Harry Potter and the Loss of Innocence

Chapter Three: Secrets Always Hurt

Why is everything so hard?

I don't think I can deal with the things you said.

It just won't go away.

~Simple Plan: Perfect World

"Good morning, sleepyheads," Molly Weasley said brightly to the two sleeping figures. "Breakfast is ready and, Harry, Professor Dumbledore is here to see you." Molly left and the boys hurriedly got dressed. They headed downstairs, covering their yawns behind their hands. The four of them had

maybe gotten three hours of sleep that night. They had stayed up talking until about five that morning. It was the sun's rays that had caused Hermione to grab Ginny and lead her to their room.

When they arrived downstairs, Hermione, Ginny, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, the twins, Remus, and Professor Dumbledore were all seated around the table eating.

"Good morning, boys. How are you this morning?" Dumbledore's unending cheerfulness annoyed Harry.

"Tired," Harry said as shortly as he could. Ron took a seat at the table, but Harry stayed in the doorway.

"Ah, you stayed up late talking I suppose," Dumbledore said, the twinkle in his eye diminishing a little.

"Yes. Seeing as we've been apart for three weeks, we had a lot to catch up on." Harry tired to keep the bitterness out of his voice but couldn't. The others stared at Harry and Dumbledore confused. What had happened between these two men?

"And did you manage it?" The twinkle was nearly gone.

"Not quite. There's just so much news that I wasn't told and a lot happened to them, so we barely covered the first week." Harry paused and gave a sardonic smile. "Of course, we covered what happened to me in about a minute, seeing as it was the same old, same old. Stuck at the Dursley's, doing chores, getting no letters, hearing no news, being watched 24/7. You know, the norm." Harry decided he didn't want any breakfast and headed out the front door for his normal morning run. He saw Mrs. Weasley get up, but Dumbledore waved her back.

"Let him go run. It is the norm for him to run before he eats," he said in a tired, hurt voice. This made Harry even madder and he started out his run at a sprint.

What gave Dumbledore the right to sound old and tired? To sound hurt? Had he lost his godfather because someone made a mistake? NO! And why did he have to flaunt that he knew Harry's daily schedule? Why'd he have to keep that Prophecy from him? How come everything seemed to happen to him? And why did they leave him at the Dursley's so long? Why did his life seem to be so much harder than everyone else's? Why?

When he got back thirty minutes later, he entered the house through the kitchen door. "I'm going to go take shower," he announced to the room in general. He went upstairs, took a quick shower and went to his room to change into some non-sweaty clothes.

"That was rude, Harry." Harry turned and stared at Ginny. He grabbed at the towel around his waist and gaped at her.

"Get out, I need to get dressed," he choked out.

"No, we're going to talk now, when I know you won't run away from me," she said calmly. Harry couldn't understand how she could be so comfortable in a room with a half-naked guy in there too. If the roles were reversed, he'd be high-tailing it out of there. "Why were you so rude to Professor Dumbledore? What did the two of you talk about after the Ministry fiasco?"

"Nothing I'm telling you about. I'm mad at him though, alright? He thinks he knows everything, but he doesn't. And because of him..."

Ginny waited for Harry to finish his sentence. "But because of him what Harry? Please, let me help you." Harry was willing to talk but he was so uncomfortable without any clothes on.

"If I promise not to run away," he bargained, "would you leave so I can get dressed?"

"Hmm. I'm not sure. I'm really enjoying the half that I can see already. Your working out sure makes for a pleasant view." Harry blushed a scarlet red and gaped at her. "Fine, I'll go. But don't run away. I'd miss the view." As she walked past him, she brushed her hand across his chest.

Why did she have to do that? Harry thought to himself angrily. They were getting along so well and then she had to do that. He hurriedly got dressed and opened the door.

"Alright, come in." Harry sat in the corner where the two walls of the room met and watched as Ginny sat at the other end of his bed and leaned back. "What do you want to know?"

"Besides everything? I know," she said quickly, putting her hand up to stop him, "you aren't going to tell me everything. Why are you so angry at Dumbledore?"

"He kept something from me. It was huge and if I had known it earlier, I would have tried harder at Occulmency and Voldemort wouldn't have been able to trick me like he did," Harry answered quietly. He thought for a moment then went on, "If he had told me about it, I wouldn't have gone to the Ministry and...." Harry tried to say it, but couldn't manage it, so there was a small pause, before Ginny filled it in for him.

"And Sirius wouldn't be dead?" Harry nodded. He was embarrassed because tears had started to fall down his face. He looked out the window so that Ginny wouldn't see them. A hawk caught his eye, riding a thermal, circling and looking for prey.

"Harry, look at me." When Harry didn't turn, Ginny grabbed his chin and forced him to. "Don't play the what-if game." She reached up and wiped the tears off of his face. "A lot of things went wrong last year. How can you be sure that's why you went? How can you be sure if you had known that thing that you wouldn't have gone?"

"Because it is that big," Harry answered tiredly. "Because knowing it would have helped me see what Voldemort was up to that afternoon. Because it would have changed everything. Anything else?" Harry looked down at the girl leaning against him trying to wipe the teas off of his face.

"Yeah," she started with a smile. "What do you think of Ron and Hermione?" Harry's face lit up in a huge smile.

"About time they got together." Ginny giggled and smiled.

"Mr. Harry Potter, what are you doing with our sister?" George said, angrily slamming the door against the wall. Harry looked over at George, Fred, and Ron standing in the doorway, staring at him. Then he realized what it looked like. Ginny was holding his chin with one hand; the other was on his face and looked as if she was stroking it. She was also leaning against him for support. One of his hands was on her shoulder; he had been trying to get her to let go of his face. The other hand had been inching towards her waist so that he could tickle her; he knew that would have made her let go. They jumped apart and he looked at his shoes.

"Nothing was going on, George. Not anything, Fred. Nothing at all, Ron. We were just talking," Ginny said coldly to her brothers.

"It sure didn't looked like nothing to me," Fred muttered waspishly.

"We didn't do anything, alright," Harry said irritably.

"Then what were you doing with your hands all over each other?" Ron asked in a stone cold tone. The look on Ron's face hurt Harry. As if he would ever do anything to hurt Ginny.

Ginny looked at Harry then shrugged. "Sorry Harry, they caught us in the act." The three boys' jaws dropped. They had only been teasing the pair. None of them really thought anything was going on. And Harry looked just as stunned as they did. "We were talking about Sirius and Harry wouldn't look at me. I grabbed his chin and was wiping the tears off his face. He, of course, being a guy, wanted no sympathy and was trying to get me to let go. I'm guessing he was going to resort to tickling me, the cheater."

There was a collective sigh from the three brothers. "So then why were you laughing?" Ron asked.

"Oh, Gin had asked me what I thought about my two best mates going out and I had replied that it was about time." Fred and George started to laugh with Ginny and Harry. Ron was looking at Harry oddly again, but his ears were a bright red.

"Anyway, Harry, Dumbledore said that you wanted to talk with him," Fred managed between laughs. "But he can't stay all day, so if you could go down and talk to him now, he would appreciate it."

"Yeah." Harry mumbled getting up and pushing his way out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Do you want some privacy, Harry?" Dumbledore asked when Harry had arrived in the kitchen. Everyone started to get up to leave, assuming that the shy boy would say yes. However, they were surprised with Harry's answer.

"No, secrets only hurt others. They can stay if they want. I'll end up telling Ron, Hermione, and Ginny, probably even Fred and George. And then the adults would either find out from one of them or from you. It'll save everyone time and energy if they stayed." Everyone sat back down. Mr. Weasley had left for work, but Tonks had arrived and was sitting at the table next to Hermione. Ginny took the seat on the other side of Tonks. Harry sat in the farthest open seat from Dumbledore and Ron sat next to him.

"Tonks and Remus and for that matter every person who went to pick you up informed me that you had a 'bad dream.'" Harry scowled, but no one knew why. Harry was sick of being reported on. "I was also told that you wanted to talk to me about it. So, if you could?"

"Sure, Professor," Harry started coldly. Everyone was more than a little curious about what had happened between these men. "I fell asleep last night, but I had forgotten to practice Occulmency. I paid for it, though. I had another vision. I was inside Voldemort." Several of the people around the table shuddered at the name, but Harry just ignored them, "inside Voldemort's head again. He was torturing a married couple. He wanted something from them, but they wouldn't tell him where it was hidden. Wormtail was there and was searching the house with about nine or ten other Death Eaters. Voldemort tortured the woman, trying to get the man to say where it was, but he wouldn't." Harry paused, trying to shake the visual from his head.

"He then let Bella rip off the woman's other arm and legs." There were several gasps, but Harry just continued. "The man was missing one of his legs already. Voldemort asked again but the man wouldn't say." Harry closed his eyes; he could clearly picture the green light flying towards the woman. "Voldemort killed the woman. The man on the ground said that only his wife knew where it was and that he had no idea. Voldemort used Legilimency to find out if that was true. He was speaking the truth. Voldemort decided that the man deserved a slow death and let him bleed to death. He had used a curse to open lots of welts on his body earlier, but I couldn't even hear what the spell was. Tonks woke me up right after Voldemort had put his Dark Mark up in the sky. That's why I was screaming. That and the pain." Harry finished, rubbing his scar absently. The monotone of his voice surprised everyone.

"Are you alright, Harry?" Remus asked the boy. He was sitting directly opposite Tonks on the other side of the table and could see Harry's face clearly.

"I don't want to be able to see that, that..."

"Horror?" Ginny finished.

"Yeah, I don't want to see that horror anymore," Harry finished despairingly. "I mean it came in handy when Mr. Weasley was bitten, but stuff like that..." Harry paused again, trying to put his thoughts into words. "It was just disgusting. And he enjoyed it; I know he did. Even though he didn't get what he wanted he was happy hurting them and killing them." Harry shook his head; he couldn't imagine what had made Voldemort like that. "It was just disgusting. And he didn't just hurt those two people. He used the Cruciatus Curse on Wormtail, his servant. Why anyone would want to serve him is beyond me. If Tonks hadn't scared me I would of thrown up twice, if not three times. It was that disgusting."

Dumbledore looked at him sadly. "Is this your first dream since school ended?"

"It's my first vision since school ended." Everyone noticed the one changed word and the dark rings around Harry's eyes. "Did it really happen, Professor?" he asked forlornly.

"I don't know, but I'll see if we can find any clues. Let's see, it would have happened last night." Harry nodded and then thought of something, maybe it didn't really happen after all. "So Friday the 13^th, and you said..."

"Wait, Professor. I remember at the end that he listened to the clock chime. It was 5:30. And then when he turned to put the Mark up, it was afternoon light. If it was a true vision, wouldn't it have been past 12 midnight?"

"Yes and no. If he was in England, then I would have to say yes." Dumbledore paused and thought of something. He continued after that short pause but still seemed deep in thought. "But if he was somewhere else? Who knows what time it could have been?"

"Oh, I guess you're right." Everyone heard the disappointment in his voice.

"What's the matter with that?" Ginny asked quietly. Hermione glared, but Ginny was pretty sure Harry wouldn't explode at her.

"I was just hoping that that meant it didn't really happen, just a mind game that Voldemort was playing with me. You know, like with the vision of Sirius," he finished quietly. No one said anything for a while; in fact no one knew what to say to that. Mrs. Weasley, who was up and washing breakfast dishes walked over and gave the lost boy a hug. He didn't even respond.

"Voldemort put up the Dark Mark?" Harry nodded over Mrs. Weasley's shoulder. "Ok, that usually makes the news, especially if it's out of the country. Tonks, when you go into work tonight, could you find out if it happened. I need to be going. Thank you for telling me, Harry. And... I'm sorry." Dumbledore stood up and left through the kitchen door, before any of them had time to say goodbye. With a quiet pop Dumbledore was gone. Mrs. Weasley let go of Harry and went back to her chore.

"What'd he apologize for, Harry?" Ron asked looking at Harry suspiciously.

"How should I know? Maybe he's just sorry I had to watch that. I don't know," Harry answered, but he knew. Dumbledore was once again apologizing for keeping the Prophecy from him.

"What took you so long to get down here?" Hermione asked, looking at them.

"Let's go outside. It's such a nice day," Harry said quickly while Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny started to laugh. Harry got up, glared at them, and went to sit by the pond. The twins said goodbye and went to work. Ron, Ginny, and Hermione walked down to the pond and sat next to Harry.

"Sorry, mate. But your face turned redder than my ears," Ron said to Harry. He then turned to Hermione, "We had a little misunderstanding." And Ron told her what had happened.

"You were right, Harry, it was about time that Ron had asked me out. He can be so thick sometimes," Hermione told Harry with a laugh.

"Hey, I'm sitting right here."

"I know, your arm is around my shoulders and mine is around your waist. It's pretty hard to ignore that," she said kissing him on the cheek. She then turned towards Ginny and Harry and asked, "What did the two of you talk about then?"

Ginny glanced at Harry and he nodded at her. Ginny told Ron and Hermione everything, while Harry looked out over the pond. There were several birds doing some amazing acrobatics, which gave Harry an idea.

"Let's go play Quidditch. I haven't played in ages," he said when she was done. Ron and Ginny got up quickly, but Hermione looked at Harry.

"You aren't just trying to ignore this are you, Harry?" she asked suspiciously.

"No, I've been stuck inside at my relatives and was banned from Quidditch all of last year. Flying helps clear my head, so I'll be able to deal with everything better."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The three had a good time flying. Harry had forgotten how exhilarating it was to be in the air. He was chasing Ginny around at the moment. He knew he could catch her if he wanted, he was on the better broom, but he didn't. Ron was laughing at her when Harry turned sharply and knocked into Ron. Ron wasn't ready for that and nearly fell off of his broom. Ginny and Harry stopped flying; they were laughing too hard to fly straight.

Hermione had decided to stay put on the ground. She loved watching Harry fly. He seemed so happy up in the air and he could do some of the most amazing tricks.

"He's pretty good isn't he?" Remus said, laughing at his antics, but he startled her. "Sorry, I thought you knew I was here."

"That's ok and yes, he's amazing," Hermione said, agreeing with the man. She sighed wishfully and continued speaking, "I wish he'd tell us what's wrong though."

"Give him some time, Hermione. That's all he needs, you should know that by now," Remus said, sitting under a tree in the orchard. He picked a long piece of grass and chewed on it as he watched the three flying teens.

"I know," Hermione said, annoyed, "but it's so hard being patient with him. You never know how long it'll be. This morning he told Ginny some stuff, but nothing we couldn't already guess. But how long 'til he tells us more? And the longer he bottles it up the worse he'll feel."

"I know, Hermione," Remus answered patiently. He thought for a moment and went on, "But he's a Potter and Potters aren't good at sharing things in the right way." He smiled in a sad sort of way. "I learnt that a long time ago with James. Just give him some time and keep your ears and eyes open for clues. He'll be telling you a lot with out telling you anything." He got up, throwing the grass to the ground and headed back up to the house. He had a knowing smile on his face, and Hermione couldn't help but wonder what he had figured out. Hermione watched him go, but she turned back in time to watch Harry pull out of a completely vertical dive.