A Chance You Only Get Once

Chapter Twelve
The Things You Know

Weddings are stressful. So is adoption. It is most heartily recommended that mortal man not attempt both at the same time. It is further heartily recommended that a foolish man who makes this mistake for the dubious reason of trule love pay very close attention what envelope he is putting something into. This was James Potter's mistake.

"James, we got the invitation," Lily caroled excitedly, hurrying over to him bearing an envelope.

"I really think that we know when it is, Lils," James replied with a laugh.

Lily swatted at him. "Oh you. Let me be excited about this. It only happens once."

"You're assuming that I only intended on getting married once," James said cheekily.

"And you're assuming that anyone else would have you," Lily rolled her eyes at him, but her heart was not really in it. Dating James had mellowed her considerably. She was happy and cheerful and less stressful now.

"Do you want the list?" James queried innocently.

"Why you!" Lily said, landing another playful blow on his arm. She took out a fancy letter-opener that had been one of their first gifts from her Muggle guests. She pulled out a fancy card and smiled at him before reading. Despite himself, James smiled back. He would put up with any amount of wedding nonsense to be able to say to the world that she was really his. To prove it, he slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him.

Lily, however, did not respond. She looked confusedly back at the envelope, then at the card, an adorable but worrying furrow in her brow. "James," she said slowly, "Did I give you the invitation template and that card to Mundungus on the same day?"

"What?" James said, totally taken aback.

"Did I give them to you on the same day last week?" Lily asked, looking up at him intensely and slightly accusingly.

Having no idea what he could have possibly done now, James's hand flew up into his hair as he said carefully, "I think so. I dunno. It was a week ago."

"James, did you pay careful attention to -"

Just then the fireplace glowed green. James was quite glad of the interruption for that tone was Lily's dangerous one. It meant a fight was coming unless he treaded very carefully, a feat he seldom ever managed. The next moment, Sirius's head had appeared in the fireplace. Lily also separated herself from James, still staring at the invitation. Except that it was more like glaring now, and she looked up to glare at him from time to time.

"Lily, James, I didn't know you cared," Sirius said, obviously suppressing laughter only with great difficulty.

"What do you mean, Padfoot?" James asked in surprise.

"Did you get the wedding invitations today, Sirius?" Lily asked sharply.

Sirius threw his head back and laughed, "No, but I did get a very generous offer from the two of you to adopt me. I warn you, I'm not totally potty-trained yet."

"No!" Lily cried, dropping to the hearth. "Please, please, Sirius tell me you're not - well, serious!"

"You mean, you don't want to be my new Mommy?" Sirius cried in mock-hurt.

"No!" Lily cried again, burying her face in her hands.

"What's going on?" James demanded, disliking being out of the loop.

Lily's head snapped up, her eyes flashing at him. "I'll tell you what's going on. What's going on is that thanks to my idiot husband-to-be we just sent a card to three hundred people telling them that we're planning on ADOPTING THEM!"

James's eyes went wide in horror. However, being James, he couldn't help but see the humor in the situation. Lily did not. "James, how many jobs do you have concerning this wedding?" she demanded furiously. "How could you be so careless? What are we going to say to these people? What are they going to think? Oh dear Merlin!" Just when she was beginning to get up a good rant, she gasped in renewed dismay and knelt down to face Sirius, "It doesn't say anything about Marissa, does it?"

"Not by name, no," Sirius replied, still sounding terribly amused.

"Oh no!" Lily moaned, reading the card in her hand. "We just sent a card to three hundred people telling them that they're sister died! We work at the Ministry! They may think we knew something! We'll start a panic!" In one of her alarming mood shifts, Lily went from horrified to furious as she rounded on James. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, YOU IDIOT!" she shouted, beating James with blows by no means playful now. "How could you be so careless, so stupid, so, so, YOU!"

"Lily! Lily, easy! I didn't do it on purpose!" James shouted back, ducking. "And besides, you said yourself that you were the one who gave them both to me on the same day."

Lily grew quite still in her rage. "You're right," she said in a dangerously calm, reasonable voice. "I should have known you were totally incompetent and so self-absorbed as to not have the brains to notice what envelope you put something in. You're right, it's my fault. I know your limitations and yet I continue to think you have the same capabilities of any normal person."

"Lily - "

"No, James, it's totally my fault. You're right," Lily said, glint of anger back in her eyes. "Why do I ever trust you with anything?"

"I'm not incompetent, Lily," James protested.

"No?" she said sweetly. Then acidly, "Then why can't you tell a bloody wedding invitation from a card to Mundungus?" She turned to the fireplace, "Sirius, I think you should go."

"Are you kidding, Lils? If I left every time you and James had a fight, I'd never see you guys anymore," Sirius said sounding far too amused. "You've been fighting like this since fourth year. Before and after you got together. It's one of those things you come to depend on in life."

"Glad we're here for your entertainment, Padfoot," James replied sardonically.

"Hush you!" Lily said, jabbing an accusing finger in his face. "This is your fault. How could you be so careless? Why do you always do this to me James? Why can't you get over being an insensitive prat? Just when I think I might have broken you of it, you do something like this!"

"Lily, be reasonable, this was a simple mistake," James coaxed.

"That embarrassed us in front of three hundred people! Freaked out the Muggle guests and terrified the wizard ones! Why did I ever agree to marry such an insensitive, thoughtless, self-aborsbed..."

* * *

"Arrogant, bigheaded, pathetic little toerag!" Lily was screaming at James standing on Hogsmeade Station with half the school streaming past them and the rest looking bemusedly through the windows. The occasional Evans-Potter blow out had become a way of life. Most didn't even shake their heads at it anymore.

"You know what they say, Evans, there's a thin line between love and hate, and from the sound of your diatribe, you must love me very much," James said irrepressibly.

"Okay that's it," Marissa said, sliding into the danger zone between them when she saw that Lily was about to blow. "James, you are to get on the train right now and if I have to I will bewitch you so that it becomes physically impossible for you to leave the south end of the train. Lily, the same goes for you in the north end of the train. Now, if you attempt to have it out across the barrier between the two sides, I really won't care because I'm immuring myself in the Prefect's Compartment. Coming, Remus?"

Remus immediately followed her as she hurried off. "Can we come?" Sirius and Peter chorused, casting wary looks at the endlessly bickering pair.

Marissa waved her wand at her two friends. "Don't worry, they can't yell at each other across two cars, and there are two in the center of the train that I prevented either of them from entering."

"Bless you, Riss," Sirius said, holding his head dramatically. Seeing his brother boarding the train, Sirius added under his breath, "You don't think you could cast a charm on Regulus to banish him to say...Antartica, do you?"

"You going to be all right this summer, Sirius?" James asked in an uncharacteristically serious voice as he hurried up behind their group. "Really?"

"What, you mean because Regulus has joined forces with Voldemort and I've point blank refused to and he knows where I sleep and my parents are unlikely to protect me from him? Why wouldn't you think I'd be okay?" Sirius said sarcastically. When he saw the look on Marissa's face, he was instantly remorseful. "It's okay, Riss. I'll make it through somehow. I always have."

"But you've always half-bargained with them before," Peter put in. Sirius shot him a glare when Marissa's eyes widened even further in fear for him.

"Yeah, well, we all knew this day would come. Besides, they're not about to kill off a male heir when Regulus has a new job that they both know is highly dangerous," Sirius said casually. So casually he almost believed it himself. He could see Marissa beginning to and was immensely grateful for that. He didn't want Marissa worried about him. She and Lily, after all, couldn't contact him at all while he was in that house.

"Riss, let's go see how our illustrious Heads are handling their last fling with authority, what do you say?" Remus said hastily, taking her arm and leading her toward the Prefects Compartment. Sirius sent him a grateful look when he looked back briefly. Marissa went along willingly, casting only one worried look back in his direction.

"Don't know what she's all in a flurry about," Sirius said casually, "Of all the Marauders, the most likely to die before graduation by my estimation is Prongs here. Lily-induced death, of course."

"All right, Padfoot, let's find a compartment in whatever area of the train Marissa assigned me."

Lizzie was decidedly teary-eyed as she passed out the patrol schedules for the train. Gideon squeezed her hand reassuringly as she addressed the Prefects in the crisp, business-like tone they had all come to know so well. There was no doubt that Lizzie Walker could command her troops. Gideon smiled at all of them, "Good luck to all of you. Thanks for a great year. Good luck to all you sixth years, the Heads next year had better come from you lot!"

Everyone laughed as Gideon himself had not been a prefect before assuming his role as Head Boy. "As for our fellow seventh years, it was a heck of year to be our last at Hogwarts. The class of 1976 is going to be going out a making a lot of waves in the world. We've been at the helm of it here, and I don't think that for most of us it'll be too long before we're back in a similiar position again. Everyone in this room is very talented and I see great things in your futures. I hope to meet you again soon."

They all cheered, of course. "Also, Lizzie and I would like to invite you personally to a little event we've scheduled for July 5th 1977. We'll work out all the details sometime over the next year, but we'd like all of you to come to our wedding."

There was an instant uproar as the all the girls swarmed on Lizzie and several of the guys shook their heads at Gideon, murmuring things to the effect of, "Why tie yourself down so young, man?" There were also murmurs of another kind, but no one heard them.

The Heads finally, for the last time, asserted their authority and ordered everybody out to patrol. Laughing, Gideon hauled Lizzie to his side in the deserted compartment. "What do you say, Miss Walker, we duck inside the Heads Lounge for a spell?"

"You mean the luxury room? What in the world would we do in there with free butterbeer, snacks, and more comfortable seats?" Lizzie laughed as she followed Gideon inside. "I mean, truly, I don't see the point of it. What could we possibly need privacy for?"

Once inside, Gideon cut her off with a kiss.

* * *

"They say there's been no movement from the compartment, but it reads as occupied. I'm going to make sure whoever it is is just napping and not in trouble," Marissa told Remus, nodding toward one of the doors along one of their cars.

"Probably just a loner who won't appreciate being bothered," Remus warned.

"You know we have to check," Marissa said, rolling her her eyes to indicate that he was probably right.

Being an outcast even in Slytherin House had a few advantages, but an empty compartment was one that Severus Snape rather enjoyed. He had an old book he had finally managed to find time to read, any who would have spotted it at Hogwarts would have been alarmed, and had no desire for other company. That was why he was most displeased to hear the compartment door slide open.

At first he thought to not look up and ignore whoever had the temerity to enter until they thought better of their action. However, as they waited there, he eventually slid his eyes up to the face of Marissa Fletcher who looked slightly amused by the scene she was regarding. That girl always looked slightly amused by something. It left a most annoying expression perpetually on her face.

"If you're waiting there so patiently for me to thank you, Fletcher, you'd do better to try to train trolls for the ballet," Snape said cuttingly, pointedly returning to his reading.

The crazy flibbertigibit actually chuckled. "I'm not waiting for anything, Severus, merely doing my rounds," she replied. Snape's anger instantly flared up. Who did she think she was? To address him as if she knew him? As if they were friends?

"I don't intend on repaying you, if you've come to collect," Snape snapped at her.

"I thought I had made it clear that you owe me nothing," Marissa replied calmly. "Have I asked for anything? I was saving James as much as you and he has not thanked me. Why should I expect it from you?"

"Get out, Mudblood!"

Marissa stiffened, but did not move. "Nor do I owe you anything, though I will offer you a piece of advice anyway," Marissa said in a slightly tight voice.

"I don't want advice from filth like you," Snape spat. "Just because we were potions partners, don't think you know me. Don't think we're friends."

"You are free to disregard my advice, of course," Marissa said equably. "You don't have to like me, Severus, and you don't have to feel that you are in my debt. I did not save your life, merely a piece of your dignity. I ask nothing of you, not even civility. But if you continue to spit on all your champions, on anyone who comes to your assisstance, you will find yourself in a situation someday with no one willing to come to your rescue," she said calmly. "Less they suffer your displeasure. I just hope that, when that day comes, that you do not find you need someone's help after all."

"I thought I'd made myself plain," Snape said, rising to his feet with his wand out and pointing at her. Marissa didn't blink as he put it right between her eyes. "Get out of my compartment you filthy little - "

"Don't chase everyone away, Severus, or you will find yourself quite alone indeed," Marissa said quietly. "Without anyone even to pity you for it."

Before Snape could retort, Remus appeared in the compartment door. "Riss, what's going..." He drew his wand and locked eyes with Snape. "Drawing on a prefect is detention, Snape."

"The school year's over, Lupin," Snape said coldly.

"Riss, leave him to curl up in his hole all alone, that's what he wants," Remus suggested, stepping aside to allow her to step out.

"That's what he's setting himself up for," Marissa said quietly. "That's the life he's preparing for." But after that, she turned and thankfully left Snape's presence. He glowered at Lupin until he closed the door behind him. It was unaccountably more difficult to focus on his book, however, when they were gone.

* * *

"Black! Black, wait! You know I can't go any further down the train, I want to talk to you! Black! Sirius Black, come here!" Lily was calling from the door to the car down the corridor at a tall, black haired young man.

When he turned, however, it was not Sirius's face. It was a face both very similiar and very, very different at the same time. "Do not call me by that name, you dirty little Mudblood," Regulus Black said coldly and proudly to her. "The proud name of Black on your lips dirties it almost as much as the pathetic boy you are calling."

Lily felt her wand in her hand and had no idea how it had gotten there. It took great effort not to raise it to strike at the boy standing there so proudly. "Rest assured that I will never mistake you for Sirius again any more than I would see a rat and think it an owl," she replied coldly, with a great dignity that put his superior air to shame. "Tell me, do your airs comfort you in your emptiness? Tell me, are they enough? It is obvious that you have nothing else. Not class or skill or real friends. Tell me, is scorn enough to comfort you in the night when you wake and have no one to console you?"

"I'm not the one who has call to fear what goes bump in the night, little muggle," Regulus said haughtily. "You are the one who will wake one day to find everything you ever loved destroyed, your very life about to end, knowing first that everything you have ever done will be undone. Tell me, will your pride be with you then?"

"Tell me, brother," Sirius almost snarled, coming up behind Lily. "Does it make you feel better about yourself? To look on a Muggle-born with more power in her little finger than you will ever have and say to yourself that the evil in which you put your protection will try to destroy her because of the good she defends? Or does it just make you feel weaker? That you hide behind a madman's cloak while she stands before him unbending? She will be in danger, but she will also be her own woman. Will it make you feel better, owned and whipped as you are?"

"You'll never know, brother, the power that you gave up," Regulus said contemptuously. "You are a disgrace to the Black family name. Gryffindor? I thought that they were the brave. Yet you did not have the courage to take power when it fell into your hands. I see that they are just the fools."

"You didn't even have the courage to stand up to Mother," Sirius replied with equal contempt. "You didn't do this for the power, you did it for her."

"You just don't like that now Mother loves me," Regulus said pompously.

"Yes, because you licked her boots and the boots of that monster Malfoy," Sirius spat. Lily gasped, but neither boy noticed.

"Lucius Malfoy is a great man!" Regulus shouted, "A better man that you'll ever be."

"Oh going to start snogging his arse now, are you?" Sirius spat back.

"You are not my brother!"

"Just what I've always wanted!" Sirius shouted back, slamming the door to the car just as Regulus whirled around and marched off.

Sirius and Lily looked at each other for a long moment. "I'm sorry I ever complain about Petunia to you, Sirius," Lily said.

Sirius smiled slightly and clapped a hand on her shoulder. "There are many kinds of dysfunctional families, Lily. But I can tell you one thing, I won't be putting up with mine for much longer."

---

Marissa and Remus finished their patrol and slid into the Prefects Compartment. "Well, you were wrong, Remus," Marissa said with a smirk on her face. He looked at her questioningly. "At the beginning of the year, you said we'd never make it this far. I believe your exact words were a Marauder and a troublemaker will never make it through a year as prefects."

Remus laughed. "So I did. Well, even the best of us have been known to err," he smiled. "You made it easy, my noble partner," he said with a mock-bow to her. "It was a pleasure."

Marissa smiled genuinely at him. "It had its advantages," she conceded. "I'll miss our weekly patrols. It was fun to stay up all night when everyone else had to go to sleep."

"I'll miss our dancing lessons," Remus countered. "Just when you were beginning to cure me of my clumsiness."

"I wouldn't quite say that," Marissa teased.

The glint of challenge appeared in Remus's eye and he grabbed her hand and spun her out before she could react. He spun her in again, still with a challenge in his eyes. Marissa waved her wand, smiling slyly, and tango music drifted down from the ceiling.

Luckily, the Prefects Compartment was empty. The Heads Lounge, however, was not. Lizzie and Gideon tip-toed out of it and saw the two of them dancing. When the music ended, they applauded and startled Remus and Marissa nearly out of their wits. They sprang apart as if they were doing something wrong. This made Lizzie and Gideon laugh. "Riss, can I steal you away for a minute?" Lizzie said before their faces could turn too red.

Marissa followed her into the Heads Lounge, gaping at the cozy, comfortable room that was more her idea of luxury. "Butterbeer?" Lizzie asked, brandishing two unopened bottles as Marissa plopped down on the couch.

Marissa nodded and took one from her, sitting cross-legged on the cushion facing Lizzie. "Are you going to tell me how he proposed?" she said in a decidedly giggly voice.

"I suppose you have earned that," Lizzie agreed, sitting down in the same position, also sounding girlishly excited. "But first I want to thank you," she said more seriously. "For believing in the two of us even when I didn't anymore. You did so much to get us together. I'll never forget it, Riss. You've been a great friend."

"The least I could do," Marissa said with a smile. "I'm addicted to true love stories. I was just so overjoyed you let me be a part of yours."

"Well, I was hoping that you'd help me with the wedding," Lizzie said. "I don't have any sisters, and it's not that my mother won't be willing, but it'd be great to have someone else, especially someone with such a flair for the wizarding world. Help her get used to it."

"I'd love to!" Marissa cried, catching Lizzie's excitement quite easily. "When I can, at least. What can I do?"

"Well, they say the dress and the cake define what kind of wedding you're going to have," Lizzie said, sounding rather as if she had swallowed a Brides magazine. "So Mum and I are going dress shopping in a week. Will you come? Tell me if I look awful in it? If I can pull it off as dress robes?"

"I'd love to!" Marissa giggled. "Actually, that's rather perfect. Maybe if you and I bury ourselves in the Muggle world enough Father will forget this Coming Out Ball he's been going on about. Can you imagine the humiliation?"

"From Coming Out in society? You should, Riss! You could ask Remus to escort you..." Lizzie said slyly. He is, after all, your star pupil.

Marissa looked oddly thoughtful for a moment. "Lizzie, can you tell me something?" she asked in a serious voice. "How did you know? About Gideon? How did you know going in?" She paused for a minute, then went on, "Because you had to know. You had to know before it even started that he was the one, or it wasn't worth the risk. It wasn't worth the thought of him..." Lizzie shuddered and Marissa paused again. "Sometimes you just have to know going in."

"Like when he's one of your best friends?" Lizzie said softly. "And you don't know if you should risk what you have?"

Marissa looked up at her gratefully and nodded, "How do you know, Lizzie?"

Lizzie looked down for a moment thoughtfully. When she spoke, it was in a reflective voice as if finding the truth even as she voiced it, "I suppose ... the answer is ... you don't. Not until you see him about to walk away, and it suddenly hits you that you will never get this moment, this chance back again. And something inside you suddenly screams, 'Don't you dare blow it!' And you can't bear the thought that this will all dissolve, even if you'd decided that it could never be. If you cry out, if you call for him to stop, then you know."

---

"Well boys, I think we did a very respectable job causing mayhem this year," Mr Prongs said with the air of a club president giving a commencement speech.

"In my personal estimation, we even outdid the great Miss Fletcher," Mr Padfoot added in a similiar tone. "Though she did give us a run for our money."

"Personally, I heartily believe that Valentine's Day fiasco was quite amateur compared to the Ravenclaw v. Hufflepuff Ball Swap," Mr Wormtail put in.

"And the Christmas Scavenger Hunt no match for the Zonko's 'Fire' that fooled half of Hogsmeade," Mr Moony concurred.

"And, of course, painting the sky simply not the same caliber of a feat as bewitching McGonagall herself," Mr Prongs said boastfully.

"And even if she did sneak her little brother into the school, let's see her become animagus in less than three years without any outside help," Mr Padfoot said ringingly. A little too ringingly for Mr Moony and Mr Wormtail's nerves, though Mr Prongs was hardly worried. "And of course, the Map tops all."

"Ah, the Map!" Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs repeated in unison, clanking their purloined butterbeer bottles together.

"Only one thing remains before the Map can be officially christened with the password, boys," Mr Prongs said, pulling the crisp new parchment out of his robes. Automatically, Mr Moony waved his wand carelessly at the compartment door to lock it. Officially, you could not lock the Hogwarts train doors. Obviously this hadn't stopped the Marauders for long. "Each creator must inject a piece of their personality into the Map to keep it alive and on its toes for years to come."

"So that it can become a part of the soul of Hogwarts," Mr Moony added.

"A thing of Hogwarts legend and folklore," Mr Padfoot corrected.

"Down in history, oral history if nothing else," Mr Wormtail agreed.

"The stuff of legends, my friends," Mr Prongs said.

"Prongs, I already said that," Mr Padfoot complained.

"You're forgetting, we're the same person, Mr Padfoot, as far as the Marauders are concerned. Isn't that right, Mr Moony?" Mr Prongs said blithely.

"For voting purposes, mainly," Mr Moony clarified hastily. "You should both add your personalities to the Map."

"Would you like to go first, Mr Moony?" Mr Prongs offered graciously. He handed the parchment to Mr Moony who took out his wand. "Remember, a memory you tell us, a memory you don't, and a memory with the four of us in it. Then an insult and a pearl of wisdom."

Mr Moony smiled and raised the wand to his temple. He selected the memory of their initial reaction to his appointment as prefect and told them. They smiled at the memory of Mr Prongs and Mr Padfoot immediately pretending to turn on him as Mr Wormtail looked nervously on. He then selected dancing with Miss Fletcher in the Prefects Compartment a moment ago, a tender smile coming to his face as he placed it in the Map.

Then, Mr Moony selected his most precious memory of all. The night the boys had confronted him with their suspicions and they had hatched the great plan that had made his life so much better and begun their legendary friendship.

"Make the insult one for Snivellus," Mr Prongs suggested when the Memories had all been added.

"Mr Moony wishes no ill on Mr Snape, provided he keeps his abnormally large nose out of other people's business for a change," Mr Moony spoke into the parchment. "As for the pearl of wisdom, there's only one thing that I know for certain. Great friends can change your life, and they're always worth any cost they bring."

"Ah, don't get all sappy on us, Mr Moony," Mr Padfoot laughed. "You'll make me cry!"

"Then why don't you go next?" Mr Moony grunted, passing the heavily enchanted parchment to Mr Padfoot.

Mr Padfoot took the parchment and immediately added the Memories in rapid-fire. It was quite unlike Mr Moony's reflective, ceremonial style. He told them about the first time they had successfully hexed Snape, kept to himself the fight when he decided to break up with Lily, and last of all added the first time they had all dared to enter his house, or rather sneak into it. "And I bet I can beat your insult, Mr Moony," Mr Padfoot challenged.

Whether or not he did, however, none of them could ever judge, because he whispered it secretively to the parchment. They all rolled their eyes. Mr Padfoot surprised them all when it came to his pearl of wisdom and he announced, "You can be brave and right; and you can be brave and wrong. The important thing is to know in your heart which one it is, and to never change your mind if you know you're in the right."

"Very deep, Mr Padfoot," said Mr Prongs with an approving nod. "But I bet I can top it." Mr Padfoot snorted his opinion of that boast. Mr Prongs took the parchment and added his Memories: Marissa's Cloud Formation, (surprisingly) Lily yelling at him after the Defense O.W.L., and the first night they had all transformed and accompanied Remus in the Shrieking Shack.

Mr Prong's insult is best left out of print, though Mr Padfoot, Mr Moony and Mr Wormtail roared with laughter. His pearl of wisdom was a surprising as Mr Padfoot's, "Heroes are not in as short supply as everyone would have you believe. They are merely afraid to admit that they have courage within themselves."

There was silence for a long moment after his pronouncement. "Can you be brave without being brave enough to admit that you're brave?" Mr Padfoot said, sounding quite delighted by the paradox Mr Prongs had stumbled upon.

"Yes," Mr Prongs said simply, passing the parchment to Mr Wormtail.

Unlike the other boys, Mr Wormtail couldn't quite decide what to include. In the end he chose the first time he managed to transform successfully without Mr Padfoot or Mr Prongs's help, this Christmas when he kissed Marissa, and this moment in the Compartment now.

For the insult, he merely said, "Git." He was stuck for a long moment when it came time to think of the pearl of wisdom. The only thing that came to mind was Marissa's words that had rung in his head since Christmas. After a minute, he said them aloud into the parchment, "Loyalty, that's what really matters in the end. It's the difference between a monster and just an enemy. The highest virtue and the hardest thing to get back if you've lost it."

Messrs Moony, Padfoot and Prongs nodded. Then all four boys took hold of a corner of the Map and spoke together the words they had agreed upon for the password, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

The words slid onto the page,

"Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs
Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers
are proud to present
THE MARAUDER'S MAP"

Below it, the great Map itself materialized for the first time. Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs all let out a whoop of triumph and thumped each other on the back. Truly, it was their most impressive accomplishment. It would become the stuff of legends, just as the boys themselves someday would.

---

"So, back to the old vultures again," Marissa said as she strolled into the compartment that Lily had secured. "How've you been?"

"Well, all the Marauders abandoned me for James's end of the train," Lily began.

"Did you really expect anything else? They've got to pat themselves on the back for all the mischief they've caused this year before the train arrives," Marissa said with a mischievious smile of her own.

"In that case you should be with them," Lily grumbled.

"You know I had to patrol, I came directly here when Lizzie dismissed me," Marissa said almost sternly to her friend. "I still like you best, Lils."

"I know," Lily snapped. "I just don't want to go home."

Marissa sighed as she plopped down onto the seat opposite her friend. "Me either. For all Gus will notice I might as well stay at Hogwarts over the summer."

Lily snorted contemptuously, "Gus loves you like the very air he breathes. He would be heartbroken if you didn't come home. He'd never forgive you ..." The thought of Petunia that her last sentence brought to mind was too painful and Lily broke off. Why must it always be that way with her sister? Why couldn't she forgive her? Why couldn't she understand that the only thing in the world she had ever begged God for was for her sister to become a witch too? And her mother...

"Is she getting worse, Lils?" Marissa asked. Lily decided that Marissa knew her far too well. "Your mother?"

"There's not too much worse that she can get," Lily replied hoarsely.

"It wasn't your fault, Lils, you know that," Marissa said pointedly. It felt like the thousandth time that they had had this conversation, but Lily still did not look convinced.

"But if she hadn't pulled me out of the way - "

"Stop it," Marissa snapped.

"Then we'd both be fine!" Lily yelled defiantly over her. "You know witches are harder to kill! You know that being hit with a car probably wouldn't kill me! But she - she - and then she'd never have needed to have that blood transfusion and she wouldn't be - "

"You know she would kill you if she heard you talking this way," Marissa said quietly. "Don't do this to yourself."

But Lily wasn't done, "And even if the stupid muggles had given me the blood, James told me about a new treatment for it at St. Mungo's. His uncle had it done. A few potions and a wave of a Healer's wand and boom, all the trouble over. But it doesn't work for muggles. It would have worked for me!"

"Lily, please don't," Marissa said sliding over to the other side of the compartment and giving her best friend a much needed hug. "Just please, don't do this to yourself," she whispered as Lily dissolved into tears and sobbed on her shoulder. "This is why I never told Gus how Mother died. This. This is why I never let him know. He'd kill himself from the inside out just as you're doing now. But it's not fair. It's not fair in either case."

Marissa pushed away to look Lily square in the eye as she said, "In both cases, it wasn't your choice. It was hers. Ultimately, it was hers." She immediately let Lily fall back to crying in her arms. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault," Marissa murmured over and over again in an unchanging litany.

"I'm sorry, Riss," Lily whispered after a long time. "It must seem unforgivably selfish to cry to you about a dying mother."

"Sh," Marissa replied. "It's all right. Who better to talk to?"

"Nobody I know," Lily answered. "But if you thought that I'm bad about blaming myself, you should hear Petunia."

"No!" Marissa cried in surprise.

"Recent development. Mom and Dad think that Vernon put it into her head after she told him that I was witch," Lily said hollowly.

"I could ring his little -" Marissa began furiously.

"Vernon Dursley is many things, Riss, but little is not one of them," Lily said in what was almost a laugh.

---

On Platform Nine and Three Quarters, four boys clasped hands and passed smiles around. Each knew that the summer would be gloomy without the company of their friends, dearer to them than life itself. The boys were still excessively pleased with themselves for the first rate mayhem that they were in a habit of practicing.

In later days, such gloomy looks would be saved for funerals and Order meetings. For talks of plots against their lives and traitors in their midst. For threats on family and attacks on them too. For the deaths of mothers and fathers and brothers, however little or much they had thought before that they would mourn them.

Those days were closer than they knew, but that is perhaps kinder. For now they were merely the Marauders, Hogwarts' troublemakers in chief and best friends bound with the ties that bind. They had made a game and an adventure of the darkest secret among them. They had worries and cares, but they did not stop them from anything that they loved.

One waned for want of his true love. One suffered for the love of his friends, never dreaming that he already had it in spades. One still endured the wretched moon's whimsies with fear and hatred. One suffered for family and his wish to be rid of it.

These cares would soon be multiplied until the destruction and fear surrounding them could not be long ignored, but for now they were merely four friends who believed that all the evils of the world could not stand between them nor threaten to part them. Not even death.

Would that they had been right.

Two girls hugged each other a few feet away. They knew the terrors of the world but did not yet imagine their full extent. They knew the sorrows the boys ignored, scoffed at. They faced them bravely just as they would when they raged around them in full force. The boys would find themselves equal to it, the girls already knew somewhere deep inside that they already were. They were ready to do whatever it took if it meant protecting someone that they loved.

Would that less had been demanded of them.

Then the families were upon them with varying degrees of enthusiasm and affection until it was all that they could do to say goodbye to their friends in the other group. Breaking away long enough to say a hurried goodbye and a quick hug, they found themselves in chaos very quickly. Lily was even hugging James before she realized what she was doing and shoved him roughly away.

With considerably less fuss, a solemn, unsmiling boy who had no such idealistic notions of the world as did the Gryffindor six walked with impeccable dignity to his waiting mother and walked without saying or receiving a farewell from the platform. He cast only one look back at those swarming off the train. The look was for the six who haunted his steps in the corridors and seemed to mock him with their smiles.

His eyes lingered a moment longer on the blonde girl in their midst. She half turned in his direction, drawn by his gaze it seemed, but he turned hurriedly away before she could see that he had watched her. Lest the Mudblood be encouraged.

Would that he had listened to her.

Slowly, the families in the group began to break away, their reluctant children in tow. Remus looked over at Marissa who was hugging Gus with a brilliant smile on her face. Even after all that they had been through, it was still so innocent and almost childlike the way they greeted each other. It was so different from the way that Petunia had treated Lily on the other side of the Platform.

"May the Force be with you, Gus," she said cheerfully.

"Hey! You got it right!" Gus cried in surprise.

"I should, I saw your precious movie on a Hogsmeade trip," Marissa told him with considerable excitement for his reaction.

Remus, however, missed it. His mother had secured his trunk to a manservant she had dragged along on this errand and was trying to get him to leave.

When he had a chance to look back at Marissa and Gus, she was sending him back to their father to tell him where she had stored her trunk so that he could help her carry it. She smiled at him warmly and walked over to him.

She slid her arms around his neck as he embraced her. Something about holding her just felt so right. Remus sighed. After a long moment, they both let go. "Take care of yourself, Remus," she said seriously. "You'd better owl me this time," she added sternly.

"I will, Riss," Remus said with a laugh at her severity. "Goodbye."

Marissa smiled, but seemed unwilling to say goodbye. "Don't get into too much trouble," she said after a moment.

Remus laughed again. "Yes, milady," he said, sweeping a gallant bow and kissing her hand ceremoniously. It sent a slight shock through her, but Remus did not notice.

His mother called imperiously and he stifled a groan as he turned to follow her out of the station. Marissa stood quite still, hardly aware of her father coming up behind her with her trunk secured on a cart.

All of her thoughts were on the brown haired boy walking slowly away from her, and she found that it was very hard to bear. He had almost reached his mother when she heard herself cry out, "Remus!"

Almost against her will, she found herself sprinting forward to where he had stopped. Once she reached him, she found she had absolutely nothing to say, however. After a flustered moment, she siezed on the first thought that came into her mind. "Remus, there's this big Coming Out Ball this summer..."

---

©KatyMulvaney11/22/2004

Posted: 1/19/2005