A Very Sirius Christmas

A Very Sirius Christmas

Chapter II

'Say 'uncle!''

'No!'

'Say it!'

'Never!'

'C'mon, I'm not going to let you go until you say it!'

'Get off me now! I'm not going to say it! I can outlast you!'

James awoke uneasily as angry voices drifted into Sirius' bedroom.

'Wha's going on?' he asked Sirius, only to find that his bed was empty and the door was ajar.

'If you don't say it, then we'll stay here all day!'

'I'm not going to say it! You can't make me- OW!'

James quickly pulled on his jumper and groped around in the dark for his glasses. Upon finding them, he opened the door to the hallway and looked around for whatever was making the noise.

'OW!! You're going to break my back!'

'Not if you just say 'uncle.''

'I won't give you the satisfaction!'

James followed the shouts down the stairs and into the Black's den. The sight that here met his eyes would cause him to laugh in later hours- hell, it caused him to laugh right when he first saw it.

As was to be expected, Sirius was in a brawl with one of his family members. As was not to be expected, Sirius was the one in the headlock. His eldest sister Katherine had leapt onto his back, with one hand she had pinned both of his arms down, and with the other she firmly held his neck in the crook of her arm. Remarkably enough, Sirius had yet to fall to the ground, even though he was supporting her entire weight with his spine.

'Damnit, Kate, get off!' Sirius squirmed, attempting to free his arms from her grasp.

'I don't think so, this is entirely too much fun,' Katherine told him, tightening her hold on his neck.

'Wow, Katherine, what did he do to deserve that?' James said, entering the room and watching Sirius get a small taste of his own medicine.

'Oh, nothing. I just felt like doing it,' Katherine grinned as her 'baby' brother cursed some more.

'James!' Sirius pleaded, seeing his friend, 'you've got to get her off me! She's going to kill me, then who'll be your best friend, eh?'

'Oh, I'm sure Moony will be more than happy to fill your spot. Besides, all you have to do is say 'uncle,' don't you know how to play this game?' James mocked. Sirius' position did seem to be a painful one, but James was enjoying it entirely too much.

'Er- what's going on in here?' All eyes swept to the door, where Katherine's husband, Sean, was now standing, a quizzical look in his eyes.

'Oh! Sean, honey, I didn't know you were awake!' Katherine sputtered as she quickly released Sirius and jumped from his back.

'All right, well, I was just going to ask you if you had the twins... I can't seem to find them anywhere,' Sean said matter-of-factly.

'Damn, well we'd better go and find them. Mel is still really mad from yesterday...apparently the kids destroyed her term paper,' Katherine said gravely, 'I just hope they haven't gotten into the chocolate again.' She stalked off to find her children, beckoning for her husband to follow. Sean shot another puzzled look at Sirius, then quickly followed Katherine to find their twin terrors.

'Did you honestly just get beat up by a girl? I'm ashamed that I've ever been beat up by you before,' James grinned as soon as Sirius' family was out of earshot.

'She's not a girl- she's a mother of two, there's a difference!' Sirius explained loudly.

'Oh? A difference you say? Now, pray tell, what difference might that be?' James said, still chuckling over the sight of Katherine on Sirius' back.

'Mother's can pack a wallop! They can! You think that your sister would be all sweet and serene when she's going to have a baby, but no! The primal instincts set in and they turn into great mad mother bears!' Sirius continued, 'Honestly, James, if that woman ever gets pregnant again, heads will roll! But just imagine- what if Mel got pregnant, eh?'

'Yeah, I reckon that wouldn't turn out pretty for anyone,' James said, thinking of how angry Melanie was over her briefcase, and how she made the children burst into tears.

'Just promise me something, Prongs. You have to swear it. When Lily gets pregnant-' Sirius began, before James interrupted violently.

'Woah! Stop now! Wait a second, hold on- Lily and I aren't married or anything. I really hope you're not suggesting that-'

'What is it that I'm not suggesting, James?' Sirius said playfully.

'Well, Lily and I aren't, well, you know,' James tried, hoping that Sirius would catch on.

'What do I know?' Sirius said leaning towards James and making a face.

'You know perfectly well what, and I'm not going to say it, no matter what,' James finished.

'Ohhh! You mean the two of you haven't had sex. I understand now. Well, that is extremely surprising, I was sure that you both were firm believers in free love. I am completely shocked,' Sirius said sarcastically, then, upon noticing her entrance, added faintly, 'Oh, hi Bri.'

'Brianna, were you listening to what Sirius just said?' James asked her fearfully.

'Yes...' Brianna answered, Sirius made a motion as though he wished to stop James from speaking.

'Well, you're not to repeat it to anyone. Do you understand?' James solicited. Sirius held his head in his hands and let out a deep sigh for James plight.

'Alright, I won't!' Brianna piped cheerfully, a twinkle in her eye as if Christmas had come early. Sirius had a feeling that, inside of ten minutes, the whole house would know all about James' abstinence.

'Bri, is there anything in particular you want, or have you just come to eavesdrop?' Sirius asked bluntly.

'Oh, right. Mum sent me to tell you that Cestie is coming, so, 'you'd better smarten up,'' Brianna recited, still grinning at James in an embarrassed sort of way.

'Oh no, not her,' James and Sirius said in unison. Cestie was what Sirius and his sisters called their grandmother on their father's side; her name was actually Celestia. She was an extremely cranky old witch, with exceptionally thick glasses that did absolutely nothing for her poor vision, an even crankier old cat, and a cane that she used to hit people with. She didn't really need the cane, as she traveled around in a wheelchair, but insisted on using it nonetheless. It was a habit of hers to offer moldy crisps to various inanimate objects and get all of her children and grandchildren mixed up.

'When is she going to come?' Sirius asked in just above a whisper.

'Today,' Brianna said grimly.

'Today...' James and Sirius exchanged dark looks, then Sirius continued in a hushed voice, 'how long do we have?'

'Two hours,' Brianna told him with the air of a doctor telling someone they only had six months to live.

'My life is forfeit! James, we only have two hours left!' Sirius whined.

'Does she still have that awful cat?' James asked, dreading the answer.

'Of course she still has that cat! The cat's immortal, I swear. It's going to live forever...just like Cestie.'

'Damn, I'm allergic to cats, and that cat has unnaturally attached itself to me. I think it knows that I'm allergic to it, so it follows me around,' James told Sirius angrily.

'I know, James, I know,' Sirius said, patting him on the back. 'Who invited the old bat anyway, Bri?'

'No one invites her, Sirius, she just comes. She's like a plague,' Brianna explained unhappily.

'Ok, well, thanks, Cheese, you can go now,' Sirius dismissed.

'Who's Cheese?' James asked, wrinkling his nose.

'Cheese,' Sirius pointed to Brianna. James didn't say anything, and still looked confused. Sirius gave a pained sigh. 'You know, 'Brianna,' 'Brie,' 'Cheese?''

'Ah.'

'It's a really stupid nickname that Sirius uses. I don't find it funny at all,' Brianna said, crossing her arms and stalking out of the room.

'I think it's funny as hell,' Sirius commented, shrugging, before his face fell again. 'Two hours...' he shuddered.

****

'Everyone! Cestie'll be here in five minutes! Hurry down to the drawing room!' Mrs. Black called up the stairs, where all of her children and James were hurriedly getting ready. Cestie didn't like dirt, messiness, or unpolished shoes, and that cane really did hurt.

All of the kids, upon hearing this, scrambled down the stairs and into the drawing room. Mr. Black was already seated on the couch, perusing a copy of the Daily Prophet, while Mrs. Black was nervously straightening the furniture. She heaved with exhaustion upon attempting to move the large couch, which Mr. Black was still seated upon.

'Darling, it really doesn't matter. Cestie will never know,' Mr. Black said as his wife continued to struggle with the sofa.

'Oh, she'll know, Ryan, she'll know,' Mrs. Black said in a scared voice. Cestie was particularly malevolent towards her, since she was a muggle.

'Well, let me do it, then, Cornelia. You're going to hurt yourself,' Mr. Black stated, pulling out his wand and moving the couch with her directions.

All of the Black children stood in front of the mirror over the mantle, trying to make a few last moment improvements. Brianna and Melanie were fighting over a hairbrush, as Katherine attempted to magically clean the grass stains off of Louis and Lucy. Samantha complained loudly as Mrs. Black grabbed her and began to furiously wipe all traces of dirt from her face. James, however, was busy struggling with his hair. No matter what he did, it just wouldn't stay down. Sirius watched in amusement for a moment as James licked his hand and tried patting down his mane.

'Just give it up,' Sirius said along with the mirror. Sirius then proceeded to rumple James' hair back to an even worse condition. Sirius laughed again as James desperately seized Brianna's brush and attempted again to fix his unruly hair.

'She'll be here in two minutes! Everyone line up!' Mrs. Black called.

All of the Black children, plus James, Sean, and the twins stood at attention as Mrs. Black swept over them, making some last minute adjustments. She gave Samantha a final spit bath, straightened Katherine's shirt, tucked Melanie's hair behind her ear, fixed Sirius' collar, tightened the buckle of Brianna's shoe, and attempted to flatten James' hair. After a few furious moments in which she tried everything she could think of, Mrs. Black gave up on James' hair and moved on to the twins.

'Cornelia!' Mr. Black pointed towards the fireplace, 'quick, she's nearly here!' Mrs. Black gave a final look into the mirror to check her make-up, smoothed her apron and turned to find the foul-tempered old wench wheeling out of the grate.

'Hullo Mum,' Mr. Black said in a cheerful voice, picking up her luridly flowered luggage and basket with her fat, dandruff-coloured cat.

'Here, Ryan, let me get those,' Sean offered, extending his hands to receive the heavy luggage.

'No, no,' Mrs. Black interrupted, 'I'll just nip those up to the spare bedroom.' She seized the luggage and quickly fled from the room, dragging the heavy parcels behind her.

'Let me help you down from there, Mum,' Mr. Black said, stepping behind Cestie and beginning to push her away from the fire-place.

'Let go of me, you fiend!!' Cestie hollered, waving her sharp cane around and catching Mr. Black several times in the head.

'Mum! Mum- stop hitting me! It's me, Ryan!' Mr. Black explained, shielding his forehead.

'Who?' Cestie inquired, allowing the hard cane to fall to her side, and looking around bemusedly.

'Ryan,' Mr. Black repeated, then when there was no sign of recognition by Cestie, 'Orion? Your son?'

'Oh, hello Gerald.' Cestie said lovingly, patting his arm. James and Sirius exchanged looks.

'We don't have any relations called Gerald...' Sirius muttered.

'What was that, boy?!' Cestie croaked angrily, raising her cane and wheeling towards him threateningly.

'Er...nothing?' Sirius cringed, trying to make himself as small as possible- a considerable task, considering Sirius' size.

'Well, Sandra, I'll have none of your sass this time!' Cestie said, wildly waving her cane.

'It's Sirius,' Sirius murmured to the floor.

'What was that, Sandra?!' Cestie crowed.

'It's Sirius.'

'Who?'

'My name is Sirius, not Sandra,' Sirius persisted.

'Well, Sandra, stand up straight. You're slouching like a boy again,' Cestie said, hitting him in the small of the back with the omnipresent cane. Sirius stared for a moment, rubbing his back. He seemed to want to say something more, but instead, angrily bit his lip and tore his gaze away from his grandmother.

'Mother, would you like to go into the kitchen for something to drink?' Mr. Black tried to distract Cestie from his children, 'I know how traveling by Floo makes you thirsty.'

'Where's that muggle?' Cestie snapped, peering around like a confused turtle through her useless glasses.

'Well, Cornelia, my wife, is upstairs putting your things away,' Mr. Black told her, trying not to get too angry.

'Don't you let that muggle see any of my magical things, Gerald! We can't let the muggles find out about us- she might steal something!' Cestie cried indignantly, raising her cane.

Brianna and Samantha were, by now, cowering behind James and Sirius' bigger frames, attempting to hide themselves from the wrath of their senile grandmother. Samantha had wrapped her arms around Sirius' leg and was silently begging for him to pick her up. Sirius picked her up easily and she immediately buried her small, black head into his jumper. Brianna slowly backed behind James and blushed furiously.

'Didn't you say you were getting me a drink, Gerald?' Cestie said, slowly and magically revolving in her wheel chair. She ran over both of Melanie's feet and knocked over the twins with her cane as she headed towards Mr. Black. 'I want whisky!'

'Alright Mother, let's just get you into the kitchen and you can pick out what you want,' Mr. Black replied exasperatedly. Katherine ducked and Sean stepped back in alarm to avoid her merciless cane as she was wheeled away into the kitchen.

As soon as the kitchen door closed behind Cestie a huge sigh of relief went through the room. Formerly good posture sank back to its usual standard and held-in stomachs were let back out. Mrs. Black peered into the room from the shadows of the stairwell. Cestie's yells could still be heard faintly from the interior of the kitchen, along with Mr. Black's protestations.

'Oh, she's gone...' Mrs. Black said cautiously, timidly stepping out into the room. 'Well, that wasn't so bad now, was it?' She added, straightening her apron.

'Not that you were here, though. Not that you had to live through that,' Melanie hissed like a wounded goose.

'Hey Mel, take it easy on Mum. If she tried to curse me into tomorrow every time I walked into the room, I'd probably leave too,' Sirius commented, trying to comfort Sammy as she silently sobbed into his jumper. Last time Cestie visited, she had set Sammy's black teddy bear, Snuffles, on fire- and it had squealed in pain until it was incinerated. This time, Sammy had very thoroughly hidden all of her stuffed animals prior to Cestie's arrival. Sirius wagged his eyebrows at James as Brianna attempted a similar action to Samantha's. When she was only five, Cestie had chopped most of her hair off, proclaiming that, 'that boy needs a haircut, Ryan, honestly, can't you take care of your children?'

Katherine and Sean were attending to the twins; they looked as though they had seen a ghost, and no amount of explaining about Cestie could make them stop sniffling. Melanie scowled deeply and cursed at anyone who came near her- to most: this was not that much different than her usual behaviour.

'I know, kids! Why don't you get out of the house for a while! It'll be a family affair!' Mrs. Black said, clasping her hands together.

'Family affair? What kind of family affair?' Melanie asked skeptically. 'I hope you're not suggesting that we play quidditch... not with Sirius around at least.' Brianna shuddered involuntarily.

'Oh no, honey, not quidditch. It's such a dangerous sport, not like rugby. I was thinking that you all might go to the cinema,' Mrs. Black suggested happily.

'The cinema?' James asked wrinkling his nose, as he often did when muggle topics came up.

'It's a muggle thing, James. It's like... it's like our photographs, only it tells a story, with sound... and it's longer... and bigger... and with people you don't know,' Sirius explained. At this, James seemed even more confused, so Sirius added, 'you'll just have to see it.'

'Mum, what's 'cindama?'' Samantha asked curiously.

'You'll just have to see it, Sammy,' Mrs. Black smiled, 'I remember last time we took Sirius to the cinema.'

'So do I, Mum!' Sirius exclaimed, looking excited. 'We saw the 'Yellow Submarine,' with the Beatles! It was brilliant! Those Beatles rock!'

'Alright, let's go!' Katherine said. She'd only been to see a film twice in her life, and both times it was quite enjoyable.

'Go where!?' Cestie yelled as she wheeled back into the room, a brandy clutched firmly in her arthritic claws.

****

'Are you sure the handle won't work, Mum?' Mr. Black called through the door of the spare bedroom.

'No! It won't turn!' Cestie complained in her creaking voice.

'Well, I don't know what we can do about it,' Mrs. Black said, trying not to laugh.

'Stand out of the way! I'll blast the door down!' Cestie called back.

'No, Mum, it's quite alright. I'll just send Sirius and James down to the locksmith's to get you out. The door is rather tricky sometimes, but we'll have you out of there in no time,' Mr. Black reassured. There was a moment of silence as Cestie deliberated; Mr. and Mrs. Black waited with bated breath to see what she would decide, backing away in case she was getting ready to blast the door down.

'Fine! But you'd best hurry or I will blast the door down,' Cestie's voice faded as she turned to switch the wireless on. A few seconds later the wireless began some sort of soap opera and they could hear Cestie's gurgling snores.

'Quick, let's get out of here before she wakes up!'

****

'I just want to let you know that I highly disapprove of what you did to Cestie and I think you've scarred the children for life,' Melanie said as the extended Black family drove towards town.

'Oh, you wanted to do it as bad as we did,' Katherine said quickly.

'Mel, you're such a downer! Stop spreading your gloom. You'd better not ruin the film for me!' Sirius complained loudly. The car then hit a large pothole and Sirius' head made contact with the roof.

Mrs. Black had inherited a puce-coloured 1950 Lincoln Continental from her father and Mr. Black had taken it upon himself to restore and update it. Now it comfortably seated fifteen, unfortunately, he had not yet thought to give it a new paint job.

The twins had asked to sit on James' lap when they first climbed into the Continental, and, although this was entirely unnecessary, James had agreed. The first order of business on the twin's agenda was taking away James' glasses, rendering him, for all intents and purposes, entirely blind. Louis held James' glasses up to his own face and peered through; James' high prescription, however, caused Louis to feel dizzy, and he nearly fell to the floor. While Louis distracted James in this way, Lucy proceeded to 'help' James' hair.

'Dames, you gots messy hair, doncha,' she told him, her chubby fist grabbing a section of James' hair and creating a new, most unnatural-looking cowlick at the apex of his head. She attempted to use her grape lolly-pop as an attractive hair bow for James.

'Er- Lucy, might I have my glasses back? Ah, Louis, could you let go of my head? Um, well...' James scratched his head, attempting to discern which twin was which, and where his glasses had gotten to. 'Couldn't you please, perhaps- OUCH! Bloody little blighter! Which of you did that?!'

Louis and Lucy giggled at James, who was trying to glare at each of them in indignation but finding it difficult to focus for any length of time. Deciding that, as fun as it was, it was now time for them to stop harassing James by way of mocking his physical appearance, the twins now began a fresh attack- on James' ribs.

As if a silent agreement had been made, the twins both started tickling James at the same time. They laughed more than ever as James writhed and squirmed under their torture. Sirius laughed, too, as he looked on; he knew James was too polite to ever tell them to stop when he was the guest.

'Kids!' Katherine reprimanded, laughing a bit as well, 'I don't think you ought to tickle James anymore.' Both twins stared up at their mother like puppies that had been told not to chew shoes. They settled in on either side of James, and were quite content for a short while, until-

'Hey, cut that out!' James protested, shoving a small hand away from his side. The twins had taken it upon themselves to poke James just beneath the ribs on either side. James tried for a while to stop them, but eventually gave up; choosing instead to resignedly stare straight ahead with a glazed expression- they still had his glasses after all.

Mrs. Black pulled the car up to the theater and found a parking space right in front of the colossal antique building.

'Oooooo! Mummy! What's that?!' Samantha pointed as she caught sight of the glittering lights which adorned the antique theater.

'That's the cinema, dear,' Mrs. Black beamed at the amazed look on her youngest daughter's face.

'What? Where's the cinema?' James squinted. Louis had now seized James' wand, which had foolishly been placed in his pocket, and began prodding his glasses with it. After a few moments, the glasses sprouted out a handsome, bushy pair of green eyebrows. As James searched about with his hands, Sirius decided that enough was enough.

'Louis, give those here,' he beckoned, stuffing a fist in his mouth as he tried not to laugh at the eyebrows.

'Ok,' Louis shrugged, putting the glasses in Sirius' outstretched hand. Sirius then handed the glasses back to James.

'Thanks!' James said, blinking as he readjusted his eyes to sight. He didn't at all notice the green eyebrows or the purple lolly-pop sticking pointedly out of his hair. You would think that one might notice lime green eyebrows growing from one's glasses, however, James did not think to look up just now- the lights of the theater were much too distracting. Even if he had chanced a look up, his near-blindness probably would have prevented him from discerning the brows from his mussed up bangs.

As soon as the family had all pulled various limbs and body parts out of the car, they walked towards the twinkling building, where a large sign proclaimed that 'Rocky' was 'Now Showing.'

****

'Roc-ky, Roc-ky, Roc-ky, Roc-ky,' Sirius stood up and chanted along with the film audience as Rocky Balboa struggled to win. Samantha and Mrs. Black quickly followed suit and joined in the chanting. Brianna looked around nervously to make sure no one she knew was observing this spectacle of embarrassment as Mr. Black, Catherine, and Sean smiled at the film. The twins ran up and down the aisles, as they had for the entirety of the movie, knocking snacks out of peoples hands and stealing them. Mrs. Black had caught them licking candy they had gotten off the floor three times already. Though most everyone was smiling and having a grande time, Melanie and James sat sullenly in their seats, arms crossed.

'I just don't see why no one told me is all,' James hissed to Melanie in a low voice, 'sometimes Sirius just makes me so angry.'

'I know how you feel,' Melanie comforted sympathetically.

'I mean, really, I thought all of those people laughing at me were just a bit queer. How was I to know that there were great, filthy eyebrows sprouting out of my glasses?' He complained.

'And that lolly-pop in your hair...' Melanie added matter-of-factly.

'The what in my hair?! No one said anything about that!' James exclaimed, causing Sirius to hush him.

'Oh, I thought you knew...' Melanie said concisely. 'How does this make you feel, James?'

'Bloody angry is what it makes me feel!'

'I'm glad you've come to terms with this, James,' Melanie told him, patting him on the arm.

'Eurch...' James grimaced loudly as his hand found the sticky candy. He pulled it out off of his head, taking along with it several clumps of now-matted hair. 'OW!'

'Shhh!' The Blacks, excluding Melanie, told him. Their eyes were fixed on the screen as Rocky was being brutally defeated.

****

'C'mon, kids, if we're quiet, maybe she won't wake up...' Mr. Black advised as the family crept back into the kitchen, several pizza boxes clutched in their hands.

'So James, what did you think of the film?' Sirius asked James good-naturedly.

'Well, it was alright, I guess,' James said through gritted teeth.

'Alright?' Sirius asked in disbelief, 'alright?! It was bloody brilliant is what it was!'

'Sorry, but I guess the green eyebrows and the sweets in my hair impeded my happiness. In fact, I would say that all enjoyment was thoroughly sucked from my body, much like a vampire sucking my blood,' James stated wryly.

'Let's go out in the garden to eat... Cestie might wake up if we're not careful,' Mrs. Black said furtively, shooting a wary glance up the stairs as if she expected Cestie to roll down with her mad cat at any moment.

'Why don't Sean and I put some silencing charms up... just in case,' Katherine offered, starting up the stairs with Sean in tow.

The family grabbed the pizzas and some fizzy drinks and they went out into the garden to have a late afternoon picnic. Mr. Black summoned several water-repelling blankets and set a few candles floating above the pink and gold snow.

Sirius sat down with his own box of pizza, ignoring the plates and silverware his mum offered him. He carefully cradled the box on his legs so no one could touch it and began to eat very quickly.

'Sirius can I have a slice?' Brianna asked, reaching into the box.

'NO!' Sirius growled, smacking her hand away roughly. 'This is my food! Mine! Don't touch it!' He wrapped his arms around the pizza and ate faster, determined to eat all of it before anyone else could try to take it.

'Honestly, Sirius, you're worse than the dogs,' Brianna muttered, remembering how the dogs always snarled if she got too near their food. She stalked off towards the others, where her mother was doling out slices onto singing Christmas tree plates.

'Hah,' Katherine said upon exiting the house. 'She won't hear a thing now!'

'Oh, was she asleep?' Mrs. Black asked curtly, pursing her lips.

'Don't know. We didn't really care to find out. Her radio was still on, and that mad cat of hers was on the bed,' Sean told her.

'Oh, well, did you lock the door back?' Mrs. Black asked in a would-be casual voice.

'Yes, of course,' Katherine replied quickly. Katherine and Sean got plates of pizza for themselves and joined everyone else in festive holiday celebration.

Everyone was merrily munching their dinner, when all of a sudden, the distant sound of the doorbell was heard by all. Mr. Black got up and made his way back into the house. Sirius jumped up and followed behind, his pizza box still gripped in his hands, curious to find out who could be calling at that time of day. James joined as well, not wanting to be left alone on the blanket with Brianna, who was currently making eyes with him.

As the three made their way towards the front door, the bell rang again, this time with much more vigour and gusto. When they still hadn't reached it, the doorbell began to ring desperately, time and time again.

'Hello?' Mr. Black greeted, opening the door cautiously.

'Oh, hullo Ryan,' Mr. Black's neighbor, who raised pure-bred race-horses, answered, 'is this yours? I found her in my hayloft...' he added, pointing to Cestie, who was sitting in her wheel-chair, glaring and irately attempting to speak. Mr. O'Reilly had placed duct tape firmly over her large, tortoise-like mouth.

'Oh, yes, sorry about that, Connor,' Mr. Black apologised to his muggle neighbor.

'Don't be sorry, just keep her out of my stables, away from the barn, off the haystacks and the roof, and not out in the middle of the fields- the woman will freeze to death for crying out loud!'

'Hmmm, we thought she was up in her room asleep. It won't happen again, I assure you. I hope she wasn't too much trouble,' Mr. Black said, looking back at Cestie, who was currently attempting to hit Mr. O'Reilly in the kneecap with her cane.

'Well, I suppose she wasn't too much trouble,' Mr. O'Reilly commented, rubbing the back of his neck, 'but she sure can wheel fast in that thing, and she's got a mean left hook- you ought to take that cane away.'

'Look who's back!' Mr. Black called towards the picnickers in a singsong fashion. The whole Black family, an exceptionally curious bunch, hurried from their pizza boxes and looked out the front door, 'It's Cestie!'

'Filthy muggles! Put me down!' Cestie complained, catching Mr. O'Reilly sharply in the back of the head. She had banished the duct tape from her face, it now was firmly attached to the back of one of the Blacks' many dogs.

'Hullo, Mum.' Mr. Black said cheerfully, 'would you like some pizza?'

'Don't you take that tone with me, Sandra!' Cestie cried, whacking James in the knee. James rubbed his knee in confusion.

'I'm not 'Sandra,' ma'am,' James explained, pointing to Sirius. 'He is.'

'Aaaah!' Cestie exclaimed, this time hitting James at the point of his elbow.

James decided that talking was useless at that point, and so quickly fled back into the garden. Sirius chased after him.

'Hey! You'd better not touch my pizza!'

****

END OF CHAPTER TWO

A/N: Hello there everyone! Phew! You have NO idea how much we work to make everything historically accurate. We even went and researched, trying to find what movies came out in 1976! That's just how dedicated we are to being accurate! :)