How Hogwarts Became a Nudist Colony

How Hogwarts Became a Nudist Colony

Part 8: Unity through Nudity

"Of course, Miss Granger was very much shocked by this declaration," Dumbledore continued. "I doubt I have ever seen her so abashed--it was as if she had gotten a question wrong on an otherwise perfect exam."

"Excuse me. . ."

Dumbledore chuckled, eyes gleaming with the recent memory. "You should have been there. Her face lost its color, as did the rest of her, and her eyes were as wide as saucers. She looked very much like a younger Minerva."

"Excuse me, Professor."

"And then," the headmaster laughed, "she opened her mouth, and, in a shaky, high voice, she said. . ."

"EXCUSE ME!"

Dumbledore blinked back shock and raised a white, bushy brow. "Dear me--my boy, are you quite alright? You look as if you recently encountered Dark!Harry in a foreboding cave of boggarts on Dagobah."

"What?" Harry asked, dumbfounded. The boy-who-lived shook his head as if to move furniture for one last slice of insanity. "Professor, I hate to interrupt again, but. . . I have to go."

"Go?" Dumbledore frowned. "I don't believe you have any classes this evening."

"No, I need to use the restroom," Harry explained.

"That was what the intermission was for," Dumbledore stated.

Harry tapped his foot furtively before jumping from his seat. "Well, I have to go now!"

He ran out the door before his headmaster could say another word. He was quite certain that there was a lavatory somewhere down the hall, and he was not at all disappointed. He ran inside, half unzipped as he rushed to relieve himself in the urinal across from him. He sighed at the release.

"Come on, Draco! You can do it! Don't tell me your going to give up that easily. That's it, mate! A little harder!"

A frustrated growl echoed throughout the restroom and Draco Malfoy's voice pierced the air. "I just can't do it, Ron! No matter how hard I strain. This just isn't working."

Harry's eyes widened, and he turned slowly, expecting the worse was yet to come. However, it seemed that 'yet to come' would refer to another moment in time, possibly one in the far future but not at the moment. And although that sentiment made absolutely no sense whatsoever, Harry was happy to see, not something 'yet to come', but his friend Ron standing, still nude, against a toilet stall door. Apparently, Draco was inside that very stall, suffering from intestinal pains.

"Oh, hello, Harry," Ron greeted, a bored expression on his face. "Decided to take that intermission after all, I see."

"Bloody ponce," a voice echoed from behind the stall door. "So, Potter--or Harry as I should be referring to you since we're all so intimately acquainted now. . . ."

"Actually," Ron interrupted Straining Dragon, "Harry hasn't taken off his clothes yet."

"What do you mean 'he hasn't taken off his clothes'? Did Dumbledore not finish the story?" Draco asked.

"Well, obviously not," Ron answered. "That's why I referred to it as an intermission. Intermission refers to a break in a story or movie."

"A movie?"

"It's a muggle thing."

"You two have been in here this whole time?" Harry asked.

"Actually, Potter, we had to stop and have the lemon drop removed from my eye socked first. Don't tell me you forgot about that? Thankfully, there was no permanent damage." Draco appeared out of the stall walking toward the sink to wash his hands. He dried his hands on a cloth and turned back to Ron and Harry. "Are you ready to hear the rest of the story."

"Yeah." Harry walked to the sink to clean himself up.

"Well, it went like this," Draco began.

Eleven hours, two minutes, and twenty seconds after the conquest of the knickers

Hermione ignored everything that she'd said and turned around to face Professor Severus Snape, her eyes alight with passion. "Oh, professor, forgive me for ignoring your needs. However shall I make it up to you."

Snape smiled. "Well, you could fall into my arms and begin snogging me to death and rubbing your ample bosoms in my face."

Hermione giggled and jumped into the potions master's arms. "How I would love to! Why, you're the most handsome man alive--other than Draco Malfoy. I dare say that if he was not snogging Ginny in the row behind us, I would let him take me here and now and wrap myself around his god-like body of chiseled ice and. . . ."

Mystery Bathroom

"MALFOY!"

Draco grinned. "Alright, maybe that's not quite what happened; however, it did make a great story. I think I'll sell it to that muggle Hugh something."

Ron shook his head. "Draco, you're such a jest. For a moment, I was contemplating smashing your bloody nose in, but then I realized that I've fallen into a passionate relationship with Pansy and I no longer need to fight for Hermione's nudist dignity."

Harry looked as if he could very well smash Draco's face in at any moment, but Ron took his arm and led him and Draco out of the bathroom toward Dumbledore's office.

"The headmaster can finish the story. Honestly, though, I don't know why you're hesitating, Harry. You seem to be very well equipped--you have nothing to hide."

Harry gulped, hurrying to fasten his pants and hide his very equipped self. He walked into Dumbledore's office, and the wizened wizard grinned from ear to ear.

"Now that you have relieved yourself, perhaps we can continue?" he asked. Harry nodded in reply. "Well, when we left off. . . ."

Eleven hours, two minutes, and twenty seconds after the unfolding of Snape's brilliant scheme

"Perhaps I forgot to mention this--I freed all of the schools House Elves this morning, right before breakfast."

Hermione's jaw dropped at her headmaster's declaration. "But, sir, that means that this whole ordeal has been for nothing!" she cried.

"No, my dear," Dumbledore answered, his wise eyes smiling. "Your actions, the excessive nudity, have served a greater purpose. Though freeing the house elves was an honorable goal, I assure you that you would never have succeed through taking off your clothing."

Hermione frowned as if she had made less than perfect on an exam.

Dumbledore continued. "However, you have managed to accomplish something far greater than I ever dreamed of being able to do."

Draco raised a hand quickly. "Introduce free love in a liberal society?" he asked.

"Burry Snape in a pile of knickers?" Ron pitched in.

"Sew fifty pairs of socks over night?" Molly Weasley asked, regaining consciousness.

Dumbledore raised a hand to dismiss the questions. "You, Hermione Granger, have united Hogwarts. Our houses have served to divide the students since they were established, but you have managed in only a short time to tear down those boundaries. Look around you, Miss Granger. What do you see?"

Hermione turned around full circle, taking in the scene behind her. Her friends and enemies stared back at her. There were no Ravenclaw huddles or Hufflepuffs hiding or Slytherin stuck-ups or Gryffindors smirking. "Students," she whispered. "People united under one cause."

"Indeed, Miss Granger. That is what I see as well."

She looked back at her headmaster. "Then you had this planned." Accusing eyes met Snape's. "And you! You knew that the house elves were free! You baited me!"

Snape kept a cool demeanor. "I found out after your little performance this morning. Dumbledore did not inform me of this unique opportunity until later. That's when I decided to strip for the cause." Hermione's eyes showed him her hurt. "However, I would have never been able to do it without your help with the. . ." He cleared his throat before adding, "make-up. It was all you, Hermione."

"I don't know what to say," Hermione whispered.

"Yes, you do," Dumbledore insisted.

Hermione let a smile slip onto her face. She looked at the dumbfounded parents and teachers called the Knicker Huggers. They, she realized, had the look of defeat in their eyes. They knew that they were losing. She turned to the house elves. Dobby and several others nodded with huge smiles on their faces, urging her on. She did not have to look behind her to know that her friends were silently cheering.

She opened her mouth and screamed as loud as a hag having moles removed, "UNITY THROUGH NUDITY!"