Dungbombs and S-P-E-W

"Check Mate! " George shouted triumphantly. "Looks like someone owes me two bags of chocolate frogs, eh, brother of mine? "

Hah. That would show Ron to try and challenge him. The chess master took no prisoners...err...so to speak.

George's cry fell on deaf ears. Ron was now comfortably dozing in one of the big cushioned chairs scattered around the Gryffindor's common room.

"And looks like someone fell asleep. Aww...lil' Ronniekins all tired out. Ain't it cute? "

Fred closed up the book he had been reading ("100 Ways To Get On The Nerves Of Everyone; Muggles, Wizards, and Warlocks Alike! ") and grinned at his twin brother.

George grinned back. "Yeah. Sad as it is, looks like I'm going to just have to ruin the pretty little tableau of Ron here drooling all over the furniture."

"Speaking of tableaus. Ron is going to make one bugger of an interesting one in the morning."

"You mean other than the fact that he'll be lying in a puddle of drool? "

Fred nodded. "Yup. Even Better. Look at what Ron is supporting his head with..."

George was puzzled. "His hand? "

Fred groaned. "Well, obviously- look at what he has in his hand."

George caught on at last. In Ron's hand was one of the chess pieces. The hand that was also supporting his head. The part the ivory piece was pushed up against was already turning an interesting reddish pink.

"Oh that. That's nothing. Ron's face turns that color to begin with when he blushes, so no one will notice."

He yawned. Just looking at Ron was getting him a bit sleepy himself. It was three in the morning after all.

"You ready to call it a night? " asked Fred.

"Yeah." George got up off the stool he'd been sitting on and stretched. He left the chess pieces in place; just in case Ron wouldn't believe him and his boasts come morning.

The last thing he did before he went out the door was snatch the chocolate frogs from underneath Ron's other arm.

Fred looked back at Ron. "You know, can't say I blame him. Who wouldn't fall asleep playing chess? It's as boring as studying for McGonagall's class."

"Hmpph" broke in a disapproving voice.

"Ohoh...speaking of McGonagall...looks like the mini form of her is here now" said George in a mock whisper. Hey, if Ron wasn't awake to be teased, the next best thing was Hermione.

Hermione had heard every word he said and she really wasn't in the mood for it. She privately wondered how far Fred and George's bodies would fly backwards if she threw all of her textbooks at them. Studying all night will do that to a person.

"Studying may be boring... but it will pay off one day," Hermione said, unknowingly giving her best impression of McGonagall's most unnerving glare.

How could Hermione say that with a straight face? No doubt something she found in a book somewhere. "Right. Study so you can end up like Percy, checking cauldron bottoms." George and Fred snickered.

Hermione frowned some more. "I suppose that explains why you haven't studied one bit for the quarter year exams then."

Her whole form was slumped around a load of books, showing that she at least had obviously been working diligently to make sure she got a good grade. Hermione grinned as an image of Fred and George getting down on their knees and begging for McGonagall's mercy on the test came into her mind.

George, who was personally planning on using the quarterly exams (or at least Professor Flick's part of them) as some quality napping time, shrugged and Fred just smiled.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. I have it all taken care of," he said in a vague sort of tone.

It was no use-Hermione knew right what he was about.

"I saw you talking to Jordan earlier about getting in to McGonagall's office. You're going to cheat, aren't you? I knew it, I just knew it! " Her voice rose to high pitched, banshee like shriek.

George felt a flicker of guilt. He and Fred may have gotten away with tons of crazy things at Hogwarts (sneaking off campus, dungbombs in toilets, dungbombs in potion's, dungbombs anywhere they could put them) but if there was one thing they didn't do, it was cheat. He also felt surprised. Fred hadn't exactly told him about this little "arrangement"...but then Hermione could (and probably was) jump to conclusions.

Sure enough, Fred hissed at Hermione. "Oh, for god's sake, keep it down, will you? We're doing no such thing. You need to listen a little harder next time you eavesdrop."

"I heard what I heard. What are you planning? "

Hermione felt chastened, but she still had to ask. It was a serious thing if Fred, George, and Jordan-any of them-were cheating. Besides, it was her private opinion that they didn't need to; they had gotten an okay number of O.W.L'S and weren't exactly stupid...most of the time. Unlike now.

"None of your business" Fred said shortly.

Hermione's face turned red. Let them cheat and get caught. See what she cared. Forget it. She was wrong. The two of them didn't have enough brains to fill a spoon.

She flounced down into one of the chairs by the still slumbering Ron and cracked open a heavy textbook. "Fine."

George was getting tired of the little argument. Bugger, he was just plain tired to begin with. "Have fun falling asleep in your books...ermm...I mean studying." He winked at her as he pretty much pushed Fred out the door.

Hermione watched it slam behind him and winced. No wonder Ron could be so annoying. It must have been a trait passed down from Percy to the twins and on and on down the line, though, now wasn't the time to be thinking about that. She had work to do. One day was left to study for the test! The fact that Hermione had been studying for a week didn't matter.

In her third year at Hogwarts everyone had to confront the Boggart during Defense Against the Dark Arts. While other kids had seen mummies, goblins, severed hands-the Boggart had showed her what she feared...making her fear it more than ever. If there was anything she was afraid of, it was not being prepared for an exam or test. Hermione scribbled notes from her book, trying to stop the words from blurring together as her eyelids sagged.

"1823-The equal rights for centaurs act

This act, passed by Aerinus Magby states

that centaurs are half human and therefore

deserve the same rights as any common wizard.

Unfortunately......"

Hermione's handwriting dribbled off the paper as her head dropped to her chest and she began to snore.

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Fred and George were busy climbing the set of spiraling stairs to their dormitories. They boy's dormitories used to have been right next to the girls...but last year, some guy (George couldn't remember his name, only that he was pissed off he hadn't thought of the idea first) had snuck into the girl's dormitories after hours. When McGonagall found out about the incident, she had decided to move the boy's dormitories even farther away, figuring that no guy in his right mind would walk up and down a mile long spiraling staircase just to see the girls in their nighties.

Come to that, no guy in his right mind would walk up and down a mile long spiraling staircase, period, thought George as he huffed his way up the aforesaid staircase, slightly out of breath.

A few minutes later, George and Fred were lying in their respective beds when both spoke at the same time.

"Do you? "

"Are you really? "

"You first. Out with it" whispered Fred.

George decided that the question really wasn't that important and besides, there was no way his brother would do something like that.

"Never mind. What did you want to ask? "

"Well, what I was going to ask was...do you think Hermione and Ron would make a good couple? "

George was startled. "WHAT? You sound like Parvarti! Why the sudden interest in gossip? "

"No reason." Fred said calmly. "Just wondering. They're always arguing...seems like a match made in heaven, don't you think? "

"More like a match made in the land of boiling vats and devils." For some reason, the idea bothered George more than it should. "Ron can date Lavender for all I care."

"Someone likes Hermione," Fred said in a singsong voice.

In response, George grumbled and turned over. He wasn't even going to dignify his brother with a reply on that one. Him liking Hermione! Acck.

"You did say she was pretty last year at the dance" Fred pushed on, tenaciously clinging to this new subject. He really was starting to turn into Parvarti, thought George. All he needed was a brown wig and you wouldn't be able to tell them apart.

"Oh come on,” George mumbled. "If I could get a penny every time you whistled in some girl's direction, I would have a fortune."

"Yeah, but that's me. You never have said any girl was pretty besides Hermione...except for..." Fred trailed off.

"Okay, okay."

This was not exactly the subject he wanted to be talking about. George rolled over and put his pillow over his head.

Meanwhile Parvarti and Lavender were in the girl's dormitories, lying facing the ends of their beds. (The beds were right across from each other so they didn't have to whisper to each other from opposite ends of the room.)

They had been having their usual "girl chat" and were on their favorite topic. Couples.

"McGonnagal...and...Peeves! "

"Ewww." Parvarti made a gagging noise.

"How about Peeves and Norris? I swear, they deserve each other."

"No kidding! " Lavender said. "I still can't make up my mind which I hate worse."

How about George and...."

Parvarti paused. She had run out of people to couple up. She racked her mind for people that she and Lavender hadn't put their imaginary matchmaking touch to. Of course, how could she have forgotten...

"Hermione! " said Parvarti confidently.

Lavender looked at her with an incredulous expression.

"Get out of here! You're just saying that because they're the only two people left that we haven't matched up."

Lavender had hit the truth of the matter, but Parvarti wasn't willing to admit it.

"I think they'd be cute together! "

"Pleease."

"Oh, you're just jealous because you like George yourself." Parvarti threw a pillow at Lavender.

"That's not true! I only like..."

"You LIKE someone? Who, who, who? "

"Why did I have to open my big mouth? " moaned Lavender, laughing and hiding behind her pillow. Parvarti continued to pester her.

"Who, who, who, who? "

Lavender gave in. "Well, if you have to know-Ron."

Parvarti squealed and Lavender quickly feigned sleep. After awhile, thinking her friend actually had dozed off, Parvarti fell asleep herself.

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The old grandfather clock chimed, signaling a new hour and resounding in Hermione's subconscious. The first thing that greeted her blurry vision was the black, uneven scrawls of her handwriting jumping out at her from the page. Her face felt like it had been smashed with a giant hammer.

Groaning, Hermione took her head off of her notebook, stood up, and looked at her surroundings. Seven o'clock in the morning already? Hermione panicked. She had only thirty minutes left 'till breakfast. She picked up the rest of her textbooks from their various places, feeling guilty.

She hadn't (in her opinion, anyway) finished her studying and the test was a mere twenty-four hours away. Actually waiting to finish her studying until the night BEFORE the test instead of months before per usual? That didn't exactly fit with her principles of work, work, and of course, work even harder.

Hermione tried to tiptoe quietly across the common room, acutely remembering the fact that ten points were taken from the house if a student was found sleeping in the common room. However, tiptoeing when carrying at least your own weight in books is pretty much an impossible feat unless you're either athletically gifted or used to that kind of thing.

Luckily, Hermione was both-or she was until she tripped over a lone chess piece on the floor and collapsed into one of the armchairs scattered liberally throughout the room. Hermione tried to push her arms into the plush chair to get back up and realized it wasn't the upholstery she was feeling, but Ron's shirt.

"AHHHHHH! "

"EEEEEKKK! "

A tousled Ron leapt out of the chair like a spring, looking around wildly as if expecting a monster. Hermione sighed, she had half expected Ron to be Norris, lying in wait so he could get report her to Filch.

"Good morning, Ron."

Ron's facial expression changed from looking frightened out of his wits to just looking embarrassed.

"Whoa, sorry Herm...for a minute I thought you were a..."

"You were dreaming of spiders again, weren't you? " Hermione gave Ron the "I am much wiser and smarter than you" expression that he hated. "Really Ron, you should learn to confront your fears one of these days."

Of course, Ron had been dreaming of a ten foot gigantean tarantula, but there was no way he was going to admit that to Hermione. He did have a reputation to uphold, you know.

"Ermm...no, it wasn't that, I swear...umm...never mind."

Hermione shrugged and answered with the confidence of someone who knew her assumptions had been correct.

"Alright. Well I'm going up to the girl's dorm. See you at breakfast."

She leaned over to pick up the load of dropped books and was walking past Ron when she happened to get a good glance at him. Ron must have done likewise, because before she could tell him anything, he beat her to it.

"Hermione? What happened to you? "

Hermione was offended. "Hey, not everyone wakes up looking like they just got out of a beauty parlor."

Ron gave Hermione an odd expression. "No, besides that."

"I was going to ask you the same thing, but unlike some people, I happen to have manners."

Ron immediately put his hands up to his face.

"Is something wrong with me? "

Hermione tried hard not to giggle. Ron looked as offended as she had been when he said something was wrong with her face.

"Ron...just do me a favor and look in a mirror."

She decided it was best to inform him since she strongly suspected Ron (like most guys) didn't spend his mornings staring at his reflection in the mirror like half the girls in Gryffindor did.

Ron was puzzled. "Oookay."

Hermione walked out of the room, and then remembering what Ron had said about her face, she turned back around and stuck her head through the doorframe.

"By the way, what was wrong with my face? "

Ron grinned and mimicked what Hermione had said earlier. "Do me a favor and go look in a mirror."

"Thanks a lot."

Hermione rolled her eyes at him and left for the Gryffindor girl's dormitory. Stumbling her way there, she stroked the imposing double doors and whispered “Abdicus". The creak of the opening doors woke Parvarti and Lavender and they both screamed at the top of their lungs.

Parvarti had her bed sheets pulled up to her nose and Lavender muttered something about the "bloody baron". Hermione was starting to get a bit worried about her appearance now. Images of huge boiling vats of blubberpus and an overly cheerful Madam Pomfrey danced through her head.

"I seem to be getting that reaction a lot lately." Hermione wrinkled her nose. "Think I had better take a look in the mirror..."

Parvarti and Lavender, once they figured out that the supposed intruder was just Hermione, calmed down considerably. Hermione walked over to the mirror and peered at it.

Parvarti began changing into her daily attire and Lavender came over to join Hermione.

Hermione looked at her reflection quizzically.

"What is it? "

"Here, let me see". Lavender studied Hermione's face. "I think it's...red ink? "

Hermione slapped her forehead, causing a large spot of ink to appear on both hands.

"Of course! When I was taking notes-I just grabbed a pen I saw laying on the table....one of Fred and George's trick ones, I bet. Ooh, I'm going to get them good for this one! "

Lavender grinned mischievously. "Oh, come on! I'm sure they didn't plant the pen there on purpose just for you! "

Hermione snickered. "Oh no, of course not. Being the angels they are, I'm sure they planted it for Ron instead."

Lavender took a detour in the conversation. Determined to get to the subject she wanted to discuss with Hermione, she took the risk of sounding stupid. Hey, anything to help along a little matchmaking....

"You do have to admit, they look like angels. Though, in my opinion George is cuter. What do you think, Parvarti? "

Being that it was early in the morning, Parvarti didn't catch on right away.

"Nah. Ron's cuter than both Fred and George."

Lavender glared at her pointedly and coughed.

A grin very similar to Lavender's popped up on Parvarti's face.

"Umm...I mean...yeah....George is much cuter. Sure". She finished getting dressed and turned to Hermione. "What about you, Hermione? Which one do you think is cuter? "

Hermione hated it when she got asked these kinds of questions. Answers to questions like these almost always found a way of getting passed around to the subject of them.

"Oh, come on...we won't tell! " wheedled Lavender.

"Promise," added Parvarti.

Hermione felt sarcasm was the best way to go. "Well, if you must know, it's...George! Those wonderful freckles of his and those laughing eyes. Oh, he's so handsome he makes me want to swoon...."

Hermione pretended to faint back into Lavender's bed amid laughs from both girls.

"Oh, be serious! "

Hermione shook her head and grinned as if she had secret information she wasn't going to share with them.

"My lips are sealed. I'm not saying any more."

Parvarti sighed. Lavender's matchmaking schemes always failed. Lavender however, was still upbeat. So what if she hadn't gotten Hermione to confess her undying love for George? She would just have to work on it a bit.

Hermione stood up from Lavender's bed, noticing she had been sitting on something. Curious, she picked it up to see what it was. It was addressed to "Hermione."

Lavender and Parvarti, seeing she had some package or something that neither of them had noticed, came to stand over her shoulders so they could find out what it said.

Trying to hide it with one hand from Parvarti and Lavender, Hermione started to read...

"Your hair is as wavy as the ocean,

your eyes are like two big pools of emotion

entrancing me forever...."

The letter went on and on, about her ears, her mouth (like a soft rose petal), and her nose...until Hermione put it down, feeling a quite amused.

Lavender and Parvarti were beyond amused. They obviously thought it was horribly romantic.

"Awww, how sweet! "

"I can't believe you got love letter! "

Both started hounding her.

"Oh, quick! Tell us who it's signed by! "

"Harry? Ron? Fred? "

"Or George? " added Lavender with a smile.

Hermione folded the letter and put it neatly back in the envelope.

"It's not signed."

Parvarti's eyes got a sort of starry look to them.

"Wow...a mystery admirer..."

Lavender, who was sort of pissed it wasn't from George, just hmpphed.

Hermione stuck the letter in her dresser door and calmly began changing out of her crumpled and wrinkled clothing into a different black robe.

Lavender, heartened by a sudden new plan of hers, spoke up.

"Hermione, you act like you get a love letter every day."

Parvarti nodded. "Where's the emotion? You're supposed to be jumping up and down and twirling in circles right now..."

Hermione gave a sly smile. "Well, I would be a lot more excited if the guy who wrote the letter could actually spell and rhythm..."

"You are way to picky," Parvarti said disapprovingly.

"You know what I say? We should find out who this "mystery admirer" of yours is! " Lavender snatched the letter from out of Hermione's dresser and starting looking it over for clues. If she couldn't get Hermione and George together...well, this was the next best thing.

"I leave it in your talented clutches..."

Admitting defeat, Hermione threw her hands up in the air. Even if the guy was obviously not the best scholar around, it was still pretty exciting to get a love letter.

And who knows? She reasoned with herself, maybe the guy is really nice. You can't tell everything about somebody just from a letter.

Hermione didn't have to say another word. Lavender took off for breakfast with the letter in one of her robe's pockets. Parvarti, saying something about "tracking the guy down" left a few seconds later, leaving Hermione alone to try and scrub vainly at her face in hopes of getting the red ink off.

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George woke up to Neville's daily wake up call of "Anyone seen my toad? "

"Try looking in your stack of dirty underwear! " someone (most likely Fred) shouted and several snickers followed.

George sat up, drew back the drapes to his bed, and stepped into his slippers. The strange noise of crackling paper greeted his efforts. George grabbed the slipper the noise had come from and shook it heartily. A small, snow-white letter drifted through the air and George grabbed at it before any of the other boys could take notice and try to snatch it.

"Your hair is as wavy as the ocean,

your eyes are like two big pools of emotion

entrancing me forever...."

"Hey, Fred. Will you come over here and look at this? "