Skewed Reality

Chapter 1: Everybody Wants to Shag the Bassist!

Harry wanted to start a band. He had guarded his love for music from the world for a while, but that had ended with the end of the Tri-Wizard Tournament.

His fellow Gryffindors found him sitting on the common room floor, looking like he was trying to play his anger into the guitar that night. They hadn't been surprised, really. They had before wondered how he remained so unangst-ridden and... well, sane on such a regular basis.

But now it was the beginning of his sixth year, and all Harry wanted was to start up a rock band. So he approached the first person he thought of.

"Ron?"

Ron, purely absorbed in his game, furrowed his brow and looked down at his pieces on the chessboard. "A-hah!" He proudly put out his hand and moved his king. "Checkmate, Hermione."

Hermione scoffed, but said nothing else.

"Okay. Yeah, Harry?"

"I want to start a band."

Ron gawked at Harry for a second, then looked to Hermione for support. She sat back in her chair and raised an eyebrow at him in pure listen-to-Harry-or-I'll-kill-you-later fashion. It figured. He looked back up at Harry.

"Uh... Tha - That is to say, Um, okay then... Why are you telling me this?"

Harry grinned down at his completely confused friend. "Because I want you in it, of course!"

"Oh."

"Oh? Oh?! C'mon, Ron! You and I both know that you can play bass better than anyone at Hogwarts!"

Ron mumbled something that sounded vaguely like "Yeah, because I'm the only one who can play bass at Hogwarts."

Harry cleared his throat. "What did you say?"

"Oh, nothing..." Ron said, a twinge of colour reaching his cheeks.

"Rooooooon! Think about it! Everyone wants to shag the bassist! You'll be like a sex god to all the fangirls of the world!" Harry whined audibly.

Ron's ears turned pink, and mumbled something, which seemed to contain the words Hermione, fangirls, and evil. He then fell into a slightly sullen silence as Harry tried not to giggle.

Hermione, who had been watching this small exchange in mild amusement, took the moment of silence to speak up. "Ron, first off, you're a very good bassist. Second, I think you'd find being in a band rather exciting, in a way... Er, am I helping?"

Ron frowned thoughtfully, "Yeah, I guess."

"And besides, I would kill any fangirl who dared to come near you," Hermione stated as an afterthought. Everyone present knew she was only half-joking. Hermione could get kind of possessive of Ron at times. Not that Ron minded in the slightest.

Harry sighed, and threw himself into one of the squishy armchairs while simultaneously fixing Ron with one of his patented pouts. Ron attempted at retaliation by rolling his eyes and grabbing Hermione's hand.

It was time for a nice little lecture. "Harry, just because you came out of the metaphorical closet last year doesn't mean that all boys everywhere are jumping to have a chance with you."

Harry looked at Ron, then Hermione, then at their clasped hands. He cracked a grin, then slumped back into his chair, laughing. "Ron, no offence, but there's no way in hell that I'd ever want to attempt at seducing you," he looked meaningfully between Hermione and Ron again. "Besides, you're straight as an arrow. I'm straight as a circle. It would just never work out, darling..."

He took this moment to place the back of his hand dramatically against his forehead.

Ron began to snicker. "Okay, okay. Harry, you know what? I'll join your sodding band and be your sodding bassist."

"Really?!" Harry leapt to his feet, suddenly full of more energy than he'd remembered having in years. "Okay! Awesome! Now we just need to get... To get... Um... A drummer, and a singer. Because god knows neither of us can hold a tune."

Hermione had seated herself beside Ron in his chair. He was rather occupied with things other than listening to Harry at this point.

"Uh, okay then, Harry. You do that..."

"I will!"

Harry dashed up the stairs to his dorm room, wondering who on earth would play drums for them.

So, it seemed rather a stroke of luck that Seamus had decided to bring his drum set to school this year. Harry walked into the room to find Seamus in the midst of setting his drums up, and he did a double take.

"Seamus."

Seamus looked up and tucked a piece of stray hair behind his ear. "Yes?"

"You play drums??"

"No, I just thought it would be a nice addition to our lovely abode. I've got some pink lace curtains here, too."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine. But..."

"But...?"

"Do you want to be in a band? I mean, I know you probably don't and all..."

"Harry, I -"

"But it'll be wonderful and if you will we'll just need to find some one who can carry a tune -"

"That's great, Harry. I'd -"

"And we'll be doing something we all love and you're probably great at playing the drums and yeah you'll be with me and Ron and I play guitar and Ron plays bass and really you'll lo -"

"Harry."

"Um...Yes?"

"I'd love to be in your band."

Harry stopped fidgeting. "Really?"

"Really. It'll be cool."

Harry practically began to skip around the room merrily. "Awesome! Wow! Now all we need is a singer!"

Seamus frowned and sunk into thought. "I'm sure there's some one around this place who can sing...Let's see... Umm, Dean makes people want to cry from fear when he sings, so that's out. How about - no, Creevey would attempt to molest you or something... Umm..."

"Blah, we'll find some one! I know we will!"

"Heh. Okay, Harry."