Harry Potter and the Declaration of Independence

Harry Potter and the Declaration of Independence:
Filks from the musical 1776

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I. This is a filk of the song, "Sit Down, John" from the musical 1776

Sit Down, Ron
(with apologies to John Adams, the Second Continental Congress and the city of Philadelphia)

SCENE: Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, newly-minted Gryffindor prefects, confront the Weasley twins, Fred & George, who are using first-years as guinea pigs.

Hermione urges Ron to exercise his authority. The twins are unimpressed by their little brother's new office.

HERMIONE:
Come on, Ron! Come on, Ron!
By Godric, Ron, come on!
Come on, Ron! Come on, Ron!
By Godric, Ron, come on!
Ron, you must remember you're a prefect!

(to the Twins)
Don't hurt those first-years!

FRED & GEORGE:
They're all volunteers!
Besides, you see they all are still alive!

HERMIONE:
Ron, you must remember you're a prefect!

RON WEASLEY (reluctantly):
I say skive off! Skive off! No more Fainting Fancies, please!

FRED & GEORGE:
Hey! Our ickle Ronnie's now a prefect!

RON:
I say skive off!

FRED & GEORGE:
Sit down, Ron!

RON WEASLEY (practically begging):
No more Fainting Fancies, please!

FRED & GEORGE:
Listen hard now, Ronniekins the prefect!
No, no, no! Two dozen tries! Nobody dies!
See? The ickle Firsties all are still alive!
Someone oughta open up a window!
Say, Ron, go and ask your fellow prefect
Can't she compromise here?

RON WEASLEY:
Skive off!

HERMIONE:
No, the law applies here!

RON WEASLEY:
Skive off!

FRED & GEORGE:
For Godric's sake, Ron, sit down!

RON WEASLEY:
Good Godric! Consider yourself lucky that you have brother Ron to abuse;
Hermione'll never tolerate it!

FRED & GEORGE:
Ron, you're a bore; we've heard this before
For Godric's sake, Ron, sit down!

RON WEASLEY:
I say skive off!

FRED & GEORGE:
No!

RON WEASLEY:
Skive off!

FRED & GEORGE:
No!

RON WEASLEY:
No more Fainting Fancies, please!

HERMIONE:
And I'll post an owl to your mother!

RON WEASLEY:
I say skive off!

FRED & GEORGE:
Sit down, Ron!

RON WEASLEY:
No more Fainting Fancies, please!

FRED & GEORGE (to Ron):
Will you please stop Hermione?

RON WEASLEY:
Never!

(Even the Weasley Twins must bow before the elemental moral force that is prefect Hermione)

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II. These are filks of the songs "Piddle, Twiddle and Resolve" and "Till Then" titled "Beaters, Seeker All Are Banned" and "We Won", from the musical 1776.

Beaters, Seeker All Are Banned / We Won
(with apologies to John Adams, Abigail Adams and the Second Continental Congress)

SCENES: Angelina Johnson, captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team now that Oliver Wood has graduated, reacts to the consequences of infamous Educational Decree Number Twenty-Five. / The aftermath of the last Quidditch match of the year.

ANGELINA JOHNSON:
I do believe she's cast a curse. That Umbridge is a whore!
A curse that we now here rehearse at House of Gryffindor!
Her new office as Inquisitor
Is a thing we must abide.
Loss of Divinations Teacher
I suppose I'll take in stride.
But, now she hurts our Quidditch.
That must surely be defied!

I say this with humility for House of Gryffindor!
We're your responsibility, this House of Gryffindor!
If you don't want to see our won-lost
Record take a sharp nosedive,
If you still want our chance to win the Quidditch Cup
To stay alive,
Then Godric, put a stop to
That Decree Twenty-Five.

You see, our Beaters, Seeker, all are banned.
That foul witch had it all planned!
Beaters, Seeker all are banned.
No more Quidditch wins for
Bashed, bludgeoned, bloodied, besmirched, besieged
House of Gryffindor!

Their family played for years and years for House of Gryffindor!
These new Weasleys play upon my fears for House of Gryffindor!
I can't decide on whether they can fly,
Or if they're good or bad; I'm convinced
The only Purpose that Decree ever had
Was to make us lose specifically
To drive A. Johnson mad!

You see, our Beaters, Seeker all are banned,
Two new Weasleys now on hand.
Beaters, Seeker all are banned.
No more Quidditch wins for
Bashed, bludgeoned, bloodied, besmirched, besieged
House of Gryffindor!

GRYFFINDORS:
Someone said Ron Weasley's now our Keeper!
Good Godric!

HERMIONE:
Ron, Ron, is that you carrying on, Ron?

Just play your Keeper position; don't let the Quaffle in.
Don't worry when the Slytherins sing,
"Weasley is our King."
There are six other players playing:
Angelina flies with you;
Little Ginny is our Seeker;
And Alicia is there too.
Now Katie Bell's a Chaser--

RON WEASLEY:
Hermione, what else is new?

HERMIONE:
There's one thing that I think you missed while
Training how to play.

RON:
(sniggers)

HERMIONE:
Don't smirk at me, you nervous boy; pay
Heed to what I say.
You have the legacy of Charlie,
Champion of Gryffindor.
"The Twins were human Beaters."
All of this you should ignore.
If you just play like Ron Weasley
I'm sure you'll love the score!

RON WEASLEY (after the match):
We won, We won
I played as I never did and followed your advice;
Yours, yours, yours, yours, yours.

HERMIONE:
You did it, Ron.

RON WEASLEY:
Yeah, Hermione.

GRYFFINDORS:
Yes, Weasley is our King!

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III. Here is a filk of the song "Momma, Look Sharp" from the musical 1776.

Sirius, Look Sharp
(With apologies to the Continental Army)

SCENE: In the middle of taking his History of Magic O.W.L., Harry has a vision of his godfather in mortal peril.

HARRY:
Sirius, hey Sirius, in the Ministry,
I see you by the power of Occlumency.
Sirius, hey Sirius, look sharp, there's LV!
Hey, hey, Sirius, look sharp!

He's trying to curse you. Oh Padfoot, please run;
The room full of spheres is a place you must shun.
Once he says, "Crucio!" Padfoot's undone.
Hey, hey, Sirius, look sharp!

My eyes are wide open, I see down the hall
Is that you who's lyin' on the floor in a sprawl?
Sirius get out even if you must crawl.
Hey, hey, Sirius, look sharp!

SIRIUS (IN THE DREAM):
I won't betray my Harry
I won't do as you please.
'Twill be my place of victory, the
Department of Mysteries.

HARRY:
And then, to my horror, the Curse came from me.
Hey, hey, Sirius, look sharp!

(Harry realizes that his eyes and mouth are the same as Lord Voldemort's)

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IV. This is a filk of the song "Yours, Yours, Yours" from the musical 1776.

Yours, Yours, Yours
(with apologies to John and Abigail Adams)

SCENE: Harry is talking to his godfather, Sirius Black, via the fireplace in Dolores Umbridge's office, after being very surprised by information gleaned from Professor Snape's Pensieve.

HARRY:
I live like a babe in a nursery
Mollycoddled, kept from news; I hate it.

SIRIUS:
I live like a guest in my own house
Tolerated, protected; I hate it

HARRY:
Help me cope with my paternal confusion.
Was my father good? Was that an illusion?

SIRIUS:
Do you think your father grew up all at once?
Remember, any fifteen-year-old boy can act the dunce.

My best friend, James, I'll defend. James
Became a most splendid young wizard.
How else could he have won Lily's hand?

HARRY:
Then they both kept house in Godric's Grove together

SIRIUS:
And they joined the Order,
Our faithful band.

BOTH:
They're gone, we're here
I'll miss them forever; now
Ever shall I be
Yours, yours, yours, yours, yours

SIRIUS:
Godson, Harry

HARRY:
Godfather, Sirius

BOTH:
Now I must say, "Good night."

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V. This is a filk of the song "Is Anybody There?" from the musical 1776.

Is Anybody There?
(with apologies to John Adams)

SCENE: Harry has gone back down to the Death Chamber for one last look before leaving the Department of Mysteries. He contemplates the Veil.

HARRY POTTER:
Is anybody there?
Does anybody care?
Does anybody else see Sirius?

They want to me to quit; they say
He died in the fight.
Still to all those I say
He might have, maybe he might!
For I have sworn a new mission,
I will ever try to find him
Come what may, come what may.

Godfather!

I know you all say through the archway
There's nought but decay, no prospect of his returning.
It's just a room, another room
I say, from which he'll come back to stop my yearning!
Is anybody there? Does anybody care?
Does anybody else see Sirius?

I see the Veil! I see it tattered and
Fluttering black.
I hear the whispers beyond;
I hear the murmuring.
I see my Godfather -- big strong Sirius
Alive forever more.

How quiet, how quiet the chamber is
How silent, how silent the chamber is

Is anybody there? Does anybody care?
Does anybody else see Sirius?