A Day in the Life of a Ferret

Draco Malfoy swaggered down to the Great Hall with a sly grin on his face. Oddly, he felt very well rested. Last night was perhaps one of the wildest nights of his life. It was about a quarter past eleven when a scantily clad Pansy came hurtling into his room. She had just come out of the showers. A grotesque pink towel was wrapped around her voluptuous figure.

"Why Draco!" she breathed unabashedly. "Gosh this doesn't look like my room."

Draco lowered his copy of Play Wizard. "No, this is the boys dormitory. Your room is five corridors to the left and eight floors below this one. But, of course, it's easy to get lost. You've only been at this school for six years."

Pansy giggled and leaned against the wall. She threw her chest out as far as her arching back would allow. The towel slipped a few inches. Draco winced. It was moments like these that he wished he were short sighted like Potter. Then maybe he would mistake Pansy for someone else. Anyone else.

"Whatcha reading?" Pansy slurred as she invited herself onto Draco's bed.

Draco held up the magazine to her. In bold writing with illustrations was the article, Oral Sex as the New Good Night Kiss. Pansy fluttered her eyes in what she thought was a seductive manner. To Draco, it looked like the girl was suffering from an acute case of conjunctivitis. He groaned. When was this girl going to leave so he could alleviate his frustration in peace?

"Would you like some company?" Pansy whispered thickly. Her foul breath tickled Draco's sensitive nose.

"NO!" he said firmly and shoved the girl off his bed. The towel fell off. Pansy growled indignantly.

"Draco Malfoy! You are the most insufferable git I've ever come across!" she howled. "I was going to make tonight special, seeing as it's your birthday. But you can forget about it now! Blaise, Tracey, Daphne and I will just go back to our dorms!"

Draco suddenly sat up in alarm. "You brought Blaise and Tracey with you? And Daphne with the whip and handcuffs? Why didn't you tell me before hand!" he cried uncharacteristically.

Pansy's face lit up with glee as she flittered to the door. A moment later, four girls jumped on the blonde boy and pinned him to his bed. Sweet, sweet memories, Draco smirked. His wrists were fairly bruised from the steel handcuffs. The rest of him ached with a quiet satisfaction. He would have problems sitting properly for a while.

The Great Hall turned silent when Draco entered the room. Rumours of his nightly escapade had spread through the tables. Even the staff raised an eyebrow at him. Dumbledore winked cheerily at him while MacGonagall scowled furiously. Draco's smirk grew wider as he hitched down his belt and limped to his table. Before he could sit down, a swift hand pinched his behind.

"OWWW!!!!" Draco howled. Tears sprang to his eyes. It was Pansy with a gleeful expression on her face. "You stupid bint! Don't touch my butt! It looks like a grilled steak and you ought to know it."

After all, Pansy had whipped him very hard while screaming at the top of her lungs: "Draco you have been a naughty, naughty, naughty boy! Now scream for mama! That's it!" Draco shuddered from the memory.

Pansy swiftly grabbed his hand. "Draco darling, I just can't bear another moment without you. Let's go to the dungeons now. Potions doesn't start for another fifteen minutes," she whispered.

Draco grimaced. "Pansy, get your talons off me. I'm not interested."

Pansy blanched. "What do you mean?" she hissed. "I want you to take me now."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Ask one of those brutes Crabbe or Goyle. They'll be happy to oblige. There's only enough blood in them to operate one appendage. And it isn't their heads!"

Pansy shrieked loudly at the indignation. "Draco Malfoy you lying bastard! I should have known it was too good to be true. All that moaning and pleading. You faked it didn't you?"

"That's right and I'm bloody good at faking it!" Draco screamed back. The Great Hall went silent. All eyes turned towards the exchange.

"Oh bite me the lot of you!" Draco barked before hustling Pansy out the door.

Out in the corridor, Draco slammed Pansy none too gracefully against the wall. "Look, I had one night with you. Big deal! I do that sort of thing all the time. You don't mean anything to me. I don't want anything to do with you, unless you're organising another foursome, in which case I must be invited. Get over it Parkinson. You and I are never going to happen!"

Draco turned away from the snivelling girl and headed back for the Great Hall. Pansy stiffed behind him. Her voice turned to steel. "I'm going to make you pay Malfoy," she hissed.

"I'd like to see you try," Draco said nonchalantly.

"You're a weasel! A ferret! Moody was right! You're vermin! A rodent! And you should stay like one!" Pansy howled.

She raised her wand and pointed it at Draco's back. He felt a wave of nausea wash over him. Oh no, not again! His mind moaned. His body began to convulse and shrink. Slowly, a thick layer of fur sprouted from his skin. His aristocratic face became pointy and twitchy. A fine set of whiskers decorated his cheeks. His robes collapsed on top of his tiny figure. Draco desperately scuttled to and fro in order to escape the folds of his robes. Somewhere high above, a thunderous voice laughed.

"Well, well Malfoy. Let's see how you fair a day in Hogwarts as a ferret!" Pansy laughed maniacally. "Let's hope you don't get eaten by Mrs. Norris. She has an appetite for rodents."

With that, the pug-faced Slytherin walked back into the Great Hall. She felt very smug indeed. Draco glanced around anxiously. What to do? He thought desperately. Almost on instinct, Draco scuttled for the dungeons. Professor Snape will think of something, Draco thought optimistically.

Tentatively, Draco stuck his head through the dungeon door. Snape was sitting at his desk. In front of him was a small mirror. The potions professor was trying desperately to adjust his hair.

"Damn rug," he muttered darkly. "It never sits right in the mornings."

Draco looked on with interest. So the greasy, strings of hair was part of a wig. That would explain a lot. Snape fiddled around with it some more before putting the mirror away. He sighed in annoyance before reaching for something in his draw. He pulled out some pamphlets and shuffled through them. Draco crept closer to take a look. Snape paused at the one that read, How to Make Your Wand Grow Three Inches Instantly! Snape opened the flap. Draco watched in amusement.

"Well it's worth a try," Snape mumbled. He walked over to the door and locked it.

"Engorgio!" he said as he pointed his wand at his nether regions.

Draco shrieked and dived behind Snape's desk. He really didn't want to see this.

"Engorgio!" Snape said again. Draco peeked out from behind the table out of curiosity. There was no improvement by the looks of things. Draco watched in horror as Snape released belt and pulled down his pants. DEAR GODS! Draco thought in shock. That really is pitiful.

Snape growled angrily as he pulled his pants back up. Just then, a noisy winged memo flew into the room. Without any assistance, the notice began to speak.

"Dear Professor Severus Snape of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,

We are sorry to inform you that you have failed to make a payment to Big Wand Corporations. If you are interested in our engorgio charm, please make sure that you attach a fee of seventy galleons with your return owl. This message will disappear once you make the appropriate payment.

Other products now available under Big Wand Corporations include mail order witch brides, realistic blow-up witches and the exclusive range of Play Wizard's interactive centrefolds! If you would like more information on any of the following products, please feel free to owl Big Wand Corporations.

Big Wand Corporations, we assist you in your Wandering pleasures."

Snape gaped in fear as the notice grew in size. Its' voice raised several volumes and began to recite the notice again. Draco snickered from his hiding spot. Snape was in a pretty little predicament.

"Severus, it's Albus. May I have a word?" The headmaster called from behind the locked door.

"Just a minute Headmaster!" Snape spluttered. "Finite incantatem!"

It didn't work. "Is everything alright in there?" Dumbledore asked. "The students are waiting for class to commence."

"Won't be a moment!" Snape yelled in desperation. "Stupid advertisement."

"Dear Professor Severus Snape..." the notice began again.

"Severus, are you with someone in there?" Dumbledore called out from behind the door.

"No!" Snape called back. He began chasing the notice around the room.

"Well then I must insist upon coming in," Dumbledore warned.

"No! Please don't!" Snape howled.

"This is getting ridiculous. Alohomora," Dumbledore said.

The headmaster walked into the dungeon, followed by a stream of students. "Severus, what are you doing?"

"If you are interested in our engorgio charm, please make sure that you attach a fee of seventy galleons with your return owl. This message will disappear once you make the appropriate payment," the message sang loudly.

"Oh my," Dumbledore murmured.

The students began to snigger collectively. At first it was a small cackle. But soon the room erupted into a stream of raucous laughter. The students choked and coughed until tears came down their faces. People slapped each other on the back and fell to the floor in mirth.

"Oh shut up the lot you!" Snape howled indignantly. "Detention for a month for the next person who laughs out loud!"

But every student ignored him and continued their unabated laughter. Draco sniggered with them. It seems that the Potion Master has finally been caught with his pants down, he mused. What would the students say if he were found hairless as well?

Feeling decidedly mischievous and evil, Draco bounded onto the table. With a swift kick of his hind legs, Draco the ferret sailed through air and landed on Snape's head.

"What the-" Snape shrieked.

"Look a ferret!" a Hufflepuff exclaimed.

With one huge leap, Draco bounded for the door, with Snape's wig in tow.

"Argh!" Snape shrieked again.

The room grew silent except for the notice that was still chanting away happily. Snape's egg-shaped head rose up like a small hill. His scalp glowed oily in the torchlight. Dumbledore grinned with a twinkle in his eye. "Severus, perhaps you should come with me," he said.

The dejected egg-headed, bald potions master followed the headmaster out of the dungeons. Behind them was a trail of renewed laughter and gasps of "did you see that? Morgana's fat behind, he's bald!" That afternoon, many students were sent to the infirmary. The diagnosis: bruised ribs from laughing too much.

*

Draco wandered the corridors of Hogwarts aimlessly. He traipsed along the edges of the walkway in order to avoid the stampeding students. Class had just finished. And he was still a ferret. He would be one for the rest of the day. Draco trotted down the moulding stairs. He was deep below Hogwarts. A few Slytherin girls flittered past him like over-grown bats. It's no fun being a ferret, Draco thought miserably. Just a moment ago he had been the Slytherin sex god; conqueror of girls and boys alike; master of the arts of pleasure and seduction. And now look at him. He was a ferret! He was a stinking rodent with a flea gnawing behind his ear. Draco raised his back foot to scratch his ears. An overwhelming urge to lick his crotch overtook him. No! Draco thought firmly. Just because you have the body of a rodent doesn't mean you should behave like one! Malfoys don't lick their crotches! Except for an old uncle Hornitius. But that's an exception! Miserable and alone, Draco continued down the stairs.

"Dead muggles," a girl said loudly at the portrait leading to the Slytherin common room.

At the last moment, Draco bounded after the girl and narrowly squeezed into the room. The girl was a first year. Draco sniffed at her ankles. There was nothing interesting about her. Suddenly an idea seized him. Fifth corridor to the left and eight floors down, he mused. I should pay Pansy a visit. Draco ran swiftly along the corridors and bounded effortlessly down the stairs. Pansy shared a room with Blaise. Draco knew Blaise's room like the back of his hand. Oh I know her room alright, I know it intimately. I'm well acquainted with her bed, her couch, her rug, her bookshelf, her closet, her coffee table ,her nightstand... He reminisced fondly. Pansy's door stood ajar and Draco squirmed in effortlessly. He snickered at Pansy's stupidity. A Slytherin couldn't afford to leave their doors open in fear of prying eyes. She should have known better.

Pansy's side of the room was plastered in a hideous shade of puce. Cabinets made from fake tortoise shell stood lopsidedly in one corner of the room. Clothes were strewn everywhere. Draco picked his way carefully through her unclean knickers. That's disgusting, he thought. Lying on the side of her nightstand was her finished Charms homework. A vicious glint flashed across Draco's beady eyes. He hopped closer and sank his sharp teeth into them. Bits of paper flew everywhere. Having successfully shredded Pansy's precious homework, Draco set about the room looking for more things he could damage. Ah yes, Pansy's pink, frilly ball gown. This'll do nicely, he thought mischievously. Draco systematically destroyed every one of Pansy's dresses, skirts, shirts, pants and robes.

Destroying things was exhausting work. Draco felt very hungry afterwards. He rummaged through Pansy's draws but found no food. So he trotted over to Blaise's side and discovered a stash of chocolate frogs. Draco squeaked in delight and tore through the packaging. The ferret gorged on the sweets greedily. I'm so bloated, Draco thought after eating his twelfth frog. I need the loo, he thought miserably. Slowly, the bloated ferret climbed onto Pansy's furry bedspread. Here will do, he thought. Soft brown pellets fell onto the bed in a stinking heap.

That's much better, Draco thought after he finished. Out of curiosity, Draco began to prowl the parameters of Pansy's bed. Under the pillows was a large, brown leather bound book. Draco ventured forward for a closer look. He dragged the book out onto the nightstand. Using his head, he nudged the front cover open. Diary of Pansy Parkinson, it read. Draco's eyes gleamed in delight. This should be interesting.

25^th of July,

Dear Diary,

The summer holidays are so dull! Mother and father have disappeared to the Swiss Alps. I'm all alone here. I hate it. I need some company and soon!

Pansy.

28^th of July,

Dear Diary,

I've found a new 'friend'. He's been keeping me occupied. I'm not alone anymore. And you'll never guess who it is. The Dark Lord himself! Isn't that amazing diary? He is a phenomenal shag. He never tires and I get quite sore sometimes. He likes to put me under crucio and I often let him. I giggled when I saw his underwear. They're purple! Can you believe it? Must be one frustrated Dark Lord. It doesn't matter. I'm here to keep him company now.

Love lots,

Pansy.

4^th of August,

Dear Diary,

Voldie's quiet lovely really. Wrote me a poem last night. Of course, he'd avada kadavera me if word ever got out. It rhymed as well. I nearly cried! He's still a phenomenal shag. You wouldn't believe it diary. And his forked tongue! Well! I can't even begin describing it. Sometimes he likes to bring a goat into the bedroom. And we've done some really strange things with it. I never knew you could do things like that with a goat. But if it turns him on, then I'm more than happy to comply. Well, must go now. Voldie is at the door.

Love,

Pansy.

Draco gaped at the pages for sometime. It couldn't be, he thought horrified. Pansy and Voldemort? What would the Death Eaters say? A grin spread across the ferret's face. Perhaps the wizarding community needs to be 'enlightened'. A sinister plan began to take form. But before he could do anything, the door opened. Draco hastily ducked behind a gaudy glass lamp.

"Come in," Pansy whispered in a husky voice.

An uncomfortable Theodore Nott stood at the door. "I'm only here to pick up my DADA book. You said you found it?" he asked uncertainly.

"Why of course," Pansy said as she pressed herself against Theodore. "But come in first and sit awhile."

Poor Theodore, Draco thought. He doesn't stand a chance. That banshee's going to jump on him.

Theodore stood in the middle of the room. "Sit on the bed," Pansy ordered.

The young Slytherin took the order and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Please, get comfortable," Pansy winked. Theodore and Draco shuddered. "Take off your robe," she continued.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Theodore mumbled.

Pansy crossed the room and stripped Theodore of his robes. Underneath he was wearing a thin pair of boxer shorts. Pansy placed Theodore's wand on the nightstand, in front of Draco.

"Come on Theodore, don't be afraid. Pansy won't bite you," she cooed.

The scared, young Slytherin gasped as Pansy pressed her lips to his. Forcefully, she pushed him onto his back. Draco ventured towards the wand and clamped his teeth around it. I wonder if I can cast spells, he thought. Naturally he couldn't talk, but maybe squeaks will do.

"What's that smell?" Theodore said as Pansy licked his neck.

Pansy looked at him venomously. But she smelt it too. She pulled Theodore of her bed. Uh oh, Draco thought. They've found my nasty surprise.

Pansy shrieked. "What the hell is that?"

"I don't know," Theodore said in confusion. "It looks like mashed up...poo."

Pansy cursed and ranted as she pulled her bedspread onto the floor. Draco snickered from behind the lamp. He glanced down at the diary in front of him and looked purposefully at Pansy. Using Theodore's wand, Draco pointed the tip at Pansy's wobbling behind.

"Aperio!" he squeaked. Nothing happened. He tried again. "Aperio!" A small stream of silver light hit Pansy between the buttocks.

Pansy stood up and faced Theodore. "I'm sorry for the distraction. Now where were we...ah yes, would you like a massage?" she asked in a syrupy voice.

Theodore gaped at her. "What happened to your forehead?" he asked.

"What?" Pansy asked in confusion.

Theodore pointed at her forehead. "Is it true?"

"Is what true?" Pansy asked in an irritated voice.

Draco snickered behind the lamp. "Take a look in the mirror," Theodore ordered.

Pansy huffed as she pulled out a hand held mirror. She looked into it and shrieked. The mirror fell to the ground and shattered. Her forehead was tattooed with the words, "Yes I shagged the Dark Lord, and Merlin I loved it!"

Theodore chuckled. "When did you shag him?"

"All summer," came the reply on Pansy's head. "It's not true!" Pansy screamed as she desperately scrubbed at her head.

"What did he do?" Theodore asked.

"Put me under the Cruciatus Curse and spanked me," the writing said.

"Really!" Theodore said, laughing hysterically.

"Get out! Get out!" Pansy howled.

Theodore got up readily and stuck his head out the door. "Hey guys! Girls! You have to come and see this!"

A troop of Slytherins entered Pansy's bedroom. Pansy looked at them miserably. The green ink glowed across her forehead, "I'm Voldie's sex toy."

The Slytherins snickered and watched as the writing transfigured into something else, "I did strange things with Voldie and a goat."

"It changes," Theodore said gleefully. "Ask it a question!"

"Alright, what's he like in bed?" Millicent Bulstrode asked.

The writing appeared, "Voldie's divine in bed."

The Slytherins howled in laughter. "What's his butt like?" a first year asked between gulps of laughter.

"It's wrinkly and grey," came the answer.

"What do you like best about him?" asked Goyle.

"His love poem and his forked tongue," the writing replied.

The Slytherins wept with laughter. "Poem! Merlin's beared the Dark Lord writes love poems!" Crabbe hollered.

"Alright, that's enough!" Blaise called. "Go to class the lot of you! Pansy, come on. We have Potions to get to."

"I'm not going," Pansy whimpered.

"Don't be silly, no one believes that. It's just a childish trick," Blaise said, trying to hide her smile.

Blaised dragged Pansy out of her room and the crowd followed. People were still shouting questions at Pansy's head.

"Where has he been with his tongue?"

"What did you do with that goat?"

"Does he like being spanked?"

"I thought he liked boys?"

"What's his...you know...dangly bit like?"

Draco snickered triumphantly and came out from behind the lamp. Wait until she finds her wardrobe gone as well! He thought. Feeling decidedly generous, Draco felt the whole school should share in this merry making. He tore a section of the diary out with his teeth and claws. Draco clamped the pages between his teeth and headed for the first floor.

Standing in the middle of the Great Hall were Ernie MacMillan and Justin Finch-Fletchley. Draco scurried up to Ernie's foot and bit it hard.

"OW!" Ernie howled.

Draco quickly dropped the pages and dashed behind a pillar.

"What happened?" Justin asked.

"I don't know...something bit me! Hey what's this?" he asked as he reached for the loose pages. A smile appeared on the Hufflepuff's face.

"What is it?" Justin asked curiously.

"Read this!" Ernie said as he showed Justin Pansy's diary. Both boys began to snicker uncontrollably.

"Oh that is hilarious!" Justin coughed between laughs.

"I know," Ernie said. "What do we do with it?"

Justin looked at him. He tried desperately to control the deviousness inside of him. "It would be unethical to show it to anyone else."

"That's right," Ernie said nodding. "It belongs to Pansy, they are her private thoughts and experiences..."

Draco groans. Ethical my hairy arse! He thought darkly. Stupid Hufflepuffs, they're always on the peace wagon. It's just an excuse to wank communally and get high. Draco fumed inwardly. Perhaps it was a mistake to entrust such information to those dim-witted Hufflepuffs.

"But you know," Justin continued. "This is a matter of importance."

"Absolutely," Ernie joined in excitedly. "It concerns the Dark Lord, and any minions of his should be exposed."

Justin grinned. "We must report this immediately."

"Yes," Ernie said, barely containing his laughter. "I think every student should have the right to know. They wouldn't want to associate with Voldemort supporters."

Justin nodded with a serious face that masked his mirth. "Where should we...ah...broadcast this piece of information?"

Ernie looked around. "How about here?"

Justin grinned devilishly. "The Great Hall? Couldn't have chosen a better spot myself!"

The two Hufflepuffs eagerly conjured signs and banners to attract attention.

"You know," Justin said. "We could make some money out of this."

Ernie considered this. "You're right. We could!"

The boys set about making multiple copies of Pansy's diary. Justin completed the Banner above their sales table.

"How does this look?" Justin asked.

Ernie read the title. "Lord Voldemort's Sex Toys: Pansy Parkinson's Secret Confessions. Seven sickles a copy. Looks good Justin!"

Draco grinned from behind the pillar as he watched the boys work. Perhaps they weren't so daft after all. Students slowly filtered into the Great Hall for dinner. Everyone gasped as they read the banner. The students could scarcely believe their eyes.

"Have you got seven sickles?" one Ravenclaw asked another.

"I've got enough for two copies. You can pay me back later," the other said.

Students milled around the stand for the rest of the evening, desperate to get a copy of the secret confessions.

*

Draco scurried away feeling delightfully satisfied. That was the best revenge he had ever concocted. He felt idle once more. Slowly he climbed the stairs of the nearest tower. On the second landing, Mrs. Norris was waiting for him. She licked her lips eagerly. Something told Draco she didn't want a kiss. He blanched and stuck to the centre of the stairs. Right or left, right or left, his mind screamed. Mrs. Norris walked slowly towards him. Do something, Draco thought. With a determined squeak, Draco dashed between Mrs. Norris's legs and ran behind the revolving stairs that led to Dumbledore's office. Mrs. Norris mewed in anticipation. She crept closer. She had Draco trapped.

"Shoo cat," a stern voice said.

Draco peeked behind the statue of the gargoyle. It was Professor McGonagall. She adjusted her robes and her glasses before saying, "Ton Tongue Toffees." The stairs began to revolve. She stepped onto it hurriedly and patted her hair. Draco pressed himself against the edge of the wall so that she would not see him. The stairs came to a halt and McGonagall stepped out into Dumbledore's office.

"Minerva," the headmaster whispered. He set his quill down and smiled at the Professor.

"Albus, you work too hard," she cooed. Swiftly, the Transfiguration Professor stepped behind the headmaster and began to massage his back. Dumbledore leaned back in satisfaction.

"I've been longing for your touch Minerva," he gasped.

McGonagall leaned down to kiss the old headmaster softly. But a sudden passion seized him. With one swift move, he cleared his desk and slammed McGonagall onto the hard table. The headmasters in the portraits fled. "They're at it again," Phineas muttered snidely before fleeing like his colleges.

"My Albus, be gentle with me," McGonagall whispered.

Ye gods! Draco thought. My eyes! My precious eyes! Merlin get me out of here.

But Draco was trapped. He could not move the stairs, and Mrs. Norris was waiting for him down there anyway. A breeze ruffled Draco's fur. The Window, he thought. It was two flights down, but it was better than this.

"Oh Minerva, do that again," Dumbledore groaned. Draco caught a view of Dumbledore's ancient behind.

Right I can't take this anymore, Draco thought as he bolted for the open window. He dived out and a strong gust of wind greeted him. Hey I'm flying! He thought in amazement. Draco felt free and happy. The sun was setting slowly. Birds circled lazily above his head before retiring to bed.

Then he fell onto a jagged piece of rock.

Oh by Cliodna's petticoat! I've broken something, his mind cried. The flattened ferret lied crucified on the hard rock. Every part of his little body ached. Draco unpeeled himself slowly and stood up. He shivered and trotted miserably for the open fields. Two blurry figures clad in red circled the quidditch field. Draco crept closer gingerly and squinted. It was Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas. The two boys were racing one another. Draco watched the exchange with some interest. Seamus laughed as he grabbed the tail of Dean's broom. Dean threw him off successfully before grabbing his arm. Seamus ran his hand through Dean's hair. Dean smiled at him sweetly before brushing his hand across Seamus' cheek.

Unless I'm wrong, which I never am, those two are going to shag, Draco mused. A dark thought crossed his mind. Damn this world! Everyone's shagging and I'm a ferret. Sometimes life was just not fair. The two boys landed not far from Draco. They were breathless, exhausted and sweating.

"You fly so gracefully," Seamus said, stealing a glance at Dean.

"So do you," Dean said gruffly. He leaned back until he was on his back. He looked up at Seamus. "I broke up with Ginny."

Seamus' eyes lit up. "That's grea- I mean- what happened?"

Dean chuckled. "Just didn't work out I guess," he said.

"Oh," Seamus said, looking out to the field.

Dean sat up. "Is that your broom?"

"Yep," Seamus said proudly. "It's the new Firebolt II. Mum and Dad got it for me after I made the team."

Dean nodded and ran his hand along to the handle. "It's so...hard," Dean murmured.

Seamus shivered in delight. "Yes, yes it is," he whispered.

"It must be so comfortable to ride," Dean continued.

"Oh yes, incredibly comfortable," Seamus breathed.

Draco rolled his beady, little eyes. Shag already, his mind said. Actually, he reconsidered, not while I'm still here. Although that Seamus does have a nice butt. Wouldn't mind staring at it for a while.

"Maybe I can have a ride sometime," Dean asked hopefully.

"What?" Seamus blinked in surprise.

"The broom," Dean gestured.

"Oh yeah, sure," Seamus said looking disappointed.

"Would you like to...wrestle?" Dean asked.

"Huh?" Seamus asked.

Huh? Draco thought. That's the most tragic pick-up line I have ever heard!

"We never wrestle anymore," Dean said sadly. "I ask you and you just turn away. Are you mad at me? Was it something I did?"

"No, no," Seamus reassured the other boy. He placed a hand on Dean's muscular arm. "I just don't think it's a good idea sometimes." He lowered his eyes.

"Why?" Dean asked in confusion. "Do I hurt you? I promise I won't hurt you."

"No! I want you to hurt me-I mean, oh what the hell. Let's wrestle," Seamus said as he jumped on top of Dean.

Draco stretched his aching limbs and traipsed off. He left the two boys to "wrestle". There was enough latent energy to power Hogwarts. Draco sincerely hoped that both alleviated their pent up frustration before something exploded. Slowly, the ferret headed towards the great lake. Being a ferret certainly had its' advantages. Aside from the fleas, the itching crotch, being eaten and seeing ghastly sites that will never ever leave you retinas, Draco thought cynically. But on the whole it has been an interesting and mischievous day.

"Oh hello there," a voice said above him somewhere. "Are you lost? You look like you've been hurt."

Ron leaned down to pick up the ferret. No! Put me down you carrot-topped weasel! Draco fumed. The irony of his statement would hit him later.

"Hey Hermione, look what I found," Ron called out.

The bushy haired girl appeared from behind the tree. "Honestly Ron, you shouldn't handle wild animals," she said bossily.

Wild animal! I'll show you! Draco stormed.

"Aww, Hermione, he's so cute," Ron cooed. "Look at him struggle. You know, he looks a bit like Draco."

Hermione giggled. "How? I don't see it."

"Well," said Ron, "he's got the same grey eyes, a twitchy face, terrible breath, sharp teeth and an arrogant sneer. I didn't know ferrets could look like that."

Hermione snorted with laughter. "You know Ron, you really should be nicer about Draco around Harry," she said. "Harry's quite fond of him."

Draco perked up his ears. Harry is...fond of him?

Ron made a disgusted face. "I don't know what he sees in that slimy git. And I don't care if he's the best shag in Hogwarts. I'm not interested so it doesn't matter to me anyway. Harry's lost his marbles if you ask me. And besides, you don't know where that snake has been. Crawling in too many bushes if you ask me."

Hermione gave him a pointed look. "Do you realise what you just said Ronald Weasley?"

Ron thought about it and turned purple. "ARGH! My tongue. I'm going to wash it out! No cut it off!"

"Oh stop overreacting Ron. I don't like Malfoy anymore than you. But Harry's our friend and if he's happy with a Death Eater's son. We'll have to accept it," she said simply.

Ron grumbled. "Beside," Hermione continued with a grin. "He wants Malfoy for Christmas. I think it's getting serious."

Draco gaped at the girl. She's joking, he thought.

"You're joking," Ron said.

"No, I'm not," Hermione said seriously. "Now, what was it he said exactly? Ah yes. 'Hermione? You know what I really want for Christmas? I really, really want Malfoy. Naked Malfoy. Preferably in the showers.'"

"HERMIONE!" Ron howled and dropped Draco. "You don't have to share everything with me!"

Hermione snickered. "Hey where's your ferret going?"

Draco ran swiftly across the grass as the two Gryffindors called out for him. He felt a strange bubbling sensation rise within him. The curse was losing its effect. As the sun began to set, Draco felt his human form rising to its former state. Merlin's beard I'm completely starkers! He thought. He didn't fancy standing in the cold air with nothing covering his private regions. The Hufflepuffs would laugh. And that would be the ultimate humiliation. After all, Hufflepuffs are notoriously small for their age. Draco cursed as he bounded up the stairs. Why are you going up the stair? His mind screamed. The dungeons are below ground. But it was too late, he felt his body convulse and enlarge at an alarming rate. Soon his fur vanished, his nose contracted to normal size and he was on two feet rather than four paws again. Draco glanced anxiously down the corridor. No one was coming. He quickly ducked into the nearest bathroom.

Inside, a hot steam was rising. A soft voice was singing somewhere behind the curtains. Draco recognised that it was a male voice. Oh blimey, Draco cringed. What if it's Longbottom? I've been traumatised enough today. What with Snape and Dumbledore...

Draco stealthily crept forward and peeped between the curtains. He saw a black-haired boy soaping himself. A soft melodic tune floated towards Draco. Followed by a waft of hot steam. Draco blinked. Bloody hell! Draco thought. The robes have been hiding THAT well. He continued to stare between Harry's legs.

"Who's there?" the boy behind the curtains asked.

Draco gulped. He scrambled for the door and locked it.

"Who's there?" Harry called out again. "I-I'm armed!"

Draco snickered before parting the curtains. He stepped into the hot shower and gazed at Harry. "With what Potter?" he drawled. Draco looked down. "That's not a wand."

Harry blushed. Then he looked at Draco with incomprehension. "What are you doing here?" he demanded. "You should leave right now."

"Don't pretend you haven't been begging for this," Draco said as he placed a hand around Harry's soapy waist. "Hold on Harry. Christmas just came early."