Hell

Title: Yo Yo Yo, It's The Sorcerer's Stone!

Staring: Harry Potter!

Co-starring: (In no particular order) Hagrid, Sirius, Snapey, Quirrell, McGonagall, Dumby, Dudly, Malfoy, and Voldie!

Act One: Scene One: Outside a small house.

(Sung)

Sirius Black: Holy crap! What happened here?

Rubeus Hagrid: Oh, boy. I need a beer.

Sirius: Oh, no! James and Lily are dead!

Hagrid: Someone! Get a med!

Sirius: Give Harry to me!

Hagrid: I have got to pee!

Sirius: I will take good care of my god son.

Hagrid: No, you're a lunatic! Lunatics are no fun!

Sirius: Give him to me!

Hagrid: Oh crap, I must flee.

(Stage explodes)

Sirius/Hagrid: Oh, crap!

Act One: Scene Two: Outside the Dursley house.

(Sung)

Albus Dumbledore: Yo yo yo! I'm Dumby!

Minerva McGonagall: Where is Hagrid? That overgrown moron really bugs me!

Hagrid: (Riding in on a motorcycle) Hey, I got the baby! No sir, don't mean maybe!

McGonagall: Oh, please.

Dumby: Yo yo yo! I like cheese!

Hagrid: I will sit him on the door step. Hey, I have quickstep!

McGonagall: What the hell is that? And, by the way, that suit makes you look fat.

Hagrid: "Quickstep" is Civil War slang for diarrhea. Momma Mia!

Dumby: (Sad) Yo yo yo...

Act two: Scene One: Dursley's home.

(Spoken)

Harry Potter: Hey! Look! A letter! Well, what do ya' know! I'm a wizard!

Dudley: Gee whiz!

Hagrid: Yer a wizard Harry.

Harry: Yeah. I know. That's what I just said.

Hagrid: Yer a wizard Harry.

Harry: (cries) Whaaaaaaaaa! Quit copying me!

Act two: Scene Two: Potions classroom

(Sung)

Severus Snape: Hey, I'm Snapey! I hate you, Harry! Hee hee hee!

Harry: Ah, shucks!

Ron Weasley: What rhymes with shucks?

Harry: *beep*

Snape: Detention for a week, you little sneak. You're out of luck.

Harry: Ah *beep*

Act two: Scene three: Bathroom

(Sung)

Hermione Granger: Hey! Ya'll saved my life!

Ron: Will you be my wife?

Harry: Cool... I killed a troll!

Quirrell: (To himself) No one will ever suspect, the fools! Mwahaha!

McGonagall: Oh. Well, this sucks.

Snape: Ah *beep*

Act two: Scene four: Library

(Sung)

Quirrell: P p please d d don't ki ki kill m m m m m m m me, Snap p p p p p ey!

Harry: Gee!

(Spoken)

Snape: What are you hiding?

Quirrell: I d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d dunno.

Harry: Dude...

Act three: Scene One: Dungeon thingy or whatever

(Spoken)

Harry: Hey! The sorcerer's stone!

Quirrell: Come hear, Potter! (Spits really badly while saying "Potter")

Harry: Oh, crap! You've got Voldie on your head!

Voldie: Mwahaha!

Harry: Never!

Quirrell: Never what?

Harry: Huh? Oh, sorry. I forgot. Voldie was supposed to say something before that. Oops.

Quirrell: Voldie! Say something!

Voldie: Mwahaha!

Harry: Er, aren't you supposed to try and kill me now?

Quirrell: Oh, yeah. (Tries to kill Harry. Face falls off)

Harry: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Voldie: Mwahaha!

Act three: Scene Two: Hospital

(Sung)

Dumby: Howdy, Harry!

Harry: I gotta pee.

Dumby: Yo mama!

Harry: Huh? What 'bout my mama?

Dumby: Yo mama's love save yo' arse!

Harry: This is the lamest farce.

(Spoken)

Dumby: What's a farce?

Harry: A comedy where every stupid thing possible happens.

Dumby: Not every stupid thing has happened, yet. (Strips naked, stands on head, and sings "Oops, I Did It Again")

Harry: Gee whiz!

Act three: Scene three: Big room with lots of tables

(Sung)

Dumby: Yo yo yo! Guess what, chicken butt? I'm changing your points. Griffindore wins. Who wants some joints?

Hermione: Did he just ask if any of us wants a joint?

Ron: That's beyond the point.

Harry: We won! What fun!

Draco Malfoy: Ah, shucks!

Snapey: Ah *beep*

Act three: Scene four: Train station

(Sung)

Hagrid: I gotta pee.

Harry: Gee.