Enter, Mary-Sue

Enter, Mary-Sue

Dumbledore stood up and tapped his spoon on his goblet. A clang resounded (they have gold/silver goblets, not glass ones). He cleared his throat. "I am pleased to announce an American transfer student has been accepted to Hogwarts in a thoroughly unpredictable (cough, yeah right, cough) plot twist."

The doors of the Great Hall opened in an overly dramatic manner and a woman, no, not a woman, a goddess emerged. She was tall with a willowy figure. Her hair shone with a brightness only achievable with the special lighting in Hollywood studios. Her eyes were a deep, mesmerizing blue, glittering with some unknown wisdom. Her beauty even outstripped the beauty of the veelas. Her face exuded the luminescence of a thousand stars spilled across...yeah, I think you get the idea, but hey, to write a genuine Mary-Sue, one must over-describe/glorify the character in question with hyperbolic descriptions.

"Let's give a warm welcome to Destiny Hope Unity Aurora Mary-Sue Adams!" exclaimed Dumbledore.

All the boys in the hall began drooling and all the girls were itching to make friends with the magnificent creature.

She glided like a person slipping on a streak of oil across the hall to the Sorting Hat.

My my, said the Sorting hat, you are so smart, you are so brave, you are so loyal, you are so lacking in any Slytherin/evil qualities. So, because you are so smart, so brave, so loyal, so PERFECT, you must go to Gryffindor because that is where all the good people are. You see, because of nauseating stereotypes all evil people go to Slytherin, all geeks go to Ravenclaw, all...ahem...duffers go to Hufflepuff, and all of the perfect, heroic, and coincidentally, main characters must go to GRYFFINDOR!

Destiny Hope Unity Aurora Mary-Sue Adams went over to the Gryffindor table and sat down. Her eyes hovered over the members of the table until they stopped and met emerald green ones.

"You must be Harry Potter," said Destiny Hope Unity Aurora Mary-Sue Adams in a musical, seductive voice.

Harry nodded.

"I am Mary-Sue. Would you like to uncharacteristically trust me without knowing anything about me, fall in love with me, and kill the oh so evil Dark Lord with me at the end of the year?"

Harry thought for a moment, "Sure."

And true to her word, Harry did uncharacteristically trust her and fall in love with her. And after many adventures where Destiny Hope Unity Aurora Mary-Sue repeatedly defeated various enemies with her telepathic, wandless, beast-speaking, sword-fighting (which is completely ridiculous when there are guns available), prophetic, and all around mystical powers, she along with Harry defeated Voldemort in a barrage of ridiculous powers.

And of course, like in real life (sarcasm alert flashing, sarcasm alert making lots of little bleeping noises, sarcasm alert BLARING), all problems were resolved in a very black and white manner. And good conquered all.

Oh whoops, I forget to mention that Destiny Hope Unity Aurora Mary-Sue was:

1. The daughter of Voldemort

2. The long lost twin sister of Harry Potter (INCEST!!!)

3. Someone from the land of Avalon

4. Someone related in some way to King Arthur/Merlin

5. From the time of the Founders

6: From Atlantis, bearing long lost magical secrets

7. Someone from the realm of the Elves

8. An orphan belittled by people who never appreciated her perfection

9. Someone who convinced someone 'evil' to turn to the 'good' side

10. A hybrid between a human being and a magical creature hitherto unheard of.

That is all.

A/N: This was an amusing little piece....Please review and well....flame me for what I'm about to say next. I sigh heavily. Look...Okay...I will be taking a very long time to update Subservience because I am entering a writing competition and am currently working on a novel. I'm sorry, I say in a small voice. I cower. It's not my fault! I scream as my brain tries to find a reason why it isn't my fault (which it can't). Fine, it is my fault! No! Wait! It's my friend's fault for telling me about the stupid contest in the first place. Yes! I shout desperately. It's her fault! Go hurt her instead!