Here's Looking @ You

From: Potter, Harry
To: Ronald Bilius Weasley
Cc: H. Granger
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:02
Subject: Question

Ron,
Do you have any idea why Draco came home with a black eye last night? I didn't ask him because you know how he gets, but I can't help wondering.
Harry

From: Ronald Bilius Weasley
To: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:05
Subject: Re: Question

Next time give me a chance to answer before you involve Hermione, all right?
Ron

From: Potter, Harry
To: Ronald Bilius Weasley
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:06
Subject: Re: Re: Question

Hey, you weren't supposed to see that!

From: Ronald Bilius Weasley
To: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:09
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Question

Then you should have used bcc instead of cc, mate.

From: Potter, Harry
To: Ronald Bilius Weasley
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:10
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Question

Damn, I want the old memo system back, I'll never learn how to work this one.

From: Ronald Bilius Weasley
To: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:12
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Question

Shacklebolt says paper aeroplanes are so 20th century. Also, I'm told it makes the Ministry's Muggleborn employees feel better.

From: Potter, Harry
To: Ronald Bilius Weasley
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:17
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Question

I was raised by Muggles, and I hate it. Besides, stop dodging my question. Have you two been fighting again?

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Potter, Harry
Cc: Ronald Bilius Weasley
Bcc: H. Granger
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:19
Subject: FYI

No, we haven't, it was a completely unprovoked attack.
DM

From: Ronald Bilius Weasley
To: Malfoy, D.
Cc: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:12
Subject: GTFO

Ferret, stop hacking my mail!!!
RW

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Ronald Bilius Weasley
Cc: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:24
Subject: Re: GTFO

Unspeakable, remember? Besides, if Granger, who allegedly still likes and respects you (I'd suspect Imperius if I didn't know you're way too inept to pull it off), has no qualms about going through your mailbox, I don't see why I should.
DM

From: Ronald Bilius Weasley
To: Malfoy, D.
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:27
Subject: Re: Re: GTFO

Hermione is NOT reading my mails, so stop messing with my head, or I'll give you another black eye to go with the one you already have.

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Potter, Harry
Cc: Ronald Bilius Weasley
Bcc: H. Granger
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:28
Subject: Fw: Re: Re: GTFO

>>Hermione is NOT reading my mails, so
>>stop messing with my head, or I'll give
>>you another black eye to go with the
>>one you already have.

Harry,
Here's the weasel's confession in his own words. Also, please make sure to inform him that his ex does indeed read his mail.
Love,
D.

From: H. Granger
To: Malfoy, D.
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:33
Subject: Re: Fw: Re: Re: GTFO

Draco,
You weren't supposed to tell Ron about that!!!
Hermione

From: Malfoy, D.
To: H. Granger
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:37
Subject: Re: Re: Fw: Re: Re: GTFO

Whoops.
DM

From: H. Granger
To: Potter, Harry , Ronald Bilius Weasley
Bcc: Malfoy, D.
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:37
Subject: Re: Fw: Re: Re: GTFO

Boys,
Stop this at once. Harry, Draco is a grown man, he can take care of himself. Ron, arguments between Ministry employees aren't supposed to be resolved with one's fists, and besides, it's a very bad idea to hit an Unspeakable. (And before you complain about me reading your mail, you know that I have the security clearance to check all unclassified inter-departmental messages.)
Love,
Hermione

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:42
Subject: Yesterday's little incident

Harry,
You'd better take your weasel to the vet, he's probably got rabies. Also, what do you mean, 'how I get'? You could have just asked me.
Draco

From: Potter, Harry
To: Malfoy, D.
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:50
Subject: Re: Yesterday's little incident

Draco,
IIRC, I had my mouth full at the time.
Harry

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:52
Subject: Re: Re: Yesterday's little incident

Innuendo at the office? You must be really desperate to avoid answering my question.

From: Potter, Harry
To: Malfoy, D.
Sent: 12-02-2008, 08:55
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Yesterday's little incident

Can we just forget I ever said anything?

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:02
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Yesterday's little incident

What, just when I've finally got you to talk dirty to me through the Ministry network? I don't think so.

From: Potter, Harry
To: Malfoy, D.
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:06
Subject: This conversation ends here

You do remember those Filtering Charms Shacklebolt mentioned, yes? Please stop flirting with disaster, I really don't want to explain to the boss why an inter-dep mail I got set off the obscenity alarm. Also, Hermione might decide to hack into THIS conversation any moment now.

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:09
Subject: Re: This conversation ends here

No she won't.

...you know, that subject line is somewhat ironic.

From: Potter, Harry
To: Malfoy, D.
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:14
Subject: *beep*

You're sure? About her not following this exchange from her office, I mean.

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:16
Subject: Re: *beep*

Perfectly sure. The reason being, she just walked into MY office and is now reading over my shoulder. Please don't forget to mention a few sordid details in your reply, that woman has a most peculiar interest in m

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:18
Subject: Re: *beep*

Sorry about that, I hit the 'send' button too early on account of having been cuffed over the head by my esteemed co-worker. I must remember to ask the weasel if she already had this spanking kink when they were together.

From: Potter, Harry
To: Malfoy, D.
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09: 24
Subject: Re: Re: *beep*

You really want that second black eye he offered you, don't you?

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:28
Subject: Re: Re: Re: *beep*

We'll see about that. Btw, I take it from your lack of freaking out that you don't really have a problem with Granger reading our intimate correspondence? Hmmm...

Also, what kind of retarded subject line is "beep"?

From: Potter, Harry
To: Malfoy, D.
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:31
Subject: WHATEVER

I doubt she's really all that interested in your dirty little messages.

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Potter, Harry
Bcc: Ronald Bilius Weasley
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:37
Subject: Interesting

Oh, you'd be surprised. She was all over the mail you sent me on Friday - you know, the one about that new Tickling Charm you were dying to try out on me once you had me out of my clothes and on the bed with my hands tied to the headboard with our old school scarves.

From: Ronald Bilius Weasley
To: Malfoy, D.
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:38
Subject: MY EYES!!!

FERRET, I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS IF HARRY DOESN'T GET TO YOU FIRST!!!

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Ronald Bilius Weasley
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:41
Subject: La vengeance est un plat qui se mange froid

I hope for your sake that you can find a good translation charm, because I doubt that you know any French.

Oh, and given Granger's expression right now there's obviously more than one kind of French you don't know. Hardly surprising that she left you.
DM

From: H. Granger
To: Malfoy, D. , Potter, Harry , Ronald Bilius Weasley
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:46
Subject: Show's over

All right, everyone, this has been fun, but I think it's time we all got some work done at last. Ron, I'll be over at your office for my coffee break, please try not to hit anyone in the meantime.
Love,
Hermione

From: Potter, Harry
To: Malfoy, D.
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:48
Subject: Lunch?

Have lunch with me in the cafeteria at half one? I promise I won't ask about the eye if you really don't want to talk about it.
Harry

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:51
Subject: Re: Lunch?

Fine.

From: Potter, Harry
To: Malfoy, D.
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:52
Subject: Re: Re: Lunch?

Love you,
Harry

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:56
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Lunch?

Don't get soppy now, please, I hate it when Granger goes "awwwww" on me.

From: Malfoy, D.
To: Potter, Harry
Sent: 12-02-2008, 09:58
Subject: [Encrypted - please cast personal identification spell to access body of message]

Same here,
D.