Dates, Pranks and Marauders

Chapter II- In Preparation for the Date

Sirius sat quietly reading in the library. God, he thought to himself, if anyone could see me now. I don't think I've EVER been this quiet before in my life, and I'm in the library for the second time in one day. Jamsie's making me soft.

'So Rem, do you think he's done it yet?' Sirius asked of his werewolf comrade.

'Tried to ask her, or actually done it?' Remus quipped.

'Hmmm...Good question actually. Perhaps Lily's asked him herself by now. I really don't understand what the big deal is- I mean, take me for example. When I like a girl, I just go up to her, sweep her off her feet, and say-'

'Sirius,' Remus interrupted, 'not everyone is as, ah, brash, as you. Some of us are normal, or even polite.'

'Yes, but even so...' Sirius cut off as he noticed James bursting into the library, causing the doors to bang loudly against the stone walls. Noticing the maniacal grin plastered all over James' face, Sirius paled and gulped loudly.

'I think he's finally cracked, and now he's going to kill us all,' he said resignedly.

'Perhaps you'd better run for it,' Remus commented without looking up from his notes.

It was too late, however. James had already reached the table and slammed both of his hands forcefully onto it.

'Well, Sirius, what do you have to say for yourself?' James asked without discernable expression.

'I don't want to die.' Sirius said as calmly as he dared, while trying to collect his things and contemplating whether or not he could get away by transforming into Padfoot. Besides, there was one book in particular he was keen to get away from James' eyes.

James then swooped down upon Sirius. Before he even had a chance to wince, he realised that it was a hug. In utter bewilderment, Sirius said,

'I'm not quite sure what's going on here, but I'm not entirely comfortable with this. James- er- are you sure you're, hugging the right person?'

'Yes! Yes! The answer was yes! And she said yes! It's all your fault! You're responsible! You're the one to blame! It's YOUR fault! And she said YES!!!!' James positively shouted.

'What are you talking about?' Sirius asked while struggling to get out of James' vice-like grip, 'Put me down!'

'Well Sirius, he finally did ask her, and she said yes.' Remus explained calmly, still not looking up, 'It's because of you that he asked her in the first place, you know.'

'Ah, yes, very good. Please put me down now.' Sirius squirmed impatiently.

James dropped Sirius from the embrace and punched him playfully on the arm.

'What were you thinking, eh? Setting me up like that to make a fool of myself.'

'You were making a fool of yourself before I ever got involved.' Sirius muttered.

'It is true, you know.' Remus told him.

'Yes, well...' Sirius cleared his throat, and hastily snatched his book from the table and hid it as well as he could in his bag, among his Filibuster's Fabulous No-heat, Wet-start fireworks, James' invisibility cloak, the Marauder's map, and various other items that would have no practical use in a classroom.

'What's that you've got?' James asked, eyeing the book with mounting suspicion.

'Er- nothing at all. You know, I think I have some homework that I really must get done before tomorrow. I'll meet you back at the dormitory...' Sirius seemed to get very uncomfortable and started sidling towards the door.

'Wait, you don't do homework, least not this close to the weekend. What're you talking about, Sirius?' James asked, now raising his eyebrows. 'What's in that book?!'

Sirius ran from the library, pulling out the invisibility cloak. He decided he would have to pay a little visit to the Potion Master's private stores.

****

'Eurgh,' James said as he woke up early on Saturday morning. He had had another terrible nightmare, this particular one included a gigantic pimple that conquered his entire face and exploded onto Lily during an intimate portion of their date. He quickly jumped from his bed, pulling various limbs out of his red Gryffindor sheets. He scrambled across the floor into the bathroom and stared at his pale reflection. Good he sighed to himself, my face is still zit-free and smooth.

'You're such a girl.' Sirius yawned, startling James and making him jump. 'What are you doing up this early anyway, it's a Saturday.' He stretched his arms up as he gave another great, dog-like yawn and rubbed his eyes blearily.

'I had the worst dream, ever.' James said.

'Really,' Sirius asked interestedly, 'Was it worse than the one where you turned into a walrus?'

'I thought we agreed we wouldn't talk about that.' James said quickly.

'Yes, well you're the one bringing it up, aren't you?' Sirius retorted.

'Sirius,' James said, suddenly turning serious and looking a bit ill, 'I don't think I can do it. What if she laughs at me? What if I show up and she's like, 'Well James, I thought you knew I was kidding, I would never go out with you, what were you thinking?''

'What if you really did turn into a Walrus?' Sirius asked jokingly.

'Don't even joke about things like that! I could turn into a Walrus.'

'Don't be silly, Prongs, my dear, you wouldn't turn into a walrus, you're a deer, remember?'

'Ha, ha very funny. Perhaps I need to remind you of the date that you had, back in fifth year, when we were still working out the transformation. Poor Susie Nugent, she's terribly frightened of large animals. That was quite a large memory charm if I remember correctly.'

'I was young...I was stupid...' Sirius said nostalgically.

'Sirius...it was last year.'

'Well, anyways, the point was that you're not in any real danger of turning into a walrus...well, unless I look up that charm...' he said, trailing off.

'You wouldn't dare.' James replied with a hint of a threat in his voice. By now he really knew when Sirius was kidding, but then again, it was always hard to tell, and his nerves were pretty shot by now besides.

'Oh, wouldn't I. Just think of the possibilities, the two of you, sitting in a dark corner in the Hog's Head, a mysterious stranger with a map sitting a few tables away, you lean in to snog, and then- bam! You've a great filthy moustache and large tusks. Yes, I think that would be a wonderful prank, don't you?'

James rolled his eyes, and brushed past Sirius to get dressed and go down to breakfast.

****

Lily sat slightly hidden by the crimson hangings of her four-poster, deeply immersed in the Jane Austen novel, Sense and Sensibility. Though the other girls in her year sometimes made fun of her for reading muggle books, she ignored their comments. Muggles weren't quite as efficient at most things as wizards, but that still didn't stop them from creating great literature.

She heard a loud burst of giggles come from the direction of Rebecca Duffy's bed. Giggling should be made illegal, Lily thought irritably, with her reading having been interrupted by the sharp laughs of Rebecca and her best friend Marsha Higgins.

As she listened, she became more and more interested in what was really so funny. She looked back down at her book, but was not really reading. She scooted closer and closer to the edge of her bed, trying to hear. She didn't usually care much for 'girl talk' and things that her sister, Petunia, enjoyed doing, but it was nice to hear what was going on around the school...

Eventually Lily gave up all semblance of covertness, and stared openly at the two gossiping girls. Suddenly, both of them looked up at her at the same time. She froze and tried again to busy herself with her book, blushing furiously and trying to disappear back into her pillows. She thought she distinctly heard the words, 'Lily,' 'James,' and 'date,' just after that, but didn't really have time to think it over, as she realized that James was going to be waiting for her in just 15 minutes.

Abruptly she jumped from the bed as if it had been charged with electricity, then hurried to get ready.

****

As James ran back and forth across the bathroom, Remus, Sirius, and Peter watched as though they were at a tennis match. They had thought that James was acting crazy when trying to ask Lily in the first place, but that was nothing compared to this. He ran wildly in and out of the bathroom, searching frantically for various objects and articles of clothing.

'Where's my other shoe!' James shouted to no one in particular. Thinking it best not to respond, the other three said nothing.

'It looks just like this one, only for the other foot!'

Remus, Sirius, and Peter exchanged amused glances.

'Ah! Here it is!' James exclaimed, pulling it from his back pocket.

'Now where have my glasses gotten to!?' James asked looking frantic.

'They're on your face, James,' Remus said, finally losing his amusement at James' behavior and becoming exasperated.

No one could really understand why James was behaving like this. He wasn't exactly 'smooth' like Sirius, but he certainly wasn't shy, and dealt quite well with the hoards of younger girls that seemed to have formed a fan club around his quidditch abilities. James was usually so calm and level-headed, whenever the marauders were pulling a prank, he was always the one to execute the plan perfectly, he was always able to talk his way out of sticky situations, and was the one to keep everyone else in check. It was very difficult to see the captain of the quidditch team in James just now, pulling his shoe from his pocket and looking vaguely around for his glasses like a deer in the headlights. If he had been more rational at the time, he probably would have realised that he was blind as a bat, and would have no way of looking for his glasses had he not been wearing them.

'OK, OK.' James panted. 'I think I'm ready. How do I look? Am I ready?' James asked spreading his arms out and turning around.

'Well,' replied Remus, 'you look fine, but- uh- your breath stinks. You had a tuna fish sandwich for lunch, with onions.'

'Why did I do that?! What was I thinking? Where's my mouthwash?' James said looking around. Little did he know that no amount of looking would locate his mouthwash, for Sirius had cleverly hidden it. The four of them looked around for it, Sirius ever the good actor, and when it couldn't be found, he said.

'S'all right, mate. Use mine.' Sirius fought very hard not to grin maliciously as he handed James the cloudy blue liquid.

'Thanks,' said James, very much looking it, and quickly using the mouthwash.

James seemed to be calming down slightly, now, and did not look quite as nervous or spastic as he had in the preceding days.

'Alright,' James said sighing deeply, 'I think I'm finally ready to go.'

'So, he's finally calmed down, eh?' Sirius said jokingly.

'Yeah. Really sorry I've been such a prat this week, especially to you, Sir. You were really only trying to help out.' James apologised to his friends.

'Yes, well. You were a prat, no denying that.' Sirius replied, starting to look guilty and shifting uncomfortably. He kept glancing at James as if he expected him to grow another head.

'I'm glad that I've finally calmed down now. Imagine if I went out with Lily and was still freaking out. Now that I've got myself under control, this'll be the perfect date.' James sighed with relief as he sank into one of the large, squashy crimson bean-bags Sirius had bewitched to roar like a lion anytime anyone sat on it too hard. Suddenly Peter and Remus' eyes went as wide as dinner plates while Sirius casually studied the ceiling.

'Good Lord! What is that!?' Remus said staring just slightly above James' head.

Peter looked terrified, and stared open-mouthed at the same spot as Remus.

'What?' James asked, looking up too. 'I don't see anything...'

'Well,' Sirius said, laughing slightly, with a big grin and twitching eyes, 'what do you know, the potion worked...' He gulped as James continued looking politely confused as to what everyone was so worked up about.

'Potion?' James asked, looking to Sirius, 'What potion?'

'Potion? Who said anything about a potion? James, you're hearing things. There's no potion...you're- er- hair looks great by the way.' Sirius finished slowly backing towards the door.

'Neeeeeeeeeee!'

'What potion, Sirius?' James asked, suddenly darkening and standing up, wand drawn.

'Neeeeeeeeeeee!'

'Heh..aheh...' Sirius laughed nervously, 'Perhaps you just need to see for yourself...I'm just going to be going now...have a date or something, you know.'

'God! It's hideous!' Peter yelped, now pointing.

'NEEEEEEE!'

'Sirius! I demand that you tell me what potion you're talking about!' James said walking towards Sirius, 'You're going to- and what is that sound!?'

'Prongs, you must understand that there are no words to describe what is going on.' Sirius winced, leading a bewildered James to the lavatory.

Now, to say that James was quite surprised at what he found would most certainly qualify for the understatement of the year. If Sirius had not placed a silencing charm on their dormitory in preparation, the entire castle would have quite a surprise at just how big James' lung capacity was. After getting over the initial shock at what was now growing healthily out of the top of his head, James began to back away from the mirror in horror.

'No,' he muttered, 'no, no, no, no, nononono...Sirius, you did not just do this, not tonight. Why?'

'Uh- Sorry?' Sirius tried, knowing that if he didn't want to have a large assembly of hex-marks, he would have to get out very soon and very quickly, before James recovered his wits and went on a killing spree. 'It goes away in 24 hours, if it makes you feel any better...'

'Neeeeeeeeeeee!'

'You!' James whispered dangerously, suddenly pointing his wand at Sirius' throat, 'this is all your fault! I'm going to kill you!'

'Now James, you- you wouldn't hit a poor, innocent stray animal, would you?' Sirius said. With that, James, having completely abandoned his wand, lunged at Sirius, his hands grasping for his throat. Fortunately for Sirius, he had changed into the bear-like, black shaggy dog at the exact same moment. Sirius, or Padfoot as he was now, yelped wildly dodging James, and ran from the room. Remus and Peter could have sworn they heard several girls shrieking. Remus' hearing, enhanced several times by his lycanthropy, picked up Rebecca Duffy yelling, 'Where did that dog come from! Get it out of here, now!'

James turned now to Remus and looked pleadingly at him, 'What am I going to do?' He moaned.

'Well, I have an idea...' Remus began, with a slight smile playing on the corners of his mouth.

****

END OF CHAPTER TWO