Harry Potter and the Loss of Innocence

Chapter Four:

It's My Party and I Can Cry if I Want To

I need another,
Like a brother
For a cryin' shoulder
~3 Doors Down: By My Side

The rest of July went wonderfully for Harry. He spent time with his friends flying and talking, though they never really talked about the Ministry fiasco again. Which, in Harry's opinion, was just fine.

Dumbledore had gotten word to the Burrow that the events of the 13^th had actually happened. He was learning as much as he could about the event, but there were some roadblocks. And that was all they were told.

Harry was awoken from his sleep on the 31^st in the most sudden and wettest of ways.

"Happy birthday, Harry!" Harry glared at Ron, Hermione, and Ginny who were all holding a huge bucket that had just been emptied of its liquid contents.

"Yeah, well, you could of woken me up nicer," Harry grumbled.

"We could have, but what fun is that?" Ginny asked nicely.

"Mum says you need to hurry up or your birthday breakfast will be cold. Or gone, 'cause Fred and George showed up and they'll start eating it soon." Ron, Hermione, and Ginny left and Harry hurriedly got dressed. He took the stairs two at a time and jumped the last five. He was so excited; he'd never had a birthday party before. And it wasn't until two years ago that he'd gotten his first birthday cards.

"Mrs. Weasley, that smells wonderful!" Harry said to her when he entered the kitchen.

"Why, thank you, Harry, and a happy birthday!" she laughed, smiling at him fondly. "Everyone, hurry up and take it outside. We don't want it to get cold." Harry started to reach for the stack of plates near him but Mrs. Weasley slapped his hand gently with her wand. "Not you, Harry dear. Just go outside and sit down. We'll do the work."

Harry felt stupid sitting at the table watching everyone else work, but no one would let him help. The meal, of course, was excellent, as was the company. By the end of breakfast, Harry's sides were sore from laughing. Bill showed up half way through the meal and wished Harry a happy birthday. Tonks and Kingsley showed up soon afterwards. Harry couldn't have had a better birthday and it was still 9:30.

Fred and George decided that it was time for a Quidditch game and asked for volunteers. Besides the two of them, Ron, Harry, Ginny, Bill, Tonks, Kingsley, and Remus decided to play. Everyone else got ready to watch the game. Harry hadn't had such a good time playing Quidditch in a long time. In fact, he couldn't think of a better game than that one. He even managed to catch the Snitch right in front of Ginny.

"Harry," Ron said as they were all heading back to the house, "I think you can get your old job back once school starts. You're way better than my sis here," Ron laughed, pushing his sister gently.

"Gin, you had better not have let me catch the Snitch just 'cause it's my birthday," Harry warned the red head girl.

"It's your birthday. I wish someone had told me. I would have bought you something," Ginny replied in her innocent voice.

"Speaking of gifts, can we open them now?" Ron asked his mother.

"Yes, Harry can open his gifts now," Mrs. Weasley replied, shaking her head at Ron's enthusiasm. She added sadly, "Your dad said he'll be late again tonight. It's too bad."

"Hey, Tonks, how come you're not at work right now?" Harry asked the woman standing next to him. Her brilliant lime green hair reminded Harry of Fudge's robes.

"Oh, Kingsley and I work the night shift. This is our time off. By the time the real party starts, we'll be at work again. Wish I could be here," she sighed longingly.

Harry loved all his gifts. Mrs. Weasley knitted him a new jumper, this one a deep red color. Mr. Weasley gave him a nice collection of used batteries. (Harry was glad Mr. Weasley wasn't there, they all laughed at the gift.) Hermione gave Harry a book about famous seekers of the past. Ron got him some Chudley Cannon memorabilia. Tonks and Kinglsey had bought him great Defense Against the Dark Arts books. Remus said he wanted to give Harry his gift later. So had Ginny. (The twins teased her something awful for that.) And the twins gave him a rather large supply of Weasley Wizarding Wheezes, to be used as he saw fit.

It was mid-afternoon when they realized that they had skipped lunch. Mrs. Weasley had also disappeared into the kitchen. Ginny went to ask her if they were getting a mid-day meal, but came back after a tongue lashing from her mother. Molly had said that they would eat enough that night and didn't need any food now.

And she was right. Several others showed up for the meal that evening, while others left. It seemed to Harry that all of the Order of the Phoenix was there at some point, all but Severus Snape and Dumbledore. Which in Harry's opinion was the way it should be. The meal was great and Harry opened even more gifts from those who had shown up. The night was late when Remus pulled Harry aside and asked if he could give him his gift now.

"Sure, Remus." Remus took Harry down to the pond and sat down on the log next to the water's edge.

"Here you go, I hope you like it." Remus handed Harry a box-shape present, about the same size as his hand and half as high. Harry removed the paper carefully and stared at the wonderfully carved box he now held in his hands. "Open it up."

Harry slid the cover off, noticing the picture of his parents on the reverse side. Inside there were two rings, a man's and a woman's. "They're the rings your parents wore after Christmas our sixth year," he explained. "James gave your mother hers with a promise. A promise Sirius and I had heard a million times already. He said that one day he would marry her and they would live happily ever after," Remus choked out. Harry looked at the rings in the box. He could feel the tears start to flow. "I carved them that box and gave it to them as a wedding gift, to hold these two rings. When James and Lily went into hiding, your dad gave the box to me, telling me to give it to you if something should happen to them. So, here you go. I hope you like it."

Harry reached over and hugged Remus. "I miss them, Remus. And Sirius. Why'd they have to die?" Harry sobbed. This was the first time Harry had actually cried for Sirius. Until now he had been holding it inside, not letting it out.

"I don't know, Harry. I don't know." Remus held on to the sobbing boy, but he couldn't help the few tears that fell from his eyes. It seemed that once the dam Harry had built broke, there was a flood of tears to flow. Finally Harry's sobs subsided and Remus let go of him. After a few minutes of companionable silence Remus said, "I'm going back up, Harry. You want to come with me?"

"No, I'm going to stay here for awhile." Harry watched the fireflies light up over the pond and listened to the frogs croaking around him. He thought of the life he had gotten so close to having with Sirius. Had it not been for Wormtail's escape, Harry would have spent the last three summers with him and Voldemort wouldn't have been able to rise again. Then again, if it weren't for Wormtail's betrayal, his parents would both be alive. The cruel twists of fate.

"Harry?" the voice of Ginny interrupted his thoughts. She saw that same lost look in Harry's eyes from that first night and it took all of Ginny's self-control not to hug him, not to give him the love and comfort he so desperately needed. "Can I give you my gift now?"

"Sure, Gin, go ahead." Harry brushed the last of his tears away. She handed him a small box and Harry tore off the paper. He took the lid off of the paper box and lifted out the necklace inside. It had a green stone pendant wrapped in silver wire hung on a leather cord.

"I found that stone when we were down in Egypt a few years ago. I decided to make you a necklace with it. 'Cause it reminded me of you," she added shyly. Harry looked over at the normally confident girl.

"You could of given me this earlier. It's wonderful." Harry tried to put it on, but he couldn't keep the clasp open long enough to fasten it. "Can you put it on for me? My fingers aren't small enough to manage it."

"Sure." She reached around him and fastened the clasp. "I'm glad you like it." He glanced at it happily. No one had ever taken the time to make something just for him. The sweaters Mrs. Weasley knit, though he loved them, were the standard gift given to her boys. This necklace was something different.

"Thanks, Gin."

"You're welcome, Harry." Harry glanced at her again. She was looking up at her home, listening to the sounds spilling from it. Harry thought the smile on her lips was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. She looked so happy. "Did you have a good birthday?" she asked absently.

"The best," and he wasn't lying either. It had been great.

"I'm glad. That's what mum wanted."

"Gin, can I ask you something that'll probably ruin this memory?" Harry looked over at her nervously. He shouldn't have said that, but now it was too late.

"What, Harry?" Ginny was now staring at him curiously.

"When Riddle possessed you your first year, how did you become un-possessed?" Well, that's just great, Harry, he thought to himself, bring up what has to be the worst memories of her life.

"That's a really random question, Harry," she whispered surprised.

"You don't have to answer." Harry was mad he even asked it now. I can be so stupid, he berated himself.

"No, I will." She looked out over the pond and thought for a while. "He just let go of the control. Sometimes he let me go suddenly, I would wake up and be somewhere and I couldn't remember how I got there. Other times he let go slowly; that was more at the end of that year. He wanted me to know who was boss and it was so annoying and so frustrating. I wish Percy hadn't freaked me out that one time I was about to tell you. It would have made things so much simpler. Why?"

Harry was surprised at how frank she'd been with him. "'Cause at the Ministry, Voldemort possessed me and I was just wondering."

"Voldemort possessed you. Why didn't you tell us?" she nearly screamed at him. Ginny looked at Harry and he could feel the anger in her gaze.

"Because I didn't want to think about that night, let alone talk about it," Harry countered just as hotly. He took a deep breath and continued calmly, "Anyways, he let go of me after I thought about seeing Sirius again."

"What do you mean, see Sirius again?" Ginny asked looking into his eyes. They were so... dead. No, not dead, but... lost. He can't let Sirius go, she realized. He can't get over the loss. He's floundering without Sirius.

"Just what it sounds like, the pain was so unbearable. Voldemort... Hey, wait you called him by his name." Harry looked at her surprised.

"So what? I've called him that all summer. Glad you finally noticed," she reprimanded him coldly.

"Sorry. Voldemort wanted Dumbledore to try to kill Voldemort so that I would die. And I wanted Dumbledore to do it. It hurt that much. And I thought about seeing Sirius and my parents and Voldemort left me. I guess, or rather Dumbledore says, that it was my love for them that got rid of Voldemort, that he couldn't stay in a body so filled with love."

"That's interesting, Harry." Ginny was still mad that he had kept these things from them. She was used to not being told stuff, but he had usually talked to Hermione and Ron. He hadn't told anyone anything about this. "What else happened that we should know about?" Harry knew she was implying the talk he had with Dumbledore afterwards.

"Please, Gin, not tonight. I'm not ready yet."

"Fine, Harry, but please let us know soon." She made him look her in the eyes. Harry was surprised at the amount of emotion in them. There was so much love and acceptance in them. "We want to help you with whatever it is."

"Harry! Ginny! Time for cake!" Mrs. Weasley's voice floated down to them from the house.

"Let's hurry, Mum makes the best chocolate cake." They got up and started up to the house.

"Thanks, Gin."

"For what?"

"For talking."

"No problem, Harry. That's what friends are for."

The cake was excellent and everyone had at least two pieces. Ron and George were trying to out eat the other. (Mrs. Weasley had made three cakes because she knew how many people would show up.) At the moment Dumbledore appeared in the kitchen door, they were at seven pieces each, both working on their eighth.

"Hello everyone. I have someone to introduce to Harry and to the rest of you." Dumbledore stepped into the room and to the side so that everyone could see the woman behind him.

"Thia?" Remus asked. The woman smiled and Remus leaped at the woman. Everyone laughed as Remus picked up the short woman and hugged her. "I thought you were dead along with...."

"No, I'm very much alive, Moony. Now, can you set me down before I hex you!" she said laughing. Harry looked at the woman closer. She had brown hair and tired blue eyes. Her face lit up when she smiled. But there was something familiar about her.

"Would you like to introduce her, Remus?" Dumbledore asked with a huge smile on his face and a twinkle in his eyes.

"It would be my pleasure. This is my little sister, Synthia." Harry noticed the similarities immediately, but that wasn't what was nagging at him. "She supposedly died years ago, actually, many months after Harry was born. So where have you been, Thia?"

"Oh, here and there and many places in between," she replied loftily.

"Thia," Remus warned her quietly.

"You're no fun, Remy." The twins started to laugh at the nickname, but stopped suddenly. Remus looked over at them and then at his sister and smiled.

"Thanks, Thia."

"No problem," she said calmly. "I've been out and about, Remus. I can't tell you more, I'm sorry. But I'm back now and that's all that matters." The woman turned from her brother and looked Harry up and down. "So you're the teenage Harry that I remember as a baby boy. Gave your mum a hard time, you did. But she wouldn't have had it any other way," Synthia was smiling sadly as she spoke of Harry's mum.

"Where do I know you from?" Harry asked politely.

"I don't know," she sounded surprised and worried, "but you shouldn't. I 'died' a couple of months after you turned one."

"Oh." Harry looked at her closely. "But I remember you from somewhere." Harry could feel the memory slip right past his conscience thought.

"A picture maybe?" Dumbledore suggested quietly.

"That's it! You're in their wedding picture!" Harry looked at her, now recognizing her as the maid of honor. "You were a friend of my parents."

She smiled sadly at Harry, "Yes, I was in their year and was your mum's best friend. I'm glad you inherited Lily's brains. That, I think is a good thing, James didn't have enough to fill a walnut shell."

"Hey, Thia, that's my best friend you're insulting," Remus reminded her sharply.

"I know," she continued with a smile, "that's why I exaggerated. I was thinking to use a doxies' palm instead of a walnut shell, but I thought I should be nice." Thia smiled at him. "Oh, don't feel bad, brother mine, I'm just stating the truth." Remus hit her on the arm. "And what was that for?" she asked in a mock-hurt tone.

"For insulting James, as you normally do. But you're right about Harry getting Lily's brains. He's much smarter than James ever was." Remus smiled at his sister. "I'll wait for your apology 'til we're alone."

"Aw, Moony, you're no fun. You know that, right?" She waited for him to reply, but he didn't. "I'm here to wish Harry a happy birthday and to give him a gift from his mum." Everyone stared at her oddly, everyone but Remus who was looking extremely gloomy. "Aurors tend to be morbid people, we think we're going to die at any moment. And that's probably for the best. If we have kids, we tend to give our best friends something to give to the children if something should happen to us. I see Remy gave you the gift from your dad. Well, here's the gift from your mum. You don't have to open it now. In fact, it would probably be best if you waited until you're alone."

She looked at him, tears in her eyes. "Lily gave that to me with tears in her eyes. I have always wondered if she knew she would die soon." The tears started to fall slowly. Remus leaned over and gave her a hug. "I'm not sure what it is, she told me not to open it. After you do, come to me and I'll tell you about it, whatever it is." The tears were falling faster. "I have to go now." And she fled the Burrow.

Harry stared at the empty spot where she had just stood. That had been his mum's best friend. He looked at the gift unsure of what to do. Should he open it with everyone around? No, he didn't think so. But he didn't want to be rude.

"Why don't you go put that in your room, Harry," Mrs. Weasley told him. "And then you can have another piece of cake." Harry nodded and walked up the stairs slowly. He didn't want to open it tonight. So he put it on his bedside table. Once back down stars Harry noticed that Dumbledore had left and so had Remus.

"He wanted to say goodbye," Ron told him quietly, "but he said he needed to talk with his sister. He thought she might need someone to talk to."

Harry nodded in understanding and took the piece of cake Mrs. Weasley offered him. George and Ron were on their ninth pieces of cake. Harry couldn't believe anyone could eat that much sugar. Ron was lagging behind and was staring at his piece with hatred. George asked for his tenth before Ron had even finished his piece.

"You win," Ron said in defeat. "You win." George gave Fred a high five and then started on his tenth piece. "I'm going to be sick," Ron mumbled as he ran out of the kitchen.

Harry decided, later that night after he had gone to bed, that this was by far the best birthday he had ever had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry couldn't bring himself to open his mum's gift over the next few days. Even the twins couldn't convince him to open it. Ron gave Ginny a hard time about her gift to Harry, but Hermione thought it was a nice gift. Hermione had started to hit Ron whenever he brought it up.

The only problem with Ginny's gift was that Harry had no idea what to get her for her birthday on the eleventh. Ron had already bought Ginny Harpies memorabilia, so he couldn't get her that. Hermione had gotten her a chaser book, so Harry was stuck at a dead end. He wanted to get her something nice. He really liked his gift and wanted to get her something she'd like just as much.

On the third, Harry woke up from the dream he was having. Well, dream is too general of a term for what Harry had been having. Nightmare would be more specific. He sat up and put his glasses on. It was only five in the morning. He knew he'd never get back to sleep, so he took out the gift Thia had given him.

Harry glanced over at Ron, but he was still snoring and quite loudly too. Harry glanced back at the gift. He knew he was being stupid by not opening it, but something held him back. Harry decided that he would open it today, right now.

He slipped his finger under the first piece of tape, but froze. "She gave to me with tears in her eyes," was what Thia had told him. Did he really want to start a day by seeing something that had made his mum cry? No, he didn't think he did. He slipped his finger back out and put the gift back on to the table.

Now what should I do? Harry asked himself. He looked around Ron's room. Harry liked this room, even with the violent orange Chudley Cannon stuff all over the walls and ceiling. The frog was still croaking away in its tank. It was as messy as ever and crowded with both Ron's and his trunks in it. Harry reached over for his Transfiguration book. He had asked Hermione his question about it a week ago but he hadn't gotten around to finishing the essay. He decided to get dressed, go for his run, and then finish that up before anyone else was up.

Harry sneaked down the stairs (he didn't want to wake anyone up) and out the front door. His run was nice and he came back feeling good. He took a quick shower and grabbed everything he would need to write that essay. He went down the stairs quietly and entered the kitchen.

To his surprise, Mrs. Weasley was already up and cooking breakfast. "Morning, Mrs. Weasley."

"Oh, good morning, Harry. I was wondering who would be showering so early. Did you have a good run?" Everyone was used to Harry's exercise schedule by now and Ron even joined him for the run every so often.

"Yes, it was very nice. Are you making breakfast?" Harry propped his book up against the vase filled with flowers and took out his parchment, ink, and quills.

"Yes, Arthur and I usually eat together before he leaves for work. Would you like to eat now or later when everyone's up?" Harry thought for a moment, but his stomach chose for him by growling loudly. "I'll take that as now," she said smiling.

Soon, Mr. Weasley was down and the three of them were eating quietly. Mrs. Weasley was reading the most recent copy of Witch Weekly, Mr. Weasley was reading the day's copy of the Daily Prophet (which now was more reliable about its stories) and Harry was writing his essay. This is nice, Harry thought to himself, wish I could do this with my own parents.

Mrs. Weasley caught the look of pain on Harry's face, but she didn't comment on it. Remus had told her to wait and she would. She had a feeling that it would kill her though. Harry was just so stubborn and needed to be comforted. How could she help if he didn't say what was the matter?

At seven, Mr. Weasley kissed his wife goodbye and patted Harry's shoulder as he went past him to the fireplace. He said one last goodbye and then floo-ed to work. "They're running him ragged," Molly muttered to herself.

An hour later everyone started to trickle down. First came Hermione and Ginny, both girls being early risers. Then Bill, who was living at home now that the Weasleys were too. The twins came next, slightly groggy, but still their cheerful selves. Finally, 45 minutes after the girls had arrived, Ron stumbled his way down the stairs and entered the kitchen.

"Anyone seen Harry?" he asked sleepily. "His bed was empty when I got up."

"Ron, I'm right here," Harry said laughing along with everyone else. Until Ron woke up fully, he was unable to function correctly.

"Oh, shut it everyone," Ron said angrily and grabbed a cup of hot tea.

Harry, who had finished his essay a while ago, was talking to the twins about their business. They still counted him as member of the company and had told him he had part of the company's shares. He had turned down any money, telling them to give it to their parents. But Harry still liked to know what they were planning and selling. He loved to listen to what they would do with their own products.

"I'd put the Crying Whoopee Cushion on Snape's chair," Fred was saying. George was laughing so hard tears were falling. "It has a wonderful invisibility charm on it, so he wouldn't see it." He had to stop to get some air. "Then he'd sit down and it would cry out, 'Get your fat butt off me, you mammoth!' and then it would start to cry." Fred was laughing too hard to talk now and George started to choke on some toast. Mrs. Weasley patted him hard on the back.

"What's so funny, boys?" she asked them curiously. All three boys were laughing hard and having trouble breathing.

"Nothing, Mum," George replied between laughing fits. "Nothing at all." She frowned at them. She knew that when the twins didn't tell her what was funny whatever it wasn't all the great.

Ron was talking to Bill about the pyramids down in Egypt. "Do you know what curses they put on the tombs? Like, what the words were and everything?"

"And why would you want to know that, Ron?" Bill asked suspiciously.

"I was just planning on sending something to the Git. Nothing too mean," Ron said quietly, making sure his mom wasn't listening. He was, of course, talking about Percy who still hadn't apologized to the family.

"Anything I did know would be more than a little dangerous. The Egyptians only put the worst curses on their tombs." He paused looking at his youngest brother. "Ron, you need to get over that."

Hermione and Ginny were talking in quiet tones that Harry couldn't understand. However, he did understand the worried looks shot to his end of the table and sympathetic headshakes and such. Those two would always annoy him by being so clingy.

"So what do you think, Harry? Should we prank Ginny's gift?" George looked at him questioningly.

"Only if you want to be on the wrong end of a Bat-Bogey Hex," Harry replied seriously.

"Good point, but she can't do magic out of school," Fred said quietly.

"True, but she's stubborn. I think she'd wait 'til the first Hogsmeade trip and hex you then." The twins were opening a shop in Hogsmeade this fall.

"Oh, really good point there, Harry..." They were interrupted by that day's mail. Three owls flew in: one was tawny, another was black, and the third was a snowy owl similar to Hedwig. The tawny flew to Hermione, the black one to Mrs. Weasley, and the white one to Harry.

"Oh, good it's your school letters," Mrs. Weasley said excitedly. She handed Ron and Ginny their letters and then went back to washing the dishes. Ron, Hermione, and Harry exchanged nervous glance and then the other two tore into their letters with an excited vengeance.