A Chance You Only Get Once

Chapter Twenty-Three
Stolen Hope

Remus collapsed exhausted into the chair in Dumbledore's office. He always did this after coming out of one of the dangerous, delicate, and highly strenuous secret missions that Dumbledore assigned him. Remus hadn't told Lily, James, Sirius, and Peter because they would have thought that he was suicidal. Maybe he was, a little, but mostly he wanted to make a difference. True, his own life didn't mean very much to him anymore, but he always fought very hard to stay alive on these missions. He had something to accomplish on them, and much more work to do before Voldemort could be overthrown.

It hadn't taken much to convince Dumbledore that he was an ideal secret agent. He could only be killed by silver and beheading. He had a rapport with Dark Creatures that could only be gained by being one of them. They were hesitant to attack him until they were certain that he was not on their side, and even then they usually held back. A werewolf was not someone to tangle with even when it wasn't full moon. He put his life on the line more often than even James and Sirius, though they drew far more publicity from their open attacks of Death Eaters. There was really an equal danger. James and Sirius would be sought where they lived. Remus was going into the den of the beasts themselves.

Lily had been deeply buried in study and theory ever since she had become pregnant two years ago, trying to find a way to trap Voldemort once and for all. Even now she fought when she was attacked or in the vicinity of an attack, but her main objective was theoretical, looking for a magic deeper than the Dark Lord's. In the meantime, she was instrumental in finding new ways to break protections on Death Eaters' homes and foiling some of their larger operations, provided Dumbledore could find out about them beforehand. Peter was helping her. He was also helping with James's latest breeding projects.

Remus smiled to think of the Ultimate Guard Dog Experiment gone so wrong. Trying to give the dog three noble and almost human characteristics had blown up in James's face spectacularly when the gigantic dog sprouted three heads: a fiercely protective head, a fiercely loyal head, and a fiercely intelligent head. All three were nearly unapproachable. Luckily, it had heard Lily singing Harry to sleep when it was being born. Now, it calmed whenever Lily sang to it. She was deeply annoyed at her husband for months, but at least she could control the thing he had accidentally created.

All of these things could be talked about if no one else was with them. Remus couldn't tell anyone what he had been doing. That was why he hadn't been told that the Potters were hiding through the Fidelius Charm. That realization had been what prompted Remus to take this mission that would get him out of England for awhile. He had come back when he heard that Voldemort was nothing more than a ghost. The creatures from a forest in Albania had fled before it, the more intelligent naming it with the same name they had used for the Dark Lord in his human form.

So Remus came to Dumbledore for answers and to give him the information that Remus had found. Most of all, he wanted to know how and when James and Lily would be coming out of hiding. Would they believe him now? He could tell them everything if Voldemort had really fallen. They could begin to trust him again. This is what he had been waiting so eagerly for, the day that he could tell them everything that he had had to hide and be their friend again.

Alarm bells went off in his head when he first saw Dumbledore sit down with a grim look on his face. Was it all just a rumor? He had seen such celebrations going on all around the country that it couldn't have been anything else, could it? "Has he fallen?" Remus asked abruptly, not interested in beating around the bush. Had it finally happened? Were they all finally free?

"Yes, Mr. Lupin, he has." As he spoke, Dumbledore seemed so very old. Remus repressed his sigh of relief and exultation because of Dumbledore's attitude. "But the cost has been very high."

"All these years just fighting him the cost has been terrible," Remus said. "But we will lose no more, Professor Dumbledore. Surely that makes the losses more easily born." All Remus could think was that no matter how horrible the list of casualties was, the fall of Voldemort meant that he wouldn't have to lose his friends. They would all survive this. He wouldn't have to fear for Harry anymore.

Then Remus froze. Harry. The prophecy had said that Harry would defeat the Dark Lord or, no, it had said that he could. But surely someone else could have too?

"There is little comfort in any death, or in any betrayal for that matter," Dumbledore responded to his comment. "And there are three deaths."

Three. The Potters. Dumbledore didn't have to say it. Remus knew. Harry had been the one. "Harry defeated him?" Remus said, fear seizing his heart. "How?"

"Harry Potter has not yet defeated the Dark Lord, but I will tell you the story of how Lily Potter bought her son the time to do so," Dumbledore said sadly. As the story went on about that fateful Halloween night, as much as anyone knew anyway, Remus slumped further in his chair. Who would have thought that elation could turn to misery so quickly? That suddenly he would wish that he could have done something - anything - to prevent the night that was the fall of Voldemort from happening?

Tears were flowing down his cheeks as Dumbledore told him how Harry had been attacked by the Dark Lord. "Harry is dead?" Remus whispered, this blow was the hardest to bear though he had not known Harry nearly as long as the friends who had made his life worth living. Harry was supposed to be the legacy not only of Lily and James, but for all of them - and the savior of the world.

"No, Harry survived," Dumbledore said. "Lily found, in the end, the deeper magic that she was looking for. Love, the most ancient magic of all. Her love protected Harry, and the spell rebounded on Voldemort."

"He was killed?" Remus demanded, needing at least this confirmation. Nothing less was worth the price of the Potters.

"No," Dumbledore said quietly. "He had gone too far down the road to immortality for that. But he has no body; he exists only as the spirit that, as you have informed me, resides in the forests of Albania. I will send you there to confirm soon." Remus couldn't nod, couldn't move, couldn't think. They were gone. Lily and James were gone.

"Where's Harry?"

"With his aunt and uncle," Dumbledore said softly.

All power of movement returned to Remus Lupin. He was on his feet, ready for a fight, ready to make his way out of the room. "Where's Sirius?" he demanded, his voice firm and in control.

"Azkaban," Dumbledore said in a voice infinitely sad but also tinged with anger.

"Already?" Remus said, sinking back down into his seat.

"Peter had the same idea as you did when he found out," Dumbledore told him softly. "The Ministry found him when Peter confronted Mr. Black in the middle of a Muggle street. Mr Black killed him and twelve others with one curse that destroyed the entire street. He was taken directly to Azkaban without a trial."

Remus put his head in his hands, bowed over in his seat. All of his friends in one week? Why had the price of bringing down Voldemort been so specific? He could have born a great battle, even if it had claimed all of them. But no, it required no one's death except those who meant the most to Remus Lupin. Fate had never been kind to him, but its cruelty apparently knew no bounds. Everyone who cared about him, all of the friends who had meant the world to him, each and every person he loved was gone. How truly fragile their days at Hogwarts had been. How quickly the perfect world that they built for themselves as an island away from all the violence and death had disappeared as if it were never even there. How truly foolish their hope for the world had been back then.

Sobs shook him as he mourned for the deaths of the only people who had made his life worth living. How he wished that he could have died with them. They had all left him, the most precious and dear people in his life. All of them were gone. The greatest people of their generation, all snuffed out in one night. And the only one left the one that had killed them.

It hurt to go from so much hope to so much despair. The whole world seemed darker than ever before, just when he had thought he would go blind from staring at the light. It was like waiting through a long, terrible night, and then knowing that morning had come only to find that you were blind.

When he left Dumbledore's office, Remus walked with unseeing eyes until he found himself beside the snow-woman. He walked over and fell at her feet. He felt the sobs returning. He had thought once that his entire world had been taken from him in one swift stroke. Now he knew that it truly had. He would have to begin an entire life anew. And Remus Lupin had never been good at that.

They were all gone. Even Harry was apparently out of his reach as Dumbledore had explained. As he cried, a gentle breeze seemed to envelop him. The sun shone down on him warmly and comfortingly. In the rustling of the leaves from the wind, Remus could almost hear her voice, passing on the strength that she had gathered from the wind so long ago. It was the first thing he had heard in his visit to Hogwarts that he had wanted to hear.

But Marissa was gone. She had taken everything with her when she went. He had begun again with his friends to force him every step of the way. Now they were gone, and they had taken everything he had built again. What would become of him now?

The wind picked up ever so slightly, the rustling growing almost more insistent. The sun shone down more warmly. Remus looked up at the snow-woman, a memory out of so long ago, the last innocent time they had all had. Marissa, whom he now knew had so little reason to hope, with so much hope and acceptance on her face. In that moment, he knew that however many things he had heard that he wished that he had never had to hear, he would go on. For her, if not for himself.

Then the wind died down, and the rustling voice went with it. The sun went back behind the cloud where it had been hiding until a few moments ago. Marissa, it seemed, had heard what she had needed to hear. Remus wondered if he had ever loved or resented her more for forcing him to cling to hope again, even when he didn't know where it was anymore.

* * *

Their friends were beginning to get seriously worried about Remus and Marissa when they burst through the Portrait Hole, laughing and smiling so wide that they looked as if their faces would split open with the strain of holding them. Remus, as always, was walking with Marissa in his arms, Marissa walking boldly forward holding her hand up in a supposedly casual way.

They both looked different, and not subtly; it was dramatic. Most of the Common Room looked up briefly at their entrance, as seeing the two skiving prefects make such a joint and gay entrance was certain to raise eyebrows. Lockhart was, in fact, on his way to reprimand them, when Marissa turned to Remus excitedly and said, "Do you want to tell them?"

"Absolutely," Remus said seriously, turning immediately. "Everyone, I would like to announce that the universe officially makes absolutely no sense!"

"Remus!" Marissa laughed, grabbing the hand that he had lifted up to emphasize his point.

"I know it's true, because what just happened could not happen in a rational universe. But I wouldn't change the world back in a million years, because in this one, Marissa Fletcher has agreed to marry me!" Remus finished with a flourish. Marissa held up her left finger on which the sparkle of diamond was immediately obvious.

There was chaos instantly. The prefect girls were the first to descend. "And you were teasing me about rushing into things!" Alice Watterby laughed, gawking at the beautiful diamond ring on Marissa's finger.

"Merlin, it's gorgeous! Where on earth did you get that thing?"

"It's so romantic! Best friends all these years!"

"Hey! James is over there strip-dancing!" That came from Sirius, who used the distraction of the girls swarming over them to grab Remus by the shoulder and pull the couple out of the mess. It was only necessary to pull one of them these days to get both of them.

Everyone else lost their frenzy to congratulate the happy couple eventually and headed off to dinner, but the Marauders stayed. Peter popped up to their room and came down with a few bottles of butterbeer, which they promptly popped and used to toast. "You keep champagne glasses in your room?" Marissa laughed in surprise, taking one of the filled glasses.

Sirius yanked it back, eying her shrewdly. "Wait, you're not pregnant, are you?"

"Sirius Black, give me that!" Marissa laughed, snatching it back from him. Remus, however, started to pounce at him. Marissa barely managed to catch his arm and hold him back. "Remus Lupin, sit down! What are you doing? This is a happy occasion! And you want to ruin my engagement party by starting a brawl?"

"He just said - "

"I have ears, Remus, I also have self-control and a sense of humor," Marissa said pointedly, hauling him heavily back down to the couch. "I suggest that you cultivate the latter two. Or rather, find them again, since he's been making comments like that to me for a few years now, and you never seemed to take offense before we started dating."

"I never liked when he said things like that about you," Remus said in what was almost a growl in Sirius's direction. "When we started dating I had an excuse."

"Well, try to learn to get a sense of humor about it then." Marissa sighed a long-suffering sigh. "Although, it is terribly romantic to have my fiancee fight for my honor." She laughed, her eyes sparkling at the word "fiancee."

Remus sighed and smiled widely. "You really don't play fair," he grumbled contentedly. "How can I be mad when you say something like that?"

"Fiancee, then, is my new favorite word," Marissa laughed, leaning in to kiss him briefly.

"All right, you kids, break it up," James said, sounding highly amused. It might have looked crazy from the outside, two barely seventeen-year-olds deciding to get married in their sixth year at Hogwarts with no job, house, or money (assuming Remus's parents cut him off for marrying a Muggle-born, which wasn't much of a stretch), but when you knew Remus and Marissa, you knew that they were perfect for each other.

"I think that it's time for a toast," James said, raising his glass. "To the marriage of laughter and tears. The union of two people as different as day and night, but somehow perfect together."

"To the sun and the moon," Peter said, also raising his glass. "May you both be happy." Marissa smiled at him when he spoke. For perhaps the first time since their second year, none of the Marauders half-winced at the word "moon."

They all tipped their glasses and drank to that. "I hate to play devil's advocate here," Sirius said, sounding as if he was amusing himself quite thoroughly with his own thoughts. "But do we know that two such different things can love together forever?"

"Of course they can, Padfoot," James said, smacking him on the back of the head. "It's only in great happiness, or occasionally in great sadness, that laughter and tears meet."

"The sun and the moon have always been partners," Peter added. "The moon reflects the light of the sun, and he shows her the way out of darkness when she falls into it. For he knows the way. And through her, he can bring light even to the darkest places of his life."

"And the day and night have been lovers for a long time," James continued. "Even the sky is painted the color of their love when they meet each morning and each evening."

"Hate to break it to you budding poets, but I don't think our day or night have heard a word that you guys said," Sirius said as he let out a bark of laughter.

Indeed, Marissa and Remus had been looking into each other's eyes throughout the conversation, at a complete loss for words. Sirius slapped Remus on the back with another laugh and broke the trance. "To Remus and Riss," he said, raising the glasses again. "Day and night, sun and moon, laughter and tears, may you have lots of all of them."

"What about lies and truth?" Lily said, coming up behind them and surprising them just as they were about to take a drink. They all stopped and stared at her. Her eyes flicked to Marissa's left hand and then bored into her friend's eyes accusingly.

"Lily, please don't," Marissa said quietly.

"I don't see how you could be this selfish," Lily said, looking down at her in anger as she whirled and turned away.

"Look who's talking!" James cried suddenly. Everyone else had sat there stunned. Lily turned back around in surprise, staring at James Potter, as stunned to silence as everyone else had been by her a moment ago. "The girl who divided the Marauders and made Moony pick between his friends and his girlfriend just because she decided that she couldn't deal with me!"

"Don't you dare compare - " she said tightly, both of them radiating fury.

"You're right," James cut her off. "There is no comparison. Getting married is the most selfless action that anyone can make, and you were being purely selfish. Marissa is bound to us because we were there for her once, and all you've been doing since fourth year is trying to break her free of us. Well, I'm sorry if we had a falling out, Evans, but you can't drive a wedge between friends just because the friendship doesn't please you!"

"So we're back to 'Evans,' are we, Potter?" Lily said icily. While Marissa and Remus may be laughter and tears, Lily and James at that moment looked like nothing as much as fire and ice doing battle.

"It seemed appropriate," James replied. "You're not my favorite person right now." Their eyes met as they stood toe to toe, staring at each other furiously. "You didn't want to deal with me, so you wouldn't let the rest of us be friends. You made Marissa choose, and when she chose you, you made her leave us alone. Remus went with her because he loves her, and you still didn't care when you saw the Marauders starting to break up. Well I've got news for you, Lily Evans, we're not going to break up just to suit you."

"You wonder why I don't want to be around you!" Lily exploded.

"Yeah, well, this isn't about you and me!" James roared over her. "You couldn't even let them have this day? This day has to be about you too? You and only you can celebrate their engagement with them? They have to shake us off so that they can go celebrate with you?"

"James!" Marissa screamed over him, rising to her feet. Lily turned to her, grabbed her hand, and pulled her unceremoniously up the stairs.

"And even now you steal her!" James called up after them.

"Prongs! Shut it!" Marissa shouted down the stairs as Lily pulled her into their room. She found her bed as Lily whirled on her angrily. The door slammed shut on whatever reply the boys were forming.

"How could you do this to him?" Lily cried, staring at her best friend as if she had never seen her before. "How could set him up to break his heart? Without even telling him?"

"I did tell him, Lils," Marissa said quietly. Lily looked as if she would fall over. Marissa took her arm and led her sit on the bed next to her. Lily had gone pale and was looking up at her with hope on her face for the first time in two days.

"So then it's not a big deal!" she cried, throwing her arms around Marissa and hugging her. "Oh, why didn't you just tell me that! Why did you have to let me think that it was - oh, I don't even care! Thank you, God!"

Marissa gently pulled Lily's arms back from around her neck and looked at her seriously. "No, Lils," Marissa whispered. "It is a big deal, I'm afraid."

"But he's down there looking so happy and carefree," Lily said, the hope dropping off her face even as she protested.

"Exactly," Marissa said pointedly. "If he so much as thought that I had a hangnail, he'd be worried, wouldn't he? And that medicine, you and Severus are right, is for something much stronger than a hangnail." Lily looked twice as crushed as a moment before. Anger had drained out of her, and it was cruel of it to abandon her that way. Marissa shifted in her seat and took a deep breath. "When he proposed, I knew that you were right, so I told him the whole truth."

"But then how - why - " Lily couldn't even think clearly. Hopes dashed always seemed so much worse than no hope at all. The "seemed" that Marissa always insisted on in such phrases was automatic in Lily's thinking now. How different Lily would be if she had never met Marissa! How different she would be if she ever lost her!

"Don't freak out, Lils; it was his idea," Marissa said carefully. "A memory charm. He agrees with me that we deserve one more month when we can be happy. When we can love with laughs and smiles instead of tears."

"That's from Boheme," Lily said irrelevantly because it was easier than concentrating on the matter at hand.

"It was his idea when I told him why I didn't tell him before," Marissa continued quietly. "Oh, Lils, it was the hardest thing that I ever had to do," she cried, falling back on the bed and starting to cry again. She had thought that she had shed every tear in her body earlier today, but the dying apparently had an endless supply.

There were a thousand different things that Remus could have said when he turned slowly around after hearing those terrible words come from her lips. There were a thousand different scenarios that she had pictured in her head. There were a thousand expressions that could have been on his face.

But there was nothing. He turned around slowly, only his eyes expressive, wide and panicky. He said nothing. He only strode quickly toward and her crushed her to him, not letting go and simply holding on as if he could hold her there for the rest of her life so that she couldn't sneak off and die on him. That was when the sobs erupted out of her. He held her as she sobbed. She never knew what expression was on his face in that eternity that they seemed to spend there. Even she couldn't guess what it would be.

"How - " he began when she had calmed but choked on his own grief.

"It's a Muggle disease - "

"No," he cut her off. "How long?"

Marissa had closed her eyes and buried her face in his chest at that. "They said eight months to a year - six months ago," she said quietly. She felt Remus begin to sob as he pulled her to him even more tightly. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I couldn't tell you. I - I can't - even now - I'm so sorry. I couldn't bear to - "

"Treatment?" Remus said as if he already knew that he was grasping at straws. "Surely there's some treatment that you could..."

Marissa smiled wryly into his chest. "I am. Cross-world technology, the best treatment of both magic and Muggle."

"And the best that that can give you is two more months?" Remus cried in dismay. Marissa forced herself to look up at him, look him in the tortured eyes that matched her own. It was the worst moment yet, but also the one that bound her tighter to Remus Lupin than any that had come before it.

"I'm so sorry, Remus," she said miserably. Remus reached down and kissed her, crushing her to him, not caring about anything but drinking her in while she was still here. Their tears mixed on both of their cheeks. It was more intimate than the kiss itself.

When they both had to break the kiss, they sat down in the desks, both feeling as if their legs would no longer hold them up. "Why didn't you tell us? We would have wanted to help you through this. Did you think that I would love you any less? I would have wanted to be there for you." Although his rebuke was enough to make her wallow in guilt for a year, he was looking at her so tenderly and lovingly that she could bear to look back and answer.

"You did help me," she assured him, reaching up a hand gently wiping the tears off of his face. "You helped me exactly the way that I wanted you to. You were there for me just because you love me. I knew that this would ruin everything."

"I could have helped you," Remus said, almost angrily.

"You did," Marissa whispered. "By being happy with me. That was the one thing that I knew you could never do. You could never let yourself, or me, be happy if you knew. You wouldn't be able to forget for a second that it was all fading away fast. We wouldn't even have the moment anymore."

Remus was just staring at her, so she went on, pouring out all of her fears, "This will be over so fast ... what needs to last is how you remember our love, how you think about me. I didn't want it to be in hospital beds. I wanted us to have one more season, one more stolen time when life could be simple. We could be in love. We could be happy. I was going to tell you after Christmas."

"Then maybe you should," Remus said after a long moment.

"So then what?" Lily asked quietly, almost reverently as she listened to Marissa's recount of telling Remus.

"He suggested the memory charms," Marissa said with a shrug. "I did a selective one, let him keep the proposal. I just made him think he had just done it. I accepted and tried to forget what had happened not an hour before."

"An hour?"

"He let me have an hour to get myself under control," Marissa laughed slightly, taking a deep breath to keep it from turning into a sob. "Then I was ready to steal time, just as I've been doing all year." She smiled sadly at her best friend. "You always said that I'm such a good thief, and you're right. I can even steal time from death."

They were both quiet for a very long time. "So, where'd he get the ring?" Lily asked eventually.

Marissa sat up from where she had been laying down on the bed and smiled at Lily. "His grandmother sent it to him when he was twelve."

"Really?" Lily said, shocked that she could feel surprise at that when so many more terrible shocks had been delivered to her such a short while ago. "Isn't that a bit early?"

"She got her decades mixed up towards the end, apparently," Marissa explained. "She thought he was twenty-two instead. I think she also wanted to give it to him personally before she died."

"Did he engrave your name on it like this?" Lily asked as she examined the exquisite gold band and found the name Marissa written on it.

"No, she did that," Marissa said with what was a brave imitation of a laugh. "He must have mentioned me in a letter or something - it was right about the time of the a-attack so it's not that inconceivable - and she apparently got it into her head that I was his girlfriend. He explained that he just never got around to changing it."

"Or it's fate," Lily laughed, admiring the large, sparkling princess-cut diamond on her best friend's finger. It seemed to catch every light that came near it, small, thin strands of gold and red running through the jewel.

"It would be a very big coincidence," Marissa said with a shrug and a smile.

"So," Lily said as they stood and started to make their way down to the Common Room, "are you just handing out those memory charms? Because I think I'd be happier with one too."

"Ah, but you can smile without one," Marissa said seriously. "It may not be easy, but you can do it. Remus doesn't have the practice for this. You've been doing it for your mom for years."

"Didn't do us much good in the end, did it?" Lily asked quietly.

"Let's just go downstairs and try to put on a good face for the guys, eh, Lils?"

"You deserve a great engagement party."

"A Sickle says that's what they've been doing down there while we were talking."

* * *

Severus Snape was not pleased to see the ring on Marissa's finger a few days later, and, unfortunately, not just because the diamond nearly cut his hand when he was trying to stop her from slicing the rabbit heart so thin. "So I see you really took my advice to heart," he said sarcastically, pointedly not looking at the ring.

"I thought that I explained to you once that my relationship with Remus was not affected by anything that had to do with you," Marissa said in a warning tone of voice, still hostile and stiff in her dealings with her both surprising and disappointing potions partner. "I further thought that you might have understood my point."

"So then I suppose you're not bothered by his mysterious disappearances?" Snape said pointedly. "Like clockwork almost."

"All the boys disappear then," Marissa replied impatiently. "And no, they don't bother me. Do you really think that he hasn't told me where he goes?"

"Visiting that same old sick aunt then, is he?"

"I want to know what you think you are implying," Marissa said, turning around and facing him with squared shoulders.

"I'm implying that you didn't take a good look at Remus Lupin before you agreed to marry him," Snape replied immediately, forcefully. "I'm suggesting that he could very well be the one who's betrayed you."

Marissa was perfectly still, her eyes blazing with the effort of suppressing her rage. "If you ever," she said slowly, deathly serious, "say anything like that again, so help me, I will pull up your sleeve and display your tattoo to the entire Great Hall. Then I will tell any other deluded Voldemort supporters how you passed along confidential secrets to me. Do you understand me?" Snape said nothing, just stared at her in surprise. "You," she continued tightly, "do not insult Remus Lupin in front of me."

"I see I wasted my time," Snape said simply, turning back to the potion.

"I suppose so, Severus," Marissa replied.

"Severus?" he said in slight surprise, not daring to glance at her.

Marissa was silent for a few seconds, and then she nodded. "Yes, Severus. I thought about what you said, and I believe that it may indeed be possible for us to remain allies. It would be foolish of me, at least, to throw away a contact that appears so very concerned with my safety."

"Then you do believe me?" There was almost more surprise in his voice now. It sounded distinctly odd in the voice of Severus Snape. "I suppose, then, you've noticed how withdrawn Lily Evans and James Potter have been lately?"

"They're fighting," Marissa dismissed it, shooting a warning look at Severus. "I live with Lily; I'd notice if there were anything different in her character."

"Will you react this way to accusations toward Black and Pettigrew as well?" Snape said. "If so, my treachery was worse than useless."

Marissa was staring down at her table when she said quietly, "Peter."

"I see," Snape said quietly, thoughtfully.

"Peter has some secret ... I don't know what it is," Marissa said quietly, not looking up, it was entirely unnecessary. She felt like a traitor herself for suspecting him. "And this summer, what happened with his mother and father..."

"You think that it would drive him to the Dark side?" Snape asked with what was almost a sneer.

"No," Marissa said quietly. "But there is more to the story than what we know. That could be the secret but ... but he had a very strange conversation with Igor the other day."

Although neither of them noticed, Igor, at his station in front of them, perked up at the sound of his name. "Not that I know that Igor is a Death Eater by any stretch of the imagination ... he's also not someone that Peter would ever talk to un-"

"Uncoerced," Snape finished quietly. "Not usually the Dark Lord's style."

"Do you how much it frightens me that you know the Dark Lord's style of attack?" Marissa whispered. "And I'm standing here talking to you about something so delicate and dangerous as ... as whether or not I can trust a boy I've known all my years at school."

"He's hiding something," she went on a long moment later, this time speaking just loud enough for Karkaroff to hear at his station. "I need to find out what it is."

"What do you want me to do?" Snape asked her quietly. "I don't know him."

"I need to find out what happened to his mother this summer," Marissa replied quietly. "Do you have any books on the Imperius Curse?"

"I don't know what has given you the erroneous perception that I care to help you, Fletcher," Snape said when he noticed Karkaroff's interest. "But I truly don't care one way or another in this conflict. Do your own research."

Marissa had the self-control not to glance at him and give away the game. She understood that someone was listening. Neither of them said anything else the rest of the class. When it ended, she went off under Remus's arm and started a snowball fight.

* * *

"Ah! I hate snow!" Lily cried as she was bombarded yet again with a cascade of snowballs the moment that she tried to emerge from the barrier they had hastily built. It was a full ten minutes after they had all called a truce. Lily was the only one who seemed continually surprised by the fact that no one was going to honor it.

"Blasphemy!" Marissa shouted back. "How dare you!" She laughed and handed Lily a snowball. "Here, if you can't beat 'em."

"Join 'em," Lily said with a sigh and a smile. "You're a stern task master." She started to stand up but ducked back down as they all pelted the shelter with snowballs. The instant that the eighth one hit (each boy had two) she stood up and hurled her own snowball at James Potter.

"Bullseye!" Marissa cried, peering up warily. "You hit him right in the face! We have to do this more often."

"By the way, what is happening with our old club these days? Are you still going to keep it up now that you're engaged?" Lily asked idly as she began to assemble another supply of snowballs. She was, for all her assertion that she disliked the cold, wet, useless substance, an expert snowball maker. She was faster than any of the rest of them, and all of hers had a perfect balance to them.

"No, actually, I turned it over to that Ravenclaw girl who's been gunning for my job for years," Marissa said, peering warily up over the top and ducking instantly as four distinct showers of snow hit the top and two balls sailed over their heads. "It wasn't fair to Remus, I think."

"Bloody hell! You're going to turn that club loose on us without your control?" Sirius cried in surprise from behind them.

"Damn, that was only six!" Marissa berated herself, reaching for Lily's arsenal but getting pegged with a ton of snowballs before she could react. With a cry, she stood and fled from the barrage.

Sirius was after her, still firing snowballs, a second later. "How could you do that to us? They're all bloody nutters! You're the only one who can control them!" He lunged and, grabbing her around the waist, bore her to ground where they both landed in an ungraceful plop.

"Remus! Help me!" Marissa cried with a laugh as she tried to roll away. The next second, something flew through the air and knocked Sirius to the side. Both Sirius and object continued to roll for several feet. James and Peter came running over, looking vastly amused at the sight of Sirius and Remus still fighting and Marissa sprawled out on the ground in exhaustion. Lily wouldn't come out of hiding for another five minutes.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Miss Fletcher," Madam Pomfrey said quietly, as Marissa put her clothes back on after the examination and tests.

"It's certainly not your fault, Poppy," Marissa said quietly. "Goodness knows you've done everything that you could have." She sighed as she put on her robe. "So what now?"

"We keep going with the treatment," Madam Pomfrey said quietly. "It could still work; this was only a preliminary analysis."

"I know," Marissa said even more quietly. "I know. I'll see you in a few days."

* * *

Sirius Black was right to think that Marissa, however much she may be trying to separate herself from everything and everyone that had come to think of her as indispensable (except Remus), was quite apparently the only thing that kept the James Potter Fan Club from going positively bonkers. The controlled (and, put frankly, hilarious) insanity of painting James's face on the clouds was a focused effort. The individual outbursts of craziness were far more chaotic and far more distracting.

Every once in awhile, a particularly drastic girl would lose her head entirely and start waving her poster about so hard that she would knock out one of her neighbors. "Oh, the humanity," Peter mumbled, rolling his eyes in their direction.

"Okay, Riss," Lily said, eying them with slight alarm, "I officially understand why you stuck with it so long." She shook her head, trying to dislodge the awful sight. "Without you, it's like Woodstock over there." Marissa was looking at them in slight alarm as well.

"Douglas Crom and Samantha Adams are streaking up the field," Sirius said excitedly (he could never grasp the concept of commentating in an unbiased way). "Crom to Adams, she shoots - c'mon, Samantha you know you can- Damn. Saved by Keeper Yu Chang."

"Sirius," McGonagall said warningly, with a long-suffering sigh.

"Yes, yes, no cursing," Sirius mumbled under his breath, not seeming to grasp the concept of a magical microphone either. "Tropp takes the Quaffle for Ravenclaw. Selandra's really making time, Whoa! Two well-aimed bludgers from Victoria Lovegood and Sarah Ackerley cause her to fumble - and nearly knock her off the broom. Easy girls, that's my date you're harassing there. I don't want her disfigured, it would be most inconvenient to come up with an excuse."

"Sirius Black!"

"Yes, yes, it's about more than looks; I know, Minerva."

"Mr. Black," McGonagall said sternly. His friends could almost see how very thin her mouth would be by this point. "The school at large is not interested in either your personal life, your biased commentary, or your profanity. Keep it to the match."

"Of course, Professor," Sirius replied, sounding shocked that she thought he had been doing anything else. "Anyway, somewhere in there Ravenclaw recovered the Quaffle. Henderson is streaking up the pitch - stop her Henrietta!"

"Unbiased, Mr. Black."

"Keeper Fawcett prepares to make the save - attempt to make the save, Professor? - and - "

There was a tremendous scream from the crowd that, because of its high pitch and apparent desperation, completely took away most people's attention. Unfortunately, this included Henrietta Fawcett but not Penelope Henderson. "Ravenclaw scores?" Sirius cried in horror. "James! For Merlin's sake, don't fly over your dratted fan club when your team is in scoring position!" he shouted up at the flying figure of his best friend. "Remus Lupin, this is all your fault! Tell Marissa she can get them back under control before they cost us the game with this riot!

"I mean it, Remus, if you don't I'll - fricking hell!" McGonagall was too shocked to try to snatch the microphone away from him. Everyone was. Except, of course, the two people who actually cast the charm to turn every single one of the screaming banshee club members into the likeness of their idol. "FLETCHER, DID YOU DO THIS?" Sirius roared. "Because it's freakin' hilarious, but you really have problems girl!"

Remus's eyebrows were almost in his hair, he raised them so high as he regarded his girlfriend. She looked as if she would burst apart at the effort of not laughing. "I'm sorry," she said as some a burst of laughter escaped. Lily was making no such effort, doubled over and clutching the railing along the stairs for support as she heaved with her laughter. "I couldn't resist," Marissa laughed wildly, her eyes dancing. "It is too funny!"

Then she was laughing nearly as hard as Lily, and Remus and Peter found it very difficult not to laugh as well. James's broom actually stopped dead in midair for a few seconds before Sirius called out, "OY! Prongs! The game!"

James didn't look back down at the stands the rest of the game.

Although Sirius had been the one to remind James about the game, he seemed to have no interest in returning his own attention to it. "It seems that someone has bewitched that daft fan club down there so that they all take on the appearance of James Potter. I suppose they all get their wish that way. Do you suppose it's the happiest day of their lives? To realize the perfection that they so admire?"

"Mr. Black, if you ever want to commentate for a Quidditch match again, you will return your focus to the game."

"I'm sorry, Professor, but for once, what's happening in the stands is far more amusing."

"Mr. Black," Professor McGonagall started warily.

"Bell, Crom, and Adams are passing the Quaffle back and forth in a complicated formation that James, the original one, will kill me for not knowing the name of later. Just as well. They're moving up the pitch. Ackerley and Lovegood just pelted the Patil twins with bludgers - was that wise, girls? They are beaters; they could have deflected those, you know. But it's worked and Crom shoots... HE SCORES!"

Down below, however, no one cared. It was the most pathetic cheer that had ever risen from the Gryffindor stands. Lily and Marissa were surveying their handiwork amusedly, with Remus and Peter staring at them in surprise and growing respect. "Oh geez!" Marissa cried suddenly, whirling around with her hand over her mouth. "Two of them just started making out with each other!"

"Ew! It's caught on!" Lily cried, likewise turning away.

"Change them back," Marissa said immediately to Lily, who nodded instantly. She could barely force herself to turn around long enough to briefly untransfigure them. They both shuddered.

"That was possibly the most disturbing thing I've ever seen," Lily muttered. "Although it was extremely funny to see James dressed in drag."

"Please, oh please, tell him that when he gets down," Peter said, choking on suppressed laughter.

"Oh, don't worry," Marissa laughed. "She will."

"Come along, Riss, and sit down; you've done your worst," Remus said, taking her arm and sitting her down next to him. "Let's just watch the rest of the match."

"I have to cause a spectacle at Quidditch games, Remus," Marissa said simply and unapologetically as she sat down. "It's a tradition. Besides, Lily and I have been waiting to pull that one on our little club for years. We were going to save it until the last match of seventh year but..."

"Liu is diving! Has she seen the Snitch? Potter's hot on her tail!" Sirius's excitement drowned out their conversations, even the shrieks of the righted (and oddly disappointed about it) fan club. "They're diving ... Oh! The Snitch veers up! Potter reacts more quickly than Liu, he's almost ... there ... YES! Potter catches the Snitch! And Gryffindor wins, 210 to 50, taking the lead for the Quidditch Cup. Can you say Cindy Liu Who?"

"What on earth does that mean?" McGonagall asked curiously, her voice sounding strangely calm after all the yelling she had to do with Sirius during the match. The microphone had already been turned off, however, before Sirius could start explaining about the Grinch and his evil plot to steal Christmas.

* * *

People, in general, seemed to find the incident hilariously funny. This was not true of James Potter. He was pissed. He stormed right over to where Marissa Fletcher was sitting, calmly talking and laughing with Remus (as always these days), and stood over her looking very menacing indeed. "Why - did - you - do - that?" he asked tightly, looking as if a vein would pop in his neck.

"We've been planning it for years," Lily said from behind him. "Don't you think it's hilariously funny?"

James slowly turned around to face her down, fury radiating out of him. "Would you like to receive a similar shock when you are over a hundred feet in the air?" James asked her quietly, in a lethal whisper that was even more furious than a scream would have been.

"You didn't fall, Potter," Lily said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"You would have dismissed it just as easily if I had," James said angrily, facing her with fury on his face. "Because I'm nothing to you. No one, really, means anything to you, do they, Evans? You'd ruin Riss and Remus's engagement day, you'd steal the show at our team's Quidditch match. No one else matters as much as you, do they?"

"I'm not the one who thinks that he's the king of the world," Lily replied immediately, rising to the challenge the instant that James decided he wanted to get nasty. "You know, those adoring looks on your fan club as they beheld themselves were awfully familiar. I knew just how your face would look because I see it every time you look in the mirror! The only person that you care about half as much as you claim to care about me is yourself!"

"You don't even care about your mother!" James yelled back in her face, spit flying out and hitting a hapless first year who was unlucky enough to be standing a little behind Lily. "You're not going home for Christmas because you don't want to deal with her dying? You have a responsibility to your family at least! You're so selfish that you're not going to see her for what could be your last chance! And you want to talk to me about being self-centered?"

Lily's face had gone from the red of anger to pale during the course of his speech. When he was done there was a terrible silence. Then Lily turned and ran up the stairs to her dormitory. She had been doing entirely too much of that this year. This was what came of trying to be friends with James Potter.

James seemed shocked by what he had said but unashamed. Marissa stood up slowly from where she was seated, her expression stony. She walked up to James, who had stood there perfectly still since Lily left. Marissa faced him squarely for a moment, and then she slapped him resoundingly on the face. The smack was heard around the Common Room and silenced any conversation that had survived the fight itself.

"How dare you," she said quietly. "How dare you judge her. Do you want to know why she's not going home for Christmas, James? Do you? Her mother doesn't even know her anymore! She doesn't know it's Christmas. Whenever they tell her that Lily's away at school, she babbles how it's nonsense that a child of six should be at a boarding school. Lily's mother has gone. She's trying to deal with that when her family informs her that they intend to skip over the holidays altogether, and, since her presence would make that impossible, they want her to stay over for the Christmas break. Can you even imagine that James?"

It looked for a minute as if James would start to answer her. He looked horrified. "Your almighty assumption that you were right, that you knew the whole story, just caused Lily more pain that you can in this moment imagine. Your arrogant assumption that you know all just cost Lily the carefully built defense mechanisms she had for coping with this! Your ignorance coupled with your egotism just hurt my best friend more than she ever, at her very worst, deserved!" She slapped him again.

"Riss, I didn't - "

"No, you didn't know, but yes, you did hurt her. Whether or not you meant to doesn't really matter, James. Your arrogance just hurt my best friend - that is the only matter under discussion today," Marissa replied immediately. "And for once, I'm not going to storm off and give you the Common Room. You go to your room!" Marissa pointed dramatically at the staircase to the Boys Dormitory. "NOW!"

James did indeed begin to shuffle out. "Well? Go with him!" Marissa said as she turned to Sirius and Peter who were gaping at her. Remus stood up beside her, his hand on her shoulder. She turned to him briefly and said in a calm, tender voice that belied her earlier one, "Go ahead with your friend, Remus. I'm going to go see Lily anyway," she reached up and pecked him sweetly on the cheek before turning back and staring all the boys up the stairs. Only then did she go and see her friend.

---

©KatyMulvaney4-30-2005