A Godfather's Love (aka The Other Side of the Coin)

4 -- Private Talks

Another Hogsmeade weekend was scheduled in February. By a fortuitous coincidence, Remus believed he had figured a way to tell Harry and those closest to him in his age group how Sirius felt about him ... and how long he had felt that way. Of course, neither could predict just how any of them would react; all they could do was explain Sirius's feelings and hope they were able to accept them -- even if they had certain reservations about doing so. Sirius owled Harry and asked him and his friends to join him in Hogsmeade around noon on Saturday (the day after Valentine's Day). Despite his apprehension, Sirius couldn't help believing the date was a good omen for the success of their talk.

Naturally, Hermione was the first to ask why they wanted them all there. All Harry could say was, "I'm sure Padfoot and Moony will explain what it's all about once we're there. And look on the bright side--they're treating us to lunch as well!" That was enough for Ron to agree totally with the scheduling and shoot down any further questions the others might have, including Harry. Of course, if any of them had had any idea of the subject matter to be discussed, they might have had second thoughts about going. As it was, they had no reason to think anything untoward was going to happen and acted accordingly.

* * * * *

As it turned out, the place Sirius and Remus had chosen was a grassy area under a tree well away from the buildings in Hogsmeade in order to have as much privacy as possible. Once they had all gathered in the designated spot, they seated themselves on the large Gryffindor-coloured blanket Remus had conjured up and put a Permanency Charm on (usually conjured items only lasted a couple of hours). Remus and Sirius were seated next to each other, as were Ron and Hermione and Harry and Ginny. In fact, the two young couples were even holding hands, which caused a sharp pain in Sirius's heart when he noticed Harry. He said nothing, however, and looked away as quickly as he could, hoping no one had noticed his involuntary wince at the sight.

"Okay, we're all here, Moony, Padfoot. What did you need to tell all of us that's so important?" Harry was the first one to speak. Sirius swallowed hard, but Remus began speaking almost immediately.

"We wanted to see if any of you had any questions regarding what is commonly termed 'the facts of life.' "

Ron blushed and Harry flushed as well, but the girls seemed interested in the potential of what the two older men had to say and gave their boyfriends hard looks, daring them to disparage the idea.

"Of course we do," Hermione spoke for all of them. "There haven't been any sex education classes, and I think there should be classes as soon as one becomes a teenager, like around third-year."

"Can any of you tell us what you already know?" Remus asked.

This was when Ginny piped up. "Mum gave me the basic facts when I first started my period, roughly four years ago."

"Anyone else?" came the next question.

"I read them in a book," Hermione said. "I asked Madam Pomfrey if she had anything on the subject, and she did, so I devoured it and told my friends here what I'd learned--that is, as much as they were willing to listen to, anyway."

"Boys? What about you?"

Ron blushed even redder than his hair and shook his head, but Ginny again spoke up. "Mum's given each of us, me and my brothers--which includes Ron, obviously--the same standard lecture on the subject, so don't let him kid you that he doesn't know anything. He just doesn't care to discuss it."

"Most people wouldn't, so that's not surprising," Remus remarked. "What about you, Harry?"

This time Harry blushed a vivid red. What little he knew, Sirius had told him about--and the latter saw how uncomfortable he was, so he rescued him. "He knows, Moony. I told him."

Harry shot Sirius a grateful smile for getting him off the hook, but just that smile alone made Sirius's heartbeat quicken and his groin tighten. The closer it got to the moment where it was revealed how Sirius truly felt about Harry, the more apprehensive the former got--but he knew it had to be done, and better sooner than later. He could only hope Harry wasn't revolted when he learned the truth, because he didn't think he could take that.

"Do any of you know that there are some people who are ... attracted to their own sex rather than the opposite sex?" Remus asked the four teenagers before him.

"Do you mean homosexuals?" Hermione asked.

Remus nodded. In spite of himself, Sirius was hard-pressed not to blush, finding it all but impossible to tear his gaze away from Harry's face. All the colour seemed to have drained from it, and his hand had tightened almost painfully around Ginny's, although she hardly seemed to feel it. Sirius wished he could know what Harry was thinking; at the same time, he was sure it couldn't be anything good.

"And did you know that one of us here is like that?" Remus asked the young people, and they all looked at each other before giving Remus and Sirius long, level looks. "Anyone care to guess which one?"

"Y-you?" Ron made himself ask.

"No. I'm dating Tonks," Remus informed them. "Sirius, on the other hand ..." His voice trailed off.

All eyes turned to Sirius. Despite his resolve not to flinch at the intense scrutiny, he was unable to help doing so.

"When did you find this out, Moony?" Harry finally made himself ask. "And are you saying he's ... attracted to someone we know?"

"You might say that," Remus returned ambiguously. "And I just found this out recently. Sirius even told me just who it was that he fancied."

With every passing moment Sirius felt his heart pound harder and harder as he anticipated the look on Harry's face when he learned his erstwhile godfather fancied him romantically. There was a long, ominous silence; tension was so thick in the air it could almost literally be cut.

When it seemed that no one could stand the silence any longer, Harry made himself speak. "Who is it?"

Even as difficult as it was for him, Sirius made himself answer. "It's you, Harry. It's you."

Again, there was a lengthy silence where nobody could bring themselves to speak--not even Hermione, whom many times was outspoken almost to the point of rudeness. But this time, even she seemed shocked into silence.

Finally, Harry managed to speak. "Oh. My. God."

And just as Sirius had feared, Harry didn't meet his godfather's eyes--and Sirius couldn't blame him. He was terrified that Harry would never want to owl him or confide anything personal to him ever again ... and Sirius lived for Harry's communications. If he was suddenly deprived of them, he would have little left to live for. He positively dreaded Harry's next words--much less his next look in his direction (or lack thereof).

"How long have you ... felt like this for me?" was the boy's next question.

"Not long. Just the last few months or so," Sirius confessed, directing all his remarks at the object of his affections.

"Did you ever feel like this about Dad or Remus?"

"Of course not. We were never anything but close friends. We hugged on occasion, but that was the extent of our physical contact ... for the most part, anyway. I told you about the other things we did. But there was no actual sex involved. None whatsoever."

"Then how do you explain your desire for me?"

"That's just it. I can't--except for this one possibility. Your mum's genes might have made the difference."

"How could that be?"

"I don't know. As I said, that's just a theory I have."

Sirius was slowly but surely finding it easier to speak to Harry. It helped that the boy seemed willing to speak to him in return, although the revelation of Sirius's true feelings had to have almost literally floored him--not to mention his friends. He had noted that none of the other teenagers had spoken a word since Sirius's confession, but what mattered to the older man was that Harry was willing to speak to him. Even at that, he was unable to help wondering what they must be thinking right now. However, with luck, Harry would be willing to tell him later on after they had discussed it. He couldn't count on that, of course, but he was at least mentally crossing his fingers that it would happen.

"What would happen if I agreed to this relationship?"

"Nothing you don't want to have happen, I assure you. You know me well enough by now to know that I would never force you into anything."

"Would it affect my relationship with Ginny?"

"Only if you allow it," came the confident reply. "I personally believe that you have more than enough love for both of us, not to mention your friends Ron and Hermione."

"Do the other Weasleys know? Molly? Arthur? The older Weasley brothers?"

"No ... at least not yet. And at least for the time being, it's best if you four keep this under your hats. Think of what the Ministry would do with this information, not to mention Rita Skeeter!" This time it was Remus who spoke, and they all agreed to keep it quiet. For the other three, that would mainly be because they were still mentally hashing the information around in their heads and therefore unlikely to want to discuss it except among themselves--and even then, not in mixed company. "Right now, I think we're all likely to be hungry, so let's all tuck in. I brought a big basket of everyone's favourite foods that I had Molly make and pack last night," Remus told them. After everyone had eaten their fill, Remus repacked the basket with a Locomotor spell and looked around at the small group gathered around him. "Now I think it best that we leave Harry and Padfoot alone for a while to discuss things privately," he suggested.

All the same, the other three were hesitant to do so, especially Ginny--and no one could blame her. But Harry smiled reassuringly at her and kissed her on the cheek. "I'll be fine, Gin." From the way he spoke, however, it seemed like he wasn't only speaking to her. "Go on, Ron, 'Mione. We'll be along as soon as we can."

The other three looked skeptically back at him despite his reassurances, but left with Remus for Grimmauld Place. Sirius nodded in acknowledgment, as did Harry, and the four held onto each other and Disapparated, although Remus was the only one both old enough and licenced to do so.

It was awkward once Sirius and Harry were actually alone together, since the boy wasn't at all sure what to expect of his godfather anymore.

Finally Sirius spoke as reassuringly as he could. "I'm sure you're still trying to digest all this, so I won't pressure you for a definite answer now. Just have a think on the subject, even discuss it with your friends if you wish--then let me know what you decide as soon as you can. If you decide in my favour, we can try it once and see how you like it. If it doesn't work, we can chalk it up to experience and resume our previous relationship. However, if it does, we'd have to arrange a mutually convenient schedule and figure when and where to meet where we're least likely to be seen or overheard," Sirius suggested tentatively. "Of course, we could probably use both a Locking and Silencing Charm. We might even use the Prefects' bathroom or the Room of Requirement at Hogwarts in a pinch."

"Would you be averse to doing it in your room at Grimmauld Place?" Harry made himself say, if only to get his companion's reaction.

"That might work," Sirius remarked. "If we don't have the time or opportunity to go anywhere else, that is." After a time he fell silent, and Harry looked up at him, his sea-green eyes meeting Sirius's grey ones.

"Padfoot, are you all right?"

"Oh, Harry ...Yeah. I'm just trying to let it sink in that you've actually accepted my feelings for you. I thought you might react with revulsion or want to stop writing me or something once you knew, because you couldn't accept the idea that I now loved you in a physical, romantic way."

"Let's just say that it's going to take getting used to--but I see no reason to stop our owl posts. One suggestion, though ..."

"Yes?"

"Let's not make them too explicit. Maybe we could work out a special code or whatever that only the two of us knows the meaning of if we want to talk about anything ... sexy."

"Hmmm. Might be a good idea. Let me think on it and get back to you. Meanwhile ..." This time, Sirius's voice trailed off, and his hand reached to touch Harry's cheek. The latter reached his own hand to cover it. Their gazes upon one another became hungry, almost yearning, and it was all Sirius could do to control himself as he sensed Harry's nearness and felt the warmth of him. A moment later his hand slipped from beneath Harry's, and one finger stroked the boy's lips. In spite of himself Harry felt his heartbeat increase upon sensing the older man's barely leashed passion.

"Yes?"

"I'd like very much to ... kiss you." There was an uncomfortable silence for a time as Harry digested this. Then Sirius said, "Don't worry. That's all I want to do--at least for now. As I said earlier, I'd never force you into anything. Remember, I love you."

"Well ..." The boy seemed to waver for a moment, then smiled and agreed. "All right."

He lifted his face to that of his companion, and Sirius bent his head down to reach Harry. He could scarcely believe this was really happening; it seemed almost too good to be true that Harry had actually not only accepted his feelings for him but was willing to have an ... intimate relationship with him. Sirius could not have asked for more, not even in his dreams--but this was reality!

However, when their lips touched and their arms went around each other, Harry soon felt his companion's lips open slightly and his tongue search for his own. Just as in the dream, there was an electric shock when they made contact--then Sirius moaned softly in pleasure, feeling his groin tighten even further. He wanted so much to ask Harry to perform oral sex on him, because he wanted more than anything to feel himself in the boy's warm, sweet mouth, not to mention the delicious tightness concealed in his gently rounded bum ... but he figured it best not to push his luck.

Even what was happening was as much as he could have imagined Harry willing to do. Perhaps he could suggest it the next time they were alone long enough and see what he said. For the moment, it was enough to have Harry in his arms and their lips devouring each other. Best of all, though, was when Sirius heard the boy moan against his lips, suspecting that it was because he had found one of Harry's hands and pressed it against his arousal. Harry's other hand had found its way beneath his shirt and old school sweater to stroke his bare back.

"Sirius ... dear God ... I had no idea it could be like that," he returned in a husky whisper as they reluctantly parted.

"You had no idea kissing another man could be so pleasurable?" the older man guessed.

Harry blushed but made himself nod. "Are you sure this isn't going to affect my relationship with Gin? Remember, I love her. I don't want anything to spoil that. I've waited too long to be loved as she loves me."

"As I said, only if you allow it. You've got plenty of love to go around, but you've never had a real chance to give it to anyone. I firmly believe our love could be a whole separate thing from your love for her. However, if you find that our relationship is affecting your relationship with her, let me know. I'll see if we can't make other arrangements that will satisfy both of us."

Harry smiled and agreed. "Now we'd better get back to the others. I'll probably be spending the rest of the night reassuring Gin as it is."

Sirius was reluctant but knew Harry was right. "Probably," he found himself agreeing. A moment later, he had gotten to his feet and helped Harry to his own. "But let me know as soon as you can arrange a time for us to be alone long enough to ... get together."

"As soon as possible, I promise," Harry assured him, taking Sirius's arm so he could Side-Along Apparate with him back to the house.

It wasn't easy for them to part, of course, but the promise of Harry's kiss and touch, not to mention their eventual physical joining, helped make it more palatable for the older man. Sirius didn't want to imagine what Harry might have to do to 'reassure' Ginny, so he ruthlessly pushed it from his mind, even as he acknowledged his conflicting desire to see the young couple married with several children. Which reminded him, what if he decided he wanted a child with Harry? Of course, that was just a bit premature at the moment; there was time enough to discuss that possibility later on. For the time being, Sirius vowed to simply enjoy the fact that he and Harry had begun a romantic relationship ... and with luck, a relationship that would last a long time, even above and beyond the one Harry would share with Ginny.