A Chance You Only Get Once

Chapter Eleven
Unwanted Help

Mr and Mrs Potter were stunned. There was no other way to put it. Neither knew quite what to do or say, so they sat there perfectly still and silent. They did not glance at eachother or Severus Snape but stared straight ahead. Severus wished they would do something to acknowledge that they had heard the speech he had just given. He had put a great deal of thought into both the content and the wording, knowing that this would be the hardest and most delicate conversation of his life.

The problem was that, in his mind, this was a conversation tailor-made for his customary brusqueness. He did not like the offer he was making them and did not want to utter unneccessary words about it. His actions would speak for him, but the Potters loved superfluous words. Severus's reasons were simple and so obvious that their little brat could have understood them if he were present. His reasons were best left unanalyzed and undisturbed by needless chatter. Unfortunately, neither Potter was likely to see that.

So they would talk. And it would get ugly. And this situation would be even more uncomfortable. Damn you, Potter.

"As much as I try to make myself see the larger picture," Potter said at last, more as if he were talking to himself rather than either of them in the room. Severus thought this practice of Potter's highly rude. "The only thing that I can feel is insulted." Lily looked at him as if in warning, but Potter was not looking at his wife. Not that he would have been likely to heed it. "Insulted that we're being asked to suspect one of our best friends."

"They'll be insulted as well," Lily said thoughtfully, staring at a small painting on the opposite wall or, rather, at some point hundreds of miles beyond it. "No matter whom we choose now. If only Petunia had been willing...he never would have known to look for her."

"Oh damn who'll be insulted, Evans!" Severus snapped, causing Lily to jump and Potter to jump to his feet as if to leap at him. He was always easy to provoke, that one. "Oh sit down, Potter! And this isn't a popularity contest like choosing your best man and maid of honor. This is about your lives and your son's life! For Merlin's sake, will you not take that seriously? And you know why he's after you, don't you? For the sake of all the wizarding world, will you not protect your son?" he said through clenched teeth. Why were they being so stupid? Why could they not see the sense of this plan?

"We trust our friends," Potter replied resolutely.

"You have a traitor in your midst," Severus returned coldly.

"The traitor isn't Sirius," Potter said stubbornly.

"Merlin!" Severus finally exclaimed, leaping to his feet much like Potter had a moment ago. "Is there no end to your arrogant stupidity? To your recklessness? Your irresponsibility? Would that Marissa hadn't died!"

"What the hell do you mean by that?" came a great shout. It took the two men a moment to realize that it was Lily who had yelled, rising instantly to her feet and looking as tense and ready for a fight as the two men beside her. For a split second, Severus could see nothing more than what a formiddable pair these two made. What kind of warrior must their child be destined to be? The boy who could defeat the Dark Lord?

Then the moment passed, and Severus registered her question. At the same moment he opened his mouth to speak, the "great warrior" registered his mother's yell and opened his mouth to bellow. "If you'll excuse me, gentlemen," she said coldly, marching stiffly out of the room in the direction of the piteous cries.

When the door closed behind her, the two adversaries stared at each other, the old hatred alive in both their eyes. "Care to answer Lily's question?" Potter said stiffly into the silence in a tone he no doubt thought very intimidating. Don't flatter yourself, Potter. It's your son that impresses me, if he can defeat the Dark Lord. Not you. Never you.

"I won't defend again that it's not my fault, Potter, if that's what you're waiting for," Severus spat at him.

"Believe what you want," Potter spat back disbelievingly.

"Why don't you believe the truth?" Severus returned, changing the subject before one or both of them exploded from a powerful combination of rage and grief. "I warned Marissa back then and she was willing to listen, even if she was as trusting as you about your precious Marauders. Apparently she never told you before she - " Potter knocked something off the table, cutting him off before he could say it. For once in his life, Severus was glad of something that Potter had done. He didn't want to say it any more than Potter wanted to hear the words. "I'll tell you what I told her even though you don't have half her brain. Don't trust me because I was Death Eater, that's fine; but believe me because I've seen the Dark Lord's secret councils that someone near you is a spy!"

"Damn it, I know that!" Potter shouted, setting off the brat again just when Lily had managed to quiet him. "Why do you think we move every week? For our health?"

"Then protect yourself if you know the danger," Severus said tensely. "Don't take any risks. Don't deliver yourself to someone who may betray you. Make the betrayor of your enemy your Secret Keeper."

"The traitor isn't Sirius. I refuse to even consider the thought," Potter said doggedly though from the look on his face he was not unaffected by Severus's speech or his offer.

"A murderer," Severus muttered, "That is whom you would trust with your life."

An instant later, Severus knew that it was a colossal mistake. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE SLITHERING SNAKE!"

As Harry began to wail even louder, Severus spun on his heel and walked out of the house, slamming the door of the little cottage in Godric's Hollow behind him. This time it's not just your little friends that you're risking, Potter. It's the entire world. And even now you won't see reason. Damn you, Potter. Damn you to hell.

---

The Hogsmeade weekend was inordinantly welcome.

The furor of the Quidditch match's bizarre decorations or "The Distractions" as everyone had taken to calling them still had not died down two weeks later. Though most were infinitely amused by Marissa Fletcher and the Club's antics, the Ravenclaws were highly unappreciative and the Slytherins downright vindictive. Nevermind that The Distractions had disappeared at the start of the game and Gryffindor was undisputably the stronger team, both Houses continually blamed the loss (of the game for Ravenclaw and the Quidditch Cup for the Slytherins) on Marissa Fletcher's over the top cheerleading campaign.

James was also taking a great deal of heat about his quite literally Big Head. At first, observing him firsthand, Remus thought that Marissa's ploy might have done James some good after all. Then as the taunts went on and on, James started retaliating by hexing anyone who so much as mentioned the Quidditch Match. You would think that, with everyone in the castle growing slowly but steadily more afraid of him with every duel or, worse, the ungentlemanly surprise attacks, the jeers would taper off. That was not, however, to be the way of things.

The OWL frenzy, for its part, was worse than ever. The tests were looming ahead of them now and several of the Fifth and Seventh years were planning on staying behind to use the less crowded than usual library. Most, however, were positively gleeful for this excuse to get out of the castle. Even most of the teachers were so frazzled they encouraged the idea.

What surprised almost everyone was the amount of purebloods who signed up to go to Rhynie cinema. The prevailing theory was that they wanted to escape the wizarding world completely. This also meant that the prefects and Heads would be hard pressed to keep the Muggles hanging about the cinema from noticing something was up. Marissa was also worried about getting enough tickets to the ridiculously popular show.

She shouldn't have worried. Professor Dumbledore knew enough about the Star Wars phenomenon that he ordered tickets ahead of time based on the sign-up sheet. It definitely raised Professor Dumbledore in Marissa's estimation that he bothered to know things like this about the Muggle world. Even some Muggleborns cut ties with the world of their birth once they grew up.

So it was that the procession down to the town from the castle continued on with the Head Students, two prefects, and Lily Evans leading the group. After awhile, Lizzie and Gideon dropped back to patrol the rear. "Just don't get too far behind the rest of us!" Marissa called back at them.

"I thought we weren't supposed to act like a honeymooning couple anymore?" was Lizzie's parting shot, though she waved cheerfully at them to take the sting out of her retort. She needn't have worried, Marissa just laughed.

Lily pouted, "Oh this is going to be no fun. We've had so much fun teasing Gideon about Muggle customs. You've got Remus all immune to it by now though."

"Sorry, Lils, but it's just too much fun teasing all those prefects at the meetings. It's the only thing that gets me through them anymore truth be told: Lizzie and me going back and forth with the suckers," Marissa laughed.

Remus clutched his heart in mock dismay. "You wound me, Riss!"

"Just as well you go lick your wounds, I want to talk to Riss for a minute," Lily said, taking Marissa's arm and pulling her a little way beyond Remus.

"Fine! Abandon me!" he called back from behind them. "See if I care!"

"Don't be petulant, Remus, we just want some girltalk for awhile," Marissa turned to reply. Then she turned back to Lily, "Spill."

"How do you do it, Riss?" Lily sighed, looking down at the ground. "How did you pry your way into their precious little circle?"

"The Marauders?" Marissa asked.

"Yes, and please don't say it was stunts like that nightmare-creating display that you pulled at the game," Lily said with a surprising waver in her voice. "Because I'm not prepared to do that."

"Oh Lils!" Marissa cried in dismay. "You know the Marauders love you!"

"No I don't! Because all they ever say about me is that I should be with James, because he's so crazy in love with me!" Lily exclaimed. "First of all, please, he's just obsessed with what he can't have. Why else would he have failed to notice his infatuation with me until I was with Sirius? Ever since it's like I'm not their friend anymore. They never talk to me, never seek me out, and as much as you complain they don't take you into their counsels, you know a lot more than I do! You didn't tell me about the Cloak any more than they told you."

"I probably should have, Lils, I'm sorry," Marissa said, staring down at the ground.

"Oh, Riss, I'm not concerned about whether or not I have your friendship, it's just theirs," Lily sighed. "I miss them. We used to be such friends, and I'll even admit it: with James most of all. But why can't the rest of them still be my friends even if the Big Headed one can't?"

"With the Big Headed one, it's entirely your choice, Lils," Marissa pointed out gently. "As for the rest, what we have here is a textbook example of why it just doesn't work to think of the Marauders as individual people."

"Riss, I'm bearing my soul here, can you at least be serious?" Lily complained.

"Actually, I highly doubt that you want me to be Sirius," Marissa smirked at her briefly. "Seriously though," she continued with a forgivable twinkle in her eyes, "You really can't separate the four of them. Technically, they are four separate persons named James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin, but for all intents and purposes (at least in social situations) they are the Marauders. They're just like one person. You can't just like one side of person and expect to have a great friendship. You have to take the good with the bad with anyone. And the Marauders are not individuals, they're like a single person. You have to take the good with the bad."

Lily was silent for a few minutes. "So I do have to go out with Potter to be their friend?" she sighed resignedly. "I guess I've just lost three great friends then."

"First of all, no, you don't have to go out with James. Secondly," Marissa corrected calmly, "There's your problem right there. You can't be friends with just three of them. If you want Sirius, Remus, and Peter for friends, you have to learn to be at least cordial with James. You don't have to fall in love with him, you don't even have to like him, but you do have to figure out a way to be in the same room with him on a regular basis."

"And just how do you suggest I go about that?" Lily asked.

"Well, apologizing would be a good start," Marissa said seriously, looking at Lily warily.

"Apologize!" Lily exploded.

"Yes, for the whole mess with Dennis and for being so rude to him all the time," Marissa continued calmly.

"No bloody way," Lily said furiously. "Not to mention that fact that even if I was willing to say it, which I no longer am, Potter has made it increasingly clear that he does not want to hear it."

"Try again," Marissa replied unflappably.

"Just try again, that's all you're going to say?" Lily demanded.

"Pretty much," she replied with a quirky smile. "If you want to re-befriend the Marauders, try again."

Lily grunted, then turned and called to Remus, "All right you can come back now."

"That's okay," Remus called back in a mock-petulant voice. "I'm talking to Peter now. He wants me."

"Why don't you both come up here?" Marissa called back in a conciliatory tone. "We've only got about ten more minutes until we hit Rhynie."

---

It was, put bluntly, madness. People were dressed in ways that old biddies were hissing were "just not natural," everyone was screaming things out in an odd and inexplicable jargon, and waving odd sticks about heedless of who might be watching, and that's not even mentioning the antics of the thirty wizards who had descended on the theatre. The Star Wars fans almost, almost, made the James Potter Fan Club look benign. Diehards were everywhere, confirming every pureblood prejudice about the daftness of Muggles with every swing of strange "lightsabers" they had fashioned for themselves for the occassion. Apparently, it was a big day for Star Wars.

Marissa, of course, was in her element. Announcing that she had thirty "Star Wars virgins" in tow secured for the Hogwarts students prime seating in the surprisingly crowded theatre. Hasn't the movie been playing for some time now? she asked herself briefly. Apparently there was no underestimating a fad in the Muggle world.

Marissa and Professor Perkins had both done their best to explain films to the numerous purebloods who had condescended to go. However, when the opening lines of the film blared onto the screen, it became quite clear that the purebloods had not been expecting anything more than the "moving pictures" that they had experienced. The burst of sound as the words began to scroll across the screen produced exclamations of surprise from them all. There had been numerous murmurs among the purebloods of "What's so exciting about moving pictures that can't talk back?"

Marissa leaned over to Lily, "I think they're starting to get it," as they cheered the opening scene of the ship zooming into view. ("How did they do that? Make something that's not real?" "They're really going to act out the story? Like that theatre thing Binns told us about that didn't catch on in the wizarding world?" "Were you actually listening to Binns?" "SHUT UP! WE'RE TRYING TO WATCH!")

Before Marissa and Lily could even share conspiratorial glances, Remus had grabbed Marissa's arm from the other side and was hissing at her, "I think we came to the wrong one!"

"What?" Marissa cried, by no means mildly concerned. "What do you mean?"

"That scroll-writing thingie, it said this was Star Wars Episode four!" Remus hissed at her. "What happened to one, two and three? Look, I have no idea what's going on!"

Marissa actually laughed aloud. The other fans in the theatre were most inappreciative as the Hogwarts babble had finally begun to subside. "You're not supposed to at first. Just watch and pay attention and you'll get it," she whispered in a highly amused and relieved voice.

"But what about the first three?" Remus complained.

"They're not out yet," Marissa said, riveting her eyes to the screen pointedly.

Remus could not be so easily deterred. "Why? Do muggles have some weird numbering thing?"

Marissa shot him an annoyed glance, "You of all the purebloods here, Remus!" she admonished, her tone not quite angry or mocking. "We're not all daft, for one thing. For another, don't say words like 'muggles' here, for another. And no, we don't number differently. Honestly!" She shook her head. "Now can I watch the movie, please?"

The explosion was also enormously popular, though the twin suns raised several eyebrows. Gideon Prewett began to mutter in what he obviously thought a sufficiently muted voice that muggles obviously had no conception of physics. Lizzie quieted him with a quelling look to at least whisper if he was going to criticize in this crowd.

Spilling blinking out into the sunlight, the chattering students were all very enthusiastic about the muggle cinema and possessing considerably more respect for the nonwizarding world.

Remus, Peter, Lily, and Marissa spent the walk about quoting scenes back and forth, Lily and Marissa taking turns playing Princess Leia. Peter proved the surest at remembering the lines, choosing to play Obi-Wan and Luke. Remus, trying and failing to sound like Harrison Ford as he recited the lines, kept slipping and calling him "Wormtail" instead of "Kid."

Eventually, the girls pulled a bit ahead, chattering about Leia's bizarre hairdos and whether or not they would look good with Lily's dark red locks. This gave way to Marissa recounting her lack of success at recreating them from Gus's descriptions. At that point, the boys hung back gratefully. "Hey, Kid?" Remus said in his brave but ultimately unsuccessful imitation, "Do you think..." Peter followed his gaze and saw that it was looking consideringly at Marissa, "Do you think a princess and a guy like me..?"

"No," Peter said just as quickly as Luke Skywalker had in the movie they had just seen.

"Easy, Luke, I actually meant - " Remus said in his own voice.

"I know what you meant," Peter cut him off. "No." He turned to look Remus in the eye. "Riss is James's. More than Lily ever will be, in truth. She'll find somebody to love who loves her back someday, but not another Marauder. It'd be like a substitute James. He's the one she bends her life over backwards to make happy, even if it means she won't get to be with him herself. He's the one she founded a fan club in honor of. He's the one whose face she painted on the clouds. When she was looking the Marauders up and down, she picked James. And she won't ever be able to be with any of us now."

Remus let out a long sigh. He didn't look precisely crushed, but rather longing. Almost lost. He had just lost something he hadn't dared to admit that how much he wanted yet. Peter shook himself to dispel the guilt he felt at discouraging Remus. It wasn't like he had changed much for long. He wasn't ready quite yet. He just needed a little bit longer to get used to the idea of Marissa and one of his best friends before he had to deal with it day in and day out. Just a little longer. And that was all it would be. It wasn't as if Remus could ever have been the one to make the first move anyway. Marissa had to do that, and Peter hadn't discouraged her after all. Though, if Peter was honest with himself, he knew that Remus might cool off their relationship and put off the inevitable even longer.

Try as he might, Peter just couldn't make himself regret that happening.

Han and Leia. They were right, of course. Luke and Leia, he knew, would never be in this world or even in the galaxy far, far away. That wasn't how the universe worked. Peter was never on the receiving end of the kind of love that was worth fighting for. Would the others have become animagi for him? He liked to think so, but sometimes he almost doubted it. Marissa didn't love him. She did love Remus. She did love James even if it wasn't in the form that most people thought. She and Sirius were such close friends it almost rivaled her attachments to the other two boys. But what did she share with Peter?

He was more Lily's friend. Not that he could have loved her even if she wasn't so obviously the perfect woman for James. That was the real problem, he supposed. He had friends. Great friends. Life-altering friends. But they were bound closer to each other than they were to the smaller boy who worshipped and envied them their easy popularity and brilliance. They were friends like Han and Chewbacca. He would always be the slightly lesser outsider like Luke was in this first movie. Different, respected and intelligent and listened to, but ultimately different from the rest of them. Han and Chewie. Han and Leia.

But Luke and whom?

---

"Finally!" Lily sighed, groaning dramatically and gesturing to her feet. They troupe had made it's way slowly back to Hogsmeade and diverged this way and that from main street. The four new Star Wars fans were making their way up to Three Broomsticks where (though no one had discussed it with Lily directly) they were meeting James and Sirius, "I need a cold drink, it's hot walking out here."

Lily pushed open the door and immediately all three of them were hit was buckets of cold water. Lily's eyes closed for a moment as if in denial of the wet sensation that had just hit her. Remus and Peter just looked about for James and Sirius as Marissa rang out her hair. Sure enough, Padfoot and Prongs jumped out a moment later, looking slightly surprised to see that it was their friends that they had drenched. Madam Rosemerta, the newlywed waitress who had dropped out of Hogwarts a few years ago to help her ailing father run the tavern, immediately descended on the pair and proceeded to give them a tonguelashing.

James, for one, looked far more concern with Lily's reaction. There was an almost painful expression on her face as she smiled tightly, "Nice trick, Potter. Would you favor us with a drying charm by any chance?"

"You want me to?" James asked in surprise.

"Well, you are the only one with your wand already out, are you capable of it, Potter?" Lily asked, trying to sound less than antagonisitic.

"You have no idea what I'm capable of," James said, abruptly remembering that he was mad at Lily his voice grew hard and distant. Their friends suppressed a sigh.

"All I care about at the moment is a drying charm, Potter," Lily said in a voice that was, like James's, closer to the one she usually used to address him.

"Look, Lily, if we'd known it was you guys we wouldn't have drenched you," Sirius said quickly before they could start fighting in earnest.

"You mean you were just going to do that to random people for no reason whatsoever?" Lily cried in surprised indignation. Then the fire receded slowly from her eyes and she forced her accusing gaze away from James Potter. She took out her own wand and dried herself off, then walked to a table and sat down without another word to any of them.

Sirius quickly dried the other three and they all walked over to join her. James stood perfectly still for several seconds after they had all gone. Then he turned and walked out the door and drowned his frustration in Zonko's products.

---

However, Lily apparently decided that she had been too harsh, or at least that she wanted to be friends with the Marauders more than she wanted to comfortably continue hating James. After all, she knew that she mostly did now because it was easier, and since when did Evanses take the easy way out?

So that Monday, Lily set a new precedent at Hogwarts: she pursued James. They were quite used to the other way around of course, but had the general population been aware they would have been quite disturbed by the alteration of the rational universe.

Lily chased James down and tried to talk to him. She finally managed to catch him in a little used corridor that he had tried to escape down when he noticed her following him. That was another new precedent: James Potter was running from Lily Evans.

"James, please listen because this is the absolute last time that I will attempt to apologize," Lily said sounding far more annoyed than apologetic. James turned to her at last, looking at her in an inscrutable way. "Look, I am sorry about the impression you got. I never meant you to. I never dreamed that we were talking about...about sex when we had that discussion at the train station and well, I'm sorry about all the trouble it caused you."

"Trouble?" James said in a way that Lily didn't quite like.

She immediately took three steps back from admitting that his feelings for her were genuine. Telling Marissa that they probably were was one thing, Potter was not to know she knew that. "Whatever revenge it is you exacted on Wemmick," Lily clarified hastily. "And McGonagall being on your case about it."

"That's the trouble you think that it caused me?" James asked, looking at her almost curiously.

"Well, you've got to admit that she has been rather going after you in class and I know that you really prefer a subject like Charms to Transfiguration - " Lily said, looking down at her feet instead of at Potter, but stopping when she realized that he had moved closer during her response.

"Why do you care what trouble she gives me, Lily?" he asked in a voice that suddenly sounded deeper and more pleasant than before. "I thought you hated me, why do you suddenly care how I feel about things?" Lily was speechless, stuck now staring up at him as he continued, "Why do you hold yourself accountable to me now when you've so often told me that I have no right to..," he moved a little closer until his face was right up in hers, "Be a part of your life."

"Stop it, James," she said, wanting to back away but feeling trapped by his looming presence.

"James?" he said with a raise of his eyebrows. "It's been a long time since you called me that, Lily. I've missed the sound of it on your lips."

"Stop it, Potter," she said more fiercely, taking a step back, but finding herself against a wall now and unable to slink further away.

James smiled, no, smirked. "Lily, you're so obvious. You try so hard to loathe me, to tell yourself that you don't care about me, but in the end, you can't keep it from showing. You care when something you do hurts me, you care when I'm feeling betrayed, and you still think of me as James in your mind." Lily was mutely shaking her head during this speech.

When Potter bent down and tried to kiss her she found her voice. And her strength. "Get OFF me, Potter!" she spat, shoving against him almost ineffectively but involuntary magic propelling him across the corridor and slamming him into the opposite wall. Lily's eyes were flashing with anger, "I can't believe that I apologized to you! For something that I didn't even do! For something that in your unbelievable arrogance you still have the gall to count against me! And then you turn my apology, in your utter conceit, into some kind of subconscious betrayal of my feelings for you? You disgust me."

"So you do have feelings for me?" James said, utterly irrepresible.

"You really are hopeless, Potter," Lily said contemptuously. It was not annoyance, frustration or even loathing but pure contempt. And that, at last, gave Potter enough sense to be quiet for the moment.

Then the moment passed. "Again, you're so obvious, Evans," he smirked. "Whenever you're ready to stop lying to yourself, I'll be here."

"And rotting in your grave before I change my mind about you," Lily shouted back far more loudly than necessary. She spun on her heel and walked away.

"But your heart is already on my side!" James called after her.

"Get a bloody life, Potter!" Lily cried in disgust as she fell out of sight down another corridor.

---

"That is the absolute last time I take your advice!" Lily practically shrieked the instant that she entered their room. She irately snapped aside the curtains Marissa had drawn around her bed to keep anything from distracting her from studying.

Sighing and closing her potions book, Marissa looked up at Lily slightly annoyed herself. "What'd he do now?" she said in a bored tone.

"Don't take that tone with me! You probably knew exactly what he was planning to do, well I can tell you your little machinations backfired!" she screamed, pacing the room and looking distinctly as if she wanted to throw something.

"Obviously, considering I was hoping - "

"That I'd go weak at the knees when that arrogant, pompuous little prick tried to kiss me when I apologized!" Lily cut in. "Well not likely, I can tell you. The conceited little twat really thinks that because I apologized I have deep, repressed feelings for him!"

"Okay, first of all, he definitely did not have my blessing to try to snog you - "

"And that's as it bloody well should be! Can you believe his arrogance? You know, I truly thought that however large and all-encompassing it appears to be there might be some end to his ego. But no, it's officially infinite," Lily ranted further.

"And secondly - "

"You know, Riss, I just don't want to hear it right now," Lily said, flopping down on her bed.

"All right," Riss said, laying on her stomache and propping up her head to face her friend. "I take it you probably don't want to study either. Do you want Mr. Tibbles?"

"Yes," Lily said in a pouty voice.

"Okay, accio," Marissa said and Mr. Tibbles, the stuffed turtle Lily had had since the age of three, came zooming toward Marissa. As it went past, Lily snatched it out of the air with instincts to rival James's and immediately hugged it to her chest.

"You going to be okay?" Marissa asked concernedly.

"Eventually," Lily said. "If I never have to see James Potter's big head again."

"Well, I suppose two years isn't too long to wait for happiness. Personally, I'll be perfectly content once O.W.L.s are over," Marissa said with a slight smile.

Lily groaned and buried her face in her pillow. "I don't want to think about this anymore. Say something, you're good at distracting people from their problems."

"Juggling, gossip, or the new book that Severus is making me read?"

"What?" Lily cried, sounding actually distracted. "Is my hearing distorted from this pillow or did you just say Severus?"

"What do you want me to call him, Snivellus?" Marissa shot back. "He's my potions partner. He says he insists that I bone up so that I can stop dragging him down. So I'm reading this horrible old tome he gave me and he's reading Brains, Bones, and Gum: Potion-making Ingredients from the Muggle World and How They Interact With Magical Ones."

"But Severus?"

"Calling someone 'Snivellus' is cruel and insensitive," Marissa said staunchly.

"So is he," Lily replied.

"Does that mean we get to be rude to him whenever we want? Hex him in the halls just because we feel like it? Isn't that precisely what you get on the boys about?" Marissa countered.

"At least call him Snape," Lily temporized.

"Only if you admit that I'm right," Marissa bargained.

"About what?"

"Everything."

"Since when do you need outside confirmation of that?"

---

There was no doubt that it was back to full out war between Lily Evans and James Potter. He was back to chasing and she was back to being unable to bear the sight of him. Their increasingly heated rivalry was swallowed, however, in the steadily escalating O.W.L. frenzy.

Two weeks to O.W.L.s and even James and Sirius were studying.

One week to O.W.L.s and Hogwarts was completely out of coffee.

Five days to O.W.L.s and so was Hogsmeade.

Four days to O.W.L.s and the nervous breakdown count had doubled since the beginning of April.

Three days to O.W.L.s and the testers had arrived at the school.

Two days to O.W.L.s and the noise of last minute cramming was deafening and no matter where you went you couldn't escape the chatter.

The day before O.W.L.s and an unnatural quiet had descended on the castle.

Then they were upon them.

---

That night the two Heads were sitting up in their private Common Room which had become their ultimate asset in studying for N.E.W.T.s. They were not, however, studying now. What they were doing could best be described as taking a deep breath before the inevitable onslaught. And, of course, snogging occasionally.

At the moment, however, they were merely cuddling together and resting half-asleep. "I know that our rule is no last minute studying tonight," Gideon said into the quiet.

Lizzie let out a little moan. "And no future talk. No thinking about how it's all riding on tomorrow. For the first time in weeks, just the present."

"Well, there's one bit of our future all this thinking about it in general has made me realize we haven't exactly settled on, and I was hoping we'd decide it tonight," Gideon replied.

Lizzie shifted a little against him, trying to find the most comfortable position, "The rule, Gideon. Think of the rule. There's a reason we made it. I'm too calm right now to even consider breaking it."

"Even for this? I think you won't mind," Gideon prodded. Lizzie shook her head insistently. "It doesn't hang on the N.E.W.T.s, I promise..."

"All right fine, it's obvious we can't go back to relaxing until you've vented whatever it is out of your system," Lizzie sighed in agreement.

"It's just that we never decided when we're going to get married," Gideon said calmly, nothing in his tone of uncertainty or nervousness. It was right, he knew it. He knew that she knew it too. And they had both decided going into this that they weren't going to be afraid of that.

"When did you have in mind?" Lizzie asked just as calmly, though she was smiling now.

"I was thinking July fifth," Gideon replied.

"Ha! Have I mentioned that I want a big wedding?" Lizzie cried. "And by that I mean at the very least bigger than you, me and the wizarding equivalent of a magistrate, which is all I'd be able to throw together in that amount of time."

"July fifth next year," Gideon clarified.

Lizzie smiled even wider, "Perfect."

"See, our whole future isn't decided by N.E.W.T.s," Gideon told her. "We just decided the most important part all by ourselves."

"I love you, Gideon Prewett."

"I know, Lizzie."

"It's harder to be worried about the tests now, isn't it?"

"True. I love you too."

"I know. You have my ring yet?"

"I was thinking we should pick it out together, once we have enough money to afford a truly beautiful one."

"Again, perfect."

"What do you expect?"

"Nothing less."

"For the rest of your life."

"Mm, that sounds nice."

"Perfect."

---

Marissa's voice woke the Marauders up that morning. It took several minutes for them to realize, because of all their experience with her alarm clocks, that she had come personally and opened the door to their room a crack to carol in to them, "Upsie daisy, lazy heads!" in a voice far more cheerful that anyone had the right to be on the first day of O.W.L. testing.

But when they got down to the Great Hall, there was no great surprise waiting for them there. Only a larger than usual breakfast which none of the fifth or seventh years could bear to eat and a grim silence all around their end of the table. Most of the seventh years had books. Lily and Remus did too. Peter was deeply involved in his notes. Marissa declared that she couldn't bear to look at another piece of parchment. James and Sirius, of course, proclaimed that they didn't need review anyway.

"Of course not," Lily snapped at them in annoyance, "It's Charms today."

"And I'm brilliant at Charms," James replied haughtily.

"Yes, between the two of you you have almost a full brain."

"Don't start fighting, I can't take any additional tension," Marissa pleaded. Both fell silent, James grinning and Lily scowling.

"Much better," Marissa said, closing her eyes and letting out a long sigh.

Remus smiled over at her over his book, "Moment of zen, Riss?"

"If people would stop interrupting it would be, yes," she said pointedly.

"Sorry."

"You just did it again."

"Sorry."

"Remus..."

Remus just chuckled and went back to his book, a slightly disappointed look crossing across his face for a brief moment. He berated himself sharply for criticizing Marissa, she was undoubtedly quite unaware of just how like flirting some of her teasing sounded.

---

"All right, ground rules for dinner," Marissa said the moment they had all collapsed onto the benches. "No going over the written part of the test."

"But - "

"No, Lils. It's not as if you could change your answers now anyway," Marissa replied firmly.

"Fine, but pass that shepherd's pie down, I'm starving."

"Only if you agree to rule two," Marissa continued. "No bickering with James like the disaster lunch was."

"If he agrees not to say anything prickish - "

"Rule three, no making up words," Peter added.

"Indubitably," Marissa agreed.

"Okay, that has to be a made-up word," Sirius cried.

"Yes, Sister Jane has violated one of the sacred rules, she must pay the price," James said with a dangerous smile on his face.

"Rule four," Marissa said quickly.

Not quickly enough. "Rule-breakers get peas shot at them," James finished before she could.

"No! Don't you dare!" Marissa cried, ducking two peas that shot out at her.

She was laughing, however, when Lily used her still empty plate to block the next barrage of peas from hitting her best friend, "Rule five, no food fights."

The Marauders let out a collective groan. "Rule six, no mention of Defense Against the Dark Arts tomorrow. We have a pleasant dinner. The only acceptable O.W.L. related topics are funny stories about the Practical Exam this afternoon. Agreed?"

"You drive a hard bargain, ladies," James said. He then had the temerity to wink at Lily.

She was about to flair up when Marissa said hastily, "Lils! Remember rule two!"

"Being mad at Potter is a perpetual thing. Blowing up at him is a stress outlet, one I need right now," Lily argued, turning to her friend.

"But you're increasing the stress on everyone else, so please, if you don't mind, I'm quite stressed enough already," Marissa replied swiftly. Though Lily's grunt was not in agreement, her attention was successfully diverted for the present.

"Peter caught his testor on fire," Sirius said suddenly as if he couldn't stop it from bursting out at him.

"Padfoot!" Peter cried in outrage and dismay.

"What part of him?" James queried immediately.

"You don't want to know," Sirius stage whispered conspiratorily.

"I didn't set any part of him on fire!" Peter shouted over them.

"Actually, how do you know, Sirius? You went at the beginning and Peter wasn't until the end," Lily said logically.

"Oh this screw-up will be the stuff of Hogwarts legends," Sirius winked just as James had a moment ago.

"But I didn't!" Peter protested desperately.

"Denial's the first step, Peter, to admitting the truth," James told him sympathetically.

"James! You were in there, tell them I didn't!"

"Where's the fun in that, Wormtail?"

"I think it's possitively cruel what you're doing," Lily said sternly, glaring at James. "And to your best friend too."

"I don't think I asked your opinion," James said hostilely, "If you don't enjoy our company I suggest you go elsewhere."

"Maybe I should!" Lily cried, standing immediately. "Coming, Riss?"

"Yes, I think I will, Lils," Marissa said, rising to her feet more slowly and gracefully. "We've got to study anyway."

"Come on, Riss, we expect this from Lils here," Sirius began.

"Don't call me that!" Lily snapped.

"Who's next, boys?" Riss said more calmly than Lily. "It used to be that you would spare first years the worst of your tortures. I had immunity until this January. You went to war against me, you're turning on Peter in a way he obviously does not find in the least amusing, who's next, boys? Each other? How long do you think you'll be friends if you keep that up?"

"Yeah, we need moral guidance from the orchestrator of the Castration Plot," Peter said suddenly, resenting them all talking about him as if he wasn't even there. The girls were making this into a bigger deal than it was. After all, Peter knew deep down that he was still a Marauder. No amount of teasing, even if it was most of the time, could change that.

While Peter pondered this, his words had an immediate reaction. Lily gasped and stared at Marissa for a moment. Marissa looked right back at her, unapologizing. "You'll turn on anybody, won't you?" she shouted at the boys. "Come on, Riss, let's go."

"Right behind you, Lils."

They walked right out of the Great Hall. After they had gone, Remus broke the heavy silence that had fallen on the table, "I think it's safe to say we've broken every rule now."

---

"All right, I know that this was a disaster yesterday, but I suggest that we have rules for breakfast," Remus suggested the next day. "Or really just one. We don't mention the fact that the girls are sitting over there because of whatever it is you two did to them."

"Which I still don't understand," Sirius said, quite seriously confused.

"We don't need them," Peter piped up. "Weren't we the Marauders without them before? Right after the whole triangle disaster?"

The boys were uncomfortably silent for a minute at that reminder. Peter tried not to blush in his dismay at mentioning the unmentionable. The period of several months when Lily had been irate at all of them and Marissa hadn't been able to be around them practically at all on pain of earning a similiar silent treatment from Lily.

"Peter's right," James said after a moment, making Peter brighten up immediately. "We're the Marauders for goodness sakes. We don't need those two to keep ourselves amused. Though I am frightful bored."

"Just do us all a favor, Prongs," Sirius injected, "And don't go Lily-chasing with a vengeance like the last time that you were bored."

"Can't promise anything, Padfoot, she's just starting to warm up to me," James said with irrepresible boastfulness.

"That's warming up to you?" Remus said in dismay. "What do you consider cooling off toward you? Starting to act like that idiot fan club?"

"I don't think I've ever heard you belittle anything about our dear Marissa before, Moony," Sirius said in surprise. "Or are you just jealous that James and I have fan clubs and the Moon Over Moony Society was disbanded due to lack of interest?"

"Like I want a bunch of nutters painting my face in the clouds," Remus muttered.

"Why not?" James asked. "It's wonderful for the waning ego, let me tell you."

"I'll take my chances."

---

It was an absolutely gorgeous day. That made the fact that they were trapped inside the redecorated Great Hall twice as bad. Not that the test was as difficult as it could have been, they all had been interested in this subject from first year, and of course, the boys had contrived to have all kinds of hands-on experience with most of the creatures mentioned. Lily and Marissa wrote steadily the entire time, but the boys for the most part finished quickly and, just as quickly, became quite bored.

Then Professor Flitwick was calling time, "Quills down, please! That means you too Stebbins! Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! Accio!" This turned out to be a mistake. Over a hundred rolls of parchment immediately shot toward the tiny professors whose arms were innocently outstretched. He was knocked clear off of his feet. Several people laughed. A couple of students at the front desks, Marissa among them, got up, took hold of Professor Flitwick beneath the elbows, and lifted him onto his feet again.

"Thank you...thank you," panted Professor Flitwick. "Very well, everybody, you're free to go!"

Lily and Marissa ended up in a group of girls (from the mellower segment of the fan club) just behind the Marauders. The boys were obviously talking about something highly amusing though it seemed to bother Wormtail. He kept peering at his test nervously. Marissa had just decided to pay them no more mind, when she heard James say, "How thick are you, Wormtail? You run ..." But the chatter in the group rose in volume for a moment, and she had to strain to hear, "Once a month."

"Keep your voice down," Remus implored him, casting a nervous glance back in the direction of her group. Marissa tried to look away from them successfully, but her mind was ringing with the unguarded snatch of conversation she had overheard. She could not seem to let go of the idea that it was key to what was so strange about the Marauders.

Marissa followed mutely and thoughtfully as Lily and the rest of the gaggle made their way out onto the grounds and down to the lake to enjoy the bright sunshine. At Lily's suggestion, they all removed their shoes and socks and lowered their hot feet into the cold water of the lake. This, at last, made Marissa wake up from her stupor, though she filed the tidbit away for processing later. Perhaps when she had more brainpower to spare when O.W.L.s were over it would make sense.

She shot glances over at the boys every once and awhile. They're conversations were always more interesting than what these girls were talking about, though Lily appeared to be trying to make the best of it. Even enjoying herself. Marissa was a little clueless about fashion and make-up though Lily was an expert. Not that she needed that much of it.

The boys didn't look like they would have been exactly riveting today. Remus had his nose buried in his book, James was playing with what looked like a golden Snitch he had occassionally gotten into trouble for nicking, Wormtail was watching James show off in fascination, and Sirius was basically eyeing everyone loftily. Marissa rolled her eyes and turned back to the conversation around her.

Until, that is, she heard James say loudly, "All right, Snivellus?"

No, no. They weren't going to pick a fight now, were they? Unfortunately, it appeared that they already had. Won it, too.

Before Snape's wand was halfway into the air, James shouted, "Expelliarmus!" Snape's wand flew twelve feet behind him and fell with a little thud in the grass behind him. Sirius let out a bark of laughter. Damn! She left them uncensored for twenty hours and they...Oh why didn't Remus stop them? Or could he? She had had very little success herself.

"Impedimenta!" James shouted, pointing his wand at Snape, who was knocked off his feet, halfway through a dive toward his fallen wand.

Marissa was not the only one watching now. Marissa was more disgusted with the entertained looks on the crowd's faces than with the boys themselves. Snape lay panting on the ground. Sure, he was a rude twit with an unhealthy obsession with the Dark Arts, but he didn't deserve this public ridicule.

"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" said James.

"I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment," said Sirius visciously. "There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word."

Several people laughed. Marissa and Lily's hands balled into fists. "Why don't you do something about this?" Lily hissed at her. "You're the one who's always defending him."

"What do you suggest I do, Lils?" Marissa hissed back, hating the helpless feeling that was beginning to engulf her.

"You - wait," Snape panted, staring up at James with an expression of purest loathing. "You - wait...."

"Wait for what?" said Sirius coolly. "What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"

"Stop them, Riss, you've got to stop them," Lily said, truly worried.

"Wash out your mouth," said James coldly. "Scourgify!"

"What can I do to influence them, Lily? You're the only one who can make James ashamed of himself," Marissa said, looking at her pointedly looking at her.

Lily clearly loathed that idea. Pink soap bubbles streamed from Snape's mouth the moment James muttered the spell; the froth was covering his lips, making him gag, choking him -

"Leave him ALONE!" Lily shouted, leaping to her feet. She cast a quick glance of annoyance at Marissa, then turned angrily to face the boys who had turned in response to her yell. She wanted to spit when she saw that James's hand had jumped to his hair.

"All right, Evans?" said James, switching to his seductive tone of voice. The same one he had used in the hallway. Arrogant twit.

"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. "What's he done to you?" She let every dislike she had ever harbored for James Morgan Potter show plainly on her face.

James blinked, but then decided to reinterpret the look. Intense, rather than truly dislike. Strong love hidden by strong hate, but easily broken. With that comforting thought, he got his ego back, "Well, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean...."

There was laughter, but Lily didn't hear it. She was almost blind with rage and disgust. Why couldn't he be the boy who had been her friend? He could be a little full of himself from time to time back then, but who was this? And what had he done with the James Potter that she had liked? Who had helped her? Stuck up for her against Slytherins? Where was the James Potter she admired? Who was the monster who had taken his place? Why hadn't seen been watching closely enough to see what he had become?

"You think you're funny," she said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," James said quickly. "Go on...go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," Lily retorted furiously. Let that put him in his place.

"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius briskly, turning back to Snape almost as if hoping to defuse the argument. "OY!"

The warning came too late. Snape had directed his wand straight at James; there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of James's face, spattering his robes with blood. James whirled about; a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of graying underpants.

The crowd around Marissa and Lily cheered and jeered. The Marauders minus Remus, who was staring pointedly at his book, roared with laughter. The trained eye could see Lily's expression twitch slightly as she repressed a smile. It wasn't as if she liked Snape. "Let him down!" she cried anyway.

"Certainly," and Snape fell into a crumpled heap on the ground. Marissa leapt to her feet behind Lily.

"Locomotor mortis," Sirius cried immediately, making Snape keel over again, rigid as a board.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted, truly incensed. Would they not listen at all? What were they thinking? Her own wand appeared in her hand. James and Sirius eyed it warily. They both knew how clever Lily's wand could be.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," James said earnestly.

"Take the curse off him, then!" Lily shouted back. This was a power play. They both knew it. This was also her wits end for Lily. She had spared James Potter the worst of her anger, had spared him having to duel with her or suffer from her attacks, because of their old friendship. For the memory of what was dead. No more. And for Severus Snape. The irony was inescapable.

James sighed deeply and muttered the countercurse. "There you go. You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus."

"I don't need help from filthy Mudbloods like her!"

Lily blinked. "Fine," she said coolly. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus." Lily couldn't help retorting. He wasn't even grateful. Why was Marissa so insistent on treating him like a human? He wasn't any more a human that Potter was.

"Apologize to Evans!" James roared at Snape, pointing his wand at him threateningly.

"I don't want you to make him apologize," Lily shouted, rounding on James. "You're as bad as he is..."

Marissa brought her hand to her forehead and groaned. "What?" yelped James. "I'd NEVER call you a - you-know-what!"

"Here it comes," Marissa murmured under her breath.

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can - I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."

Lily spun on her heel and marched quickly away. There was pride and dignity in her step, and the crowd parted before her anger. James called after her, but everyone knew that it was no use. She didn't look back or break stride.

"What is it with her?"

"Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate," Sirius answered.

Remus looked up from his book, sighing deeply. He eyed the still standing Marissa, wondering if she would stop this. "So who wants to see me take of Snivelly's pants?"

Remus stood at the same moment that Marissa called out, "I think this has gone quite far enough, James."

James and Sirius turned to face her just as they had Lily. Marissa, however, did not bother to draw her wand as she approached calmly. "Think for a minute. Up until now, there is nothing about this encounter that would necessitate either Snape or these people to tattle to a teacher or talk about it where a teacher might overhear. However, if you bare him to the world - " she was briefly interrupted by titters which subsided when she sent them a quelling look, "Then that will no longer be the case. Not to mention that you would put my shaky prefect status, not to mention Remus's, in jeopardy. I don't much fancy explaining to McGonagall why I couldn't stop you or run from a teacher. And if you get Remus's badge taken away then I will never forgive you."

There was a long pause, then Sirius said, "I reckon she's right, Prongs. I mean, nobody really wants to see that anyway." There were laughs and jeers.

"Let him down, James," Marissa said persuasively.

James grinned at her mischieviously, "As you say, Fletcher." Immediately Snape dropped out of the air.

Marissa's wand was in her hand so fast it looked as if she had conjured it from the air. The next second, she had conjured something. A mattress that broke Snape's fall. Snape immediately rolled into an attack crouch, his wand ready.

"Don't even think about it," Marissa said, pointing her wand at him. "Or I'll give you both a detention."

Snape gave her contemptuous look and immediately fired another spell at James. Marissa levitated a log into its path so quickly it was barely visible until it crashed, deformed, onto the matress.

Marissa radiated fury. "Seven o'clock in the Great Hall tonight. Both of you. And don't even think of being late. You don't have the capacity to imagine what I will do to both of you," she snapped, marching smartly away just as Lily had.

"But Potions tomorrow!" Snape cried in dismay before he could stop himself. He could have bitten his tongue through.

"Yes, that's why I'll be bringing my books to study while I watch the two of you scrub toilets all night," Mariss said, half-turning to regard them.

"You can't host a detention the night before an O.W.L," Snape snarled at her triumphantly.

"Take it up with McGonagall," Marissa snapped, not turning this time. "And be sure to mention what curse that was, or rest assured that I will."

---

In contrast, the rest of O.W.L. week went relatively smoothly. Even though Peter really did catch his examiner's hair on fire three days later.

---

©KatyMulvaney10-29-2004