In Your Eyes

Chapter Four

The Reason I Chose You

In your eyes, I am an angel.

David Potter was as happy as a clam when he went to pick up his son James from Platform Nine and Three Quarters for his Christmas break for the first time. Anyone watching could easily see that. Cindy Potter was positively glowing. They had the cart all ready to take his suitcase and were waiting excitedly for their son to bound down the steps to the train. Looking out the window, the six first years peering out at them could easily see that James's family was by far the most ecstatic to have him back.

"Your mum looks ready to get back to the urgent task of fattening you up," Sirius had commented, rolling his eyes despite the jealous twinge in his voice.

However, it was clear that Cindy Potter was not ready for the girl who hopped down off the train just ahead of her son. She had been prepared to leap forward, highly embarrassing James in the process. Instead she froze and grabbed her husband's arm, staring at the little blonde girl who she would swear was a ghost come back to haunt her, except for the fact that she was exchanging goodbyes with her son and his friends.

"Um, James?" Marissa said after an awkward moment, "is your mum staring at me?"

Marissa tried not to look too concerned as James turned around to look at his parents. "Nah," he said, not sounding entirely convinced. "She's just looking at me." But when James sauntered proudly over to his parents, Cindy Potter's eyes remained fixed on Marissa Fletcher. Following her gaze, David Potter looked over and immediately anchored his gaze on the girl as well.

They still had not looked away when a small boy with light brown hair came pelting up to Marissa and threw his arms around her. She laughed and gave him a big hug, lifting him up just enough that his feet left the ground. Cindy Potter almost involuntarily started forward the instant that she heard the laugh. She strode purposefully toward the two who were eagerly trying to catch up on everything that had happened in the past few months in a few seconds. Then Cindy saw the grumpy man who was coming over to hurry them along, and she stopped again.

"You!" she cried aloud, attracting the man's attention along with half the crowd on the Platform. "She married you?" Cindy Potter demanded, sounding incredulous. "That's why she hasn't spoken to us? That's why she cut ties? To marry you?"

David Potter was instantly at his wife's side, but he looked no less flabbergasted and upset. "Why didn't she seek us out when your daughter entered Hogwarts?" he asked, sounding terribly hurt. "If she was willing to re-enter the wizarding world, why did she keep herself away from us? Where is she now?"

"My mother's dead," Marissa Fletcher said quietly.

Jerome Fletcher could only glare daggers at the couple. "I don't know what you are talking about. We have never had any of this unnatural nonsense in the family before," he said coldly. "Come along, Marissa, Mundungus."

"Livy died?" Cindy Potter gasped. "Please, was your mother Olivia Newton?" she asked, turning to Marissa. Her husband instantly put his arms around her.

"In childbirth with the youngest," Jerome Fletcher said briskly, moving forward to block his daughter. "I don't know who you are to bring up such things," he continued, obviously furious, "but I must insist that you stop talking about my wife as if you knew her."

"Livy was my sister!" Cindy shouted at him in fury. "You had no right not to tell us that she had died! You had no right to hide my niece and nephew from me! How many are there?"

"Only two," he said coldly, "and you can claim relation to neither of them."

"Look at her! She's the spitting image of Livy!"

"Remember dear," David said, pulling her closer, "how very good Livy was with Memory Charms."

"You think she..." Cindy shuddered and covered her face, unable to repress the tears for the sister with whom she had once been so close. To lose her once was bad enough. This second loss, from which there could be no hope of recovery, was shattering. "How could she forget us? How could she not trust us to see what she saw in him eventually? Why did she have to turn away from us?"

Although the confusing conversation was eventually sorted out and Marissa and Mundungus (if not their father) were welcomed into the Potter family, Marissa Fletcher would never forget the agonized look on Cindy Potter's face or her words. She would wonder through the years how her mother could ever have turned from her family, especially when with each new story that she learned of her she found that they had once been so close. The Newton girls had once been as inseparable as the Gryffindor Six.

~*~*~

The answer to Marissa's question was time.

Time and circumstance had corroded the trust of friends the way that the cancer corroded Marissa Lupin's once strong body. Time was against both participants in the race, but distrust was beating disease. The most fervent prayer of Marissa Lupin's life was that the disease would outrun the disbelief. It was denied. The friendship that had sustained her life in the first trial would die before her body. Doubt had beaten death to the finish line.

Not by much. Just enough. Fate was cruel that way. The final signs of a fatally broken friendship had manifested themselves only a few hours before the darkness threatened to overwhelm her. Lily and James were lost forever, in danger because they thought that she was their betrayer.

So it was with a crippling sense of despair that Marissa curled her body into the fetal position in a vain attempt to ease the wracking pain and waited for death to finish her. She gave an involuntary cry of pain and fear when she heard a loud crack of someone entering her cell.

"Mrs. Lupin, are you all right, missus?" the anxious, high-pitched voice greeted her ears.

Her lips twisted into a smile that could not smooth the pain-filled furrows in her brows. "I don't want you to have to iron your hands, Dobby," she said quietly, surprised at how hoarse her voice sounded and how much it drained her to whisper.

"I would come even if I did, Marissa Lupin, missus." Dobby nodded fervently. Marissa didn't have to open her eyes in order to know what he was doing. "May I get you something, missus?"

"I don't want you to have to hurt yourself, Dobby," Marissa said as firmly as she could manage, barely able to get out the words.

"I would do it for you, missus," he said earnestly.

Marissa took a deep breath then let it out slowly. After a moment, she opened her eyes and saw that Dobby had pressed his face so close to her own that their noses were almost touching. "There is something that you can do for me, Dobby."

"I will do anything you help Marissa Lupin," Dobby declared proudly. "Marissa Lupin has always been kind to Dobby. Marissa Lupin always came to see Dobby. Marissa Lupin is the only witch who has ever been on Dobby's side."

"I hope that I will not be the last," Marissa whispered. "Dobby, when I'm gone, I need you to look after the book." Dobby shivered and started to inch away. "Don't you hurt yourself!" Marissa cried more forcefully than she had thought she could manage. It took a moment to recover her strength. "I don't mean hide it or steal it. I know that you can't, Dobby. But if Lucius ever decides to give the book to someone else, I need you to tell someone. Dumbledore if you can. If not, you need to warn the Potters. If...if that book ever leaves this house...terrible things will happen. Probably at Hogwarts."

It took several deep breaths before Marissa could speak again. "Can you do that for me, Dobby? You'll probably have to punish yourself after you tell, but please, you must promise me that you will. I need you to protect the Potters when I can't. I need you to keep an eye on that book."

"Dobby will, Marissa Lupin. I promise you, Dobby will."

"Thank you, Dobby," Marissa said, collapsing against the hard, dirty floor of the dungeon.

"Is there anything else that Dobby can do for Marissa Lupin?"

"Sing me your lullaby, Dobby," Marissa whispered, "Help me fall asleep - help me sleep until the end."

There is no song more soothing than the lullaby of House Elves. The pain did not fade away, but Marissa Lupin did cross the boundary into the world of sleep and escape its ravages. She waited there for the journey to the Other Side. "Remember your promise, Dobby," she whispered just before she lost consciousness.

~*~*~

The clean white sheets enveloped her and a soft white light peaked through the curtains. They were not curtains or sheets that she recognized.

"Remus?" she called softly, knowing that he would not be far.

Indeed, a dark mass moved slightly just beyond the edge of the bed. "I'm here," he told her quietly and sincerely. She had already known that. Remus would always be there. As long as she lived, Remus Lupin would always be there trying to protect her, trying to save her, and above all worrying himself to death in the process.

"Would you open the curtains?" she asked, stretching. She was surprised at both how much effort it took and how long she must have been in the same position. Her husband obediently rose and drew the curtains back to let in more white light. "Thank you."

"You don't have to talk, just rest," he told her.

Marissa smiled as she finished stretching and sat up slowly. "I'm not going to be running a marathon anytime soon, but I don't need to sleep to recover from thirty seconds of consciousness," she cut off his protest.

"You always try to push it," Remus told her worriedly. Always worrying, that one.

Marissa smiled in amusement, "On the contrary, I always know precisely what I can and cannot do." Marissa hoped that they were not in for another Staircase Battle over whether or not she could even sit up in bed.

~*~*~

"Darling," he called playfully up the stairs, "Could you help me get my coat off? I have such trouble with these Muggle buttons."

Not fooled for a moment by his casual tone, Marissa Lupin dropped the books that she had been working on. Just the sound of his voice was enough to flood relief and joy through her entire body. Energy that had been deserting her only a few seconds ago now suffused her so that she didn't just run toward the sound of her husband's voice. Instead, she bolted out of the room and came sliding across the landing at the top of the stairs.

When she saw him, leaning on the banister with a playful and not perfectly executed posture of utter calm, she had no choice but to hurtle down the stairs into his arms. "Remus!" she cried excitedly as she threw herself into her husband's arms, and he laughingly received her, looking proud of the reaction he had produced from her. She immediately kissed him, repeatedly.

This was, unfortunately, no typical newlywed interaction. Although Marissa Lupin would have been utterly delighted by her husband's return under any circumstances, he was actually returning a full day early from a somewhat long and, though neither said it aloud, highly dangerous secret mission for the Order. Relief from the constant worry and joy to know that he had returned to her safely multiplied her reactions. She suspected his as well.

"Riss," he said almost sternly after a moment of simply kissing her back, "we've talked about the stairs."

"And I haven't violated my promise," she replied, kissing him again before she explained, "I said I wouldn't run up the stairs."

"Riss," he said sternly.

"Remus, as long as we still have sex, I don't see how you can justify not letting me go up stairs, much less down them." And yes, that only sounded like a casual comment. "But you can carry me up the stairs if you want dinner tonight."

"That doesn't follow, dear," he told her, even as he swung her up into his arms and started to carry her up the long flight of stairs.

"Yes, it does," she replied. "I could either go up the stairs myself or cook you dinner tonight," she was likely to win any argument at this point, she knew, because she had started kissing him along his neck. However ridiculous her points, she knew that Remus was about to turn into goop in her hands.

"You equate cooking dinner with going up the stairs? And you admit that you probably shouldn't wear yourself out by doing both?" he managed to point out.

"No, I admit that I shouldn't do three somewhat strenuous activities in a row," she replied as suggestively as Sirius could have done in a similar situation. "By the way, you really need to apologize before we get into any of it."

"Why is that?" Remus asked, already sounding apologetic and offering no further argument as he might have had she not moved to his ear.

She stopped and pulled away to look at him seriously, "Always give me the real estimate of when you are going to return from a mission."

"I don't want you to worry if I'm late," Remus defended himself, stopping as they reached the top of the stairs.

"The only way that I won't worry from the very first moment that you could possibly return is if I believe that you shouldn't be back any sooner than you claim," she told him, "and I really think that Dumbledore will start to get annoyed with me if I have to check your story with him every time."

"You..." Remus stared at her, "talked to Dumbledore?"

"What can I say? I'm crazy about you, love," she gave him a small smile. Remus leaned in and kissed her deeply for a long moment.

When they pulled away, he promised, "I will from now on." Then he started toward the bedroom again.

"Good," she said, resuming her harassment of his ear. "By the way, you're cooking dinner tonight."

~*~*~

"It's good to know that you're all right," she told him, drinking in the sight of him whole, without any wound, for a long moment.

"You're the one who was just captured," he told her, and she could hear the strain in his voice that the memory caused. She reached out her hand, and he immediately took it, coming to sit on the bed beside her. He drew her close very gently and held her in his arms for a long time. She rested against him, breathing deeply of the musty smell of Remus Lupin.

It was a moment out of time and neither of them knew how long it lasted. After awhile, however, time decided to interrupt. It could never let these two alone. This time, it attacked in the form of an annoying beeping coming from the bedside table. Laughing and groaning at once, Marissa pulled away, "Time's up." She settled back against the pillow that Remus hastily propped up behind her. "What was that for? Medicine or food?"

"Both," Remus replied.

"Ah, the medicine I have to take with food, my favorite," Marissa replied somewhat drolly. "I shudder to think what would have become of me if you had been the one captured. I'd be sitting pretty in bed trying to will my pills to me as I went mad with worry. Not to mention being frustrated to the point of insanity that I couldn't go and rescue you."

Remus, who had been bustling about getting the right medicines, stopped and sat down next to her again. "I would have been in the same position if it weren't for Severus Snape."

"Severus Snape?" Marissa asked mildly. "Not Snivellus or Snasty or any other of the terribly clever names you boys had for him? Not even just plain Snape said with a vaguely disapproving air?"

"He's the one who saved you, Riss," Remus said, "I was powerless even to find you."

Again Marissa took his hand and squeezed it. "You would have found a way," she said quietly.

"I'm not so sure, Riss," he replied, sounding more broken than she had ever heard him sound before.

"I am," she told him.

He waited a moment, with his head bowed, not daring to look at her. Then he seemed to snap back to attention. "Well, I guess I'd better get your food now," he said. "There's a glass of water on the nightstand next to the pills. I'll be right back."

"I've got it, Remus," a different male voice said, just as a young man with dirt brown hair came in through the door to the bedroom carrying a tray of food.

Marissa whirled on her husband, "You pulled Gus out of Hogwarts?" she demanded, staring at him angrily. "Why would you do that? He has to finish school!"

Once he had set down the tray, her brother took up an almost eerily similar stubborn stance, facing his sister with his arms folded over his chest. "I've got my O.W.L.s, Riss. Hogwarts is superfluous at this point, or at least it's a secondary concern," he told her firmly.

His sister was hearing nothing of it, "You are getting your N.E.W.T.s, and school is your primary concern until you are out of Hogwarts!"

"You are more important than some silly test scores!" he cried.

"I told you I would be here for your Christmas break! And your education is the most important thing until you graduate!" she shouted back at him.

"You can't guarantee that, and besides, I don't just want two more weeks with you!" Gus yelled right back at her. "Besides, I'm in seventh year and -"

"You are still sixteen and I am still your legal guardian!" Marissa said firmly, emphasizing her point by slamming her hand down on the bed. "And I say that you will finish Hogwarts. There will be no discussion."

"Riss," her husband interjected into the spat between brother and sister, "we worked it out with Professor Dumbledore. This isn't like when you tried to quit school. He'll go three days a weeks and study the subjects on his own to keep up with the work. The other four he will spend here with us."

Marissa tried to calm herself down. She knew that depriving Gus of this time with her would be cruel and stupid. She just hadn't been able to control her reaction to the similarity between his desertion of Hogwarts and her own attempt to drop out in fifth year.

~*~*~

" Miss Fletcher, we have much to discuss for so early in the school year," Professor McGonagall said in a deceptively calm tone of voice as she sat across the desk from Marissa Fletcher in her office. This was a not altogether uncommon occurrence. In her days at Hogwarts, Marissa, both with and without the Marauders, had caused her fair share of mischief. McGonagall's office was like a second home to all the members of the Gryffindor Six, and they were considerably more comfortable in it than any prefect should be. This, however, was entirely different than their usual conversations.

This time it was not about Slytherins dyed bright red or third years who couldn't stop singing Beatles songs. It wasn't even like the talk they had had on the first day of classes four years ago when Gus had snuck on board the Hogwarts Express of his own volition. Gus was no longer a six-year-old who couldn't be held accountable for his actions. She was no longer an innocent, surprised sister who had found him and not tried to hide him from the school officials.

"I have heard the report of Madam Pomfrey and seen the boy with my own eyes," Professor McGonagall continued, her lips easily the thinnest that Marissa had ever seen. "But I still have to hear it from you. I need to hear from the girl that I made a prefect for Gryffindor not more than two months ago that she not only flouted fifty of the most sacred school rules but violated both wizarding and Muggle law!"

"Professor McGonagall, I -"

"I don't want to hear a word of excuses!" she cut her off, rising to her feet to better use her menacing height. "What were you thinking? A model student for four years - minus a few minor pranks - but I never dreamed that you would do anything this stupidly irresponsible! This ridiculously empty-headed-"

"That will be quite enough, Minerva," the Headmaster said as he swept into her office. "Miss Fletcher, I believe that you had better come with me." Marissa rose miserably and followed him.

"Headmaster, is Gus-"

"He will survive the incident without even a scar," Professor Dumbledore replied with almost no expression in his voice. He did not turn to look at her. She had never seen him so detached. "It was a mild burn, but it is still good that you brought him to Madam Pomfrey."

"I was trying to cook," Marissa said in a soft voice. "Ginger snaps. I always try to make my mum's cookies for him, but I never seem to get them right. This is by far the worst attempt. I can't believe that pan toppled over right onto him..."

Dumbledore did not respond. He had not looked at her since they left McGonagall's office. His silence on the long walk to his office was far worse than her Head of House's yelling. Worst of all, he whispered the password to the Gargoyle, as if she would soon no longer be a prefect with the privilege of knowing it.

They rode up the winding staircase in silence, but just before they reached the door Dumbledore turned to look at her. This was worse than anything yet, even the thought of Gus going back to him. He looked down at her for a long moment until Marissa was sure that he was going to say something. Instead, he just opened the door to his office and waved her inside.

"Have a seat, Miss Fletcher," Dumbledore said, not unkindly, but more seriously than she had ever heard him before. He waited a long moment before speaking, during which he turned his penetrating gaze on her over the rim of his half-moon spectacles. His eyes were definitely not twinkling now.

At long last, he began, "You brought a very strange patient to Madam Pomfrey yesterday. Someone who will not be a student at this school for another year." Marissa was silent. She could think of nothing to say. Dumbledore sighed heavily, "I am disposed to think that this is not simply some idiotic joke." Marissa kept her face down, but she could not repress the hope that rose within her. "I have been trying to impress on your year for four years that you do not have to take matters into your own hands. Especially when it is something this serious, you can and must look for help outside of the small group of fellows you have collected about you."

Dumbledore sighed heavily again. "Miss Fletcher, why did you feel the need to bring your brother to Hogwarts?"

"I couldn't leave Gus with that man," Marissa said quietly.

"Has he ever hurt either of you?" he asked, gravely serious.

Marissa bowed her head again then nodded slightly. She lifted her hair off the back of her neck and turned around enough that the Headmaster could see the dark but fading bruise she usually hid behind it. After a moment, she pulled back her sleeves to reveal the smaller, less violent bruises on her arms. "He's never touched Gus, and to be fair, I think these were an accident," Marissa said softly. "But I can't let him have another accident on Gus."

"An accident?" Professor Dumbledore clarified in a soft voice to match her own.

"He was drunk," she replied. "He isn't usually, it was their anniversary. He was having some sort of fight with her, in his mind. He sounded crazy, and I was worried. I ran in front of him, trying to calm him down. He started yelling at me. He was swinging his arms around and knocked me down the stairs. Gus started forward to help me, and he started waving around the bottle in his hands. He could have hurt Gus!"

"Has this ever happened before?" Professor Dumbledore asked seriously.

"Once or twice he's gotten violent, usually with a room full of furniture, on their anniversary or the day that she died or any other special day that the two of them had," Marissa replied. "We had one or two close calls before but he's never injured either of us before. But...with every time I go off to Hogwarts it gets worse. He...I'm afraid he'll go around the bend on Gus next time..."

"I see," Dumbledore replied. "As it was an accident and there have been no further incidents of abuse, I am afraid that you and Gus do not have grounds to apply to Hogwarts as a Haven."

"No, please, Headmaster!" Marissa cried out involuntarily, starting forward in her chair.

"I am afraid the Ministry of Magic would not stand for me shielding your brother from his lawful guardian," Dumbledore replied. "I can not deprive a boy of his family."

Marissa had nodded briskly. Then she rose to her feet and looked him firmly in the eye. "I understand, Professor," she said in a strong voice quite different from the whispers that she had been using. Now she met his penetrating gaze with equal strength, her own blue eyes determined and fixed. "Thank you for all of the kindness that you've shown me over the years," she said sincerely but shortly. "I doubt we'll be seeing you once we've left the school."

"Sit down, Miss Fletcher," the Headmaster said without anger or much emotion, but very softly and very seriously. It was a tone of command that few had ever disobeyed when Albus Dumbledore used it.

"Goodbye, Headmaster," she said instead, holding out her wand for him to take and snap in half.

"Sit down, Miss Fletcher," he repeated, and this time his voice held a hint of anger. Marissa, seeing that he was not going to take her wand, dropped it onto his desk and walked to the door. The moment she put her hand on the knob, however, she leapt back with a cry of surprise and pain. The next moment her wand rose off the desk and hovered near her chair as if waiting. Marissa looked back at Dumbledore who was regarding her calmly. Apparently, wandless magic did not require great emotion from him. Or perhaps he was very angry indeed about her decision but as inscrutable as ever. "Have a seat, Miss Fletcher."

For almost a full minute, they stared each other down, Marissa all but glaring at him and Dumbledore looking back calmly. Then Marissa walked slowly back to the chair in front of his desk and threw herself down into it. She looked at the wand for a very long moment, and then looked at Dumbledore without taking it. It remained there in midair, both student and Headmaster apparently determined to ignore it for the present. "You can't stop me from leaving Hogwarts, Professor Dumbledore."

"Perhaps not, but I can prevent you from taking a minor child with you. In fact, as a minor yourself you have no claim to Mundungus or emancipation from your father at all, particularly if you are unwilling to declare your father's abuse intentional. I'm afraid, Miss Fletcher, that if you leave Hogwarts, you will leave it alone."

Marissa stared at Dumbledore for the first time in real anger. Dumbledore calmly met her eyes. "I won't leave Gus to that man," she said through clenched teeth. "I won't wait to act until he's already been hurt."

"It is very lucky, Miss Fletcher, that you are still a student of my school, for I am afraid that you have much to learn," Dumbledore said with infuriating calm. "Specifically, what I have been trying to impress on you and your friends for years: you don't have to do everything yourselves."

"You just said that you can't help me," Marissa replied, looking near tears in her frustration. "And now you won't let me help him on my own?"

"You are fifteen years old, Miss Fletcher," Dumbledore told her seriously. "You are too young to carry the load of even your own life by yourself. Taking care of another life is beyond you."

"My brother and I don't have anyone besides each other, Headmaster," Marissa said coldly. "Even before my father turned violent, he wasn't there. And now you want me to walk away from him too?" She cast a quick glance at the wand still hovering in the air and then back to the Headmaster, "I'm a witch, the first Fletcher to be a witch. I thought I'd break the family tradition. Between myself and my brother, I choose Gus."

"You are the first witch born into the Fletcher family," Dumbledore conceded, "but you are not, in fact, the only member of your family with magical ability." He pulled a file from amidst a stack of scrolls on his desk. "I asked your brother's school for his records. It seems that he tests as exceptionally bright but hasn't been applying himself in class. He is also put down as a trouble maker, much like his older sister. There are an extraordinary number of bizarre incidents surrounding him as well, even for a young wizard this is an unusually large display of involuntary magic. I have discussed it with Professor Slughorn, the Deputy Headmaster, who conducted an interview with him and the Headmistress of his school. We all feel that he would be an excellent candidate for early admission to Hogwarts."

Marissa's mouth dropped open, and she found herself speechless for a long moment. "Professor?" she managed to stammer, feeling tears come to her eyes, "I..."

"You don't have to do everything on your own, Miss Fletcher," he told her. "Perhaps we've come a little closer to understanding each other today."

"Thank you," she gasped, wanting to go over and hug Dumbledore but having no idea how he would respond.

"Take your wand out of the air, Miss Fletcher," he told her, "before I change my mind and expel you for this foolish stunt."

Marissa could not speak. She simply stood and picked up her wand again. It felt wonderful between her fingers. She turned to leave again. "If you were wondering about the summer holidays," Dumbledore stopped her again just before she left, "I'm sure the Potters would be delighted to take their niece and nephew in for the majority of it. If not, you can certainly stay with them on weeks that you feel he might be dangerous."

Marissa nodded and turned to leave again. She grabbed the knob and started to turn it when Dumbledore stopped her again. "The day that you turn seventeen, I want to see you in my office. I will put today's memory in a Pensieve, and we will go to the Ministry together to have you made your brother's legal guardian." She turned her head to give him one more incredulous gaze. "Neither or us wants your brother in a Muggle orphanage, Miss Fletcher. And though seventeen is not so very much older than fifteen, it is at least when the rest of the wizards and witches your age will face adulthood."

"I'll be here, Headmaster," she said quietly. "Where is my brother?"

"He is on his way here. You may stay to watch his Sorting Ceremony if you would like," he told her. She walked back and sat down and spent the rest of the few minutes before her ecstatic brother arrived staring at Albus Dumbledore as if she had never seen him before. "Are you aware of the exact amount of your inheritance from your mother upon reaching the age of seventeen?"

"I wasn't aware of its existence," Marissa replied.

"It should be enough to set you up in a moderate house and to put your brother through the rest of his school years," Dumbledore told her. "If I know Olivia Newton, which I like to think that I did though it was many years ago, there will be a Gringott's key in the safe deposit box in your name which will open a vault containing a considerably larger sum. It's a pity we will have to wait two years to see if I miss my guess."

"Would she be proud of me, Professor?"

Dumbledore looked up at her again with is penetrating gaze. "What is it that your friend Mr. Black often says in response to questions? I believe it is, 'do hippos secretly want to dance with sugar plum fairies'? Is that correct?"

"Yes, sir," Marissa said, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Well, I have been puzzling over this question for some time, and I find that it is a question that defies all positive knowledge," he told her. "But your friend seems to have an instinctive grasp of the answer. Sometimes, those are the most accurate kind."

~*~*~

Marissa smiled slightly, sitting back calmly. "I see Dumbledore has stepped in to help our family again," she remarked.

"And correct your impassioned but misguided solution to the situation," Gus put in. "Don't forget that part."

Marissa smiled widely at him. "Come here you stupid Hufflepuff," she told her brother. He came over and kissed her on the forehead.

"Nice to see you, you foolhardy Gryffindor," he told her. She gave his hand a quick squeeze.

"You've grown up really well, Gus," she told him, running an appraising eye over her handsome younger brother. His scruffy dirty brown hair was well-trimmed to give him the same kind of wholesome, boy-next-door appeal as James, to whom he had been a little brother. His crystal blue eyes matched his sister's in color, shape and mischievous glint.

"Ew! Incest!" Gus cried, "Oepidus complex!"

"Antigone complex, please," Marissa corrected. "If you're going to be vulgar, at least be accurate."

"I was being accurate," he replied. "You just played your 'legal guardian' card. Don't try and weasel out of your maternal role here now."

"Remus, remove this scoundrel from my presence!" Marissa laughed, waving her brother away. "How can you let this young upstart talk that way to your wife?"

"If there's one thing that I've learned in the course of our marriage," Remus Lupin replied, bringing the tray over to her bed and setting it down in front of her, "it is not to interfere in your sibling spats. So, if you will please take your pills, drink your tea, and have some lunch, we can all at least know we've done our part."

Both of her boys sat down on opposite edges of her bed. For a twenty-one year old woman, it was not a bad showing, all told. Two men who loved her this much, to take care of her when she was sick. Two lives that she had touched so profoundly. It wasn't a bad showing at all.

She once had six, but they all knew that that was over now. She just wished that she had had a chance to say goodbye.

~*~*~

Marissa looked around the small circle that she had gathered around her. This was her family, not just the little brother who sat directly to her right. The pretty redheaded girl with whom she had shared a room for just over six years was a sister; if not for everything else then because now she looked like her perpetual strength had fled her. The boy with messy hair who was gripping the girl's shoulders very tightly was Marissa's brother because of more than the blood connection they had uncovered years ago; he was her brother because he looked like a ship ripped from its moorings. The boy sitting next to him was family not because they had both been taken in by the Potters but because he was speechless for perhaps the first time in his life. The boy next to him would always be a brother to her because he had never looked smaller or more uncertain, which was saying something with Peter Pettigrew. The boy sitting next to her on the opposite side from her brother was precious not just because of the years of friendship that stood between them, but because of the tortured look in his eyes as he fastened them on her.

She had just told them the bare bones of what the doctors had told her. Uncle David and Aunt Cindy had offered to be with her when she told them, but Marissa had wanted to tell them at Hogwarts. This was her unorthodox family's home. The long "Gryffindor" table down in the Kitchens was the supper table in the tableau. This was the right place to break the news to them.

Years later, she would look back at the arrangement and wonder if it was a prophecy of things to come. She, Remus and Gus had sat on one side of the table with Lily, James, Sirius and Peter on the other. But it was hard to imagine that the split could possibly have gone back that far. Not when Sirius had burst out, sounding as if he were on the verge of swallowing his tongue, "But what are you going to...I mean, do they think you could - are you going to..."

"The doctors say that we have every reason to be optimistic," she told them, catching and holding her brother's hand, using her other to rub his back gently. "I'll be starting treatments shortly."

A house elf bobbed up and thrust an exceedingly large platter of ginger snaps onto the table and watched the teenagers eagerly to see if they would enjoy them.

"What kind of treatments?" Sirius demanded, for perhaps the first time in his life completely ignoring the appearance of cookies. "And why not Healers?"

"It's a Muggle disease," Marissa said, "the Healers Professor Dumbledore and I went to see didn't know whether to scratch their heads or their behinds." Gus smiled weakly, and Marissa smiled back to encourage it. Lily offered a very small chuckle but snuggled closer to James as if on instinct. "I'll be going to a Muggle hospital for about a month. When I come back, Madam Pomfrey will help me day to day. On Saturdays I'll go back to the hospital for more treatments."

"What kind of treatments are they going to do?" Sirius demanded forcefully, trying, as ever, to hide his suffering under aggression.

"Treatments that will remove the tumor," Marissa replied, hoping that he would leave it at that. She really didn't want to get into the details of what surgery was with these boys. Even Lily would probably find a definition of it distasteful at the moment.

"How?" Sirius demanded, never one to be silent when it was prudent.

Marissa paused, dreading the pureblooded reaction to her description, "They are going to cut open my head, cut the tumor out, and sew me back up."

"Like hell they are!" he shouted, rising to his feet and standing over her.

"Sit down, Sirius! Muggles do it all the time!" Marissa said sharply, wanting to kill him for the way that Gus had shuddered at her description. "What would you have me do? Leave it growing in my brain?" That probably wasn't the wisest choice of phrases either, but she was understandably upset and she didn't need Sirius making things harder on everyone.

"Then Muggles are daft! Have a Healer vanish it!"

"And half my temporal lobe with it?" Marissa enquired drolly. "No, surgery is a perfectly normal occurrence. Everything will be fine. Calm down."

"She's right, surgery itself isn't that uncommon," Lily said quietly, looking up and meeting Marissa's eyes warily. Sirius sat down. "But Riss...cancer...it's bad."

"But beatable," Marissa said firmly. "This is just something that we have to deal with for awhile. We have every reason to think that I'll be okay. And this will just be another chapter in our lives. Probably not the best chapter, but it doesn't have to be the worst either."

~*~*~

Marissa regretted her hasty words of years ago. Shouldn't she of all people know better than to tempt the gods? No, her seventh year had not been the worst chapter of her life. In fact, it was one of the last ones where she didn't have to fight for the love of the people that she cared about the most. That almost made it one of the good chapters. After all, when else in her life had she had such firm proof from every quarter that she had the love and devotion of those to whom she gave love and devotion in greatest measure?

Now, prognosis fatal and her support base seriously reduced, Marissa wondered if this was not the worst of times she had spoken of so flippantly years ago.

This brought her mind to what she had noticed when she first woke up. It was easy to tell from every object around her that she was not in the house she and Remus had lived in, with Gus on holidays, for three years. "Where are we?" she asked as she took a halting bite of the slightly runny omelet on her plate. She forced herself to choke it down, knowing that if she didn't, the medicine would punish her much more than the food. When pill bottles read, "Take with food," they meant it. Like most things regarding her disease, Remus and Marissa had learned that the hard way.

The boys exchanged glances which Marissa would not have missed at her most naïve. "If you want, you could eat the ginger snaps that I made first," Gus told her, deliberately not answering her question. "I promise I won't tell on you for spoiling your lunch." Marissa felt like sighing. These boys knew her too well.

She picked up one of the warm, soft cookies and took a tentative bite. She could never resist her mother's cookie recipe, however inexpertly prepared by herself or her brother. "It's delicious, Gus, now where are we?"

Deciding to answer her question partially, Remus strode to the window and looked out, "Isn't that a gorgeous view? You always said you wanted to grow old in a place with a view of the sea."

"Which sea?" Marissa demanded, taking a sip of water in the hopes that it would be easier to force down than the solid food.

"The place the Fletcher family always used to go to on holiday, the one grandma left us in her will," Gus answered carefully, bracing himself for another explosion.

"That's in Hawaii!" she burst out in pure surprise.

"Yes, and it's even more beautiful than he said, Riss," Gus said quickly, rising to stand next to Remus and looking at him with a plea for help. "You remember the way that he used to talk about this place? He and mum came here for their honeymoon, so I almost didn't believe that they saw much of it but -"

"Merlin!" Remus cried in protest. "I realize you're going through your vulgar innuendo teenager stage, but your own mother? I thought I was immune to anything growing up in the same room as Sirius!"

There was an uncomfortable pause at the mention of Sirius. "Riss, would you like a milkshake instead?" Gus asked her, while locking eyes with Remus. There was a brief silent conversation between them. Good. They stood a better chance of convincing her if they teamed up. Not that they would ever beat her. But if they split up, it would definitely be easier.

After Gus made a hasty exit, Remus stood looking out the window for an awkward moment before he came and sat on the bed next to her. "It really is beautiful out here," he offered.

"I'm sure it is," she replied, looking him squarely in the eyes, not even glancing out the window. "I want to go home."

Remus broke the gaze and gestured around the room, "And this house, you really can't believe it. It's this beautiful, amazing place. It's just your taste in furniture and beyond comfortable and...beautiful."

"I'm sure it is," Marissa said again. "I want to go home."

"Riss," Remus said, taking her face in his hands as lightly as he could when he wanted to crush her to him, "you were just captured. Lucius Malfoy held you captive for two days! Do you not understand how dangerous it is for you back home?"

"We can't hide, Remus, it's not in us to," Marissa told him, covering one of his hands with her own. "We decided that when I relapsed. We knew then that we could never run, never hide from this war. It's not in us to leave."

"Damn it!" Remus cried aloud, throwing up his hands and pulling back. "Riss, they just took you away from me! I can't - I can't let them - don't ask me to go back where they'll take you from me!"

Marissa reached forward and gently ran her hand along his cheek, calming him. She turned his chin so that he had to look her in the eyes. "There is nothing that has that power," she told him seriously, holding his cheek in her hand.

"Riss," he murmured.

"You hear me?" she asked more firmly. "There is nothing that can take me away from you. Not if you hold me here."

Remus looked down, as if to hide the tears in his eyes from her. "Riss, we could have lost you, we could have lost the time that we have left," he said seriously.

"Remus," she started.

"No," he said firmly, looking up at her. "What are you going back for? Tell me."

"You know," she told him seriously, not letting go of her hold on him.

"Riss, where are Lily and James?" he asked pointedly. Marissa looked down, and Remus pounced. "Yes, they didn't tell us. They don't trust us anymore, Riss! They won't see us even if we go back. They think we betrayed them. Us. Why do you have to go back to see them?"

"Because it's not 'them,' Remus," she replied seriously. "It'll never be 'them' with Lily and James and Sirius and Peter. There's only us."

"They broke us," Remus told her. "They broke it. They lifted it over their heads, and they smashed it into the ground."

"We still have to go back," she told him.

"Why?" he demanded. "Why? After that, why?"

"Because you'll need them when I go," Marissa told him, "and I need to say goodbye before I do. Not to mention the fact that we're the only ones who know that they're still in danger."

"I'm tired of futility!" Remus cried. "I'm tired of it! I can't save you from this disease, that's bad enough. I couldn't save you from that monster Malfoy, that was almost unbearable. I can't save Lily and James from whichever of our closest friends has really betrayed them. I can't make them listen to me. I can't make them listen to us and trust us again. I can't save them any more than I can save you! Why do we have to go back? We won't save anything. Why?

"They're hunting you! Death Eaters aren't our shaky allies anymore. We have been outed. We're past our usefulness to the Order and the War effort. Our friends won't let us near them. We can't protect them. There is nothing left for us there! Why do we have to go back where they're trying to kill us?"

"I want to die in England!" Marissa shouted over him, cutting him off. Then she said in a quiet voice full of tears, "Please, take me home before I'm too weak to travel. I don't want to die here, where I can't reach them. If they decide...if they change their minds before I die, I have to be where they can reach me. I can't let go of us. I can't let go of my family. Please, please I want to go home." Tears were flowing down Marissa's face when her husband gently drew her to him and held her in his arms for the second time that morning. "Please," she whispered again.

"What are you worrying about?" Remus whispered back after a long moment. "You know I can never say no to you." They stayed there a moment, Marissa slowly calming back down. "But I'm not ready for you to die yet, do you understand?" he told her a moment later. "I'm not ready to lose you. I can't. Not yet."

"I'm not ready to leave you," she replied. "I love you, Remus Lupin," she told him, pulling away just enough to look him in the eyes, "you're what I'll miss most about this world. Loving you is the most selfish thing I've ever done, but I wouldn't trade it."

"Don't you dare," he told her, their foreheads resting together. "I don't know why you chose me, but nothing in my life has made me happier." They kissed, softly and tenderly. Remus, as always, treating her as if she were made of glass that might shatter at any moment; or worse, like a mist that would fade away the moment that he tried to reach out and grab it. Marissa held onto him, her anchor in the storm that raged around her and within her. Always, always she had found her bearings in Remus Lupin. Their lips met, trying to communicate all the things that words had always been insufficient to hold. In the end, they too could not express the depth of the connection between this man and woman, but their souls had been one for too long for any lesser communication to matter in the end.

After an all too brief moment, Marissa practically collapsed back onto the bed, too exhausted from her minor exertions to keep her head up much longer. Remus leaned over and kissed her gently on the forehead, "I'll let you get some rest, darling."

She caught his arm as he started to rise. "Stay with me for a little while," she told him, giving him a slight pull back down onto the bed beside her. He did, taking her in his arms and murmuring mostly meaningless words into her ear as he stroked her hair.

"Do you remember you once told me that you were staring at Gus and me on Platform Nine and Three Quarters our first day of Hogwarts?" Marissa asked after another long moment later. "I never told you, but I saw you too. I saw you looking at us, a look of longing for what we had as brother and sister in your eyes. That's when I first chose you. I came up at the right time to help you with your trunk on purpose. I had already chosen you to be my friend, before I even met you."

"And falling in love with me?" Remus asked, "was that at least a happy accident?"

"I always assumed that that was what you did on purpose," Marissa said with a sly smile that Remus didn't see, as her face was against his chest. But he knew that it was there. "But then, you were bloody blind and stupid."

~*~*~

It would have been madness to try to go back to the house where they had lived or Remus's parents' house, which they still owned. Instead, the three of them took up residence in the house where Marissa and Mundungus had grown up. Their father had died a few years ago, leaving the house in his will to his son with a letter apologizing for everything that he had done to both of them, full of all the things that he hadn't been able to say to his children during his life.

It was decided that the only way for them to have any sense of security or even stay in a single place - a necessity with Marissa's rapidly deteriorating condition - was the same charm that banned them from the Potters' presence. Gus was their Secret Keeper, as he would either be with them or relatively safe at Hogwarts. Marissa protested briefly but quickly saw the sense in the plan. She did propose one amendment. She asked that two additional people be told of their whereabouts. The reason that she gave Gus was that he would be at Hogwarts during the full moon which would occur on the night that they returned to England. Neither he nor Remus would be able to take care of her if there was a problem. She needed emergency contacts. They might need one of the other two men to watch over her. Gus thought it a last desperate attempt to reclaim a friendship and offered no real protest.

Remus didn't really trust anyone else to set up the machine that helped her breathe or to lay out the medicines. He certainly trusted no one else to hook up her IVs. So as the sun set behind them, he quickly double-checked everything that his wife would need for the night.

"Remus," she said when he was finished, "my will is in the top drawer. I made a few changes from last time. I just wanted you to know."

"Riss, please, do we have to be morbid now?" Remus asked tiredly. "It's bad enough that I'm about to transform into a monster and won't be able to take care of you tonight."

"I love you," she told him, reaching out her hand and pulling him close to kiss him. This was not the tender, soft kiss they had shared back in Hawaii. This was more desperate and had less restraint. It was also shorter, because Remus was conscious of the fast approaching moon.

"Don't start saying your goodbyes," he told her. "I'll see you soon."

"I know, I just - I have a bad feeling," she told him, holding him close to her and kissing him again, trying to drink him in to dispel her fear.

"That's my department," he told her with a smile, kissing her again quickly. "I'm the worrier in this relationship, remember?"

She nodded, but she kissed him again, holding onto him as much as her waning strength would allow. "Love, I have to go," he said, sounding pained but firm.

"I know, one more," she said, quickly closing the distance between them one last time.

"Riss," he said when they parted.

"I know, go," she said, releasing him with a self-conscious laugh at herself. "I'll miss you."

"Riss," he stopped at the door, turning around suddenly indecisive, "if you're having second thoughts about - I mean if you don't think it's worth the risk - at the very least you could do this with me here -"

"I'll be fine," she told him seriously. "And you always would have had to be not here. Besides, we don't have time to wait. It'll turn out all right. You need to go." She smiled at him reassuringly, "Don't fall for any wild wolves while you're out there now."

"I love you, too," he said with a warm smile before he bolted out of the room and down to the garden shed he and Gus had reinforced with spells to keep him inside. He got inside with just enough time to magically lock it.

Marissa Lupin sat back when her husband had gone. She looked around the room in which she had spent the first fifteen years of her life. It had changed significantly, but only in the past two days during which they had moved from Hawaii (the very day she convinced Remus) and set up all of her medical paraphernalia. New pictures had been placed on the bedside table that had once held pictures of her mother and primary school friends.

She ran her eyes over the two portraits of laughing brides and beaming grooms: Lily and James Potter just to the left of Remus and Marissa Lupin. It was only an inch of space and two silver frames that separated them there. The two weddings, however, might as well have taken place on different planets.

~*~*~

The Lupin wedding was a quiet affair. The Gryffindor Six were all up on the altar, Lily as Maid of Honor and the three boys as groomsmen. Gus was Remus's Best Man. In the audience, such as it was, were Albus Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, Lizzie Walker, the Prewett brothers, Marlene McKinnon, the Longbottoms and Remus's parents. A few others had been invited, but the new couple had chosen an awkward time on purpose. They had to invite the Malfoys for their cover, but they didn't actually want the odious pair at their wedding. Not that they probably would have deigned to set foot in a Muggle church anyway.

The Catholic priest stood at the altar, a jolly man who told jokes to lighten the mood and didn't seem to understand the pallor that seemed to have gripped all of the guests. None of them commented that Remus assisted Marissa up the aisle, and most wouldn't have noticed that he was helping to support her if they hadn't known how recently she had come out of her second surgery.

It was a beautiful but quietly defiant wedding. They were defying time, choosing instead to savor this moment and forget the future. Those watching had considerably more trouble doing this than the couple, who couldn't stop smiling and barely kept from laughing throughout their vows. The priest was a little scandalized, but their friends understood. They just wished that they could fully share in the new Mr. and Mrs. Lupin's exuberance.

An elegant dinner party followed in place of a reception, with good food, lots of laughter, and plenty of memories from their charmed life in school. The pallor never fully left the guests, however. They could not pretend as easily as the bride that she hadn't recently relapsed in her battle with cancer.

~*~*~

The Potter wedding, in direct contrast, was extravagant and arrogantly charged with happiness. The new Mr. and Mrs. Potter's overflowing enthusiasm was as contagious as the Lupins' had been contained. The much larger church was packed to the bursting with just about anyone who wanted to celebrate the day that Lily Evans and James Potter finally tied the knot. This turned out to be pretty much everyone who had ever known them.

What felt like half of Hogwarts, most of the Ministry of Magic and all of their families let out a roar of approval after their first kiss as man and wife, scandalizing the preacher. As they pulled away after the kiss and turned around ecstatically to face the cheering crowd, Lily saw Marissa whispering something in Remus's ear from the front row. A moment later, a smaller version of the cloud formation that Marissa had conjured at Hogwarts appeared over the ceiling of the church, with one that looked like Lily's face next to it.

The entire wedding party burst into laughter at once, just as the photographer snapped a picture. The bride eyed her best friend shrewdly, smiling broadly. It was with more than the sheer joy of being married, although that was enough to make her feel as if she could fly without a broom. It relieved some of the tension that had existed ever since Marissa and Remus had declined to be in the wedding party. They knew that it was too public a declaration of their loyalties for their missions. The excuse they gave was Marissa's health. The ridiculous display may be a band-aid on a broken bone, but it was something.

The party, a rowdy affair with dancing, toasts and an unfortunate bit of karaoke as Sirius and Peter got progressively drunker, was filled to the brim with people. The Potters very public announcement of their happiness, a new kind of defiance of Voldemort, was entirely different than the quiet, reserved ceremony of the Lupins.

~*~*~

Marissa ran her hand lightly over the copy of the Inferno next to the pictures. She stopped when her eyes landed on the ring on her finger. She pulled her hand closer and gazed at the small circle of gold that proved she was Remus Lupin's wife. She smiled, remembering how she had commandeered the engagement ring his grandmother had given him. After two months of him carrying it around and endless awkward moments where he chickened out, Marissa had, without saying a word, reaching into his pocket and taken out the ring box. She had simply taken out the ring, put it on, and said nothing else about it. It was three full months before he worked up the courage to ask her if she wanted to set a date. It had taken that long for him to be sure that she wasn't wearing it as a joke.

Marissa smiled, playing idly with the ring that meant she belonged to Remus Lupin.

As if she had taken strength from this small moment's reverie, she picked up the small shard of mirror no bigger than her palm that lay on top of the book. "Sirius Black," she whispered firmly, remembering the day that he had given her this broken piece of his and James's two-way mirrors.

~*~*~

He had told her later that he had checked the street and the number dubiously six times before he was convinced that he had not stumbled up to the wrong house. It was certainly not what he had expected from his blindly wizarding point of view. It was rather like the houses along the same street as his own, yet even grander and more ornate. It was altogether the wrong house for Marissa Fletcher to have grown up in, this palace of a building. It was showy and grand and ornate without real substance, everything that Marissa, for all her fabulous sense of showmanship, was not.

When they had heard the story of "accidental" abuse by her drunk father, which necessitated James's family taking the two Fletchers in for most of the summers since, Sirius had pictured a white trash hole in the wall. There was almost nothing about Marissa Fletcher to indicate that she was practically Muggle royalty, except perhaps the way she had been able to handle those Slytherin heirs.

"Sirius, come in," Marissa said cheerfully, for all the world as if she had been expecting him. "You and Peter are both very lucky that we tend to prefer the foremost rooms of the house. We'd never hear even that huge old knocker if we were in the back."

"You do have a bell?" Sirius had said. The depressed tone worried Marissa, but she bit her tongue.

Instead she waved her hand at the gigantic foyer, "You think a house this size would lack for anything?" Then she admonished him for not even wearing a coat and led him into the kitchen where she had tea all ready for two.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at her, a quirk she had often envied, when she sat down calmly at one of the chairs and gestured for him to take the other. "Been expecting me?" he asked in surprise, practically diving forward to get the warm tea between his hands.

"Of course," Marissa replied infuriatingly and took a dainty sip of tea. She was determined not to give up her secret yet.

Sirius was obviously annoyed. "How could you possibly know?" he all but snapped.

Marissa didn't flinch at his tone, though she did put her cup down and regard him seriously, "Well, the Howler your mother sent this morning helped."

Whatever he had been expecting, it clearly hadn't been that. "Don't worry, none of us will heed it," Marissa continued brightly. "She said to warn you she sent one to 'all your little friends, the filth and blood traitors, warning them not to harbor you. Apparently, the sky will fall on us if we cross her." Marissa sounded amused again as she took another tiny sip of her tea.

"Worse than that, Riss," Sirius said candidly, sounding seriously worried about his friends well-being. Marissa had met his mother and understood the impulse, but it was almost ridiculous to worry.

"I put wards on the house long ago, Sirius, so did my mother, I now suspect," Marissa told him seriously. "I know the days we live in will be dark. With or without an old lady in Grimmauld Place out for my blood."

He was silent, simply staring at her for awhile. "Have some tea, Sirius, you look as if you need it," she urged. And he had. It would be a wonder if he didn't catch pneumonia or at least a whopping cold.

Obediently, Sirius raised the cup to his lips and the piping hot liquid slid into his mouth and down his throat. The aftertaste that lingered, however, was decidedly alcoholic to Sirius's well-trained palette. "So is that the secret to your cheerfulness then?" Sirius asked with a brave imitation of his customary smirk.

Marissa laughed briefly. "I picked the lock on the liquor cabinet this morning. I thought you might need a drink, even if it is just Muggle whiskey. Don't know how you drink that stuff personally, I tried a taste of it and ended up spitting it out in the sink."

"That's your story," Sirius said impishly, relieving a great deal of Marissa's worries as he did so.

She laughed again. "I don't have an owl, but you can call James from the phone whenever you want," she told him. "Mr. Potter's not coming to pick me up for another two days, but he should probably come get you today. He's promised to bring his car."

"You have this all worked out?" Sirius said in surprise and gratitude.

"You did your part in cutting ties with those - " Marissa cut herself off before she insulted his family. It was an old habit that she was not likely to break often. She leaned forward and said earnestly, "That took a lot of courage. I'm proud of you, Padfoot."

Marissa hadn't been particularly aware that she was leaning in close to him or that their faces were only a few inches apart. It came as a complete surprise when Sirius, impulsively, closed the distance between them in order to kiss her.

Marissa had been shocked and quickly pulled away. She just shook her head at him and said, "I think you need a little more of this." She produced the whiskey bottle from somewhere and poured more into his teacup.

Sirius stared at her for a moment. Then he burst out laughing. "Don't be stingy," he said amiably, tilting the cup back and gulping it down the minute she finished pouring. When he had drained it, she filled him another tea/whisky combination. "I guess I should have learned the first time that the girls in my year are meant for different blokes," Sirius said with a laugh.

"You're just trying to steal me from Severus because you don't like him," Marissa returned sharply. "You wouldn't have tried that if it were -"

"Remus?" Sirius suggested.

"I suppose he would qualify," Marissa replied, shaking her head at her friend.

"As 'not Snape' or as someone you would date?" Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"Drink your tea, Sirius Black," Marissa said, shaking her head at him.

"I'll only get more lewd the drunker I get," he warned her.

"Then by all means, call the Potters quickly." They laughed, clinked their teacups together, and drank to that.

Before he left that day, he had handed her a small piece of his mirror which had broken when it fell out of his pocket halfway through his walk through Muggle London. "It doesn't look like much," he told her, "but you've got to remember that I'm not the richest little boy in school anymore before you look a gift horse in the mouth."

Marissa, who knew exactly what it was, just gave him a hug. "Use it if you're ever in trouble, all right?" he whispered in her ear just before they parted.

"I won't be staying with my father long," she told him in his ear.

"Whenever your greatest need comes."

~*~*~

"What is it James?" the voice from the mirror came a moment later.

"Would you be terribly disappointed if it was just me?" she asked quietly, looking down and seeing a small part of Sirius Black's face in the mirror.

"Marissa?" he cried in surprise. "How did you-" There was panic in his voice.

"You didn't think I'd throw out that bit of mirror you gave me, did you?" she asked with a smile.

"I-I guess...you haven't used it in...actually I can't think of a single time," he said, sounding at a loss for words and extremely uncomfortable with the conversation.

"I can only see your chin. Would you at least lift it up so that I'm looking in your eyes?" she asked, partially because she wanted to see the expression in his eyes and partially because she wanted to reassure him that she couldn't see any of his surroundings. He let out a kind of sigh of relief that stung Marissa straight to the heart. For a few seconds, she could barely breathe with the pain of seeing his obvious distrust. The machines started to give a worried whoop before she remembered to inhale.

He complied, however, with her request. "Would you tell Lily and James...I don't know...if they don't agree to see me before I...would you tell them goodbye for me?"

Sirius looked down for a minute before looking back through the mirror at her.

In your eyes, I wanted to see the same old trust. I wanted you to look me in the eyes and know that I loved you all and would never betray you. That would be enough to make all the sacrifices worth it. It wasn't there, but I knew that I had to try all the same. I knew that I still had to save you.

"Marissa, I - I don't know what to say."

"Neither do I, Sirius, neither do I." Tears stung Marissa's eyes at this proof that she could not bridge that gap between them.

In your eyes, I am a traitor.

They were silent for a long moment. She heard the door opening downstairs. "I better go, goodbye, Sirius."

"Goodbye, Riss," he said uncertainly half a second before he disappeared from view.

"James," she whispered, "I don't know if you can hear me on this thing too. I guess I couldn't know that, could I?" She took a deep breath to steady herself. "I just wanted to say goodbye if you can hear me. Tell Lily too, all right? I...I can't believe that you'd think I would choose anything over the two of you and Harry...but I can't change that you obviously do. I'm sorry that I let things get this bad. I'm sorry that I let you think that we had betrayed you, that I didn't stop it in time. I'll never forgive myself if - well, I won't let it. I love you guys. Know that. Look after Remus." She set the mirror upside down on the bedside table and settled back against the pillows.

A moment later, the other person who Marissa had insisted that Gus tell of their whereabouts entered the room. He stood in front of her, wary for an entirely different reason than Sirius had been.

"Hello, Peter," she said softly.