The Chronicles of Lucius

The Chronicles Of Lucius

In Motion

Notes: Lucius has a plan. And its a v. cunning plan. Involving a diary. You wouldn´t think this guy is anti-diary would you? Ooh! Madcap head-thought! Voldemort´s Diary :D Now, there´s a disturbing Bridget-Jones-esque adaptation ;)

Oh and for the record, his green outfit of choice is taken from a film I´ve seen stills from, in which Jason I wears said outfits and a bobbed wig. Is very disturbing.

_______________________

August 6th 1992

Hair strangely good. Evil glare on minimum power (recharging for confrontation with Borgin. Must be in ultimate evil-bitch BASTARD mode. Dealing with stingy bastard with bad hair never fun). Robes discarded (casual attire to scare son). Arse could be better.

Is approaching time of year when son is exiled for months.

Official of location of exile is Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Call it `Hell´ and hope son will be happy there, while laughing v. evilly because son can no longer stop me playing with toys.

V. attached to his magic train set. Especially `woo´ noise. V. fun.

Will send many taunting owls to son during term about playing with toys without permission, signed by wife. Always amusing to receive angry howlers in morning, to scare and confuse wife.

Can´t wait to get rid of him again. Keeps whining (and not v. evilly) about not being best at everything (suggested he blame mother for lack in share of brain cell) and complaining about Pot or something.

Pot in Hogwarts.

Note to self - Must see other Governors of school about abuse of narcotics at educational facilities. Ha! Will have Dumbledore out of school this time! Will teach him to try and have better hair!

Will never happen. Dumbledore has yet to work out that split ends are not good. And beards are so last century. Silly old fart.

Also, old twit has yet to realise that black is in. Why is evil always in black? Because evil is always fashion-conscious and v. nifty. Evil does not wear massive colourful dressing gowns or silly hats.

Evil also looks good in silver Porsche with snake on front.

Have fingers crossed over Christmas present. V. excited if wife has taken hint.

Back on son´s exile.

Downside - son requires vast outpouring of cash, in order to attend school. Will naturally want everything available (last year, wanted a dragon, but was turned down on principal that it could eat him. Will look into getting a Ridgeback for him. Would be classed as `accidental´).

Son has also grown since last year.

Damned hormones.

Must buy new books, new robes and new broomstick for son. Will also try to find shrinking potion to prevent more growth. Feeling distinctly dwarfed. Must find way to keep son smaller and less imposing.

Will desist son´s evil-glare lessons. Son is already adequate at evil scowl. Evil scowl sufficient for age. Would not do to have son being expert in evil glare and taller. Must retain dominant male position in family.

Son´s exile good for that too.

With wife and self in home, not hard to be dominant male. Wife is sap.

Other plus side of son leaving - shopping!

Will never admit to wife but am closet shopaholic (Dark Master knows and shares opinion - have had many happy shopping sprees with Dark Lord). Also a closet closet-holic. Bought four closets last time, in Knockturn Alley. V. evil looking. Was forced (really!) to buy clothing to fill each. V. nice clothing.

Would have been pity to let closest sit empty.

Wife remarked on expense.

Wife is bloody fool - lets me do all accounts. Hers too. Stupid wife.

Will leave sufficient amount of money in wife´s account for purchase of Porsche before Christmas. V. excited! Want it to have black leather seats (black leather on arse = v. nice) and horn that plays `La Cuacaracha´!

Was also forced to have house extended again and additional closet room added.

Wife believes that closet room contains bodies of dead wives. Alludes to someone called Bluebeard. Wish wife would stop talking rubbish. However, thought of bodies keeps wife out of private shrine.

Always good.

Would hate to find skinny wife trying on new clothing, especially new sequined green number. Makes arse look spectacular. Sadly, cannot wear in public as would lack in credibility of evil bastard to be seen in dress.

Bloody pity. Look v. good in it.

Also, must prepare for meeting with board of Governors. Am youngest and prettiest Governor (with best hair and arse). Will be boring, as usual, but must show face and satisfy lust of all old men by waving cane imperiously.

Cane oddly popular with older men. Often find them trying to touch it. Must smack knuckles on regular basis. V. distracting.

Must research why so popular for men to try and touch my cane.

Will write post-meeting.

~*~

August 7th 1992

Hair lank. Evil glare...who gives a damn! In V.V.V.V. bad mood!!

Bloody Governors!

Made me look like prat.

Grr!

Brought up subject of pot causing great irritation to son in school. Received funny looks and was informed that no pot is available in school. Told board what son had said. Board laughed hysterically.

Threatened to take cane away.

Board fell silent.

Must listen to son.

No pot at school.

Potter.

Boy of same age as son with v. bad hair and nasty specs.

Must teach son to speak coherently. Or English at least.

Bloody son. Bloody Governors. Bloody school!

Grr!

Even thought of Porsche and new wardrobe not helping.

When Dark Lord emerges triumphant from little book, will stand over Governors and laugh when all are dead!

No! Wait!

Will stand and laugh as Evil Master kills them all!

Will teach them not to laugh at me.

Will taunt them with cane that I have and they don´t.

Ha! Taunting over possession of cane truly a mark of greatest evil!

Oh and murdering board also considered evil, but taunting so much more amusing.

Will plot evilly to plant Dark Lord´s book on stupid school child.

Plot taking shape nicely.

~*~

August 9th 1992

Hair perfect. Evil glare simmering (will activate fully when reach Borgin. Must not be distracted or give up Dark Lord´s toys for tiny amounts). Robes sophisticated and v. nice fit. Arse in perfect shape for shopping spree.

Am taking son to Knockturn Alley for school supplies. Will use wife´s account. Wife v. soft when comes to son. Wife loves son. Think wife might have been dropped on head at birth.

V. concerned about son.

Son requested bigger, better broomstick with `lovely´ smooth bristles to stick between legs. Tried not to read into it. Failed. Believe son might be inclined in other directions. Son´s fixation with hair and clothing rather worrying (Self not to blame).

More worrying issue raised when son asked for broomsticks for six friends to stick between legs, so son can...play with friends...

Will not read into it.

But son is far too pretty...

Considering returning wife to father. Must be faulty. Provided son that looks and acts like whiny little sissy girl. Desired evil bastard for Heir. Will require (and demand) full refund from father of wife.

Also, taking book of Dark Lord to shops.

Will no doubt find silly twit to take book off hands.

Will inform of plot developments later.

~*~

August 10th 1992

Hair in knots (on fourth hour of untangling and getting bored of it). Evil glare on maximum strength (wife and son cowering under bed in back room). Robes dusty and messy. Arse bruised.

In oddly good mood (will explain good mood temporarily. Must rant first), but with enough of a bad mood for evil glare to scare wife, son, house elves, Minister of Magic and others.

Shopping went well.

Son provided with seven brooms. One for self and six for friends - decided it may be easier to indulge his fancy for time being. Have been told it may just be a phase and should not worry.

Son also strangely fascinated with Hand Of Glory that curls tightly around phallic-shaped-objects in Borgin & Burkes. Did not get it. Broom enough. Sincerely hope he wanted it for criminal reasons.

Will try not to read into it.

Also, sold sufficient number of dinky toys of Dark Lord for sufficient price to afford spangly pair of shoes to match shimmery green number. V. attractive. Make legs look long and slim. V. pleased with purchase.

Kept Dark Lord´s train set for self. Is v. evil and makes v. evil `woo´ sound. V. fun!

However, got in fight with man with very stupid hair.

Long story - went into bookshop, with intention of buying books, and found son practising evil sneer on quartet of badly-dressed children. Son lacking in subtlety (as with cunning and threat) but quartet...v. easy target.

Found one of quartet, with grubby face, to be Harry Potter. Was tempted to bash him on head with cane for being cause of Governors amusement. Son dislikes Potter and Potter dislikes son.

Decided to make Potter uncomfortable.

Too easy for v. evil bastard like self.

Twit tried to shake hand and was pulled up in front of me. Has no taste in robes. Used cane to move badly-groomed hair to see ugly scar on forehead. Tempted to suggest laser treatment. Resisted.

Noticed that boy didn´t pull back from hand-holding or cane until parents were mentioned. Worried that boy may be attracted to me (Can´t blame him, though). Hope that was just a wand in boy´s pocket.

Boy´s stare rather intense. Had very green eyes. Would look v. good in favourite green number. Wondered briefly if boy would be interested in modelling green number in closet room at home then noticed son glaring at boy.

Think son may have serious UST with boy. Boy clearly in same boat as son.

Recalled something about son being jealous of boy´s technique with broomstick and something about boy always catching gold balls. Was distracted. Must listen more carefully next time.

Will not read into it.

Decided that enemies of son deserve privilege of seeing professional evil sneer in progress. Little girl with big hair looked suitably terrified. Was v. pleased with results until Weasley jumped in.

Weasley v. annoying man with many sons. Only one Weasley son looks like girl (v. nice-looking, v. nice hair and v. nice clothes - definitely in same boat as son). Mind you, rest of Weasley sons all stupid-looking. Is amusing.

Weasley also v. poor.

Sneered v. evilly (son watched in awe) and ended up in punch-up with Weasley for insulting family. Was rather funny. Son stood by and gaped like fish. At Potter. Was rather annoyed, as was having arse pummelled and was outnumbered.

Was broken up by big bloke with v. bad hair and smelled like dead rabbit. Decided that shop was beneath me. Took son and departed.

Realised as soon as was outside that book of Dark Lord was no long in pockets or down front of trousers (safest place for it). Suspect book might have fallen into hands of one of Weasley´s offspring.

Do vaguely recall hearing clang when fell. Certain that book somehow fell into book-filled cauldron of youngest Weasley. Short girl with fuzzy red hair and badly-made clothes. Would have recommended suicide over such a wardrobe.

Hope so!

Would be irony.

Dark Lord will make come back because of muggle-lover´s kids.

Hence, good mood.

Dark Lord´s book is in hands of stupid twit. Stupid twit will like book and give soul to book. Book will eat soul of girl like wife eats celery and peanut butter (wife is freak - will find nice bridge to push her off). Soul of girl will be replaced with soul of Dark Lord. Dark Lord will return, very much alive.

Dark Lord will kick arses!

Will stand by in cheerleader uniform and wave pompoms.

Have nice legs that look v. good in silver and green cheerleader uniform. Arse is in best shape ever.

On second thoughts, will not bother. Cheerleader uniform also reduces credibility of being evil bastard and chief aide to Dark Lord. Wish Evil could be more fun and have more outfits. Would like silver and green costume.

Would go well with Porsche, when arrives.

Do look good in black though.

Will petition Dark Lord for permission to wear black cheerleader robes at Death Eater meetings or on raids. Will be a bonding thing. Mildly disturbing thought of Goyle in tiny skirt.

Will scrap that idea.

Will force Potter to wear cheerleader robes and waves pompoms. Shall find it highly amusing. Son will find it amusing also. Son might also consider it rather kinky and find Potter more attractive.

Bugger.

Will remove Potter from cheerleader uniform.

Will forget I ever wrote above line. Feel disgusted and sullied and wrong and not even a little evil. Will purge all thoughts of naked Potter from mind. Will find woman to shag to replace thought.

Hell, will shag wife in desperation.

Am sure the shock will kill her.

Would consider that natural death.

Will write later, must find wife now.