Dungbombs and S-P-E-W

Harry woke up to the distinct feeling of something squishy and slimy beneath his arm. The squishy and slimy thing in question was protesting his smothering with feeble croaks.

"'Lo, Neville. Did you lose your frog again? "

Neville bounded over to Harry's bed worriedly.

"Did you see him? Is he alright? "

Harry let up his arm to reveal a very angry green frog, who now that he wasn't being smothered was croaking to the fullest of his ability.

"Trevor!"

Neville scooped up the frog and hugged him, placing Trevor in his front pocket while the frog squirmed vehemently against this new arrangement.

* * * * *

Against the frog and all the other hubbub of the boy's dormitory, Fred shouted at George.

"What is it? "

"Just come over here, okay? "

Fred crossed over the chaos that was the boy's dormitories obligingly.

"Honestly, why can't you just shout whatever it is across the room? It works well enough for everyone else."

George was starting to have second thoughts about the whole thing. Maybe he should just keep this letter to himself.

Too late for that now.. Lee Jordan had happened to be around when Fred was talking, couldn't help overhearing him, and was now looking at both of the twins curiously.

"What kind of top secret plan are you guys up to? Another order form for Weasley's Wizard Wheezes? Sending Malfoy a howler? Pulling off Professor Mull's wig? Let me in on the fun!"

Fred grinned.

"No clue. I was just going to ask George here what it was he had to tell me."

George doubted his brother or his best friend would keep the letter a secret for two seconds, but still whispered the information to them, none the less.

"Keep it down guys! I got this letter.. and I'm not sure who it's from."

Lee raised his eyebrows.

"No signature?"

"Nope."

Fred, not having read the letter yet, had no idea as to the nature of it, and therefor couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't have signed it.

"Stupid. Why wouldn't anyone put a signature on a letter? "

George jabbed the letter at him. "It's..well..you'll see why."

Fred and Lee read over the letter. By the time they finished, both were gaping at George.

George ran a hand through his hair and adopted his most Lockhart-like expression.

"I know, I know. Who on earth would write to me? It could be any of millions of girls!"

"Ha!" said his twin. "Don't flatter yourself."

George was serious for a moment. "Look, Fred, would you mind not telling everyone about this?"

Lee, still listening in, was no longer looking shocked and now had a sort of malicious twinkle in his eye. The next thing George knew, Lee was bellowing at him as if they were a million miles away from each other instead of a few feet.

"WHAT? YOU GOT A LETTER FROM A GIRL AND DON'T WANT ME TO SAY ANYTHING?"

George winced. Instantly, half of the boy's dorm stopped what they were doing to look over at Lee, Fred, and George. Even Neville was temporarily distracted from trying to keep his frog from jumping out of his shirt pocket.

George felt extremely grateful that the other half of the boy's dorm had already gone to breakfast. Lee gave an impish smile.

"SPEAK UP! I CAN'T HEAR YOU, GEORGE!"

George mentally decided the next time he got his hands on Neville's toad, he would make sure and hide it in Lee's bed.

"Of course you can't hear over that deafening din you're making," George muttered, resigned to the fact that as it was, a good twenty boys now knew about his little letter.

Jordan laughed and reverted back to his normal voice.

"Don't be so sore, George. I don't get what the big deal is. You don't even know who it's from!"

Fred added, "I don't think I would want to know if I were him. No offense, George, but the poetry in this letter is pretty awful."

"Yeah. Sounds like something you'd find one of those blasted dwarfs singing," said Jordan, referring back to three years ago when Gilderoy Lockhart had employed dwarfs and dressed them up like cupids. The resulting image looked more like Harry's cousin Dudley then anything else.

"The only person that would send a letter like that would be moaning myrtle, though it would be hard for her to fall in love with you unless...George, you haven't been in the girl's bathroom lately, have you? "

George glared at both of them.

"Oh, hardy har har."

Fred glanced around the room. "Hey, if you guys just want to sit around here playing detective, that's great, but we are already going to be late to breakfast, and I'm starving."

George and Lee glanced around as well. Sure enough, no one was left in the dormitory. The other guys had all already filtered out.

The twins and Lee started making their way down the spiral staircase, talking as they went.

Lee appeared to be contemplating something. "Hmm....George, you think it could be from Hermione?"

George looked skeptical and Fred guffawed. "How can it be? It doesn't mention SPEW once."

George for some reason, found himself defending Hermione.

"Oh, lay off it. Hermione couldn't have written this."

"No, but maybe Fleur could, " said Lee.

"Nah. The only poetry Fleur writes is probably to herself," Fred disagreed, making George chuckle.

Fleur had transferred just that year to Hogwarts, much to her own chagrin. It had been her parent's choice, and Fleur could daily be heard complaining about everything from the banisters ( not polished!) to the content of the classes ( boring!)

By the time the gang reached the Great Hall, they were already quite late. A good number of heads turned to watch as the Weasley twins and Lee Jordan tried to make their way inconspicuously to the Gryffindor table.

Their plan failed miserably. A scraping of chairs was heard as Harry and Ron scooted to one side to make room for them ( Hermione just looked at them disapprovingly from her spot on Ron's right side and refused to budge an inch. )

McGonagall had seen their entrance too ( along with all the rest of the teachers ) but didn't say anything, though her eyes said volumes; something along the lines of "I'll deal with you later."

Hermione, who wasn't anywhere near as much like McGonagall as to be able to keep silent, hissed at George through her teeth.

"You're late."

George grinned at her.

"Exactly..for us, that's right on time."

Hermione was about to say something else, and from the look on her face, it was probably something not exactly nice, but Dumbledore interrupted.

"Ahem! For our morning announcement, I have something sort of important to discuss. At least, important to you diligent students"- was it George's imagination or did he glance in Hermione's direction?-"The rest of you, I'm sure, will simply forget all about it in the next few minutes. Ahh, the wonders of a remembrall at times like these.."

McGonagall coughed impatiently, giving Dumbledore the signal to hurry on and get to the point.

* * * * *

Several gasps were heard from the procrastinators who had been planning on using the last day before the O.W.L's to do the majority of their studying.

Though, a couple of the students simply shrugged and didn't look all that worried, either because they had studied to death for them already, or because they simply didn't care about them. The older and younger students who weren't taking them looked immensely relieved this announcement didn't involve them.

Hermione looked as if someone had just told her Crookshanks had died. George didn't see why..she had probably been studying for months..or years, for that matter.

"What's wrong Hermione?," asked Fred innocently. "You look like you're going to have a heart attack," the ever observant George added.

"Oh, that's really keen of you to notice" Hermione snapped back.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and continued. "The tests were moved up a day at the decision of both Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape.."

I knew he would have something to do with it, thought an infuriated Hermione. If her grades hadn't been so important in potions class, she would have tripped him into a cauldron a long time ago. George was thinking much along the same lines, wondering just how come he hadn't thought of tripping Snape into a cauldron years ago.

As Dumbledore finished his speech, Hermione began gulping and stuffing food down at lightning speed, at the same time trying to study her textbooks discreetly under the table while she ate. Her textbooks, which Hermione prided herself on keeping neat and in the best of shape ( extra points for Gryffindor if your stuff is in order ) were no longer that way. They now had splashes of milk on them and the odd bit of oatmeal or two as Hermione was transferring the spoon from the bowl to her mouth at a rapid pace.

She wasn't too happy about it, but weighing the two, studying for the O.W.L's came way ahead of trying to keep her books in good condition.

Once studying, Hermione went into auto pilot, her eyes anxiously scanning the page, muttering the facts over and over in a low monotone. She was so absorbed she completely shut out the conversation Ron, Harry, Fred, and George were having. None of them being overly worried about the tests, they acted as if they weren't only a mere couple of minutes away.

Once they got on the always fascinating topic of Quidditch, there was no stopping them.

"So,I heard they're making a new kind of broom called the StarSpectacular. Twice the acceleration of the Firebolt," Fred said earnestly.

"Yeah!" broke in Ron,"and the coolest thing is, you don't even have to steer it! All you have to do is think were you want to go and it responds to your thoughts!"

"Really? Do you actually have to be on the broom to control it? " Harry's interest had been caught. Not that he needed a new broom,but...

"That's the best feature of all! Anyone-even someone not on the broom- can control it!" said Ron, his eyes shining as he really got into the topic.

"-But wouldn't that cause problems?I mean, the broom not knowing which thoughts to pay attention to at a Quidditch match and all?" questioned Harry again.

Lee Jordan decided to share his vast amount of knowledge on all things Quidditch with the group. "Nope. This broom is the best of the best! It's spelled to listen to one person's voice and one person's voice only!"

"Shame. I can only dream of the punishment Malfoy would get if we took his new broom and sent it flying up McGonagall's dress." George gave a wistful smile.

Harry snorted on his milk. "I wish. The little leech deserves it." The time Malfoy had switched Harry's wand for Neville's was still vivid in Harry's mind.

"No kidding..but if anyone should get the honor of busting Malfoy's arse, it's Hermione. He's tortured her more than anyone," Ron said truthfully. "Right Hermione? "

With this, everyone looked at Hermione, but she made no comment, her curtain of brown curls hiding her face. Synchronized eye rolling occurred all around. Everyone knew exactly what Hermione was doing. George snapped his fingers in front of her face.

"Hermione? Helloo?"

Hermione looked up from under her hair at George and blinked.

"Yeah, you. Welcome back to earth, did you have a nice vacation?," George said sarcastically.

"I'm busy," Hermione stated simply.

"Herm, we would let you study..but breakfast is about to be over. You don't want to be late to the first exam, do you?," Ron said, correctly assuming just what Hermione had been doing.

Hermione, caught in the act, said a couple of the last dates of famous goblin rebellions under her breath before slamming her book shut under the table. For once she wasn't the only one studying before classes. Several other thick textbooks could be heard being closed shut. Hermione continued to recite dates and potion ingredients out loud as she stood up from the table, piling her textbooks one after another into her arms until they formed a wobbling load.

Fred had heard her mumblings as she tried to memorize the information she needed for the test and commented on it as he too stood up to get ready to go to his first class.

"Good god, Hermione, talking to yourself, are you? I told you all that work with those extra classes was going to take a toll..she's gone absolutely crazy." The last part Fred loudly whispered in a confiding tone to George.

Hermione pretended as if she hadn't heard a word he said and continued talking, this time addressing the group, who were all in various stages of finishing their breakfast and going over their notes for the exams one last time.

"You don't think Professor Flitwick really wants us to know the full hearing of the case against the stampeding unicorns of 1870, do you? Because I could only find half of it transcribed in the History of Magical Animals in England Today.." Hermione trailed off worriedly.

Ron stared at her blankly, obviously having no clue of what she was talking about.

"Come again? I don't even remember Professor Flitwick talking about the stampeding unicorns of 1870-"

"Neither do I" said Harry. "Don't worry,Hermione. It's probably just a bonus question or something." Hermione wasn't comforted that easily. "Yeah...well..."

In the main hall of Hogwarts, the group parted. Harry and Ron taking a left turn through the carved double doors to get to Professor Flitwick's class, Hermione walking straight down the hallway to get to Professor Vector's class.

George had to go the same direction to get to Professor Minerva's Dragons and Magic class, and was walking a good number of steps behind Hermione chatting with Alicia Spinnet. Still, he could make her out clearly in the crowd, tottering and teetering from side to side as she tried to balance an incredible load of books piled higher than her head. She looked like a drunken sailor.

George wasn't the only one that noticed Hermione's struggle to carry her textbooks. Malfoy with Pansy simpering on his arm and Crabbe and Goyle at his side, noticed as well.

Not one to pass up a chance to make someone else miserable ( besides the fact that making Hermione miserable would be the perfect revenge for her actually daring to study when he, Malfoy, hadn't studied at all ), Malfoy whispered something to Pansy and she gave a high pitched giggle, nodding at him as if encouraging him on.

That was all Malfoy needed, sauntering beside Hermione, he neatly put out his one foot and watched with a sense of accomplishment as she tripped and went tumbling down, books and all.

"You should really be more careful and watch where you're going, Granger."

Crabbe and Goyle, never far from Malfoy, stood with Pansy off to one side, snickering and sneering at Hermione's tumble. Hermione, surrounded by what had been the pile of her own books, was sick of Malfoy's pranks. She decided to give him some friendly advice.

"Oh, go jump off a cliff."

George had witnessed the whole thing and was paying no heed whatsoever to Alicia Spinnet as she chattered on.

"And as I was saying to Katie, we really shouldn't have separate boy and girl Quidditch teams, because that would just make things worse..we should just try to get more girls on the existing teams..."

Realizing George was no longer listening, Alicia Spinnet stopped talking and glanced in the direction George was looking. Hermione was on the floor with her books sprawled around her. "Poor thing..you think she needs some help, George? "

"George? Wait up!" Alicia yelled at George as he squeezed past other Hogwarts students to get to Hermione. George couldn't hear her, his blood was boiling. Hermione may have been a bit of a know it all and she could be annoying, but still that was no reason for Malfoy to always pick on her.

"Hermione? Are you alright?"

Hermione was rather surprised to see George standing over her looking concerned, but she took his offered hand to pull herself back to her feet. At his grip, her feelings seemed to jumble and twist all at once until they were all one big knot of emotions. She dropped his hand instantly. What was with her? Trying to get herself under control, Hermione noticed George was staring at her and for some reason lost the ability to think straight. She stared at her shoes and muttered a curt "peachy."

Hermione leaned over to pick up all her books off the floor, making sure to never glance at George's face and blaming her strange state on not getting enough sleep the night before.

Malfoy leered at both of them, his face in an unpleasant smile.

"Oh, look, the mudblood and Hogwarts' own Oliver Twist, what a lovely couple."

If George had been angry before, it was nothing compared to now. He spoke through clenched teeth.

"Hermione? Do you mind if I borrow one of your textbooks?"

Hermione shrugged, trying to think of a good retort to Malfoy's comment and angry she couldn't find one. "Sure."

With her consent, George took the textbook and heaved it with all his might at Malfoy. It hit Malfoy square in the face. Malfoy wonderingly put one hand up to his jaw. No one ever beat up Malfoy..ever. It only took him a few minutes to get over the shock and realize exactly what had happened.

"Why you little..."

Malfoy advanced on George with fist raised, ready to strike. George in return got his own fists up, a bit of a smile on his face. After all, this was something he had had on his "to do" list for a quite some time. It was at that moment he saw Professor McGonagall out of the corner of his eye. She was obliviously walking down the halls right towards the fight ( which now had a bunch of hopeful spectators crowded all around it. )

"Umm..Malfoy..wait."

"What? You chicken? " snickered Malfoy.

He deserves what's coming to him, thought George and didn't say another word or blink, as the next thing that happened was far to good to miss. Malfoy swung a punch a George and missed entirely as George simply stepped off to one side. Instead, McGonagall, who had been about to try and break up the fight, was the one to feel the force of Malfoy's punch..in the stomach.

Malfoy stared at her in pure horror.

"Twenty points from both houses. Malfoy. My office now," McGonagall managed to gasp out, trying to catch her breath and clutching at her stomach. "As for you"- she gave George a steely glare from under her spectacles-"you get another ten points taken away from Gryffindor besides the twenty."

George was about to raise his mouth to protest, then remembered being late to breakfast that morning. Probably what the old bat took points off for. He simply nodded as McGonagall said something or other about "violence in the halls being utterly prohibited."

With a shake of her head, and a "I knew you and Malfoy would get around to breaking this rule eventually", Professor McGonagall walked off, sulky Malfoy in tow. George could have broken out whistling. For once, Malfoy was getting the stricter punishment! George feverently hoped McGonagall was in an even worse mood than usual this morning.

"You know fighting in the halls is the worst rule to break?"

George sighed. He should have expected Hermione's reaction to be similar to Professor McGonagall's. George was about to say something about how he had already gotten enough of a lecture and really didn't need another one, when Hermione said something else.

"You should have used my Arithmancy book to throw at him. It's much heavier."

George looked at her in disbelief..Hermione was smiling widely from ear to ear. George felt a grin spreading across his own face. "Oh, I wouldn't worry if I were you, he'll still have a lump on his forehead the size of a grapefruit."

"Too bad someone didn't have a camera. I never want to forget that expression on Malfoy's face as long as I live, " said Hermione. George chuckled. "Neither do I."

Not even realizing what he was doing, George fell into step with Hermione, much to the chagrin of Alicia, who had been trying to catch his attention. They walked the couple of steps silently to Hermione's class, causing Lavender and Parvarti, who were also going to the same first class of the day as Hermione, to grin and start whispering to each other.

When they got to outside Professor Vector's door, Hermione had one last question, naturally about schoolwork.

"George? You've taken the O.W.L. exams. Just how hard are they?"

George stole a glance at Hermione and felt a strange bit of sympathy for her. What with the tests getting moved up and all, he was surprised she hadn't already had a complete nervous breakdown. As it was, she looked like she was about to go and get several of her teeth pulled.

"Piece of cake," George fibbed slightly. "Besides, come on, Hermione..you've been studying for these forever. You'll do fine."

Hermione cheered up slightly. "Really?"

George was about to reassure her some more when Pansy, who for once wasn't at the side of Draco Malfoy, spoke up from behind them both.

"What did you do, Hermione? Only study for eighteen months instead of nineteen?The horror!"

She smiled, tossed her hair over one of her shoulders, and walked in before either Hermione or George could say anything. George shook his head.

"Don't mind her, Hermione. Good luck!"

Since when was George the ego and morale booster? Hermione wondered, but she blushed slightly at his well wishes anyway.

"Thanks." Hermione gave George a half smile, and then turned around. She went through the door to class with a determined look in her eye and her back ramrod straight as if she was going off to war instead of simply taking an exam.

That was not what George noticed about her though. He was too focused on her curly hair as it swayed side to side gently as she walked. Hmm..kinda pretty, that hair. Wait, what on earth am I thinking? That's Hermione I'm obsessing over..HERMIONE. So what? said a little voice in the back of his head. So...so...

George gave up on trying to keep from thinking about Hermione as his thoughts inexplicably went back to her hair. As long as no one finds out, he tried to reason with himself, it's no big deal.

"Finds out what?" asked Alicia curiously, finally catching up with George. George hadn't known he had spoken out loud. Funny, he was trying to ask himself that same question inside his head.

"Erm...find out I haven't studied for my test" he covered up weakly.

"Oh."

Alicia didn't say anything else, but George could tell she hadn't fallen for a word of it.