In Your Eyes

Chapter Three

The Reason I Came For You

In your eyes, I am someone.

In the Old Days, every halfblood would have had Severus Snape's problems. These days, it was usually only Mudbloods who belonged to neither world. However, Severus Snape had all the problems of the halfbloods of fifty and a hundred years ago. Even with a witch mother from a long pureblood line, a Slytherin with a Muggle surname was destined for a hard seven years. Even Tom Riddle had run into problems in his first years at Hogwarts. The trouble was exacerbated by the fact that Severus Snape was Slytherin through and through and despised himself for his Muggle name as much as any of his housemates.

Severus Snape's life had always been hard. It had been divided from the very beginning, and it would never be whole. It hardly seemed possible when the first eleven years of his life were a constant battle between a mother determined to raise her son to be a Prince among wizards and a father who beat her whenever she acted like less than a perfectly normal Muggle. Where would a child ever be able to settle in the middle of such a conflict?

In all of his life, Severus Snape had only felt like he belonged for an all too brief year and a half out of his seven at Hogwarts. He had only ever felt as if he were in the right place at the right time during perhaps a dozen stolen moment scattered over his fifth and sixth years. The only time he had felt whole was when he had been with her.

It made no sense. In all of his life, she was the one person who had consistently made the least amount of sense. He never felt less like himself than when he was around her. He never managed to act like he did with everyone else. He never felt like he was the person that he should be. It made no sense, then, for her to be the only person who had ever been able to hold his world steady.

By all accounts, he should have hated her, and she should have hated him along with all of her other little friends. Instead, she was the only person that had ever thought that he was someone. Not a pawn in a game. Not a greasy outcast to be spat upon. Not a worthless halfblood taking up good space. Someone.

He had never known what to make of her - the radiant blonde angel who started off promising as Potter's enemy. All too soon, however, she became one of the idiot's greatest friends. What could he make of the girl who laughed wildly at Potter's inconsiderate pranks but leapt to pick up the pieces and comfort his victims with real sympathy? What should he think about this girl who had tried to save him twice but had no qualms about fighting with him a moment later when he expressed no gratitude?

The logic didn't follow. All reason, all sense, all of everything in his life that was rational said that he should hate her. No one had ever hurt him as much as she had.

So it should not hurt to see her dragged away to die a slow, painful death in the dungeons of the Malfoys' Wiltshire Manor. He should feel only scorn upon seeing the broken, betrayed look in her eyes as she fixed her gaze on his face. He owed her nothing.

She had discovered and unlocked his heart only to tear it to shreds. She had sewn the pieces together and returned them to him only to smash it to smithereens. By all accounts, she should mean nothing to him.

Why then did seeing her dragged away shatter the remaining pieces of that long forgotten organ? Why did seeing her in danger make every nerve stand on end? Why after all these years? Why had he never been able to forget that stupid flibbertigibbet and her unwanted charity?

~^~^~

Eleven years old and broomsticks had already decided that they hated Severus Snape, just like everyone else. It was his first flying lesson, and his broom seemed to have suddenly made the conscious decision to disobey him. It was zooming about no matter how he tried to direct it back to the ground. The broomstick refused, rising and flipping, nearly dislodging him from his haphazard perch. Madam Hooch, thinking that he was just showing off, blew her whistle repeatedly, but Severus Snape was powerless to obey her.

Casting a longing look at the ground, he noticed the little Gryffindor blonde trying to tackle Potter to the ground. Black was restraining her as she and the redhead argued forcefully with him. The blonde Mudblood was trying to wrestle Potter's wand from him...

Potter wasn't sparing them a glance... His eyes were trained on him...

That was when he understood. Potter was controlling his broom. Just let him wait until he got down there. He'd -

Snape saw the blonde Mudblood draw her wand. Suddenly his broom gave a jerk in the opposite direction. Then it jerked up again then back down until it was bucking wildly and it took everything he had to keep from falling to the ground.

Upside down and barely in his seat, he saw Hooch rip out her own wand and holler something that gave him back control of his broomstick.

He barreled toward the ground, refusing to show the intense relief he felt when he reached it. He instantly launched himself at Potter, not trusting what illegal curses would

come flying out of his mouth if he used his wand.

The blonde Muggle was trying to stop him when he shouted at her, "Why didn't you just say 'finite incantatem' if you wanted to help you stupid Mudblood?" He shoved her off of him so roughly that she fell to the ground, a look of startled and pained surprise in her eyes.

~^~^~

But what did that matter after all of this time? It wasn't like she hadn't listened. She hadn't interfered a week later when Potter and Black made his broom buck wildly before he could even mount it. It had been four years before she interfered in their rivalry again.

And it certainly wasn't like she had sought his company. When she had forced her way into a prominent position in his life, it had not been for him. It had been for her own convenience. She had sat next to him only because she knew that his workstation was the only place where neither her precious Potter nor his precious Evans would bother her with their ridiculous little feuding.

It happened very slowly and all at once, as such things must always occur.

She and Lily Evans had been bickering about Potter, probably fighting over him, he had thought at the time. She had eventually thrown up her hands and gathered her things, then surprised everyone by moving to the workstation where Severus Snape had always, for four full years, worked alone.

He had snarled at her to leave, under his breath of course because Slughorn had always seemed to like her for no apparent reason. He was usually attracted to power and skill. "If you think that I'm going to let you cheat off me..."

"Oh please," she had snapped back. Snape could barely remember her snapping at anyone. He rather liked it better than her usual "kill with kindness" approach. "Lily's the top student in this class, and she does her work openly. If I wanted to cheat, I never would have left her table."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I'm tired of defending James and sick and tired of James using me to apologize to Lily." Snape had not expected to see such frustration in her. He had also been shocked by her words. So she did have a least a little judgment? He wouldn't have thought it.

But when he had tried to talk about James she had practically attacked him. They had been silent for most of the rest of class, and Slughorn had been a little disappointed with her potion that day, proving to Snape that at least she had not been copying him. He had thought that that would be the end of the tenuous truce between the President of the James Potter Fan Club and Potter's greatest enemy.

As Snape took his seat at the next class, he thought almost regretfully that it had been nice to have some companionship. No sooner had he thought this, however, than, to his immeasurable displeasure, the stupid flibbertigibbet sat down next to him. Realizing that he would not so easily be rid of her, Snape originally planned to shut her out. Unfortunately for him, he was soon to find that however little power for potionmaking she appeared to possess, she had a great power for making even people who severely disliked her enjoy her company.

It had come slowly. In the first two weeks, they barely said anything at all. They worked side by side, mostly silently. Eventually, Snape realized, and then only because Slughorn had pointed out how well her potion had been made that day, that he was helping her out. At first, he tried to say that it was only because he couldn't bear to see it done improperly. However, when he realized the appalling fact that a somewhat pleasant banter had sprung up between them, he had to admit that he must be terribly starved for conversation. Their working relationship had even progressed to the point where he looked forward to potions classes even more than Defense classes, and he had to further admit that it was because he had someone to talk to during Potions.

Not that Snape was quick to learn the often confusing rules of their friendship. For example, she could laugh and complain about Potter to him, but he could not say one word about the true nature of that swollen-headed idiot. This was the cardinal mistake that had led to their fight in class and ensuing detention.

She was still angry while they were scraping snail shells and barnacles off the undersides of the desks. How in the world the shells had come to be there Snape didn't even want to know. Snape similarly had no interest in talking to her if she wasn't going to be honest or at least rational about Potter. However, it was most annoying how she was muttering constantly under her breath as she worked.

"Will you stop that?" he finally snapped at her. Some days, it felt as if everything that she did bothered him. Not quite annoyed him so much as frustrated him. He couldn't quite explain it. It was probably because of what she was. Her Muggle blood had certainly caused him enough problems with other members of his House. In a way, however, it was almost lucky that she was a Mudblood. Otherwise, he might be tempted to overlook that she was a Gryffindor Potter groupie.

"Believe me," she said, grunting slightly as she pushed her scraper hard against a particularly stubborn barnacle, "I'd be quite happy to let you do this on your own, but I have plans tonight that I'm not interested in canceling." It annoyed Snape that she could make even a grunt sound dainty.

"You and the Pot-bellied crew going to terrorize some helpless Hufflepuffs?" Snape asked sarcastically, crouching down under the same desk under which she was working and reaching over to help her with the stubborn barnacle.

"No," she said coldly, her eyes flashing as she shoved him out of her way and started attacking the barnacle with new fervor. "Don't call him that, either."

"Have a date with good old Jimbo, then?" he returned just as sarcastically, moving to the far side of the same desk. Snape actually liked this sarcastic, fiery side of her, a side only he could consistently provoke.

She stopped and looked over at him. "Don't make me laugh."

"I thought I was supposed to loosen up more," he spat a common refrain in their conversations back at her.

"I'm annoyed with you right now," she announced as if this was news. She said it as if it should stop him cold. Like she had ever desisted because he was annoyed with her.

"And you can control what I say?" Snape challenged.

"I can control who I spend my time with," she replied sharply, with a great push sending a snail shell flying off the desk and skidding across the room. It would have looked like a threat from any other person. The angel of Gryffindor House, who had even befriended the almost universally hated Severus Snape, however, was not bartering her friendship for politeness. It was an empty threat.

Snape had her number. "And you can control who you get detentions with, can you? I'd like to know that trick."

"So you wouldn't have to have detentions with a Mudblood like me?"

Snape was shocked. "Aren't we in a mood today," he replied.

"Do you really think I've never heard that word before? In fact, I've heard you use it about me." Suddenly her ferocious anger was becoming clear as well as her overreaction in class. She must have overheard the conversation on Saturday out by the Quidditch Pitch. "Why do you always lick Malfoy's boots like they're candy?"

"I have to live in the same House as his fiancée," he replied shortly. Did Marissa really expect him to stand up and defend her in front of Lucius effing Malfoy? To alienate a contact that could be the difference between whether he was seen as Greasy Snape the Half-Muggle or the Halfblood Prince for the rest of his life? For what? An unwanted companion at his Potions station?

"Why do you care what he thinks of me? Of you?" she demanded. "Why have you always cared what those bigots think of your Muggle name?"

"Oh, it's so easy for you to judge, sitting pretty in Gryffindor where everyone pretends that it doesn't matter in the least."

"It doesn't matter in decent society!"

"Say that when you can't get a job in the Ministry. When creeps like Malfoy get positions over you when you're twice as qualified, all because of your Muggle surname," Snape shot back at her.

"So you barter our friendship for his fading favor?" she demanded. "You abuse me, just because it makes it easier for you? I really am nothing but a filthy Mudblood to you, aren't I?" She turned to look at him, her blazing eyes boring into his from only a few inches away.

"I'm sorry, Marissa." Snape heard the words come tumbling out of his mouth in shock. He was even more shocked to realize that he meant them. He regretted hurting her. He hated that he had jeopardized their friendship. What was happening here?

"For the record," she said, still coldly. "I'm a halfblood."

They were very close under the desk, and she had that fire in her eyes that made her look like more than what she usually appeared: a silly Gryffindor groupie. She looked like a beautiful and powerful woman. And she suddenly felt, inexplicably, within his reach. Not even because she was a halfblood, but because she had felt it important to tell him. She had met him halfway.

He would never know why, and he would never understand it, but at that moment Snape snapped and quickly closed the distance between them, kissing her forcefully. A few seconds later, he pulled back, shocked at what he had done. Even more than he hated Potter, he hated the fact that he wasn't horrified at having kissed a Gryffindor goody-goody who was obsessed with Potter. He was horrified that she hadn't kissed back.

She looked shocked, but her face betrayed nothing else. Horror and excitement were both missing from her face. She was simply surprised.

Then Marissa Fletcher slowly leaned forward and, a few seconds later, kissed him slowly but firmly. Snape would have stayed that way indefinitely, if, with a great series of pops, the snail shells and barnacles hadn't dropped off the undersides of the desks, showering them. Marissa pulled back, laughing. "This has got to be the most disgusting first kiss story ever," she said, shaking her head. Then, before Snape could respond, she had kissed him again.

~^~^~

But what of all that? Why should that matter now? Why should that somewhat sweet beginning be enough to erase the horrible end? She had not come to see him on her own, but she had reached out to him. She had leapt idiotically into the middle of that duel between him and Potter after two weeks of sitting next to him in Potions. He had been frustrated by her double stupidity. Why would she endanger herself? And why was this the encounter that she felt she had to stop? One of the few fair fights that Potter allowed him!

Even after the kiss, it was not some ridiculous over-the-moon-under-the-stars-on-top-of-the-world-spinning-in-circles-soaring-up-to-the-clouds romances. From the start, they had given each other nothing but problems. And twice, he had laid his heart at her feet only to watch helplessly as she crushed it under her heel.

It made no sense, therefore, for the sight of Mrs. Lupin being dragged away to flatten his heart for the third time.

~^~^~

When Dante Alighieri found himself driven from the narrow path up the mountain and lost in a deep valley of shadows, he literally stumbled over a deliverer who had been sent to him by Beatrice - the woman that he had loved many years ago and ever since. The man she sent dragged him through hell and the penance of Purgatory, but he also led him to where Beatrice waited to show him Paradise.

~^~^~

Severus Snape had vowed never to meet with Remus Lupin again after the Willow Incident. He would never forgive that night. He would never forgive the next morning. He would never forgive the way that Lupin had weaseled his way out of punishment. He would never forgive that it had cost him Marissa. He would never forgive that she, the only person in his life who had given a damn about him, had married a pathetic werewolf.

Yet Severus Snape entered the house where the happy couple had lived together for three years, slipping through the back door in the dead of night. He heard voices from the den. They honestly thought talking would save her?

Snape walked through the house toward the sound of the voices. Along the way, he forced himself to look at every beaming portrait of the Lupins, with and without Marissa's brat brother. This was what he was returning her to, this life with a man that was more completely his opposite than even Potter ever could be. He was bringing her back to an ineffectual man who could not save her.

But she had made her choice, and it was not as if he had not had to accustom himself to seeing her with Remus Lupin before now. His entire seventh year had been a painful exercise in this very feat.

~^~^~

Word of her mysterious Muggle illness had traveled through the school shockingly slowly, for Hogwarts. Not until she was gone for a week and then confined to the hospital wing for a month afterwards did Severus Snape give real credence to the rumor. When he saw her in the corridors again, she walked with a cane. Even then, she looked like she might fall without the supporting arms of Remus Lupin, who was perpetually at her side. She looked pale and shrunken and wore her magical wig like a trophy. Every day she had used her dwindling magical power to fashion some new ridiculous hairdo. She waltzed (hobbled with surprising grace) into Potions with bubblegum pink spiky hair. The next day in History of Magic she had long black curls that fell to her waist. On days when her usual nurse Lupin was recovering from the full moon, she walked into class on Lily Evans's arm looking like her twin sister with matching red hair.

Severus watched, unable to help her and forced to watch Remus Lupin patiently lift her up every staircase until Severus cursed the Castle that made it impossible for her to get anywhere easily. He hated the start of pain that seared through him with every new sign of her illness and the jolt of jealousy every time he saw new evidence of her dependence on Lupin.

But even more instructive was the day that it spread through the school like wildfire that the Muggle doctors had pronounced her "in remission." When he heard, from a ridiculously ecstatic little Hufflepuff he'd never seen before, Severus Snape took off through the corridors, not stopping until he found her. He slid around a corner at an ungentlemanly speed and stopped dead to see her celebrating with Remus Lupin. He wanted to scream at the stupid werewolf that he might drop her and undo all of her progress if he kept swinging her around like that. Severus didn't, however, because he caught a glimpse of the look in Marissa Fletcher's eyes. He had seen her look like that once before.

Severus's feet glued themselves to the floor. Even though he knew what was coming, he could not move a muscle to escape. Lupin finally set her down on the floor and gave her a crushing hug, both of them still laughing in relief and almost superfluous joy. Severus Snape's relief and joy, in the meantime, had been cut short. She would not die. Instead, she would live to hurt him, to pain him with her very existence.

"I never could have done it without you," she told Remus Lupin, pulling away enough to look him deeply in the eyes.

He pulled away like the idiot that he was. "Riss...you don't have to..."

"What is it?" she asked, concern clouding her face as she reached for his hand.

He yanked it away like a moron. "Don't do that!" he cried in frustration, whirling around to face her. "Riss, you can't just...you can't just do that!"

"What?" she demanded, looking supremely confused and vaguely hurt.

"Hold my hand!" exploded the imbecile on whom her gaze was fixed. "It was one thing when I was helping you but if you just keep doing this to me - I don't know what I'll do, Riss!" Werewolves truly were eloquence itself.

"Remus," she said with some dismay and a great deal of concern, "what are you talking about?" Snape knew, and he couldn't stand the delay of understanding between them. The only thing worse would be when they finally managed to communicate their mutual affection.

"Like what you just said - you can't say those things to me!" Lupin practically shouted, throwing up his hands.

"Why?" she demanded. "It's true. I wouldn't have gotten through this without you. You are the most incredible friend that I could have asked for to help me through this."

"Oh Riss," he cried, sounding tortured and turning away again, "Don't you get it? Can't you see the problem? A blind man would know how I..." He shook his head, and she was silent. "Riss, you can't say things like that to me and use the word 'friend' in the same sentence. It's too cruel. I - I can't stand much more of it."

The cloud instantly lifted from Marissa Fletcher's face and she burst out laughing. She stared at Lupin, incredulous and smiling. "Merlin," she practically shouted, sounding relieved and endlessly amused, "you really don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?" he asked, his voice sounding dead. He did not turn around to face her.

Marissa just laughed again. She stared at him incredulously at him as she told him, "I thought you were waiting until we knew if I'd get better. I thought you were afraid of losing me, or of making it too awkward for you to help me. I thought you were afraid of having to avoid me for awhile. I thought you were waiting...for today really. I had no idea that you were really, truly oblivious!"

"To what?" he demanded, turning around to face her. "This is exactly what I'm talking about, Riss! You can't say this kind of stuff to me, making me think that you... when you really..."

"Shut up!" she cried, still beaming and almost laughing, stepping closer to him. "Stop saying such stupid things! Don't you get it yet?"

A two-year-old would understand what she meant at this point. Snape actually understood Lupin's deliberate obtuseness, however. He would not let himself admit that she meant what she was saying. He couldn't let himself get his hopes up that high.

"Get what?" was his only response, looking down at her sincerely and tiredly.

"Damn it, Remus!" she shouted, then grabbed his tie and yanked his head down until she could seize his lips with her own. Even then, he started to jerk away, but she held him there. After a moment, his hands reached up and cupped her face, holding on to her as gently as if she were made of porcelain even as she kissed him fiercely.

Then the fool pulled away and started saying more stupid things. Then again, with such a reward for saying them, he was likely to continue doing so for some time. "Riss, you don't - you don't owe me anything...you don't have to.." He could barely get the words out.

Marissa gave a small cry of frustration. "Can't you ever just shut up and be happy?" she demanded, staring up at him, dumbfounded.

"Riss, I can't - not if you're just doing this because you feel grateful for my help - you don't owe me anything because of this past year..."

Then Marissa Fletcher gave one of the heartbreaking laughs that had always made the pulses of both boys watching speed up. When she calmed, she said the five words that hurt Severus Snape more than any others in his life: "It's always been you, Remus." She shook her head at the boy in front of her and continued, "Since first bloody year, it was always you. A blind man could have seen it."

Then she was kissing him again. All at once, Snape's power of movement returned to him and he left that corridor far behind.

~^~^~

Or he thought he had. The truth was that that corridor and the conversation that had taken place in it stayed with Severus Snape for years. It had kept him from reaching out to her even in the smallest way. Even when he heard of her relapse. Not until she had actually married her precious werewolf did he dare have any contact with her at all.

Seeing her with Lupin made Severus Snape wish that it had been Potter after all. He was the boy that she had left him for after Black's little murder attempt and Potter's overly theatrical "rescue." Even if she had become Mrs. Black instead, it would have hurt less. Black would have been like her substitute-Potter, which she had picked up when it became clear that Potter was bonkers for Evans.

Bonkers. Honestly. What a word! Severus Snape hated that he had picked up some of Marissa Lupin's habits and that they stayed with him to this day. She was never supposed to be that important to him. But she always had been.

That was why even with all that stood between him and Remus Lupin, Severus Snape came to tell him the plan. That was why when Remus Lupin and Albus Dumbledore's head in the fireplace turned to look at him, he said, "I know where she is."

Lupin's wand immediately dropped back down to his side. Moron. Like a Death Eater intent on killing him wouldn't have said exactly the same thing. Then again, Lupin usually would not have made that mistake. Snape took in the greater than usual concentration of circles under his eyes, the even greater shamble of his general appearance, and the wilting, despairing weakness that made every limb hang almost limp. At least Lupin loved her too. Even if he was a wretched, pathetic werewolf, at least he loved her too.

"Where?" his voice sounded strangled when it escaped from him.

"Malfoy Manor."

Energy suddenly surged into Lupin and with a tremendous and highly unnecessary cry of, "DAMN IT!" he pounded his fists into the wall just to the side of the fireplace. More annoying, in this particular moment, than Lupin's childish display was Dumbledore's knowing smile. Would he focus for once on what was actually important? For the protection of his sanity, Snape blocked out Dumbledore's banter, for Merlin's sake, about not being up at the school or just coming to talk to him about her rescue. To this day, he had no idea what response he had given him. Perhaps he had not given him any.

"I can enter the Manor and the dungeons without causing alarm. I will have to be minimally recognized by the wards, of course," Snape started to outline the plan when the easily distracted duo had finally settled down to business. "Even those with full access, of which I am surprisingly still one, have to exit the same way that they came in. There is only one checkpoint that recognizes me, and it would be impossible to carry any passengers or cargo either into or out of the Manor without being detected.

"I do know of one other entrance, but I could never use it undetected. Another operative, armed with an Invisibility Cloak, could very likely infiltrate it. This is a minor weakness in the security design of the Manor as those who have been shown or have discovered this entrance are magically catalogued and their presence automatically announced to the nearest member of the Malfoy family the instant that they approach it," Snape explained. "In short, unless they attacked the moment that they found the entrance, they could never enter it undetected. I can gain access to the dungeons and retrieve her. I will have to meet you at the very outside walls of the dungeons because only one person at a time may pass through the walls. I will have to evade detection for a full thirty minutes after she exits the building. You should be able to get her out of the manor using that same entrance."

Dumbledore's face was now, thankfully, serious and focused. "As the system will have to recognize you, would any alibi attempt be laughable?" he inquired.

"The wards themselves will have to recognize me as someone with access to the system," Snape explained calmly. If Lupin had asked such a question, he would have spoken to him the way he would a child. "My specific identity should at no time be detected or recorded unless I attempt to bring anything besides my person and wand either into or out of the Manor. To answer your question, I might as well serve my head to the Dark Lord on a platter as be without an alibi on the night that Marissa Lupin disappeared from captivity. As it is, I will probably have to put a Memory Charm or two on Lucius. These may prove fairly easy to break in the future considering his natural protections and proficiency in Charms. I will have to be doubly cautious never to tread these dangerous waters with him again."

"Thank you," Lupin whispered.

Snape tried to convey in a look all of the reasons that this had nothing, or very little, to do with him. "If you lend me your pensieve when I return to the Castle, Albus, I will show Mr. Lupin the path that he is to use." With that, Snape turned and left the room. He was out of the happy couple's house in thirteen seconds.

~^~^~

Francesca de Rimini had an arranged marriage with a hunchback. She fell in love, however, with his younger brother: a handsome young man named Paolo. One day, as they read poetry to each other, the seduction of Lancelot and Guenevere reminded them too forcefully of their own hidden passions. They fell into each other's arms. In that moment, they cared nothing for the rest of the world or for the trouble that it would cause them.

~^~^~

There was never a more ludicrous couple in the entire history of Hogwarts. At least on the surface.

He called her the Golden Girl of Gryffindor. She called him Severus, mostly because she learned quickly how little he appreciated that. His name for her was sarcastic and malicious. She was maneuvering him into a position where he would have to be pleasant to her.

After they started dating, he called her Francesca. She called him Paolo or Dante every now and again as a joke, but for the most part, she still called him Severus. She and he were both happier with their dynamic when she was acting just a little manipulative. It made them feel more alike. They needed every little bit.

She was the President of the James Potter Fan Club. He was Potter's Enemy Number One.

From the start, their relationship was not an easy one. Both of their friends flipped out, for starters. They both flipped out themselves, a little. But they both knew that it wasn't as wrong as it sounded, not as wrong as if felt to everyone else. Despite their vastly different temperaments, friends, views and backgrounds, there was something that made it okay, that kept it from being truly wrong. It was crazy, it was mad, it was weird, it was awkward, it was hard, but so was all love. They had been swept away by a force that they did not understand, and who was to say that it would necessarily carry them to a place where they did not want to go? Could it not just as easily bear them to safe harbors and happy shores?

The Slytherins expected Snape to amuse himself for awhile by using the relationship to freak out her friends and then drop her. The Gryffindors expected Marissa to come to her senses fairly quickly. They were both proved wrong when the relationship continued steadily. At first, they kept their relationship separate from the rest of their lives, coming together only when the two of them would be alone. However, as the relationship stretched beyond one month, then two, and showed no signs of fading away, Marissa was eventually drawn slowly into the Slytherin circle, meeting the great heirs of the Old Wizarding World.

Once there was sufficient proof of the fact that her mother was Olivia Newton, once a great pureblooded witch who had dropped off the face of the earth twenty years ago, her presence was grudgingly tolerated. She didn't mention that her mother had married a Muggle and foresworn magic, more because it was painful to think of the mother who had died giving birth to her younger brother Gus than to keep from shocking them.

The respect that she showed to those children of the great families, who from their manners, talent and brilliance had earned it, made her a part of the circle. She was never for one second not a Gryffindor. She never for one second belonged. But she knew them, and they knew her, and despite themselves, they acknowledged that she was good company and not a burden to have around. So when, on December 13, 1975, she entered the Slytherin Common Room on Severus Snape's arm, there were raised eyebrows at her daring and Snape's gall, but they spent the evening talking with the couple pleasantly.

Marissa's friends could not be made to accept Snape, the boys at any rate. However Marissa railed at them, however many times she pointed out their hypocrisy and their greater reluctance than the Slytherins to accept new people, they could not be convinced to look on Severus Snape with anything but hatred. Remus Lupin tried, for Marissa's sake, but the two of them had nothing to say to each other, and he dared not offend those friends that were risking so much for him by going far enough to be truly friendly with the Enemy Number One.

The Gryffindor girls whom Marissa had befriended opened up a great deal more. Lily Evans exchanged cold civilities with him. Marlene McKinnon, a seventh year, could have a full and lengthy conversation with him, but then she was another born and bred in the polite upper society of the Wizarding world, from another of the Great Families. Alice Watterby, a sixth year, was quite willing to give him a chance, but though they were not hostile, they could find nothing in common to speak of and quickly severed any meaningful ties. Snape managed to choke out pleasantries with the Mudblood, talked almost enjoyably with the respectful pureblood, and managed not to point out the halfblood's stupidity.

It was a bridge that the two formed by the strength of their wills. True, it was only a small part of Slytherin and Gryffindor that accepted and conversed with the enemy behind their lines, but it felt like more cooperation because there was seldom any at all between those two houses. Marissa and Severus, for their part, were surprisingly happy in their relationship and happily surprised at how well it worked. Although it often produced a shudder for some to see, they walked hand in hand in the corridors. Marissa would chat merrily at him, with Snape remaining mostly quiet. Every once and awhile, however, Snape would let out a loud bark of laughter when she had, obviously, gone too far in the ridiculous yarns that she spun for his and her own amusement.

They studied together in the library, silent for hours at a time, but often stepping in to help each other in certain areas. Both of their marks improved in all of their common subjects. They spent Hogsmeade weekends in Three Broomsticks, the moldy old bookshop, and Zonko's.

For one short year and a half, an alliance formed between Hogwarts' resident little ray of sunshine and the greasy boy with a rain cloud hanging over his head.

But that short year and a half was over, and Snape would have doubted its ability to make him betray his surest alliance within the Dark Lord's forces until the second he saw Marissa Lupin yanked down into the dark, dank dungeons to meet her doom. He had not fully believed in the potency of that brief spell of happiness until he found himself slipping quietly through the deceptively run-down small wrought iron gate on the far edge of the Malfoy property.

The moment that he was inside, he pulled up the hood of his dark cloak, disillusioned himself, and moved as quickly as he could through the shadows. When he had to pass through an open area, he moved at a steady, measured and unhurried pace that made his heart pound faster than the sprints in the darkness.

To avoid thinking about how it was utter suicide to be taking an active Order mission, Snape thought idly that it was somewhat fitting for Lucius Malfoy to be the catalyst of his and Marissa's brief reunion. After all, Snape's comment to Malfoy had provoked the argument that led to their first kiss, and Malfoy's comment to Snape had precipitated their first split.

~^~^~

"Really? You really want to have a fight about this?" Marissa demanded, folding her arms over her chest at her boyfriend in the middle of the Great Hall after breakfast on the morning after the third Quidditch Match of the year. "You really want to cancel our date today? Seriously?" Her tone had the rare (for Marissa) expression of contempt. In truth, she was probably the only person in the entire school that was surprised that her boyfriend was upset with her. She and the other members of the James Potter Fan Club had created a massive collage of their idol's face in the sky over the Quidditch Pitch. Storm clouds had formed the messy hair, sunset red and oranges had formed his lips and face, and, except for the blue eyes (sky showing through), it was a surprisingly accurate replica of the star Chaser's face. It had disappeared the moment that Madam Hooch blew her whistle, but it was still what Ravenclaw blamed for the loss of the game. After the Ravenclaws, the Slytherins had by far been the most horrified and contemptuous of this. And Lucius Malfoy had come to see the match with his betrothed.

"I think that my girlfriend decorating the entire sky with another guy's face yesterday merits a fight," Snape replied, likewise setting his jaw and taking up an aggressive stance. "Can you even imagine what that felt like? To see that thing up there and know that it was your handiwork? You are my girlfriend, Marissa. Not his. So kindly stop acting in such a way that suggests you are a pathetic floozy hopelessly obsessed with him."

Marissa's eyes smoldered with dangerous anger. By this point, the half of the school that rose before noon on Sunday had all stopped to watch. Marissa and Snape's romance had been an object of morbid curiosity for the entire Castle. What could one of the most popular girls in the fifth year want with easily the least popular boy in the entire school? And what possessed the most overzealous Slytherin bigot to want to date an apparent Gryffindor Muggle-born? What was more, they had seemed to be truly happy with one another. She had even made him laugh regularly, a frightening sight, and he was both a perfect gentleman and eager to talk (politely) when she was around.

But now, the first signs of trouble in Incredibly Bizarre Paradise were on display for the fascinated (and in many cases highly disturbed) student audience. It was also strange to see Marissa Fletcher dangerously angry. She was easily the most easy going of her year, especially among the Gryffindors, and until now had never been know to get into a fight with a Slytherin. She looked scary now though, standing perfectly still with her eyes flashing.

Snape didn't seem to notice or care if he did. "Are you just going to stand there?" he demanded with contempt lacing his own tone.

"I was giving you a chance to retract your idiotic statements," Marissa replied, her anger plainly revealed in her voice. "Because I know that you couldn't possibly think that it is okay for you to try to dictate to me what I can and can not do. Who do you think you are?"

"Your boyfriend!" he returned. "And I am entitled to -"

"What?!" she yelled over him. There was a collective gasp. Marissa had never interrupted someone before. It was undoubtedly this mild, laughing girl's pet peeve. "Do I have to check every action with you? Do I have to ask, please and thank you, before breathing because you're my boyfriend?"

"Don't be stupid!" Snape shouted even louder, just as angry. There was another collective gasp from the captive audience. He had not insulted her, at least in public, since they started dating. It was clear that most of these emotions had been simmering for some time under the surface of Incredibly Bizarre Paradise. It was also clear that he might have gone too far, for she seemed to involuntarily start forward as if to strike him. Snape didn't seem to notice, for he went on, "Do you have any idea what it was like for me yesterday? After the Match with everyone talking about your idiotic stunt? Do you know what it was like sitting down in the Slytherin common room and listening to their voices, dripping with disdain, laughing and making you out to be the worst kind of lunatic?"

Now, it was undeniable that he had gone too far and that he had said exactly the wrong thing. Marissa had gone perfectly still and her eyes, though still fixed on him, no longer seemed to be trying to bore holes in his head. When her voice came it was in a very quiet and rigidly controlled tone. "You just listened to them?" Snape stopped too. "That's all you did? That's all that you had to suffer?" The entire Great Hall had gone silent now.

"Fran," he said carefully and firmly, reaching out his hand as if to calm a wild beast rather than his girlfriend.

She waved her right hand and he fell silent, starting to speak but finding himself unable to be heard. He looked furious but also very wary of her new mood. "Severus, I turned a blind eye when you let everyone think that you were only dating me to annoy James Potter, because I know that it made things easier for you. I didn't say anything when you called other girls Mudbloods because I gave you the benefit of the doubt, assuming that you don't realize that the person you're really calling a Mudblood is me. I've been giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming that you don't know how much it hurts me every time you say that word.

"But it's becoming increasingly clear that you do not respect me at all. You don't defend me, you don't listen to me, you won't call a truce with James Potter for my sake, you introduce me to your allies and parade me around your common room only to listen calmly when they laugh at me and ridicule me for trying to befriend them for your sake the moment that I leave the room." Marissa stopped for a moment, her deathly quiet voice still ringing in the eerily silent Great Hall. "Do you even really care about me?" she demanded, a little louder. "Do you? Tell me, is this all an elaborate prank on James Potter after all?" she practically yelled. "Answer me!" she demanded even louder.

She waited a second then, remembering in annoyance, jerked her hand and released him from the spell. Snape almost launched himself at her the moment that she was free. "You hypocrite," he spat. "You don't mind me pretending, do you? You want to know the truth, Francesca? You don't ask me to say that I'm dating you for you or give up my grudge against James Potter or stand up for you against my own friends because you don't think that I will. You think that I don't care about you enough, and you're afraid to admit it to yourself. You're afraid to say it. You're afraid to think it. But it's true. You don't dare test us. You don't dare test me, because you don't trust me.

"And come to think of it, when was the last time that you made any of these gestures? The last time that you broke in when James and I were dueling? It's been awhile, hasn't it?" He cocked his head to the side, mimicking one of her common gestures, then continued spitefully, "You're afraid to choose between us and you're afraid to ask either of us to choose our affection for you over our grudge against each other. You're afraid that we hate each other more than we care about you. Well, sweetheart, I guess we'll never know, will we? Because you don't trust me enough to even ask!"

"Trust you? How could I trust you when you don't respect me?" Marissa shouted. "When you won't even admit your feelings towards me except under duress? When you try to hide it from all of those you associate with as much as you possibly can? You sweep it under the rug, hide it behind your back, and I'm sick of pretending that you have any respect for me at all when it's clear that I'm just an embarrassment to you!"

"Am I supposed to crow down in the Slytherin common room about my Gryffindor girlfriend?" Snape demanded. "And her hilarious portrayal of my arch nemesis' head in the clouds?"

"If you're so embarrassed by it, maybe I can solve your problem!" Marissa shouted back. "You don't have a Gryffindor girlfriend anymore!" She whirled and started toward the staircase. The crowd parted in front of her. She barely seemed to notice.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means stay the hell away from me, Severus Snape," she snapped back, beginning to ascend the stairs and not so much as glancing back.

"Fine, I hope your cauldron explodes on you without my help in Potions," he said, whirling around and making a similar exit toward the Slytherin dungeons.

~^~^~

So why was he doing this? It wasn't lasting, true love if it could fracture that easily! Why the bleeding hell was he risking everything - life, position on both sides of the War, reputation, and what was left of his heart - for a fling years ago at school?

It made him angry to think how terribly little logical sense his actions tonight made. That was one thing that Severus Snape had always prided himself on - acting on cold reason.

He slipped into the dungeons through an invisible door still seething more at himself than her. Why had he always let her control him? Let her yank his life around in an erratic orbit? Even when he was not her choice? When she had never told him that she loved him, never given him some fleeting promise to always care for him, never shown similar lingering devotion to him? Except, of course, in her glance back at him as she was pulled down to her death.

He heard a guard about to turn down this very corridor and dove into the shadows. Until the hulking figure of Goyle had passed by and his footsteps faded, Snape could think and feel nothing but relief that Malfoy had not updated the dungeons but left them dark, dirty and full of shadows. And that he used docile imbeciles like Goyle to guard them.

When Snape could move again, he realized that he knew the answer to his bitter, disbelieving questions. He had always known why even after all these years he could not forget her. It was because of the look in her eyes when she saw Potter tormenting him.

~^~^~

That should have been simply that. The break up had certainly been mutual and passionate enough to be final. The wild differences in their character should have made it easy to get over the relationship quickly. But it tortured them. That was obvious from the start. Snape hated every minute of their separation and hated even more each new proof of his lingering attachment to the silly little girl. He couldn't actually speak for Marissa, but she would flinch violently at each new torture device in the horrendous series of attacks from the Pot-bellied crew. She would be silent for hours afterwards. That was certainly saying something. The silly flibbertigibbet never shut up.

It wasn't for months, until the Defense O.W.L., that Potter and Black went too far, for everyone concerned and even for some whom it definitely did not concern.

~^~^~

"Leave him ALONE!"

Ambushed and temporarily disabled by James bloody Potter, Severus Snape couldn't decide whether to snarl or be pleased that Marissa Fletcher had leapt to his defense. There was no relief of anger or spike of disappointment when he discovered that it was Lily Evans, and not Marissa, but only a redoubling of his fury. So she didn't care about him. That was just fine. The indifferent redhead who usually laughed had leapt to his defense, but his devoted ex-girlfriend had not.

Snape sat there seething in fury at Potter and embarrassment at the situation and hating him with everything in his body not even because he was heartless and cocky and loved to make his life miserable. He hated him because Marissa had never once chosen Snape over her pet idiot, because even now she would not leap to his defense against her precious Potter.

With a great effort, he pushed through Impedimenta and his hands closed on his wand. He sent his hate rocketing toward Potter, the spell sending blood spattering across his face and robes to Snape's satisfaction. Snape looked for her face in the crowd, wanting to punish Marissa too when he hurt her precious Potter.

Too long he was distracted. Dangling upside down in the air under the power of a spell of his own design, Severus Snape felt his fury build even more as Lily Evan's voice argued with Potter. The voice which should have been Marissa's. He fell to the ground at Potter's command, again immobilized by Black. Two on one, what Gryffindor chivalry, boys.

"You were lucky Evans was here, Snivellus," Potter snarled after he released him at the end of his argument with Evans.

"I don't need help from filthy Mudbloods like her!" he shouted.

Then Snape, sprawled where he had fallen on the ground, caught sight of the stupid blonde flibbertigibbet herself. She was sitting next to the spot where Evans had stood up. Her hands were over her ears and her eyes were closed, her face was twisted as if she were being tortured. Tears were running down her face. She had told Evans to defend him for her. He could imagine the conversation: "Anything that I say will make it worse. Please, Lily, stop them."

Snape wanted to snarl at her that the only help he wanted less than the Mudblood's was her own. She had made her choice. She had no right to care for him anymore. Bugger off, Fletcher. You have no right to look as if any of this pains you. You always chose him. You love my tormentor and hate me.

"So, who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?" James's voice called out.

"James," Remus Lupin's voice called out urgently. James turned around. Snape twisted to see their silent conversation. Remus nodded toward the huddled Marissa who was rocking back and forth in her distress. James's wand arm relaxed. The fool, the weakling, to be so easily manipulated and controlled by a girl that he had already won. A girl he had already won and discarded.

As if she had heard his last thought and it was the final straw, Marissa leapt to her feet, her wand drawn, and fired at James Potter. "Expelliarmus!" she shouted, her voice full of tears. Snape started to drop, but she levitated him gently to the ground. Once his feet hit, all five boys stood staring at her in shock. No, make that the entire year. Lizzie Walker, a Ravenclaw friend and fellow prefect of Marissa, took a few tentative steps toward her.

Tears fell down her cheeks and her voice shook. "How could you?" she asked, fixing her gaze on James Potter, looking more hurt than he had ever seen her before. "Why would you do that?" she asked in a whisper. She shook her head at him. "Leave him alone, James." She bowed her head as if to hide the sobs that burst from her a moment later. "Oh Severus, I'm so sorry," she cried, then turned and ran for the Castle, taking James Potter's wand with her. Just before she was out of easy firing range, she summoned Sirius Black's wand right out of his hand for good measure.

Snape immediately whirled on them, only to find his own wand fly out of his grip. "WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SUCH AN IDIOT?" Marissa shouted at him, holding the three wands of the boys and fixing each of them with a look that could kill. Then she turned and again ran for the Castle.

This time, Snape took off after her. He caught up with her in the Entrance Hall and, grabbing her arm, dragged her into the nearest classroom. "Me an idiot?" he had shouted in her face. "Who asked you to intervene? Who asked you?" He shook her. "Why would you do that?"

"Well I certainly didn't do it so that you could attack them the moment that I had disarmed them!" she spit back in his face. "What about all that blustering nonsense about a fair fight?"

"You defended me!" he accused her, throwing up his hands then grabbing her again to keep her from escaping. He pulled her close to him until her face was close enough that he could see every twitch of expression and every one of the crashing emotions swimming in her tear-filled eyes. "Why would you do a stupid thing like that?" He shook her again. "You still care about me!"

"Of course I do!" she shouted back at him, furiously. "You think that that vanishes when you break up with someone?" Her eyes suddenly turned cold. "Is that how quickly your own affections faded?"

Snape answered her by pulling her the few inches closer and seizing her mouth with his own. He held her in a vise-like grip by her shoulders and kissed her fiercely, but it was not necessary to hold her there. She was kissing back and wound her arms around him, trying to pull him even closer. They fought each other with their lips, engulfed in the long denied pleasure.

When they, several minutes later, broke the kiss, they immediately released each other and stepped to opposite ends of the classroom. Marissa started pacing. "Can you - can you remember why we broke up?" she asked somewhat breathlessly after a very long moment, staring at the ground but shooting looks up at him almost with every other step. "Does any of that seem important now?"

Severus Snape waited another long moment. Then he said the first lie he had ever spoken in his entire life: "No." He knew that the issues that had broken them were not gone and were not insignificant. He just knew that he would rather work them out with her this time. He also knew that his answer was what Marissa needed to hear in order to try again.

"Well then," she said, finally stopping. "Well then."

"Yes, 'well then,'" Snape replied, almost smiling as he mocked her.

"The practical will be starting soon," she said, starting to walk out of the door. It took him a split second to remember about the O.W.L.s. He started toward the door a moment later and arrived at the same moment she did.

"I'll see you later then," he replied, opening the door for her. They exchanged a ridiculously awkward and chaste kiss goodbye considering the snog session in which they had just indulged. Then they rejoined their class and started mystifying the school again with their persistent relationship. What mystified Snape was how he had not remembered to reclaim his wand from the silly girl.

~^~^~

In a way, it was almost a shame that James Potter wasn't there.

Snape stopped in sheer surprise. He had never imagined that he would think that sentence except perhaps in reference to the scene of some mass murder.

As he continued walking, he had to admit that it would have been appropriate. Then not only Malfoy but Potter could have been a part of the brief reunion of the couple that each boy had inadvertently put together and intentionally ripped apart.

He reached the door to Marissa's cell and wondered for the thousandth time in two days why the bleeding hell he was doing this for a girl who would not have done the same for him. Hadn't she proved that the morning after the Willow Incident? Hadn't she made it perfectly clear where he rated?

Yet Severus Snape reached out his hand and began to magically turn the levers in the lock. This was the kind of magic that only halfbloods ever bothered to learn, the blending of Muggle techniques with magical skill. Purebloods were too cocky and Mudbloods were too proud of their new status in the magical world. A few halfbloods, however, used this refined brand of magic. Muggle safecrackers had to use instruments or a refined sense of touch and hearing, but a wizard could use magic to trigger the same tiny levers to open a locked door.

It took more time than alohomora, so most didn't bother. But alohomora could be blocked easily, and no one thought to block this technique, especially in the thoroughly purebred Malfoy Manor. As he began to work his little-known magic, Snape could not help but reflect on the moment when Marissa Lupin had slammed the door in his face.

~^~^~

Francesca de Rimini and her lover Paolo were discovered almost immediately by her husband. He killed them on the spot. Dante encountered them in the second circle of hell being tossed about by fierce and terrible winds for eternity. He fainted in pity for the two souls led astray by a momentary passion.

~^~^~

The relationship between Marissa Fletcher and Severus Snape did not wind down and fall away. They did not part amicably. It did not fade away or dissolve or weaken into nothing. It did not lose its spark and smolder slowly away.

It shattered. Into ten thousand pieces. Ten million. Too many pieces to ever be counted so small that they could never be found to count in the first place.

~^~^~

"Are you all right?" Marissa shouted as she burst into the Hospital Wing. She pelted straight for the beds that held Severus Snape and James Potter. She was nearly there when Snape stopped her.

"Who are you going to?" he asked quietly.

Marissa stopped, confused in her already highly charged emotional state. She stared at him, then looked to Potter. As they both appeared to be in one piece, with no visibly shattering injuries, she simply stayed still. "Excuse me?" she asked Snape mildly.

"Who are you going to? Your boyfriend or me?" Potter asked, in the same tone as Snape. It was bizarre to hear such a similarity in their voices.

"I came to see you both," Marissa said in a very soft, careful tone. She had closed her eyes for a moment, however, as if bracing herself for a blow. Knowing them as well as she did, it was not impossible that she sensed what they were about to do to her.

There was a profound silence for several seconds after this quiet but immediately intense conversation.

When Potter looked like he was about to speak, Marissa cut in very seriously, "Before we get into this, was everyone else all right? Peter sent me here, but Remus, Sirius? Was anyone with you, Severus?"

"Sirius was sent home - in one piece. Remus is behind that curtain over there," Potter told her. "He'll be back to normal when he wakes up."

"I went alone," Snape said.

The space between the two enemies was as cold as the ninth circle of hell, and the ice was appropriate, considering they were about to force Marissa to betray one of them.

"You told me when you and Snape started dating that if I ever asked you to choose me or him, then you would automatically choose him," Potter said by way of beginning.

"You told me the same thing," Snape added.

Marissa looked down for a moment. "So you've found the loophole," she nearly whispered. "Truthfully, I never expected you to. Who would have thought? If you ever managed to work together and communicate, why would you still need to push this ultimatum? And if you stayed enemies, you could never team up on me." There was a moment of silence between them that spoke volumes. It heaved and roared the way that the most turbulent words never could. "Well, go on then. Ask me what you've decided you have the right to demand of me. Just because I know what it is doesn't mean that I'm not going to make you say it."

"Last night - "

"I don't care," Marissa cut Snape off abruptly, the steel of anger in her voice.

"I wasn't going to tell you what happened," he replied mildly, staring her down steadily. "But it became clear that we could no longer pretend to any sort of association, even for your sake."

"Is that all I've ever been to the two of you? A rope in your stupid tug-of-war?" she asked quietly, sounding more hurt than either of them had ever heard her sound.

"You have to choose, Riss," Potter said mercilessly. "Him or me. Neither of us will talk to you until you choose."

Marissa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then her eyes snapped open blazing with anger and filled with pain. "I want you to know," she said in a deathly quiet voice, "that I will never forgive either of you for this."

After a moment, she continued, "Especially you, James, because you know that I would be nothing without you."

He had the grace and sense not to celebrate. Marissa immediately marched to the curtain and threw it back. The boys had the chance to see her sit down in a chair beside Lupin's bed before she snapped the curtain shut again.

Potter had been discharged by Madam Pomfrey first. Looking vaguely penitent, he walked over to the curtained-off bed and started to pull it aside. Snape heard Marissa hiss at him, "Get out."

"Riss-"

"If you ever want me to speak to you again, get out."

He did, striding out of the wing looking very concerned indeed. But what did it matter if she were mad at him for a few days? What did it really matter if she never spoke to him again? He had won. Just like everything else in his entire life. Potter had never known what it felt like to lose.

James Potter would never even know who Marissa Fletcher really was. He would never understand what it was about her that made her so special. It wasn't her infantile pranks or her fool's wit wisdom. It wasn't her friendliness or her mothering habits. Those were mostly just annoying distractions. Potter would never understand her. Someone who was fawned over by groupies, who had friends in spades, who had never had to work for affection or loyalty in his life, would never understand what Marissa Fletcher was to those who had no one else in their lives who had cared about them unconditionally.

After a few more agonizing minutes, Snape was cleared to leave. He had meant the entire time that he was putting on his robes from last night to immediately walk out of the Hospital Wing without a backwards glance at the girl who had betrayed him. Instead, he started walking and found himself standing just on the edge of the curtain. It was such a flimsy, stupid barrier to divide him from her, really.

He had meant, then, to yank it aside and reclaim her for once and all. He had longed with everything in his shriveled and trampled heart to reach forward and sweep away anything that separated her from him.

Instead, he had turned smartly on his heel and walked away.

~^~^~

With a small ping, the door swung open a fraction of an inch. Severus Snape hesitated on the threshold of Marissa Lupin's prison cell. Why was he doing this for a woman who had done that to him? Why? Loyalty to a Hogwarts Sweetheart was one thing, but this? Why had sense, logic, and reason always deserted him around this girl? They were the principles upon which he lived his life, and she wiped them away as if they were nothing. She had chosen Potter; she had married the werewolf; let her rot here for all he cared.

But there was never any question of whether or not he would open the door.

The sight that he saw there froze his blood and stopped his abused heart cold. In the middle of a small room of dark, dirty stone, lay a white figure, perfectly still. Dried blood was in the long blonde hair that covered her face. Her hands were limp and she looked as if she were already dead.

Snape flew to her side, gently turning her over even as he magically removed the blood. He pushed the dirty, matted hair out of her face. She did not rouse. He pulled a small vial out of his pocket and poured it into her mouth. After a terrifyingly long pause, she started to blink awake.

Snape hated how his shoulders relaxed and how the relief flooded through him. In a few minutes, she would be once again as good as dead to him.

But she would be alive and free. If he hurried.

"Severus?" she murmured, sounding confused, blinking as if he would disappear.

"We haven't much time," he told her, lifting her gently but quickly. It was clear that she would not be able to walk. "Lupin is meeting us on the edge of the dungeons. He'll take you the rest of the way."

"My, my, did you two boys finally learn to play nice?" she mumbled weakly, allowing her head to hang onto his shoulders and not looking up at him.

Snape did not favor her with an answer. He simply draped his dark, disillusioned cloak over her as much as possible. She was breathing shallowly, and he worried about actually covering her head. He carefully shut the door behind him.

It disturbed him how lightly she rested in his arms. She was dead weight, barely able to even hold onto him. And she had started shaking, almost uncontrollably. He held her tighter and tried to calm her as much as possible while hurrying through the corridors exactly one minute and forty-five seconds ahead of Goyle. It disturbed him how much her obviously poor condition disturbed him, but then he shouldn't really be surprised at this point.

"You never," she practically gasped, interrupted by a sudden spasm of shaking. When it subsided, she continued in a hoarse whisper, "You never asked me why I chose James."

Was she actually surprised by this? He had forgotten, having such limited contact with her, how truly stupid she could be sometimes.

"Olivia and Cynthia Newton were sisters," she said a moment later, "who eventually became Livy Fletcher and Cindy Potter."

Snape actually stopped dead. She was a Potter all this time? "So, you see," she continued softly, "I couldn't choose you over my brother."

"Brother?" The word escaped Snape at a volume that was just short of being dangerously loud.

"Cousin, whatever," she murmured, letting her head fall back against his chest, too tired to hold it up anymore.

"You once told Lupin," he said, shocked to find the words spilling out of his mouth against his will. It was 11:34, and he was two minute's walk from the rendezvous point, but he couldn't move until he had asked this question. "You once told Lupin that it was him from the beginning. That it had always been him."

"Yes, I did," she whispered.

"Even when we were together?" he asked and hated himself for it. He shouldn't care, and he had no real desire to know.

"I wouldn't have left you for him," she replied.

"But you knew that we wouldn't last," he continued for her, knowing that she wouldn't say the truth. He started walking again, back in control of himself. "Because you were already in love with Lupin."

She said nothing. She didn't need to. One of the things that Snape had always found less repugnant about her than other people was that she knew when unnecessary words could be avoided. So few people really did.

"I really don't know where the Potters are," she whispered a moment later. "They didn't even tell me who their Secret Keeper is or if they went ahead with the Fidelius Charm after all."

"I'm not looking for information from you," Snape said harshly. "I'm not a spy." Not on her, anyway.

"I am," she whispered. Again, Snape stopped dead. This time, at least, he had the cover of reaching their destination. "I'm a spy for the Order of the Pheonix," she continued, "but no one knows except you and Remus and Gus. Lily and James and Sirius and Peter stopped trusting us. We built our whole lives around...we watched them stop trusting us...turn away from us...so that I could go into the heart of darkness."

"Why are you telling me this?" he demanded.

"So that you know what I gave up for you," she said, her head still bowed. Snape didn't know if he could handle seeing her face. "I've done all of this, deformed my life and all of my friends' lives, so that I would have the chance to save you."

"Save me?" he hissed at her, unable to think. He could only dumbly repeat her unfathomable words.

"From him," she replied. "I wanted to save you from the darkness."

"You really are stupid," was all that he could reply.

"So are you," she replied, "coming after me like this. What happened to your self-preservation instincts? I'll be dead soon anyway."

Snape looked at his watch to avoid thinking about her last sentence. 11:36. Only one minute until Lupin would take her away, hopefully far away from England where she would be relatively safe. And soon, like she said, she would die. He would probably never see her again.

"What the hell," he cried almost aloud, "I'll ask. Do you - did you ever love me? Even for the shortest moment, did you ever..."

"Oh Severus," she whispered, "there's that word again. Does anyone even know what love is when they're sixteen?"

In your eyes, I wanted to see love. I wanted you to look me in the eyes and wish that we hadn't broken. That would be enough for me for the rest of my life. But it wasn't there, and I had to give you back to my enemy.

The wall opened, and Remus Lupin stood on the other side. He quickly moved forward, and Severus instantly transferred her to her husband's arms. Marissa finally, at long last, exerted the effort to look up at the face of the man carrying her. She smiled tiredly, then let her head slump back down again, trusting Remus Lupin absolutely. In the middle of the Malfoy Manor, from whose prison she had just been rescued, she had not the slightest doubt that her pathetic husband would carry her to safety.

Lupin looked at him, trying to convey with a look all of the confused emotions that he must be feeling. Well, Snape had enough confusion for a lifetime and certainly no time to deal with Lupin's. He closed the portal to the wall and hurried to the end of the corridor before Goyle would come around the turn.

As he did, he thought the words that he would never have said to her. Maybe, Fran, no one did know what love was when they were sixteen. But Severus Snape knew what love was now. Love was breaking into Malfoy Manor. Love was walking into her husband's house if it meant being able to save her. Love was risking everything and turning on everything he believed in because it would spare her pain.

Love was bending her entire life into a pretzel to give herself the chance to save him. Love was disregarding her husband, her friends and even her own best interests. Love was watching her friendships, her very family, break because it would give her the chance to help him.

So, in the end, it didn't matter if she had chosen Potter or Lupin. It didn't matter if she had always loved a werewolf or even if she had married the very monster who had tried to kill him. Because she did love him.

In your eyes, I am still worth saving.

Beatrice and Dante were parted when they were very young. After losing the woman that he had loved and worshipped almost to the point of idolatry, his life turned down a dark road. But years later, Beatrice reached through the barriers of life and death, through heaven and Purgatory and hell. She went into the depths of hell to find a means of saving him. And she led him back to the light that he had almost forgotten. From there, though it was not always certain what he chose, he at least knew that there was a place for him among the light.